AN: Just a short little Ziley fic, I'm not entirely sure if I'm done with it or not. Please read and enjoy!
Football practice had just ended for Riley, he was thinking of anything and everything as he walked over to the water fountain, his next test he had coming up in algebra, the project he had to do for biology, how he was going to beat his high score in the new Madden game when he got home, he was even thinking of what his mother would make for dinner that night. Riley busied his brian to think of everything, everything but the one person that mattered, Zane.
He screwed up, he screwed up big this time and Riley knew it. He knew that his summer love was now gone, forever changed because he had to go be a big football star and keep his reputation under raps. When it came down to it, Riley didn't even like football, he didn't like it all, the one thing he did love was the attention that came from playing football, and the sense of satisfaction he received whenever a game was won, or when collectively his team improved even through a loss. He loved all of that, the pride, the reputation, the attention, but he would give that all up in a second to just be with Zane again.
When Riley first met Zane, he was scared. Riley was scared for all of the feelings he felt when he was around Zane, his increased heart rate, the sweaty palms even a nervous stutter came about whenever he attempted to strike conversation with Zane. Zane brought about something new inside of Riley, a sense of confidence and pride. After their initial first date Riley felt empty inside when he wasn't around Zane, he needed to be around Zane. Riley loved this about Zane, how Zane could make him confident in himself as a gay man, how he would teach Riley everything he needed to know about life, and how Zane fully completed him. If it were up to Riley this would never change.
In Riley's opinion he had no choice to end the relationship, when it came between Zane and himself, Riley selfishly chose himself out of fear. Zane who was once the person that shook the fear out of Riley, and even broke down the walls that Riley had spent his 18 years building in order to get closer to him, was now a monster in Riley's eyes, a person who he could not love any more for loving Zane would lead to Riley losing everything. The thought of losing his friends, his teammates, his sport and even possibly his parents scared Riley more than anything had before, more than the thought of being gay, more than the thought of a 300 pound linebacker crushing him into the ground, and most of all it scared him more than Zane first had when they met.
Riley had spent the three months convincing himself that he was okay with losing Zane, he could spend his last year in high school constantly distracting himself, focusing on grades, football anything that wasn't his sexuality. Riley had grown confident in his ability to ignore everything in his life that was important just in order to stay in the safe place, behind the walls he had spent so long building. Though every time he caught a glimpse at the younger Zane, in the tight football pants and the jersey that fitted his small body perfectly, Riley doubted his ability to ignore Zane and his sexuality. It all came down to two things, which Riley did he want people to remember him by in the year books, the all star QB lady's man or the scared homosexual he really was. Degrassi would have to wait to find out.
Authors Note: I'm still really new to this whole thing, I'm not quite sure if I'm done or not, it all depends on where my imagination takes me. I hope that you enjoy this, and please leave reviews or anything else, just feedback so I can know what to work on. Thanks for reading!