Disclaimer: Of course, I don't own RFR. If I did, I would be making money (which I'm not.)
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Inside my skin there is this space,
It twists and turns,
It bleeds and aches,
Inside my heart there's an empty room
It's waiting for lightening
It's waiting for you.
~Absence of Fear, Jewel.
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Lily Randall pulled her parka closer to her body as she walked home from Mickey's. The wintery night air was bitter and crisp, and snow flakes pinched her every time they landed at her face. Looking down the road, Lily heard the far off crunch of people trancing in snow, along with the slush of cars driving over the soggy asphalt.
Streetlights were making odd shadows in the snow, and Lily made a game of stepping in old footprints left by former street walkers. Sometimes, it got to the point where the footprints were three or four feet apart. This, of course, would require great skill and patience as she plotted a course of action.
Lily stood there for quite awhile, pondering over her next step. The next old footprint was nearly four and half feet away, and there was an odd sense of obsessive compulsive in her that wouldn't allow for her to just quit her game. Frowning, Lily shrugged before mumbling to herself, "Well, here goes nothing. . ." Throwing her back into it, she counted to three before leaping to the next footprint.
It seemed almost possible that she was going to make it. Her leap was perfectly timed and executed. As she descended, a brief smile of triumph graced her face. However, victory was a bitter tasting friend. As soon as she landed, Lily Randall found out that this certain footprint was particularly icy.
Nothing more than a yelp escaped her lips before her feet flew from underneath her. Lily waited for the icy spill that would not only render her wet and freezing, but also very sore and bruised. Gritting her teeth, Lily waited for it.
But it didn't come. As she nearly touched the icy cement, she felt someone grabbed her from behind, hooking their arms under her shoulders.
"Whoa, girl," came a gruff voice. "I'm not much for Christmas spirit, but I don't think a broken tail bone will make Christmas any more pleasurable."
Not daring to believe that her escape was true, Lily still kept her eyes shut tight. Through gritted teeth, she groaned, "Am I dead?"
A smooth chuckle erupted from her savior. "Hardly," he stated before placing her back on her feet. Another round of chuckles, "What exactly are you doing this late at night anyway, Lily?"
Hearing her name, Lily opened a hesitant eye. Looking around her surroundings, Lily observed that she was still downtown, and that she was still on the same sidewalk. Turning around, she opened her mouth to thank the person who saved her, "Than--" She trailed off when she saw the person who was smirking at her. Blinking, she reeled back before snapping, "Travis?! What are you doing here?"
It was Travis, and his usual mysterious grin was plastered on his face. Seeing her stunned expression, he arched an eyebrow. "What am I doing downtown?" He restated her question before shrugging non-chalantly. "Oh, you know. Observing the lights, window shopping, saving a damsel in distress or two. . ." he added the last part with smug wink directed in her direction
Lily rolled her eyes heavenward before giving him an exasperated look. He laughed at her expression, and even Lily had to smile. He sounded so. . . nice when he laughed, like he shed a part of that foreboding seriousness that seemed to always surround him like a cloak.
Cocking her head, she uncrossed her arms before asking, "So, what are you really doing downtown?"
His laughter subsided to a small chuckle before he said, "Actually, I was heading down to the station to wrap up a few things. Ya know, put some things in storage, check the locks and such." He stuffed his hands in his coat pocket before saying quietly, "Do you want to go with me?" He looked up at her, a look of self-doubt on his face. "I mean you don't have to if you don't want to. . ."
"Don't be silly," Lily quickly interjected before hooking her arm around his. She noticed that he immediately stiffened at her touch, but Lily simply ignored this. Boys were odd indeed. Ray was a great example of this. "RFR is my responsibility just as much as yours." Then, with a bit of mischief, she added, "Besides, it will be penitence for your dashing and risky rescue of my tender backside."
He smiled at this, and Lily's smile broadened. They started to walk towards the station, which was only a few blocks away, crunching happily through the snow. They walked in companionable silence for awhile before Lily started to get antsy. Looking at Travis, she noticed his tight-lipped expression, as if his body was here but his mind was not.
