The Kettle Mystery, a ghost hunt fanfic

Just a random oneshot because I'm bored. :D

Pure sillyness.

Enjoy!

The Kettle Mystery

We're going to start off as many ghost hunt stories do.

"Mai, tea," came the voice from behind the closed door. Object of said sentence was chatting with miko friend Ayako, monk friend Takigawa and student friend Yasuhara. She sighed and heaved herself out of the chair towards the kitchen.

Back on the sofas, a very interesting conversation was about to commence.

"You know," began Ayako, leaning forward to whisper. "Mai's been working here for nearly six months, and they still haven't got together yet!"

"I know!" whisper shouted Takigawa. "I was going to say the same thing. But how can we get them together?"

"You tell me, wise guy."

"Why? Because you're too stupid to think up a plan?"

"How dare-"

"Go on then. Hit me."

"Fine."

Whack.

"Ow."

"Tea." Yasuhara interrupted the small drama and grinned. The other two turned to stare at him.

"What about it?"

"Tea is the key."

"Hey it rhymes!" Takigawa laughed and began to say the words over and over again, until he had formed a weird sort of tribal chant. "Tea is the key. Tea is the key. Tea is the-"

Whack.

"Ow!" Takigawa clutched his head again. Ayako rolled her eyes and turned back to Yasuhara.

"What do we do then?"

"Well," and here Yasuhara's glasses gleamed and reflected light, making that ping sound they do on anime, "every man has a particular tea."

"It's true," added Takigawa. "Mine's camomile" he ignored the forthcoming laughter.

"Well anyway," continued Yasuhara. "We just have to get Mai to give him his perfect tea, and they'll fall instantly in love!"

"Yeah!"

Sometime in between this conversation, Lin had opened the door of his office and stepped out into the lobby. The three on the sofas were obviously unaware of how loud they actually were, and Lin was going to warn them in case Naru burst out angrily, when he heard the end of The Plan. He was unable to fight a smile, and quickly went to Naru's office.

Mai had just given Naru his tea when he walked in.

"Lin would you like some tea?" Mai asked brightly.

"No thank you."

Naru looked up from his file.

"Why are you still here?" he asked Mai irritably, who shot him a dirty look.

"Well, you're welcome for the tea Mr Boss." They heard her grumbling as she left the room. "Just don't come crying to me when I put poison in it. Better sleep with one eye open..." the door shut.

Lin smiled faintly at Naru, who had gone back to his case.

"I'm just here to warn you about the tea you may be drinking tomorrow."

"What of it? Don't tell me you think she'll poison it? I had no idea you were so gullible."

"I don't mean Mai. Yasuhara, Ayako and Takigawa are planning to push you and Mai together again."

"Wow." Naru's voice was utterly bored.

"I mean, seriously now Naru," Lin was getting to the point. "Why don't you just put a hold on the whole cold aloof thing and tell her how you feel?"

Naru looked up at Lin, and back down again. Lin knew that he was just pretending to be bored. So he left the office and Naru with his own thoughts.

Pushing him and Mai together.

Hm.

Maybe not such a bad idea...

Out in the lobby, the three had finished the details of The Plan and were badly acting as if nothing had happened.

"Hey Ayako, did you know they took gullible out of the dictionary?" Yasuhara was overdoing casual.

"Really?!"

Takigawa burst out laughing.

"No! You're so gullible!"

Whack.

Phase One of The Plan.

The door to Shibuya Psychic Research slowly creaked open and three figures crept in. They were all clad in black trousers and black knitted polo necks, black gloves and balaclavas.

Cue action spy movie music.

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun " Takigawa was humming the Mission Impossible theme tune until he was shushed by Ayako.

The lobby was in darkness and the office doors were all shut. They tiptoed their way to the kitchen, where they quickly shut the door and turned the light on. Ayako wrenched the balaclava of her face.

"Damn this stupid thing. It so ruins my complexion!"

"Don't blame it on the balaclava," muttered Takigawa, as Yasuhara reached into his pocket to retrieve Sample Batch Number One.

"Excuse me?" Ayako's temper was rising.

"You heard me."

"You little-" Ayako this time reached for the nearest object, which happened to be the kettle, and flung it at Takigawa. He ducked, and it crashed into the wall.

It was followed by silence.

"I'm getting the hell out of here," Takigawa said. "Not when crazy bitch is throwing things."

Yasuhara sighed.

Kids.

"Mai, tea."

"Kay" Mai went to the kitchen, but froze when she saw the kettle.

It was utterly deformed by a huge dent on the side, which had consequently squashed the area that took in water.

Well.

That's weird.

Mai slowly took the kettle to Naru's office.

