In the end it was all very quiet. Eren had expected the opposite. Armin told him that was a foolish thing to have expected, but of course he said it kindly, with that fond sort of sorrow he now carries in his blue eyes. Eren still has to wipe the tears from the corners of those eyes sometimes, because Armin just seems to cry at the strangest things. When they wake up tangled together, Eren will feel the smaller boy's body shake softly as he tries to keep quiet. He pulls him closer and presses kisses to the corn-silk hair on the back of his head, rubbing his arms. Sometimes he starts to cry during lunch, or when he's reading yet another book, even when he's kissing Eren. Those are the tears Eren wants to catch the most, the ones that seem to leak not only from his eyes but his lips, and the salty taste of them is on both of their tongues. And Eren tries to understand why it is that he's crying, but he was never the most eloquent, so usually he'll just keep kissing Armin until he forgets, and if that doesn't work he'll tickle him. The problem is, Armin has a habit of crying when he laughs, too.
So in the end the streets were quiet and no one really knew what to do with themselves. It seems freedom can be heavier than chains when one has forgotten what it feels like to walk without them. Eren had thought there would be celebration, exultation, because oh god, they had fought so hard, gone through so much. But really, it felt…more like putting a band-aid on a missing arm. Not everyone was here to see the end. Out of the people left, none of them were spared either. Everyone had lost something in the effort.
But they had gained something too.
"Oh, I'm sorry Eren, god I really am, I don't even know why," Armin's voice breaks off as he hiccups. He buries his face in Eren's shirt.
"Hey, shh, you're fine, we're fine, Armin. I don't understand but I don't really have to…it's ok if you don't know why either," Eren says, as he swipes his thumb under Armin's eye to catch the silver tears falling like comets down his cheeks. He's still retained that round, boyish face, and Eren marvels at how that can be.
"I'm not even really sad, not now; I'm just- so overwhelmed. I don't know Eren, I was trying so hard to keep up for so long, I tried to change so I could stay alive, and now I don't have to do that anymore, but here I am going back to being weak, when at now of all times you really shouldn't have to take care of me," Armin says.
Eren gives him a smirk and cups his face in his hands, giving his cheek a little pinch because he knows that will make him indignant, and he loves the way Armin's nose scrunches up when he's feeling like that. "Arlert, name a time I haven't had to take care of you."
"Oh stop it, I think we can both concede to not keep a score, if we had I would have definitely outpaced you," Armin says, looking up at him through blond lashes and bangs with the slightest of a watery grin.
"No way! I knew all those commendations from the Survey Corps were going to go right to your head, I told Erwin not to let you start getting an ego," Eren says, ruffling Armin's hair.
Armin huffs and hits Eren's chest lightly with his fist. "Hush Eren, you sound like Jean."
"Oh, it's on, how could you Armin? I thought you loved me!" Eren cries, letting himself fall backwards onto the bed, and dragging Armin down with him.
"You are being ridiculous," Armin says, bracing himself over Eren on his elbows. "Honestly, when did you become such a drama queen."
"I don't know, I've always been like this, like how you've always been a crybaby. We just were too busy fighting to work on the real problems." Eren says.
"I am not- Eren I can't even tell when you're joking anymore," Armin says, shaking his head.
"I'm totally kidding! Jean was right, you really don't know a joke do you," Eren says, reaching up to tickle Armin's stomach.
"You spend far too much time in Jean's company," Armin says, trying to bat Eren's hands away.
"What of it? He's actually…ok don't repeat this, he's actually not completely unbearable. Wait- is that jealousy I'm hearing?" Eren leans up so that Armin is half lying in his lap.
"No! Eren Jaeger, I don't think I'm the one who needs to keep his ego in check."
"Hmm, maybe we'll just cancel each other out," Eren says, combing his fingers through Armin's hair. He knows the other boy loves that, and sure enough Armin is closing his eyes, relaxing.
"That doesn't even make sense. Eren…I'm glad that, I mean, this sounds sort of sappy, don't you dare make fun of me, but I'm glad that out of everything that changed, we can still talk to each other like always."
"Me too."
It's not until the next day that they receive word from Levi.
They will be accompanying him on what he calls, "one last excursion".
They set out on their horses the next morning. It's exhilarating, being around the same people they had fought alongside, the people whose lives they had lain down for each other, once again. Their same rhythm and banter is easy to reclaim. Albeit a few voices short.