"You look like you're a million miles away; usin' your secret zen powers?" Lily joked teasingly, nudging him lightly in the side.
Travis blinked suddenly at her voice before looking down at her. Arching an eyebrow, he smiled crookedly. "My zen powers, eh? No, not really." He stopped talking, but Lily didn't say anything, for she anticipated him to finish his thought. "Actually, Lily, hm. . . let's see here." He paused for a second before continuing, "What do girls genuinely like to receive on Christmas?"
Lily raised an appraising eyebrow before smiling slyly. "And who might this lucky girl be? Mmm?" She observed his ears turn a little pink and she laughed at him. Then, mock-pondering this, Lily continued knavishly, "Does she happen to have brown hair and lovely sapphire eyes? And does her name begin with an 'Au' and end with a 'drey'?"
Travis remained stiff-lipped, not confirming or denying her suggestion. Lily simply laughed at him before leaning into him. Then, whispering quite loudly, "Don't worry Travis. The fact that you want her body will be a secret safe with me."
He suddenly look very flustered. Frowning with irritation, he almost snapped, "Somehow, I doubt you're secret keeping skills. Your tone is loud enough to wake a sleeping pack of hippopotami." Lily was about to retort to the last statement, but he interjected for her, "But you still haven't answered my question."
Sighing in mock annoyance, Lily chuckled a little at herself before stating, "It depends on the girl, I suppose." She scrunched up her lips in concentration before leaning into Travis to shield off the nippy night air. She felt him visibly stiffen more, but he didn't pull back. Biting her lip, Lily chided herself. Of course Travis did want her to appear intimate with him to the people on the street. Who'd want that with her?
Now a bit depressed, Lily went on anyway. "Are you getting it for a girl that you like?"
Travis looked down at her and arched an eyebrow. Then, with a mysterious grin, he said cool and sarcastic, "Actually we hate each other; I just figured that buying her a Christmas present would completely express by utmost loathing for her."
Rolling her eyes, Lily tried to look exasperated. Flipping her hair back away from her face, she felt her shoulders slump in frustration. "You know what I mean, Travis. . ."
"Regale me."
Lily took a brief pause to allow a snowflake land on her tongue, before she giggled in delight. A snowflake lighted on her eyelash, and when she turned to stare at it, she caught a glimpse of Travis. Instead of ignoring him, she stopped herself. There was something in his stare that seemed very foreign, or at least on Travis. His eyes were staring at her, which wasn't strange, but there was something behind his stare that made somersaults turn in her stomach. Something like a kind of odd emotion behind his gray eyes that made you wonder. Emotions behind those eyes-- self-doubt, amusement, and. . . affection?
What in the world was he staring at her like that for?
He almost immediately caught her indirect stare. Quickly, he looked down at the pavement, staring at it intensely as though a Picasso were etched on it. Clearing his throat, he went on with the topic as if nothing had happened, "What would be something considered overboard?"
Lily didn't even have to think about it. "Anything that has to do with home furnishings shows too much commitment. Clothes are a bad idea because, if you buy them too big, a girl thinks you think that she's fat. And, most of all, perfume makes you look desperate. . ."
She felt Travis wince and she smiled. "Yes, I know; Ray got me perfume. Don't worry. I managed to forgive him."
Travis gave her a crooked smile before stating quietly, "You should try to see behind the gift, Lily. A wise man once said that it isn't the gift that counts, but the thought behind it."
A snort erupted from Lily before she could think twice about it. She chuckled before looking up at him, eyebrows raised dubiously. A sly smile on her face, she teased, "Quoting Hallmark now, Travis? I bow to your superior intelligence and wit."
He rolled his eyes at her, but a wide grin was on his face.
As they rounded the corner towards the station, Lily finally asked, "So, you ever gonna tell me who the lucky girl is?"
She felt him reach inside his coat pocket to pull out RFR's keys. A stray smile was on his face as he unlocked the door. As the hot air of the station hit their faces, he turned to her and said, "Silence is a friend that is truer and wiser than any brother."
Lily laughed. Travis was back to his usual anecdotes. Unzipping her coat as she entered the station, she said, "So, you're saying, in other words, your lips are sealed?"