"Naru..." he looked up to find a confused Mai holding up a seriously battered kettle.

"The kettle...is broken..."

Last night, as he was about to go home, he heard the entrance of three very noisy people. One had been singing Mission Impossible. And now the kettle was broken.

He knew who it was, and they were going to pay for it.

"I'll still be wanting that tea," he finally said.

"But. It's. Broken."

"Give it here," he held out his hand for it, and once Mai had handed it over he opened the top and looked in. "The base and plug is fine, so ignoring the dent you should still be able to fill it with water.

"O-okay. But you won't be able to put much water in it."

"Then refill it afterwards! Get out!" Mai ran out of the room, until she ran back in to take the kettle from Naru's hands, and then ran out again.

Mai was thoroughly bewildered. Who would put a dent in the kettle? Why? And Naru's attitude didn't help either. Sighing, she made her way back to the kitchen.

It wasn't the first odd occurrence of the day.

This morning, Takigawa, Ayako and Yasuhara rang up to say they were all ill with a bug.

What was this weird bug causing kettle denting thing that was passing round?

Maybe...it was a SPIRIT!?

...

No.

Due to the limited capacity of the kettle, it now allowed less water. Mai however, sue to her rambling thoughts had forgotten this fact until water began to fly at her after angling of the edge of the kettle. With a small shriek she quickly turned off the tap and made an attempt to dry her now wet clothes.

Sometimes she wondered why her life was so odd. She was working in a ghost busters type organisation that was led by a young, handsome and annoyingly narcissistic man that for some reason she was in love with. And now she had spilt water on herself.

Gosh, someone should just write a story about her or something.

While waiting for the kettle to boil Mai thought about the complexities of life. Love, for example. Why weren't you allowed to choose who you were in love with? If she was, she would certainly have chosen somebody much nicer.

Damn Naru.

Focusing back on the task at hand, Mai began to frown when she saw that the kettle was still boiling. Shouldn't it have stopped by now?

Her hand was just reaching forward when the kettle turned physco. It began to shake and rattle, the hot water furiously bubbling inside until it burst out of the top, hissing and spitting.

Mai drew her arm back, but it didn't stop the boiling water spilling onto her hand.

"OW OW OW OW" Mai hopped around the kitchen, flapping her hand around and howling.

"What do you think you're doing? There's a client next door!" Naru walked into the kitchen.

"My hand! It hurts! The kettle exploded and I got hot water on me!" The kettle had in fact exploded.

"Idiot." Naru approached Mai. "Let me see."

Mai began to blush. "No, it's ok, I can-"

"Let me see," he ordered. There was no budging, so Mai gave him her hand, feeling like the kettle must have when he was inspecting it.

Surprisingly, his long fingers were remarkably soft and Mai was struggling not to blush as he stood so close and held her wrist.

After what seemed like an age, (although it was actually no more than a few minutes), Naru looked at Mai.

"You really are an idiot."

"Hey! You're the one who made me- hey, what the-" Naru was leading her by the wrist to the sink, and turned the cold water tap on. He held her hand under the running water but then let go to find a tea towel and dry his hands on it.

"Keep your hand there," he instructed, and began to hunt around the kitchen until he found 'The First Aid Draw.' He walked back to her, holding a bandage and some sort of ointment thing.

"Bandage?" Mai stared at Naru who shrugged.

"I don't actually know what to do with burns," he confessed. Mai's eyes widened.

"You. Dont. Know. Something?" Naru rolled his eyes.

"I don't pretend to know things I don't."

"That's true..." Naru was putting ointment on her hand and Mai was finding it very distracting. The burning pain had reduced to just a slight throb now.

"You don't have to do this..." she began. Naru looked up and smirked.

"Oh, I know."

"Eh?" Naru's smile widened and he leaned closer to Mai, whose eyes widened at the fact that their faces were now only inches apart.

"Let's just say," he murmured, "That the plan worked." While he had been speaking his hands were wrapping the bandage around Mai's hand, and without warning he dropped it and walked out of the kitchen. He paused at the door.

"Oh," he added without turning back. "Buy me another kettle to replace the one you broke."

Ok. What the hell? The kettle denting bug causing thing now had another talent to its list. Naru crazy turning. Her heart had yet to calm down and Mai had yet to leave the kitchen.

Yasuhara, Ayako and Takigawa meanwhile were in a cafe.

"Did you swap batches last night then?" asked Ayako. Yasuhara sighed and shook his head.

"No. We scarpered before I could get the chance."

"Damn it. It's all your fault, monk."

"What? Because of your bad aim?"

"Don't you start-"

"Hey hey hey," Yasuhara interrupted. "Feel some cool vibes. Calm down. We just have to think of another plan to get Naru his perfect tea."

