DISCLAIMER: Not ours we're just borrowing the characters for our own twisted amusement... "we" being Mel and Am and "characters" being the characters from the Harry Potter world as well as some of the characters from...well you'll find out...we'll put them back when we're done with them we promise...all though they might be a little worse for wear when we do finally get done with them...
A/N:Just a few words about this fic...we want everyone that reads this to know that this is just an excuse for us to use all of the nifty little quotes and clever little sayings that we've managed to collect over the years...so basically it's an exercise in pointless-ness (is that even a word?) though it does amuse us to write this so maybe it's not so pointless...whatever the case may be if you see a quote that belongs to you or belongs to someone you know please let us know so we can give credit where credit is due...we don't want any hurt feelings or what-have-you's...so without further ado...
On with the fic!
"But Why's Hermione Gone?"
"I swear ,they're trying to kill us! I mean----look at all the homework we have,and it's not even lunch time! On our first day back!" Ron exclaimed loudly to his two best mates as they walked across the sunny and busy courtyard.The three of them had just gotten out of transfiguration and were on their way to charms.
"Really Ron,I don't know what your problem is,we only have 3ft. due for transfiguration,and we would have had the same for potions if you hadn't fought with Pansy and Draco.So, it's your fault we have two extra feet due by Monday for Snape. Honestly!" Hermione stated in an exasperated tone."What were you thinking,sayin-" Harry cut her off by turning towards her and saying,"I want to ravish your cat".Hermione turned to Harry and shot him a look of bewilderment.
"You want to do what to Crookshanks?"Hermione asked.Ron turned to give his friend a confused look,when an excited Seamus caught his eye---or more importantly,when Seamus' raised wand (which was shooting yellow and orange sparks),caught his eye.Seamus and a raised wand were never harbringers of anything good,and before Ron had a chance to yell 'STOP' it was already to late.The spell was cast.There was a loud 'CRACK',a brilliant flash of light,and a sudden lack of anything resembling a Hermione.
"I can't believe she did that to me!" Draco said to himself."First she comes on to me acting all sexy in that skimpy skirt and top making me want her more than ever,then when she gets me all worked up to the point where I'm ready to pounce on her right there in the hallway,she has the nerve to tell me she's not in the mood! Bloody HELL!" he silently fumed."And then,as if that wasn't bad enough,the next day when I ask her why she did it she gives me some lame excuse about changing her mind and just walks off like it never happened! I will make her pay for that." he thought."Now,I just have to think of a way to pay her back for that little insult..." he stood quietly thinking for a few moments,then smiled a smug smile."Ah,I've got it.I'll use that spell Father told me about over the summer.The one that will get her so worked up that she'll want to jump me right then and there everytime she sees me,then I'll tell her that I'mnot in the mood and see how she likes it."
Then he glanced up and saw Hermione."Ah perfect timing. Now I just have to wait for her to walk by..." He waited for her to get close enough to him.Then,when she walked in front of him,to busy fighting with Ron to even notice that he was there,he said the spell,not knowing that at that same time across the courtyard Semus was trying out a new spell. The spells both hit Hermione at the same time. There was a loud 'CRACK',and a brilliant light,then no Hermione."Oh shit that was not supposed to happen." thought Draco putting his wand away,before anyone saw him."I didn't want her gone,I just wanted her know how it felt to get all worked up and see how she liked it.Now who am I going to shag with Hermiones gone and Pansy sleeping with Blaise?"
Ron and Harry stood in stunned,shocked silence,watching as the light faded.After the light had completely disappeared there was still no Hermione.Harry,who was the first to recover,began walking over to where Seamus stood with a shocked expression on his face.Ron,on the other hand,quickly lost his tenuous composure and yelled: "SEAMUS! YOU GONNA DIE HONKY!",(1) and charged towards his frightend year-mate.
Seamus cowered down,looking scared,and uttered a small,un-manly 'Eep'.He replied to Ron's angry yell with:"I'm small,cute, and Irish...please don't hurt me!" followed by another un-manly 'Eep' as Ron got close enough to do him bodily harm.Seamus looked up at Harry and squeaked out a pitiful "Help me."
"Sorry Seamus.Wish I could,but if it makes you feel any better I think psychics will lead dogs to your body." Harry said in a low growl.All Seamus could do was tremble and wonder what exactly a 'psychic' was.Ron stopped in mid-swing,looked at Harry and said,"What's a 'psychic'?"
Seamus took this heaven-sent opportunity to run very far,very fast.
Harry and Ron began to give chase,only to be brought up short by a smiling Dumbledore."Was that young Mr.Finnigan I just saw racing past?" they just nodded "Do either of you know where he was going in such a hurry?" Dumbledore's eyes held a merry twinkle in them as he looked at the two boys."Ah,I see that you are missing Miss Granger.May I enquire as to her whereabouts?"