"Uh-huh."
"Blast."
~*~
The station's heater was working exceptionally well this evening. Travis shed his jacket upon his first step inside before taking off his sweater so he was now simply wearing a black t-shirt.
Staring down from his perch on a step ladder, Travis managed a few side glances at Lily. She had shed her jacket as well, along with her hat and gloves. Her hair was a little disarrayed, but the lighting in the station caught the odd highlights of amber in the strands of her hair. She was sitting at a table, reading CD titles and then checking them off on a sheet of paper. She was biting her lip in concentration, totally and utterly unaware of his indirect glance.
Not that he particularly enjoyed staring. Well, actually he didn't mind the staring; it was the fact that he was staring that bothered him.
But the bothersome thing wasn't the fact that Lily herself was beautiful (he winced whenever he admitted that to himself). It was the mere thought in his mind that, sometimes, when she smiled at him, there was an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that reminded him that he was a traitor.
A traitor to Ray. A traitor to Lily. A traitor to Audrey. A traitor to his own conscious.
But he couldn't seem to shake that haunting feeling. He tried hard enough, but nothing seemed to work. Every time Lily Randall's name was mentioned, something strange arouse in him. Most girls that he knew only cared about how they appeared to other people. Lily. . . was different. She was the only girl-- no, only person-- that he truly felt completely at ease with. Even Audrey couldn't compete with this.
Travis shook his head and chided himself. He was a stupid fool; Audrey was incredibly smart, funny, and beautiful. But, there were those times, when she wasn't looking, that Travis truly studied her. Perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect makeup. Even everything Audrey said was perfect. She shared his same interests, same passions. Hell, everyone around him thought the two of them were so perfect together. People swore that they'd make beautiful children. How cute. How charming.
And, now that they had been together for nearly two months, how incredibly insipid.
At first, Travis was sure there was some kind of spark in his and Audrey's relationship. He hadn't wanted to think of himself as someone who based chemistry on good looks, but he had done the deed. Audrey was a pretty girl. Large eyes, nice smile, lovely hair. There had been a rush of sexual attraction the first time they had touched; now, he felt nothing. He could have been touching his sister and probably had more of spark.
Not that Audrey wasn't a wonderful person. In fact, Travis didn't know what was the matter with him half the time. Here was a beautiful girl who just happened to have some eccentricity to lay claim to, and he just felt a rush of utter disgust with himself every time they kissed. And they still did kiss, but it had become a rare occasion and it was always insinuated by Audrey.
He hated himself for hating her affection. He had tried to change, tried to lean into her kiss and float on it again. However, every time he tried, he felt a painful jerk in his midsection; guilt, ugly and real, was tugging at him.
Travis had asked himself over and over again what was the reason for his loathing. Sometimes, he could trick himself into the typical lies: they were drifting apart, she wasn't the same person that she used to be, the sun had set on their relationship. But, when he was being raw and truthful with himself, he knew the real reason for his dissatisfaction.
Audrey was too different and too much alike him.
It was an odd explanation, of course, but it was true. There were numerous things that she did that made Travis fool himself into loving her: her passion for finding extraterrestrial life, her quirk for time travel, and her weird obsession with bubblegum ice-cream at Baskin Robbins. But those things, in the end, wouldn't really matter. Sure, they helped someone have a smoothly oiled conversation, maybe got you through several months of conversations. However, when you boiled everything down to the core, Audrey was so different from Travis, he felt as if they were having intense conversations about the space-time continuum over a continental divide.
She cared little for music; she liked to listen to smooth love songs that played on mainstream radio. She would miss dates because she had run out of shampoo or "had nothing to wear." Sometimes, when she had a stressful day, she would call him on the telephone and totally rip apart one of her supposed girlfriends. She would freak out when she saw her celebrity crush on the front of a magazine. It wasn't that she was a bad person. Audrey was usually sweet and interesting. But that was it. She was a nice, sweet, attractive person who didn't want to explore and delve into the depth of the kind of relationship that Travis wanted.