"What if," Takigawa said suddenly, "There was no tea?"

"Then Naru would be very angry. Stupid."

"No hear me out here. Say we took the kettle (broken thanks Ayako), and made it disappear. He would try to act stoic, but in reality his misery would show through his EYES OF DOOOM."

"Eyes of doom?"

"Yeah, those blue things that make you feel really small and stupid whenever they're in your direction."

"Oh, the eyes of dooom." The other two nodded in understanding.

"Well, eventually, he'll be so crazed out and desperate for tea that he'll do anything for it. Which is where we put Mai in."

"You're suggesting that we blackmail Naru to get with Mai or not get tea?"

"Yep."

"GREAT PLAN!" Ayako and Yasuhara cried simultaneously.

The truth was, tea was just a habit to Naru. He was perfectly capable of surviving without it, but life was just easier with tea.

No doubt Ayako and and the rest weren't finished with The Plan. And quite frankly, he didn't care. It was providing some enjoyment to see them try and change something like the people he loved. What they weren't going to understand just yet was that any future behaviour changes were not due to them. At least, not entirely. Their plan just gave him the excuse to start acting like he felt, because it seemed that his pride could be more of a hindrance than he supposed.

Either way, Mai was going to get seriously freaked out.

Phase Two of The Plan.

Again, it was not so reasonably late at night when the door creaked open and the three black clad figures walked inside.

"Right." Whispered Takigawa. "Go to the kitchen, grab the kettle, get the hell out of here. Capiche?"

"Capiche." Muttered Ayako.

"Jawohl Herr Hitler."

"Shut up Yasuhara." Takigawa spoke through gritted teeth, while having absolutely no idea what he had just said.

"Well you started it with the capiche thing," Yasuhara argued back.

"Shut up! We're just here to take the kettle, ok?!" Ayako clipped the two of them around the ear and walked to the kitchen. The shut the door again and turned on the light.

"Right. Where's that bloody kettle?" Ayako rubbed her hands.

"Everywhere." Replied Takigawa.

"What the hell! Are you an idiot? A kettle can't be everywhere! And there's a brand new one right here!" Ayako shouted.

"Look around you!" Takigawa bellowed. "The kettle you broke exploded!"

"Ssshhhh!!" Yasuhara rammed a finger to his lips.

Suddenly, they caught sight of a piece of paper that had slid through the door.

I can hear you.

Have a nice evening

Naru

"Oh bugger."

"Mai, tea."

"Kay." Mai left the filing cabinets and went to the kitchen. Her mind couldn't stop returning to what had happened yesterday. Plan? What plan? And why had Naru acted so strangely?

But when she entered the kitchen thoughts of yesterday vanished as she froze.

The kettle.

Had disappeared.

Not again. She went all the way to the shops yesterday to go and buy one out of her own hard earned money, (actually, that was a lie. Naru asked her to charge it on the company).

Maybe it really was a spirit...

Now it was mentioned, Ayako, Takigawa and Yasuhara weren't here again. Either they were still suffering from this bug thing, or...

Their kettles had been subjected to strange behaviour as well...

Time to tell the boss. Mai walked into Naru's office without knocking and stood by the door.

"What is it this time?" Naru looked up from his desk, but strangely, he didn't look irritated or annoyed. He looked amused.

"Uh..the kettle...has disappeared..."

"Shut the door," Naru suddenly commanded as he got up from his chair. Mai shut the door and looked at him, confused.

"Why?"

"Because..." Naru walked towards her, and feeling slightly nervous and freaked out and scared Mai backed up against the door. Naru put his hands on either side of her head and leaned closer. "I can now do this."

Holy cow. Naru's beautiful face was rapidly getting closer to hers, and Mai's brain had officially freaked out. Was he trying to kiss her? Well, that wouldn't be such a bad thing really... No! That couldn't be it! He'd gone crazy! And their lips were a finger width apart...

"Aaahahh" Mai ducked under Naru's arm and moved to the other end of the office. Naru turned and crossed his arms, smirking.

"Something wrong?"

"Eehhherrgskjanflllahhh" Mai mumbled something unintelligible. Her heart was running at a thousand beats a minute, and her brain was shouting at her.

WHY THE HELL DID YOU RUN AWAY FROM HIM?

"So...the kettle..." Mai finally managed to get out of her mouth.

"I don't really care," was Naru's reply.

"Eh? But what about your tea?"

"I can live without it."

"Oh." Should Mai ask about his strange behaviour? If he was possessed by this kettle stealing spirit, then it was important that they got rid of it right?

"Are you possessed Naru? Because something funny's going on. Disappearing kettles, exploding kettles...and you're acting...differently." Naru's smile widened.

