A/N: Even though the Spitfire pairing is my favorite, I thought this relationship could work for a number of reasons, which is why I'm writing this. (Plus I was having weird dreams about it last night). Please note that this scribble has absolutely nothing to do with my other YJ story Fallen Heroes- though if I ever get around to finishing that one you may see flashes of this pairing in the sequel.
My first complete story! Yay! Enjoy; and if you do enjoy it (or even if you don't), Review!
Her emotions would be her undoing.
That's what her father said to her. Screamed at her, whenever she let him see any sign that she actually cared about her teammates. Whenever she failed to please him. To him, it was just another job, no emotional attachment necessary. So why did she insist on complicating things by being so human about it?
He didn't understand. That's what she'd scream back at him—and she'd get a hard slap across the face for it. The kind of slap that sent her crashing into the wall. No emotion, he'd say. No personal involvement. Get the job done.
Maybe he was right. But how could he be right about something he didn't understand?
Her father was only loyal to one person: Himself. Whatever he said about 'a greater cause', or about his employers, the only person he looked out for was good old number one. There were no other numbers; not Artemis, and not her mother. They didn't matter, didn't deserve his loyalty.
But Artemis was different. She was loyal to him, though more often than not she didn't know why. Deep down (though she would never admit it to anyone, least of all herself) she admired him; he was determined, strong, focused—qualities she had inherited. She owed him; he had taught her, trained her, made her who she was (and, for the most part, she liked who she had become. Mostly). And, despite what she stubbornly insisted to herself, she did love him. He was her father, her blood. She couldn't escape it.
Is that why this is so hard? She wondered. Because she had more than one loyalty now, and if she kept going like this she knew that someday soon she would have to choose. And if she waited, put off the choice, then it would only get harder. How do you decide where your loyalties lie?
She had so many more reasons to be loyal to her teammates. They had accepted her. They trusted her, never suspected she might not be who they thought she was. M'gann had claimed her as a sister. Wally, albeit after much pride-swallowing, had come to treat her like one of the team even though their personalities still clashed. Robin and Conner had never questioned her right to be there; Conner was always a little distant, but it was just his way. And Kaldur…
You can't think about him that way, she told herself. But she couldn't stop thinking about him. He was so mature, so sure and calm, that his presence was like a breath of fresh air compared to Wally's constant sarcasm and Conner's angst and Megan's naïveté. She wasn't sure just when she had started falling for him—Listen to yourself, Artemis! You sound like some silly girl from a teen drama show. But it was true; she couldn't be around him without feeling the fluttering in her stomach, she blushed whenever he looked at her, and she thought about him all the time.
I can't do this anymore! She wanted to scream—feeling torn between her loyalty to her father and her feelings for Kaldur, feelings that she so badly wanted him to know and return. She would have to choose, soon, and the thought made her feel sick because it was always there, hovering over her like an ominous, dark shadow. A constant reminder of her legacy.
She wanted to tell him, to lay everything bare. She wanted to see the look in his eyes when she told him she was the mole, the spy, the double agent. There would be surprise there, yes, and mistrust, and maybe a little bit of disbelief. But there would also be compassion. He would understand.
She knew he would. Because she knew the secret about his father.
They were not so different, really; he too knew what it was like to feel torn between kin and comrade. She was in deeper than he was, maybe, but he knew how it felt. He was the only one who could understand what this felt like.
He'll still blame you, a nasty voice always said, darkly with an awful ring of truth. Why wouldn't he? You don't mean anything special to him the way he does to you. You're just another teammate, and if he knew, he would never trust you again. Never love you.
She wouldn't tell him. Not yet. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. She knew waiting would only make it worse, that it was inevitable, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, because if she did he wouldn't even give her a chance… and she wanted him so badly it hurt…
Her father said that her emotions would be her undoing. But maybe they could save her; when the time came to choose, she would choose him over her father, lay her life in his hands and trust him to protect her. Love could be divided, but loyalty could not; so she would give them both to him and just hope that someday he would return them.