"The Night a Friendship Died"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Now that I have that disclaimer out of the way, I have a little explanation for what's been happening recently. Don't worry, I have not left fanfiction writing, but in one of my classic "Homer Simpson moments" (life is full of them, so I say), I damaged my laptop screen to the point where I'm unable to use it. D'OH! To be technical, the laptop is working okay, but the screen's just damaged, that's all.
Fortunately, I have a few flash drives and other computers I can use – though they're not laptops, but desktops - so all is not lost. The only problem is just finding the time to get out and use them. I have also been using classic pen and paper.
This fanfic goes out to all my fans, especially MariusDarkwolf, DZ2, Angel Girl5, and many, many others. Don't worry, I'm still around, and I love you all!
Now if I could just get my laptop screen fixed, or get a new laptop … [sigh]. For the moment, my precious laptop, requiscas in pace 06/16/12 (That's the date I wounded my screen … so sorry … mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!)
I hope you all enjoy this one-shot (at least, it seems to come out as a one-shot). The parody in it is of "American Pie" by Don McLean, and it is written from Harry's point of view.
A long, long time ago, I can still remember
How Miss Granger used to make me smile;
And when I heard about the Yule Ball dance,
I thought, "Maybe now I'd have a chance
To hold her … and be happy … for a while …"
But Cho the ho was a distraction …
Last year, all that Quidditch passion …
I thought she was pretty …
But she was going with Digg'ry!
I still remember Ron's face was fried
When Fleur rejected him; at least he tried!
But the memory still warms me deep inside …
Of the night … a friendship … died!
Parvati said, "She's beautiful!"
"Yes, she is." My eyes were still on Cho Chang, so Parvati nudged me and turned me around.
My heart stopped. My breath froze in wonder. If Parvati was not holding me up, I am sure I would have fainted and embarrassed myself in front of this – this –
Who was she? Was she an angel? Was she a goddess? O, I am most unworthy to stand within the presence of such divine perfection! I am but a mere mortal! I –
Merlin and the saints preserve me, it's Hermione! If anything, beautiful was an understatement. The words of William Shakespeare's Romeo Montague came to my mind:
"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For my eyes ne'er saw true beauty till this night."
I could have described her in a million different adjectives, such as radiant, ravishing, giggity-inspiring –
'Wait a minute – giggity-inspiring? She's my best friend, for Merlin's sake!'
'Oui, mais elle a une belle paire de tétons, n'est-ce pas?' (Yes, but she does have a nice pair of boobs, right?)
'BLAST! Don't think about boobs, don't think about boobs, think about anything else BUT boobs, just to calm down this little French bastard … Professor Bighead's gaudy pink Valentine's Day robes … Lucy Malfoy in a pink ballet tutu … BLAST, IT'S NOT WORKING!'
'Tu vois, mon vieux? Tu ne nieras pas ce que je t'ai dit! (You see, mate? You won't deny what I said to you!)'
'OH, SHUT YOUR INFERNAL GALLIC TRAP FOR ONCE! Your point is well taken, but – wait a minute – who is that young man bowing and kissing her hand like a chivalrous knight?
KRUM? VIKTOR KRUM?'
~FLASHBACK~
"Hey, Hermione," said Ron. "You're a girl."
She rolled her eyes. "Brilliant deduction, Ron."
I had to fight to hold my chuckle in check. 'Yeah, Troll Brain was a bloody genius. Maybe we should give him a prize … yeah, right. Even a child could deduce that Hermione was a girl, Ron. How dumb could you get?'
"Do you fancy coming with one of us?"
SMACK! Seeing Professor Snape hit Ron in the back of the head with a notebook was too much for me. A second SMACK to my head interrupted what I'm sure would have been a hearty chuckle and I glared at Snape, who gave me an amused smirk. 'Keep pushing me, you greasy-haired bat, and that Expelliarmus spell I hit you with last year will feel like a light tap on the shoulder …'
Even in my momentary annoyance, I could still hear Hermione's response to us: "For your information, someone has asked me … and I said yes!"
~END FLASHBACK~
I wanted to beat my head against a wall. 'HARRY JAMES POTTER, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!'
On the other hand, I had to keep myself under control. "Viktor, verbum breve tecum quaeso." (Viktor, I request a brief word with you.)
I read that Latin was not just a common language in Muggle education once upon a time, but in Magical Education as well. Why the British stopped this tradition, I guessed, had something to do with the bloody inbred idiots who ran the Ministry. Also considering that most of our Magical vocabulary had Latin as its basis, it made sense for me to study it in my spare time.
His eyes widened and he stepped aside with me. "Tibi ausculto." (I'm listening to you.)
"Bene. Hanc puellam vides?" (Good. Do you see that girl?) He nodded. "Amica optima mea est. Eam custodia cum vita tua. Si nocetur, ego tibi nocebo, me intelliges?" (She's my best friend. Guard her with your life. If she is hurt, I will hurt you, do you understand me?)