"Yes. I'm possessed. I've been stealing kettles and breaking them." Mai's eyes widened.

"Oh no! I've gotta go and get Lin to help then-"

"No. There's something else that may work. I was trying it before, but you ran away."

"What..." Mai whispered before Naru was in front of her for the third time in three days. One of his fingers went under her chin and gently tilted her head up. He was still smirking.

And then, Naru's lips had met hers.

Mai's mind exploded like the kettle. Naru, Naru Naru was actually kissing her. And dear God it was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Before she knew what she was doing, her arms had gone around his neck and she was happily kissing him back. Mai felt Naru's lips turn into a smile and he broke off.

"Would you look at that." He sounded perfectly normal. "The spirit's left me."

Mai smiled in relief, her thoughts still scattered around in her mind. "Oh. Well that's good."

"Thank you for helping me out of a tricky situation." Naru still seemed deadly serious, apart from the smile that seemed to be about to break out. "Only now..." he feigned a look of worry. "It may have gone into you now..."

"EH?! I'm possessed?! Get it out!!"

This girl was so stupid.

"Can we go now?" Takigawa whined.

"For the fifth time, no!" Ayako cried.

"He must be missing his tea by now..." Takigawa was not giving up. They were sitting in the same cafe as before, and he was excessively bored.

"Maybe we could go now..." suggested Yasuhara. He too was bored. Ayako had been fuelling them for the past two hours with stories of how her nails are painted. Yasuhara shuddered at the memory.

"Fine then. So what's the plan?"

"We say to Naru, 'We have a kettle for you. A gift! But only on one condition. Go out with Mai.' And he'll be so tea starved that he'll agree right away and then the rest is up to them." Takigawa ended with a proud smile. Yasuhara sighed. There were so many flaws to the plan.

Flaw one. Naru may not really need tea.

Flaw two. If he did, he'd find a way to get our kettle without having to go out with Mai.

Flaw three. He could get another kettle himself.

Flaw four. Naru was a mysterious fellow. For all they knew he could already be going out with Mai.

"My perfect tea idea was so much better," he muttered.

"Well, if my plan fails (which it won't), then we'll go back to yours. As long as Ayako doesn't break this kettle too."

"Shut it."

Now Mai was confused. She had been kissed (her first kiss no less) by her hot boss who she definitely now more in love with than ever. After she had asked him to get the spirit out of her, he said that it wasn't there, that it had gone to the kettle, wherever it was. And then the fact that they had kissed fully hit her, and she had fled from the room.

It had been a spirit, right?

What other reason would Naru have to kiss her? It wasn't as if he loved her. That made her sad. It was usually best not to think about it, so she busied herself with the filing.

A while later there were some sounds coming from the lobby, and Mai went to check it out.

"Ayako, Yasuhara! How are you feeling?"

"Feeling?" Ayako was poked by Yasuhara and she quickly said "Oh yes. We're fine now."

"Where's Takigawa?"

"Here." He came out of the kitchen. "Wanted to raid the biscuits first."

"We're here on business actually," Yasuhara said. "We've come to visit Naru about a case."

"Oh. I won't keep you waiting. I'd offer you tea, but the kettle's disappeared..."

"Really?"

There was a knock on Naru's door.

"Come in."

"So let me get this straight." Naru leaned back in his chair. "You want me to go out with Mai, and in return I'll get my kettle back?"

"Yep."

"Wow. I'm really stuck here..." His voice was completely devoid of emotion, and Yasuhara wondered if he was being mocked. Nah.

"So what do you say?"

"Well, considering that it would be impossible to get my own kettle...fine. I'll go out with her."

"Yeah!" Takigawa and Yasuhara did a high five. Ayako was dancing.

Naru had left the room.

"Mai." He opened the door to the filing room and stuck his head in.

"Y-yeah?" His voice made her blush slightly.

"Come with me."

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"With me? Where?"

"Does it matter?" Naru took her by the wrist and led her out of the room. Takigawa, Yasuhara and Ayako were just walking out of his office. Which was when Naru suddenly spun around and said in their direction,

"I will be wanting that kettle back," before brushing his fingers against Mai's pink cheek, and leaning forward to kiss her again.

There was a long silence. Takigawa's mouth dropped open and Ayako and Yasuhara's eyes widened. Lin stepped out of his office to discover what had caused the silence, saw the scene and smiled.

Eventually he broke off and took a befuddled Mai by the hand again to lead her out of Shibuya Psychic Research, leaving behind some stunned people. Just before he left the door they heard him mutter

"My, it seems that the spirit's come back..."

The next day, it was there.

The kettle.

In the kitchen.

A dark aura surrounded it.

Never underestimate a kettle.

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