"Hello Armin, how are you? It's been too long," Mikasa says, riding up next to him. Her scarf is frayed.
"Oh, I'm doing well, what about you? I just wish we knew where we're going. Do you know?"
She smiles at him, a wide smile, the sort that's so rare it makes it almost blinding when she chooses to show it. "I have my suspicions."
"Tell me!" Armin says.
"Armin figure it out, you of all people should know. I guess it will be a good surprise," Mikasa says.
It's not until the sun is starting to slouch that Armin sees it. He is near the front of their group, and has just ridden over a hill, lending a view of the land. Or rather, lack thereof.
His breath is charmed right out of his lungs, not stolen so much as seduced, leaving him wide-eyes and breathless. He nearly falls off his horse.
There spread out like a great undulating monster is the ocean. To Armin it seems like everything, because surely nothing else could ever be so consuming. It is everything and nothing like how he had imagined, because how could he have ever hoped to contain something such as this in his imagination?
Finally a shout leaves his lips and then it feels like he's twelve again rather than seventeen, and he's running through the streets, he's running into his parents arms and then Mikasa's and Eren's, getting the blood wiped off his jaw and helped up from the ground. His hands aren't scarred; his eyes don't feel like bricks, his pulse is timid.
He urges the horse forward, leaning down and letting the wind blow his hair back off his face, trying to mentally make them go faster, as if by sheer willpower he could fly. He jumps off onto unsteady feet and ties his horse clumsily at a decayed wooden structure, left over from before the walls perhaps, staggering before regaining his balance.
"Hey there, don't trip over yourself." Eren is suddenly by his side, taking his elbow and stopping him from falling.
Armin grabs him and pulls him forward, running through the sand. "Eren! Eren, Eren, Eren! Look at where we are," the last words get caught somewhere between a whisper and a song.
Eren only really wants to look at Armin, because surely nothing could outshine his radiant face in this moment. And he had never had so clear a picture of the sea as Armin had, but he had always imagined its color would be like his friend's eyes, and he was right.
"Armin, you have the ocean in your eyes," the words are spoken before he thinks to stop himself, and he is immediately embarrassed.
But Armin just laughs. "No, the water is much bluer! Come on Eren!"
The others are arriving behind them and are looking around with expressions ranging from awe, excitement, and a muted sort of grief. They seem to be content with watching the two boys on the beach for now.
Armin tugs off his shoes, and Eren does the same.
"Eren, the sand, it's so warm. It's like standing on a cake!"
"Not like any cake I would want to eat," Eren says.
"And Eren it sounds just like…it sounds like a choir!"
"When was the last time you went to church Armin."
"And it smells like the holidays!"
"Armin that doesn't make sense!" Eren is laughing, and so is Armin, and the green-eyed boy thinks that sound is far more enchanting than the choir of the ocean, as it tumbles unhindered from the blonds' lips and makes a home in Eren's ears.
They step forward, hand in hand, until the soft licks of foam and sea water are kissing their toes. The water is cold.
"And it feels like, walking into a good dream that you don't have to wake up from."
"You are incredibly sappy. Wait, what are you doing? Ok, Armin you don't even know if that's safe, do we really have to experience all the senses, I think I've got the picture," Eren says as Armin crouches down, cupping the water in his hands.
He bends his head down for a moment, hair veiling his face. His shoulders rise and fall, once.
"Armin?" Eren murmurs.
Armin raises his head to look at Eren, who has crouched besides him. His eyes are full of sea-water blue questions, his lips glistening and parted, his cheeks flushed. His eyebrows draw together.
"Eren, and it tastes like tears. The ocean is full of tears."
Eren can't help himself from leaning forward and kissing those lips that had just moments before tasted an ocean made of tears. Salt and sunlight dance between their lips along with the warmth of their mouths pressed close together. Until Eren loses his balance and sends them both falling onto the sand and sea. Eren lands on top of Armin, letting himself lay on the other's chest.
"Eren get off, I'm getting wet!"
"I thought you'd like to go for a swim Armin," Eren says, looking into his eyes, a slightly dazed expression on his face. "You were right, it does taste that way. Armin I think you've been doing all this crying to fill the ocean back up, I think your tears are in the water."
"Don't be silly, Eren," Armin says, but he smiles.
"You two plan on giving each other doe eyes forever? Well, I guess you both could use a tan," Jean calls.
