Soo... I wrote this last summer, and never really got around to posting this here. I put it up on FOS, kinda as a trial, but it didn't get many views there, so I think it's time I brought my main crack pairing here.

This is the only pairing I can support that isn't a crossover pairing and/or doesn't have Dell or Ted in it. Seriously. I've tried to like others. But this is the only one that registered in my mind.

It's sort of scary when I think about it,

Title: chaosmaid
Rating: T
Genre: Romance
Pairings: Kamui Gakupo/Iku Acme
Warnings: Gakupo's libido
Notes: In case you couldn't tell, I tried reeeeally hard to make this a lemon. It didn't work. Maybe if people like this crack pairing I'll take another whack at it. :D Also, I wrote this before Gumi's release, as well as Miki's, Yuki's, and... that other one's. I forget his name. Anyway, they aren't in here, if anyone wonders.

Kamui Gakupo could not believe himself as he watched Iku Acme tend to the garden.

How lecherous had he, a noble samurai, become to let himself be swayed by someone he considered a close friend? He drank his tea quickly, hoping the scalding fluid would bring him to his senses. It didn't, but he instead coughed out the intense heat that burned his throat.

"Gakupo-sama?"

Ice blue eyes meet deep green as Iku placed the gardening shears down, beginning to climb off the small step ladder. "Are you alright?"

"A-Ahh, yes, I am. I just drank my tea a tad too quickly." He smiled, trying to dispel the warmth that curled in his stomach at the sound of the honorific; at any other point in time he would have thought it to be cute, if unnecessary in lieu of their friendship, for her to do so, but it and the thoughts that arose from it did not help him in the least right now. "Please, don't worry about me."

She smiled and, with a nod, returned to her work, stepping up the ladder to retrieve her shears; his eyes followed her movements. Iku was blessed with a full figure, with plump breasts and a backside you could probably bounce a coin off of. Not to mention her outfit; the maid look suited her MOE-ality, fitting every soft supple and lustrous curve of her body perfectly, and ending at a wonderfully seductive point above her legs, that if she were to merely bend in just the right way…

Gakupo looked down and flushed, placing the sleeves of his kimono in his lap; it was at times like these that he was happy his hakama was so loose.

"Ahh… Gakupo-sama?"

The Vocaloid nearly fell over and exposed himself to the world when Iku's sweet voice called to him. "I… yes, Iku-chan?"

The Maid-loid blushed a deep red and looked down, an action that just made him burn hotter. "Well, I-I was just wondering… would you please sing something for me? Just while I work, please?"

Gakupo relaxed somewhat, and looked at her quizzically. "…Why, whatever for?"

"W-Well… I'd sing myself, or even just hum or whistle to myself, but… my voice, you know…"

"…Ahh, right, I see." He remembered now, how insecure Iku was with her directive. Then again, Gakupo certainly wouldn't want to have his voice made for the use of Japan's grand scale of perverts (even if his vocal-donor did do regular fan-service at all his concerts).

"Yes, and…" She smiled a bit. "I just didn't think you'd be comfortable listening to that while you're trying to relax."

Ahh, that was Iku indeed; the one who cared for the entire world. Perhaps it was just because of the maid persona, but Gakupo had always felt that the girl had the perfect amount of kindness in her system. Her sweetness and innocence, coupled with the fact that she was incredible to look at, had always made Gakupo feel at ease. It was making him feel something this time as well, but it most certainly was not ease.

Focus, focus…! he thought. "…Have you tried to sing along to a song?"

She sat down on the ladder, distraught. "Yes, I have. But my voice keeps changing its pitch at random times and it sounds like I'm out of breath the entire song." She shook her head. "Not even Hatsune-sama or Meiko-sama or any of the girls could help."

Gakupo's eyes softened. The poor girl worked so hard for all of them, but it seemed she would never be able to do what she wanted to the most.

"…But you know, I've been thinking…"

"Hmm?"