And the worst part of it all was that sometimes, when he and Lily had a day alone on RFR (it had happened occasionally when Ray had landed himself a detention and brought Robbie crashing down with him), he'd lock eyes with her and something would happen inside of him. An odd feeling of warmth would spread across his body, and flood of realization would seep deep into his flesh. Her eyes would glow and something would soften in her expression, making his intestines turn back flips. It was as if something in him was saying, "Ah. . . I suppose I understand now." Swallowing would become more difficult and sometimes, just sometimes, Travis saw something in Lily's expression that would surprise him: alarm. Not the typical kind of shock that displayed some sort of trepidation, but a different kind. The expression puzzled him, because it seemed to be a mixture of reproval and confusion. And after they held each others stares for beyond the comfortable time limit, Lily would tear her eyes away from him and become fascinated with everything in the room other than him. During this time of awkward silence, Travis would clear his throat while he chided himself.
Lily Randall was his best friend in the world-- yes, world. He was being sentimental and foolish to think of her as anything more than platonic. In fact, he really didn't feel that way about her.
It was just hormones.
But this excuse was shallow and weak, even to his own mind.
Sighing, Travis brought himself back to reality. Staring blankly at the wall for a few empty seconds, Travis groaned before he went to go back to his work dejectedly.
"Whatcha doin'?" Someone chirped, making Travis avert his gaze back down.
Lily was leaning back in her chair, her feet propped up on the table. She was combing through a few stands of her hair unconsciously, and looking quite pretty while doing so.
Swallowing thickly, Travis stared down at her before offering his own brand of smile. He lifted up what he had in his hand before stating with a bit of dry humor, "A little bit of Phoradendron flavescens never killed the Christmas spirit, right?"
She cocked her head to the side before a wide smile graced on her face. Travis had to mentally tear away his thoughts when she smiled. She leaned back in her chair, before rolling her eyes and saying, "Don't call it Phoran-whatever, Travis; you can call it mistletoe without the scientific police being alerted."
Chuckling, Travis went back to his task of hanging up the mistletoe over the station door. Maybe, hopefully, when they came back from Christmas break, Ray and Lily will happen to walk under the door in sync.
However, to his dismay, his hopefully didn't feel so hopeful.
He heard a large yawn behind him. Looking down, he saw Lily stretch with a loud groan before standing and grabbing her jacket. A strange smile drifted on his face as Lily put on her jacket and scarf. She'd put her scarf on in a strange manner; very methodical, very organized, and her eyebrows were squinted in concentration. It was all so very un-Lily like that Travis couldn't help but smile in pleasure. However, as pleasant as it was to see her button her coat, Travis couldn't help feel a pang of her soon disappearance.
"Why are you leaving so soon?" Travis asked, a mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes, "I haven't even begun to tell you my newest theory on the natures of truth."
Lily snorted into her scarf before chuckling. Looking up at Travis, she arched an appraising eyebrow before smirking, "And you're answering your own question, because. . .?"
Travis laughed at her before putting his thumb against his neck; something he'd usually do when Lily and him shared a light moment. However, at his action, Lily suddenly looked flustered. She begun to become very interested in putting on her gloves while saying, "I've still got to get Simone a christmas present. I'm gunna stop by that little shop near the mall and get her some bath salts." She slid her glove on her pale hand before adding, "Everything's set for when you guys get back after Christmas." She looked up at him, her face looking a little flushed, but a wide grin was plastered against her face, "Think you guys can hold down the fort for the two days I'll be gone?"
Travis leaned against his thumb (got another flustered stare from Lily), before smiling broadly, "I suppose we'll manage. But RFR will be missing a certain element. . ."
A slight smile graced her lips. "The woman's touch?"
"No, not that; Ray will still here, remember?"
Lily immediately burst out in laughter before pulling her toboggan over her head.
Travis smiled at her laughter before mock-pondering the situation, his eyebrows knitted together. "No. . . I think our listeners will miss that quirky and humorous element of RFR. Don't know if you've heard of her. . ." Travis gave her a lop-sided grin before adding, ". . . she's known as 'Shady Lane'."