"Eren I think you're crushing him!" Sasha yells, bounding over to them. "Are you ok Armin? Yup, he's looking a little blue in the face."
"Oh I wouldn't worry about that Sasha, I'm pretty sure he can handle it," Eren says.
"Eren. Shut up," Armin says, trying to keep the blush from his face. He tries to push the other boy off of him. Eren rolls into the water beside Armin.
"Come on you two, I want to swim!" Sasha says, tugging Armin up.
"Oh, right! Well…I don't know how to swim," Armin says.
"Armin, do you really think any of us know what we're doing?" Sasha says.
"That's a valid point," Armin says.
"Of course it is, now come on," Sasha leads them over to the others. Ymir and Krista seem content to walk along the shore holding hands, while Jean is already waist deep in the water.
"Heichou, you plan on joining us?" Jean calls.
Levi is standing on the beach, arms crossed, regarding the ocean like a personal offense. He looks…so alone.
"You can call me Levi, Jean. I'm not anyone's captain right now," he says.
"Levi, come in the water then. We won't let you drown," Eren says.
"You watch your tongue, brat. I'll move when I'm damn near ready."
"Oh, Eren, what are we supposed to wear when we swim?" Armin asks.
"I…don't know. You're supposed to be the ocean expert here," Eren says. "It doesn't look like that's stopping Jean though."
Hearing his name, Jean calls back to them. His shirt is thrown on the shore in a rumpled heap.
"Yeah, you like what you see Jaeger?" Jean squints, shielding his eyes and staring out at the horizon line. He speaks then, his lips moving, though his voice is eaten up by the waves. "Hey Marco. You'd love this, I know it, everyone is so happy. Even saw Levi crack a smile. You should see Armin and Eren, probably the biggest losers I've ever seen…sure look crazy about each other too…" he clears his throat and trails his hands in the water. "Yeah, Marco, it's a beautiful day."
Not one to be outdone, Eren starts to rip his shirt over his head.
"Eren, what are you doing, you don't have to take off your pants!" Armin says.
"Fine, later then," Eren says, rolling his pants up to his knees.
"You look like a dork," Armin says. But he does the same, rolling his pants up and folding his shirt, laying it on the sand.
Eren pokes his stomach. "Come on Armin. Mikasa? You coming?"
She joins them, in shorts and a tank top.
"Where did you get a change of clothes!" Eren says.
"I am prepared, Eren. Honestly, you boys should've brought a change of clothes no matter what you thought we'd be doing."
"Whatever Mikasa. Let's just go," Eren says. Mikasa and Armin each take one of his hands.
"Ha, it's just like, when we were little," Armin says.
"It is," Mikasa says. "But I think we still are little. We have a long ways ahead of us," she says. And she believes it, because the world may be cruel, but these people are her family.
"Are you crying again, Armin?" Eren says.
Surprised, Armin wipes at his eyes, and finds that indeed, more tears are falling from them.
"You're going to make the ocean cover the land with all this crying, Armin," Eren says.
"You know that's not how it works," Armin says, drying his eyes and laughing.
"Well, I don't know how it works, so I'd like to think that's how," Eren says, giving Armin's hand a squeeze.
They wade into the water together, until the water is to Armin's waist and it's all around them, and it seems as though their lives had been a dream, rapidly being swept away.
"I seem to remember asking you a question about crying, a long time ago, Eren," Mikasa says to him, though her eyes are out at sea.
Eren's eyes widen. "I…I remember, it was that day…"
"Hmm. And I still don't know why you cried."
"I don't need to! It doesn't matter, right Armin?" Eren says.
"Huh? Oh, right. It, it really d-doesn't matter, look where we are. We actually made it…" Armin says. And with the dream now on their tongues, melting sweetly in their mouths, it seems natural, to be holding hands waist deep in ocean water.
"I wonder if we'll see some fish…did you two know that some fish can make light? It's called bioluminescence, I bet it's very beautiful," Armin says.
And so they won, but calling themselves victors seemed ridiculous, calling themselves anything but survivors didn't feel right at all. But right now they were just children, and one thing had at least stayed true, their hands still clasped together as though they had never let go at all, as the salty water from their dreams swirled around them.
After a few moments of silence, Eren finally speaks. "It's not right that something like this exists. The world…should be ugly."
"It is Eren. But it's this too," Mikasa says.
Armin lets his hands, both the empty one and the one laced with Eren's, trail through the water. He lets the water smooth his skin and make it soft again.