Twisted Furuba Tales: Red Riding Hood
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Honda Tohru, whose mother Kyoko, out of nostalgia for her wild and reckless days, bought her a red raincoat. She would have much preferred to give Tohru a red Harley Davidson, but a raincoat was much more practical, and the schoolboard were all fuddy-duddies who didn't believe in fourteen year-olds that drove themselves to school, never mind that it was probably safer than taking the subway or walking down lonely streets.
So Tohru got an absolutely darling red raincoat, with matching red galoshes she unfortunately outgrew, and whenever it rained, housewives nodded approvingly as Tohru went by in her bright red raincoat cheerfully running errands for her mother.
Sadly, this state of affairs did not last, and Kyoko-san passed away, and Tohru, after another series of stories too long to include in here, eventually went to live with some very nice people who took good care of her, though she missed her grandfather a little, and tried to call him once a week. However, that week it befell that one of her Nasty Relatives answered the call, and informed her that Grandfather was far too ill to speak to her but he was taking his medicine and recovering, and nastily hung up on her.
Tohru resolved at once to pay a visit to her grandfather and bring some home-made mochi, which he liked very much, though her heart quailed just a little at having to see the Nasty Relatives as well. So she sallied forth with milk and cookies in her basket and wearing her red raincoat, since it was a cloudy day and boded rain.
But on her way, she espied a most handsome wo-- I mean, Writer. That is, a young, dark-haired, handsome writer leaning against a sakura tree in full bloom while occupied with Deep Thoughts of Plotting Their Next Novel or merely just Plotting.
"Good morning," Tohru felt compelled to say, since the dark-haired handsome wol--I mean, Writer, was smiling very charmingly at her.
"Good morning!" Said the Writer, who somehow managed to convey that Tohru had not only just made his morning, she had undoubtedly winged demurely down from heaven JUST to bless this poor, young handsome writer with her mere presence, and possibly some milk and cookies. So hypnotic was his charm that Tohru felt bound to apologise that the milk and cookies were for her grandfather, but she would certainly make a new batch of cookies just for him, though the milk was really her mother's recipe. She undoubtedly would have given him her phone number, her address, birthdate and her hand in marriage, but fortunately, the Writer was not so crass as to take such liberties, and settled for knowing her grandfather's address and a date.
"Saa, we can't have everything in life;" said the Writer tragically, "but how only an absolute cad would dare to impose on an angel when she is on her mission of mercy to her poor grandfather. Perhaps we could have Tea together, when your grandfather is better? Marvellous! I know this wonderful place with the loveliest cakes that all the high-school girls love to go."
"..." said Tohru, confused as to how she came to agree to it.
"And as an apology for delaying you for on your errand, I must insist you accept these flowers--no, no, you must, besides, the sight of sakura flowers in full bloom would undoubtedly cheer your grandfather, ne?" And so saying, the Writer brazenly broke off a branch of the blooming sakura overhead and presented it to Tohru, and waved her off. And so, Tohru, a little more befuddled than she had started out this morning and now carrying a branch of lovely pink sakura as well, wandered dazedly off to her grandfather's home.
In the meantime, the Writer, by means of deus ex machina, plot reasons and longer legs, swiftly made his way to the grandfather's house. Before he could step up to the doorbell and introduce himself as an old friend of anyone who lived in there, who else but Honda senior himself should step out, declaring to his relatives that he was off to take a trip to an onsen in the countryside for health reasons!
From the replies and the cheerless sending-off, the Writer cleverly deduced at once that Tohru would in effect, on arrival, place her young and tender self at the mercy of these horrible relations, and resolved at once that Something Must Be Done.
He whipped a mobile from his capricious sleeves and speed-dialled a number. "Moshi-MOSHI!!" he sang, "I'd like to ask a favour of you--"
********
Tohru collected her wits and set off at a determined pace; and in this manner, she arrived at her grandfather's dwelling with no further trouble.