"Well,you see,Headmaster",Harry began,"that's what we were planning on beating out of--."Harry paused,"umm...I mean...asking him about...",Harry trailed off,hoping that the Headmaster hadn't noticed his little slip-up.
"Yeah",Ron piped up,"we were going to ask him that exact question a very up-close,personal and constructive way."
"Oh really? Well then,would the two of you mind if we held this little meeting in my office? I seem to have left my lemon drops there and I'm afraid I can't concentrate on a good show without them." Before either of them could give a response Dumbledore spoke to Filch (who was trailing along after him),"Filch,would you please see if you can track down our runaway Irishman?"
"Right away Headmaster." Filch started to leave but Dumbledore stopped him with one last instruction."Hmm and Filch?"
"Yes Headmaster?"
"Do try and bring him to me un-harmed."
"Does this mean no thumb-screws?"
"Yes,and no you can't drag him to my office by his ankles either."
Filch,as well as Harry and Ron,looked crestfallen.Dumbledore turned his attention back to the two students,waved vaguely in the direction of his office,and said,"Shall we?" He then walked serenely away,trusting that the two of them would follow him, which,being good students--well mostly good students--they did.
Seamus was joking around with Dean,when he remembered that he wanted to show his best friend the spell that he finally mastered."Hey Dean,look I finally learned that spell that Flitwick was showing us." Seamus took out his wand and began to go through the proper motions while saying the spell.What he didn't count on was Hermione walking into his line of fire.By the time he saw her it was to late and the spell was cast,hitting Hermione in the chest.The next thing Seamus knew there was a loud 'CRACK',a brilliant light...and no Hermione.
Seamus just stood there,looking like he just ran over the Queen.
"Hey Seamus,here comes Harry." said Dean.
"Help me?" begged Seamus.
"Nope." replied Dean,before running for his own life.
Then Seamus heard Ron yell:"SEAMUS! YOU GONNA DIE HONKY!" An un-manly 'Eep' was all he could manage.As Ron came running at him he said the first thing that lept to mind,which was "I'm small,cute and Irish...please don't hurt me!" followed by another un-manly 'Eep'.As Ron was about to do him some major bodily harm,he asked Harry for help,and Harry's reply was :"Sorry Seamus.Wish I could,but if it makes you feel any better I think psychics will lead dogs to your body." All Seamus could think was 'What's a psychic?' Harry's comment was enough to make Ron stop long enough for Seamus to get loose and run away...very fast and very far.He ran towards the Great Hall hoping to out run Harry and Ron,he was half way to his destination when he was stopped by Filch,telling him that he was wanted in the Headmasters office.'OhshitohshitOHSHIT!Dumbledore knows.I'm so DEAD Seamus thought,as he followed Filch to Dumbledore's office,all the while wondering why Filch was mumbling something about toes,thumbs,and kids.Whatever he was talking about was making Seamus very nervous.
(Meanwhile in Draco Land)
"Oh, man! What the bloody hell went wrong?" , Draco thought as he paced back and forth in the Slytherin common room."What the hell am I going to do now? I can't go to Dumbledore, he'll kick me out of Hogworts for sure." Just then Crabbe and Goyle came in. "Did you find her?", asked Draco. "No", Crabbe grunted,"we looked everwhere. We even harassed a few first and second years but no one's seen her", said the more intelligent Goyle. "SHIT!", was the only response that Draco could give. "Why do you want to find Granger any way, Draco?" asked Goyle."Ummm...well...I...ummm...wanted to...ummm...you see...I was going to...you see, we were walking out of...transfigurations...and she walked in to me...and we dropped our stuff...and she picked up one of my books and I want it back", Draco said. "Well, can't you wait till you see her at lunch?", asked Goyle, while giving Draco a suspicious look. "Well, I wasn't going to go to the Great Hall at lunch", said Draco, trying to look innocent. "Why not?", asked Crabbe. "Because I was going to be...busy...if you catch my drift", replyed Draco with a wink."Ok", Crabbe and Goyle both said in unsion,then left."Great! Now that Hermione's gone who will I shag? A person can't go without sex after he's been getting it on a regular basis for four months! It's already been three days."Draco mumbled to himself while resuming his pacing.
Next chapter:Hermione shows up...betcha can't guess where...;D
A/N:1
(1) Please don't get offended by Ron's comment,it's for comical purposes only and not meant to be offensive,and it in no way reflects either of the author's veiws.
A/N:2
Before anyone asks :Yes the "Great War" is over with the light side winning obliviously ,the "Golden Trio" is in their 7th year,and you'll be able to figure out the pairings as we go along...though it WON'T be a HermionexDraco...at least not if Am can help it anyway...Mel agreed on that too soo yeah enough of us rambling...oh by the way thanks for reading this little fic of ours we hoped you liked it.