A giggle escaped her lips. "I don't think they'll miss me for two or three days, Travis. . . " She said while zipping her jacket up to her neck. She cocked her head at him, her large eyes showcasing a look of self-doubt.
Seeing her eyes glitter in the dull light of the station, something jerked in his stomach. Travis quickly glanced down at the mistletoe in his hands. "Yeah, well," he muttered before continuing quietly, "If no one else does, I know a certain DJ that will."
Lily immediately snorted at this before sighing. "The only reason Ray cares that I'm leaving is because I'll miss the annual Egg Nog Chug contest. He always beats me at it. . ."
"I wasn't talking about Ray," Travis interjected before sheepishly looking back up at her over his eyelashes.
Upon hearing his bashful confession, Lily's eyes suddenly found his, an element of surprise gleaming in them. She licked her lips as if she were going to reply but instead she simply blinked at him in bemusement.
It had happened again. The mood in the room had once again turned on them. But this time was different than every other time. This time, Lily didn't avert her gaze and Travis didn't clear his throat awkwardly. This time, they held each others gazes for a near perfect minute before Travis caught mind of what was going on.
Chemistry. It was there; had been since day one. He had tried to run from it but it felt like he was on a treadmill. He was trying so hard but was not gaining a yard of ground.
Lily Randall was his friend. Beyond friend. Best friend. Not to mention his friend's love interest.
Swallowing felt like eating a cotton ball, but somehow he managed it. Drawn back to reality, Travis began awkwardly, "Before you go, I've got to give you your Christmas present."
Lily blinked out of her aura. She swallowed also before a light smile draw on her lips. "Travis Strong giving out Christmas presents? Isn't there some Buddha philosophy against the compilation of material goods?"
Smiling despite himself, Travis shook his head, "Ah, but I'm not gaining material possessions; I'm releasing them. Big difference, Lily Randall."
She rolled her eyes before retorting, "I'm sure that's great for Karma; disable someone else from attaining Nirvana by forcing material goods onto them."
Making the final touches on the mistletoe, Travis smirked. She was full of blows today. Stepping down from the step ladder, he turned and raised his eyebrows. "If you're so concerned about your karma, Lily Randall, I'm sure that I can find another person who will appreciate the gift much. . ."
"Oh shut-up, you stupid shaman and give me the gift already," She mock-snapped at him before walking up to him, arms crossed across her chest.
Travis chuckled at her before turning around and grabbing his backpack off the station's red vinyl coach. Unzipping it, he pulled out a tiny package wrapped in shiny red wrapping. The top was dressed with a flouncy bow will a cherry bell attached to it, which rang each time he adjusted the present in his hand.
"Pretty, Travis," Lily ribbed, a teasing glint in her eye. "Was the bow your idea?"
He lifted an eyebrow before grinning, "Rachel wrapped it actually. Wrapping is actually an art form that I am not familiar with."
Lily laughed before saying, "I'm shocked; a man of as many talents as you not knowing the fine art of wrapping a gift." Travis simply rolled his eyes before offering Lily the gift. She gingerly placed her hands around the package and withdrew the package, but not not without brushing her hands against Travis'. Travis swallowed thickly while a warm warmth spread from his hand to his brain.
He needed to get a grip.
Travis liked the way Lily unwrapped her gifts. She did so delicately, pulling on the bow nimbly before delicately pulling away the paper. When below displayed a box, she simply scrunched her eyebrows together and opened it. When she saw what was inside, Travis watched as her breath caught in her throat.
Inside was a locket, looped around a delicate gold chain. Lily picked it up and appraised the necklace lovingly. She looked up at Travis, an aerial smile drawn across her face. And, Travis could almost swear, there was a watery sheen in her eyes. But then, of course, it could have just the station's lighting.
"Thank you, Travis. It's beautiful." She swallowed thickly before adding, "My grandmother got me a locket before she died last winter; I lost it one day at school and I've always missed it."
Something caught in Travis' throat, but he managed to swallow it down so it wouldn't affect the tone in his voice, "Go ahead and open it up."
"The locket?"
Travis nodded before folding his arms across his chest.