Steeling herself a little and clutching basket and flowers a little tighter, she pressed the doorbell.
The door dramatically burst open, and a slim, silver-haired figure lounged in the doorway and purred a dark, chocolatey "Helloooo."
"..." said Tohru. Her brain was currently meeping at her, and in between it was saying things like "He's really pretty!" and "He's got long hair!" and "He looks like a girl!" and "He's got red fingernails and they've got golden butterflies on them!"
Triggered by the code word 'red' and 'butterfly', Tohru's brain and mouth temporarily connected to say "My mother likes butterflies too."
"Really?" said the figure in the doorway. "What wonderful taste she has! And oh, are these flowers for me? What a darling you are! Come in, come in and have some tea!"
"...G..Grandfather?" said Tohru piteously.
"Oh! It went clean out of my mind darling! Your grandfather went on a holiday. I'm your stand-in Grandfather for today! Just call me Aya, my dear!" chirped her substitute Grandfather and swept her into the house.
Several minutes later, the Writer sauntered casually out of a lane, smiling innocently and adjusting his sleeves. He rapped at the door, and this time it was opened by yet another handsome young man, wearing a doctor's coat and frowning.
"Tori-chan!" chirped the Writer. "Won't you invite me in for Tea with Tohru, Aya and you?"
'Tori-chan' gave him another inscrutable look, then stepped back to allow him in.
"Oh!" said the Writer, smiling a little wolfishly, "what happened to those relations?"
This time the look he received was extremely dry. "Exactly as you specified, Shigure. Though there better not be a next time."
Shigure opened his mouth to deny such a baseless slur on his character when Aya called out imperiously: "Gure-chan! Tori-chan! Come on in and join us for Tea!"
And so they all went in and had Tea, and told Tohru-chan her cookies were very, very nice until she was almost as red as her raincoat. Afterwards, Tori-chan checked on the Nasty Relatives and saw they were coming out of their sedation nicely, then drove Tohru home, foiling Shigure's plans for a date. And they all lived happily ever after.
THe END.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Honda Tohru, whose mother Kyoko, out of nostalgia for her wild and reckless days, bought her a red raincoat. She would have much preferred to give Tohru a red Harley Davidson, but a raincoat was much more practical, and the schoolboard were all fuddy-duddies who didn't believe in fourteen year-olds that drove themselves to school, never mind that it was probably safer than taking the subway or walking down lonely streets.
So Tohru got an absolutely darling red raincoat, with matching red galoshes she unfortunately outgrew, and whenever it rained, housewives nodded approvingly as Tohru went by in her bright red raincoat cheerfully running errands for her mother.
Sadly, this state of affairs did not last, and Kyoko-san passed away, and Tohru, after another series of stories too long to include in here, eventually went to live with some very nice people who took good care of her, though she missed her grandfather a little, and tried to call him once a week. However, that week it befell that one of her Nasty Relatives answered the call, and informed her that Grandfather was far too ill to speak to her but he was taking his medicine and recovering, and nastily hung up on her.
Tohru resolved at once to pay a visit to her grandfather and bring some home-made mochi, which he liked very much, though her heart quailed just a little at having to see the Nasty Relatives as well. So she sallied forth with milk and cookies in her basket and wearing her red raincoat, since it was a cloudy day and boded rain.
But on her way, she espied a most handsome wo-- I mean, Writer. That is, a young, dark-haired, handsome writer leaning against a sakura tree in full bloom while occupied with Deep Thoughts of Plotting Their Next Novel or merely just Plotting.
"Good morning," Tohru felt compelled to say, since the dark-haired handsome wol--I mean, Writer, was smiling very charmingly at her.
"Good morning!" Said the Writer, who somehow managed to convey that Tohru had not only just made his morning, she had undoubtedly winged demurely down from heaven JUST to bless this poor, young handsome writer with her mere presence, and possibly some milk and cookies. So hypnotic was his charm that Tohru felt bound to apologise that the milk and cookies were for her grandfather, but she would certainly make a new batch of cookies just for him, though the milk was really her mother's recipe. She undoubtedly would have given him her phone number, her address, birthdate and her hand in marriage, but fortunately, the Writer was not so crass as to take such liberties, and settled for knowing her grandfather's address and a date.
