Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Star Trek. That is all.
Pairing: None or K/S pre-slash at its finest.
A/N: This is a companion piece to Understanding, but they can be read independently to each other.
Summary: Spock has always searched for a place to belong, finally realizing that he found it.
Belonging
Spock was a child of two worlds, an anomaly. He had never fully embraced either side of his heritage, though Surak knew he had tried. He had tried to embrace his father's world, the Vulcan way of life, and had even given great thought to the Kolin'Har, the purging of all emotion.
In the end, the same emotions he had once wished to purge caused him to reject the honor he'd earned by being accepted into the Science Academy. He had been unable to embrace the Vulcan way of life because of simple, well-meant predgidest against the other half of his heritage; his mother was human and therefore inferior.
That irked more than he liked to admit, and so he turned his back on that heritage and dared to forge a new path for himself in Starfleet. That had been troubling as well, to realize that no matter where he tried to place himself, his unique history precluded him from fully immersing himself. Even his relationship with Nyota was nothing more than rebellion, though he was fond of her.
Then he met James Kirk, and his world shifted on its axis. This man used logic and emotion like a surgeon wielding a laser-scalpel; it was thoughtless and, in a way, beautiful. He found himself hating the man for it. When he fought him, their minds connected, and the most ordered non-Vulcan mind was suddenly open to him, if only for those few moments.
It fascinated and repelled him at the same time, but he had no time to dwell on those thoughts and feelings in the wake of his still overwhelming grief. He pursued revenge, despite knowing that it would do nothing to ease his pain. He had then nearly retreated to help rebuild his father's people. He was convinced by his older self that Starfleet was where he belonged, and that James Kirk would be his greatest friend.
So he tried, and within a year he was playing chess with Jim nearly every night. It was not something that he would have originally thought Jim would be interested in, but then it became commonplace.
While playing, both of them would speak about numerous topics, from the happenings aboard ship to philosophy, to their childhoods. Spock learned more about Jim by what he did not say than the words that issued from his mouth; Jim's mother was mentioned only once in relation to Jim's recovery after Tarsus IV, revealing that the woman was not close to her son in any way.
He had met Winona Kirk once, when he was in the Academy, and deducted that the woman, while being a talented xeno-culturist, was also a woman who felt very much alone. He had felt sorrow on her behalf before he had gotten to know Jim, and realized that she had forced her own exile on her son. That was not acceptable, but Jim did not seem to care that his mother was not a good one, or even to know that he was not in any part to blame for her behavior. Spock did not try to correct this assumption in any way; Jim was not suffering from the lack and so he did not bring it up.
Instead he began speaking about his own childhood, noting the heartbreak in his friend's eyes at any mention of his mother, who featured in many of the stories. They continued their nightly talks, sometimes without turning the set on at all, content to be in one another's company.
As time progressed, Spock invited Jim into his quarters, though they rarely stayed, the temperature being too high for Jim to handle comfortably. And Spock slowly realized that this was where he belonged, on the enterprise with James Kirk as his best friend. He also realized that Jim was just as anxious to find someone who could understand all of him.
So when Jim asked him why he kissed him so often, Spock answered in the only way he could:
"I understand you."
And finally my pre-slash stories are done... I feel like a wet dishrag, all wrung out... maybe I'll tackle Pavel next...