Lily smiled at him again before slowly unclasping the locket and peering inside. When she saw what was inside, she laughed. "Travis, this is great. . . where in the world was that picture taken? Oh yeah, that's right. This is when I ran for school president, right? Oh god, what was I thinking? Think Pink my arse."
Walking so that he could look over her shoulder, Travis glanced at the picture in the locket. It was of the two of them, smiling like goons, both with hot pink hair. They both looked excited for some reason, and Lily was grasping his arm so that she was closer to him for the picture.
Smiling at the picture, Travis looked side-long at Lily. He was very close to her now, close enough to smell her hair. He always liked the smell of her hair. She used her father's shampoo (she had discussed this one day on a segment for RFR), and it reminded him of fall; crisp, refreshing. Audrey's always reminded him of walking into a greenhouse; so thick with florals that you wanted to gag.
Lily laughed at the picture once more before she attempted to undo the clasp. However, with her mitten hands, it become a tedious chore that was going nowhere fast. She let out a grunt of frustration before scrunching her eyebrows together.
It was Travis' time to laugh. Glancing at Lily from the side of his vision, he asked lightly, "Can I do that for you?"
She looked up at him and gave a weak grin. "Would you?" She requested before biting her lip and handing him the locket.
Travis took it before quickly unclasping it. Spreading it open, he leaned over her and put in around her neck. He felt her brush her hair to the side to let him put the necklace on. He was painfully aware how close he was to her face, her neck. And he was scolding and cursing himself for even being distracted with this issue. Surely, Lily didn't find it awkward.
He was hoping that everything could be smoothed over as soon as he put the necklace on. They could admire it for a few more minutes, Lily could go home, and he could go home and take a nice long shower. But, when he came back up, he didn't pull up like he should've, and he was suddenly very close to her face. Close enough to examine inch of her nose. Every inch of her eyes. Every inch of her lips.
Neither of them moved for what seemed like forever. Outside, there was snow starting to fall, but neither of them even began to notice. Travis' pulse was racing and his head was roaring with irrational thought.
It wasn't helping matters that a large sprig of Phoradendron flavescens was directly over their heads.
Then, as if a lightening bolt struck both of them, Lily and Travis drew back as if struck. Lily offered him an odd brand of awkward smile while he swallowed thickly and bit his lip.
Coughing, Lily nodded her head at him before stating stiffly, "Thank you again, Travis. I love my necklace." Then, with a softer tone of voice, "Jewelry is the safest gift to give a girl."
Travis offered her a crooked grin, "I'm glad you liked it."
A wide grin spread across her face as she walked to the door and turned the doorknob. She pushed the door open, allowing a gust of bitter cold air to rush in the station. Biting her lip, she finally said, "I love my locket, Travis; sometimes it's the things right in front of you-- the stuff you wouldn't usually notice-- that you come to love the most. . ."
The room was freezing now, but Travis didn't seem to notice the sudden temperature drop. He was concentrated on Lily's words, which seemed to affect him to the core. The way she said them seemed to imply something much more than what she said.
She wasn't talking about the locket anymore.
Her smile became ethereal before she said quietly, "Merry Christmas, Travis." Then, with a hasty glance towards the mistletoe, she left Travis with his thoughts.
Travis stood looking at the blank door for a few moments, millions of thoughts and emotions churning in his brain at the same time. A familiar leftover fragrence drifted towards him and he breathed it in. It was earthy and fresh, like a crisp autumn day.
A thin smile pulled on his lips. Running a shaky hand through his hair, Travis walked slowly back to the couch and plopped himself onto it. He thought a few more thoughts before looking back at the door and whispering, almost silently,
"Merry Christmas, Lily."
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Hullo everyone! Hope you guys liked my little ficlet.
Lily and Travis make me happy. . . and I need some L/T goodness to repair
myself from last weeks episode (not that it wasn't great; it just wasn't
T/L.) Anywho, everyone should know that this is my first RFR fanfic,
so, if it sucked, please excuse it. . . my writings will get better.
Hope everyone has a great holiday. Oh, and read and review.
Constructive critisism and praise will be hugged and flames will be used
to heat my house. Toodles!