It was clear to me that he understood. Something about my eyes must have scared him, for, grabbing my hand and kissing it in homage, he said, "Domine meus, sicut verbum tuum habeo, sic verbum meum habebis: secura mecum est, et secura erit ubi conveniemus." (Milord, as I have your word, so you will have my word: she is safe with me, and she will be safe when we shall meet.)
I chuckled. "Viktor, manus meae reliquiae sanctae non sunt, et dominum me vocare necessitas non est! " (Viktor, my hands are not holy relics, and there is no need to call me lord!)
He gave me an odd grin as he seemed to return my chuckle. "Sed locutio tua locutio domini est …qui honorem dominae suae defendere quaerit." (But your speech is the speech of a lord … who seeks to defend the honor of his lady.)
I gave him a lighthearted smack. "Tace, et quod dixisti, dominae non audiant!" (Shut up, and may the ladies not hear what you said!)
~Scene Break~
Much to my surprise, the dancing was easy to learn, as well as being most enjoyable. On the other hand, not everyone was having fun.
By "not everyone," I mean, of course, Ronald "Troll Brain" Bilius Weasley. He was in a most sour mood, scaring away other females like garlic scares away vampires. His partner, Padma Patil, left him to dance with someone else.
Hermione came by to see how we were doing. "Are you enjoying the dancing so far?"
I smiled. "I am, but Ron's being quite grumpy for such an occasion."
"Viktor's gone to get us some drinks. Would you like to come?"
Before I could reply, Ron's big mouth interrupted me: "No, we don't want to join you and Vicky for drinks."
I glared at him. "Whoa, Ron, hold on for just a minute. Did you just say, 'We'?"
"Yeah, I did, Harry. What else did you think I said?"
I stood up. "Well, it sounds to me like you assumed that I would want to stay with you sulking through the night, but I don't. You're ruining the atmosphere, you're killing the mood of everyone else within miles, and overall, you are being a grumpy, jealous prick."
"Oh, you think I'm a prick now, am I?"
"You've been a prick to me ever since my name came out of that Goblet. If you want to stay a prick, that's fine, but don't ask me to join you in your miserable little pity party."
While I was speaking, I saw the signs of an impending Weasley explosion coming. His face reddened, his fists clenched, and he stood up like he was about to start a fight. The fight never started, because an anvil materialized above him and knocked him out cold. I looked around to see who conjured the mysterious anvil, only to see Professor Snape give me a wink and a smirk.
Viktor showed up with the drinks. He looked at Ron's comatose form, and his eyebrows went up. "Problema erat?" (Was there a problem?)
I grinned. "Problema stupida, sed finita est." (A stupid problem, but it is finished.)
"Aliquid dicere ei habes?" (Do you have something to say to her?)
This caught Hermione's attention. "Harry? What is it?"
"Hermione … oh, how do I say this? First of all, I think you look stunning in that dress …"
"Thanks, Harry. You are too kind …"
"You deserve the compliment. The second thing I want to say is that I feel bad for not asking you to the ball."
"It was the nerves, wasn't it? It took you almost forever to try to ask Cho, and that did not work out well."
"I thought that between asking a girl out and facing a dragon, I would face the dragon."
This earned a laugh from her. "I sense there's more, Harry."
"Yes, Hermione, there is more. If Milady does not find the question inappropriate, would she …" I cleared my throat, "give me the honor of becoming her boyfriend?"
Her smile lit up the Great Hall. "Yes, she most certainly will give you this honor."
I heard the squeak of Professor Flitwick's voice say, "Will the Messieurs Fred and George Weasley, as well as my fellow Professors, hand over my winnings?" There was a collective groan.
"Hermione, something tells me there was a bet concerning when we would become a couple."
"In that assumption, Mister Potter, you were correct," Professor Flitwick answered me.
'Whoa. For a Professor the size of a midget, he had stupendous hearing …'
"Viktor?"
"Da?" (Yes?)
I pointed to Ron. "Hunc idiota vides? Autographum tuum vult." (Do you see this idiot? He wants your autograph.)
He grinned. "Eum habebit, nolite soliciti essere." (He shall have it, don't worry.)
I turned to Hermione. "Now, dear, may I have this dance?"
"Yes, you may, Harry."
We danced through the rest of the night, to such wonderful pieces like "Amazed" by Lonestar and "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack …
~Scene Break~
Ron's scream that echoed from the Hospital Wing the next morning was music to my ears. That should teach him a lesson the next time he wants to test my boundaries. I think Professor Snape's anvil gave him a headache as well.
So, Ron Weasley, I bid you good night,
Want to be a little jerk and get yourself in a fight?
I'll pick your body up and I'll punch out your lights;
Don't tick me off again or you'll die!
Author's Note: I hope everyone enjoyed this little one-shot!
Smiles,
Loki Palmer