"Saa, we can't have everything in life;" said the Writer tragically, "but how only an absolute cad would dare to impose on an angel when she is on her mission of mercy to her poor grandfather. Perhaps we could have Tea together, when your grandfather is better? Marvellous! I know this wonderful place with the loveliest cakes that all the high-school girls love to go."
"..." said Tohru, confused as to how she came to agree to it.
"And as an apology for delaying you for on your errand, I must insist you accept these flowers--no, no, you must, besides, the sight of sakura flowers in full bloom would undoubtedly cheer your grandfather, ne?" And so saying, the Writer brazenly broke off a branch of the blooming sakura overhead and presented it to Tohru, and waved her off. And so, Tohru, a little more befuddled than she had started out this morning and now carrying a branch of lovely pink sakura as well, wandered dazedly off to her grandfather's home.
In the meantime, the Writer, by means of deus ex machina, plot reasons and longer legs, swiftly made his way to the grandfather's house. Before he could step up to the doorbell and introduce himself as an old friend of anyone who lived in there, who else but Honda senior himself should step out, declaring to his relatives that he was off to take a trip to an onsen in the countryside for health reasons!
From the replies and the cheerless sending-off, the Writer cleverly deduced at once that Tohru would in effect, on arrival, place her young and tender self at the mercy of these horrible relations, and resolved at once that Something Must Be Done.
He whipped a mobile from his capricious sleeves and speed-dialled a number. "Moshi-MOSHI!!" he sang, "I'd like to ask a favour of you--"
********
Tohru collected her wits and set off at a determined pace; and in this manner, she arrived at her grandfather's dwelling with no further trouble.
Steeling herself a little and clutching basket and flowers a little tighter, she pressed the doorbell.
The door dramatically burst open, and a slim, silver-haired figure lounged in the doorway and purred a dark, chocolatey "Helloooo."
"..." said Tohru. Her brain was currently meeping at her, and in between it was saying things like "He's really pretty!" and "He's got long hair!" and "He looks like a girl!" and "He's got red fingernails and they've got golden butterflies on them!"
Triggered by the code word 'red' and 'butterfly', Tohru's brain and mouth temporarily connected to say "My mother likes butterflies too."
"Really?" said the figure in the doorway. "What wonderful taste she has! And oh, are these flowers for me? What a darling you are! Come in, come in and have some tea!"
"...G..Grandfather?" said Tohru piteously.
"Oh! It went clean out of my mind darling! Your grandfather went on a holiday. I'm your stand-in Grandfather for today! Just call me Aya, my dear!" chirped her substitute Grandfather and swept her into the house.
Several minutes later, the Writer sauntered casually out of a lane, smiling innocently and adjusting his sleeves. He rapped at the door, and this time it was opened by yet another handsome young man, wearing a doctor's coat and frowning.
"Tori-chan!" chirped the Writer. "Won't you invite me in for Tea with Tohru, Aya and you?"
'Tori-chan' gave him another inscrutable look, then stepped back to allow him in.
"Oh!" said the Writer, smiling a little wolfishly, "what happened to those relations?"
This time the look he received was extremely dry. "Exactly as you specified, Shigure. Though there better not be a next time."
Shigure opened his mouth to deny such a baseless slur on his character when Aya called out imperiously: "Gure-chan! Tori-chan! Come on in and join us for Tea!"
And so they all went in and had Tea, and told Tohru-chan her cookies were very, very nice until she was almost as red as her raincoat. Afterwards, Tori-chan checked on the Nasty Relatives and saw they were coming out of their sedation nicely, then drove Tohru home, foiling Shigure's plans for a date. And they all lived happily ever after.
THe END.