Title: Keeping Up Appearances

Author: Mindy

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Tina's etc.

Spoilers: Nope.

Pairing: Jack/Liz

Summary: Jack needs a wife. Liz is it.

-x-

Jack starts to talk as soon as she walks into his office:

"Lemon. I need a wife. Just for tonight. And you are it."

"Okay."

"Before you start," he holds up a hand to forestall her: "let me just say that, no, I am not at liberty to fully explain, and yes, I have considered all other options-"

"Jack-"

"I don't wish to ruin your evening or make you uncomfortable in any way-"

"Jack."

"And believe me, if I thought there was any way of avoiding this, I absolutely would but-"

"Hey! Donaghy!"

Jack halts, eyes wide and mouth half open.

"Cool it," she whispers. "I said yes."

He blinks. "You did?"

She gives a shrug. "Sure. I'm your wife." She adjusts her glasses. "So where are we going?"

"Russian Tea Room," he replies, a little stunned.

"Fancy," she comments. "You gonna find me a dress or something that a wife of yours would wear?"

Jack nods. "Of course."

"And get rings?"

"Naturally."

"Time?"

"Seven."

"Okay." She turns to the door. "I'll come up at six."

"Lemon?"

"Yeah?" She turns back to face him, eyebrows raised.

"You're…" He takes a tentative step toward her: "really okay with this?"

Her eyes cut to one side. "Am I gonna be fed?"

"Yes."

"Will there be booze?"

"Plenty."

"Then, yeah," she replies airily: "I'm good."

Jack dips his head, lowers his voice. "We will need to, ah…maintain an appearance, if you…understand my meaning."

Her expression remains unfazed. "There's gonna be fondling?"

He bobs his head. "Some light fondling, yes."

"Can you keep it above the waist?"

"I'm fairly sure I can manage that."

"Alright…" she murmurs. "Anything else I should know?"

"The other men's wives are boring as hell," Jack answers with barely a pause.

"Hm, well…" she releases a breath: "I'll just think of a movie to replay in my head."

"Of course," he points out: "I…shall be there also."

"Right," she says, waving a hand at him: "I'll just talk to you then."

He gives another nod. "That would be fine."

"Okay then…" She looks at him a moment before turning to the door a second time.

Again, Jack follows. "Er…thankyou, Liz."

"Sure." She faces him on the threshold, starts to walk away then stops to add: "Maybe one day I should get you to repay the favor and be my husband."

Jack gives her a small smile. "I might enjoy that, Lemon."

She points a finger at him: "Hey– don't call me Lemon tonight."

"What would you prefer instead?" he murmurs huskily: "Honey?"

She tilts her head. "Liz will be fine. And I'll call you Jack. Like I always do."

"Well. You could call me 'honey'," he offers, taking another step closer: "if you wished."

She arches a brow. "As in 'Shut up, honey, before I change my mind'?"

His smile increases. "Precisely."

"I'll pass." She waves her finger at him again before leaving. "See you tonight."

"Looking forward to it," Jack calls after her: "…Mrs Donaghy."

"Yikes…" is the response that drifts back to him.

Jack chuckles to his empty office.

TBC...