Iku's blush had long left her face, now replaced with a look of extreme thoughtfulness. "It's most likely nothing, but… if I can't sing because my voice was made for… that… then would it be vice versa?"

The samurai swallowed hard, as quietly as he was able to; she surely didn't mean…? "…Wh-What?"

"You know… if I did… that… would I be able to sing instead of…?" Her question trailed off, but Gakupo understood its meaning entirely.

He cleared his throat. "Well, Iku-chan…" Just saying her name was enough to get him going. "I can't say I know how plausible the theory is, but… if you were to do that, and you did end up singing, who would you want to hear?"

What he heard next surprised him. "…Honestly, if I could… I'd want you to hear, Gakupo-sama."

He said not a word, but merely stared at her as she continued. "You… you've always been kind to me, Gakupo-sama. Where ever it is I'm working, you always come in to say hello and talk to me. You collect books and bring them to the library so I don't have to hunt for them, and help me and Taya-kun bring out everyone's food at dinner, and keep me company when I'm out here in the garden by myself." She smiled peacefully, angelicly; just thinking about all the times he'd been there for her made her heart swell. "So I… I would love to be able to sing for you, at least once."

She turned bright red a moment later, flailing her arms out in front of her. "T-That is…! I wouldn't want to make you do anything you wouldn't want to, I…!" Fearing for their friendship, she returned to her work, her back to him. "I-I'm so sorry Gakupo-sama, I didn't mean to-"

Iku stopped when a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist, pressing her back against an unmistakable hardness.

"…I had no idea." He whispered into her ear, his chin on her shoulder. "I had no idea you thought so highly of me, Iku-chan."

For a moment Iku became so dizzy she could hardly breathe, but she soon found herself relaxing in his arms, leaning against him. "Of course I do, Gakupo-sama."

"Then…" His hold on her waist fell loose when his hand moved down to brush against her thigh; he reveled at the hitch in her breath from the touch. "…would you like to test your theory now?"

"…Yes."

One week later, Gakupo called the family together for a special performance at their indoor stage. It was the very same stage that Miku performed "melody" on, and the samurai assured them all that it would be the birthplace of another great hit.

Which is why it surprised the other Vocaloids when Iku Acme, whose voice was used for erotic… stuff, came out onto the stage. Miku looked at Haku and Neru confused, but they shook their heads, wondering about the situation themselves. Kaito's face tensed a bit, to which Meiko snorted, to which Luka bopped her on the head. Rin stood with her hands on either side of Len's hand, ready to clamp down on his ears should things turn sour and mind-scarring for his virgin ears.

But Gakupo paid them no mind. He looked to the girl on stage, her smile brimming with confidence; it warmed his heart to know he had helped her find that inner strength.

"Maidloid, ver. 1: Acme Iku…" He said, fingers skimming across a computer keyboard with grace. "Uploading voice data… Uploading song data: dancefightparadise…" He chuckled, almost huskily. "Get ready to start, Iku-chan."

Iku closed her eyes in anticipation, her beaming smile never leaving her face.

The music flooded through the speakers, a sort of Euro-rock/pop beat that the Vocaloids were accustomed to singing to. But something seemed different to them, if only slightly. The hooks and melodies of the first few seconds seemed too powerful for someone so demure like Iku.

They couldn't have been more wrong.

Iku took a deep breath. And then she sang.

She sang. Sang to her fullest extent, sang with all the emotion her large heart had to offer. The normal gasps and cries that accompanied her were replaced with quick transitions; so quick, they rivaled the chorus in "The Disappearance". They were sharp and stiff, but that made a stronger impact. A more fluid voice would have sounded too awkward for a song like this.

It occurred to the Vocaloids then that Gakupo had this song created especially for Iku. It didn't matter which Vocaloid Master he had called and asked for help. All that mattered was what he did in order for the Maid-loid to shine.

Somewhere around four minutes later, Iku ended the song with a final, spine-tingling scream. The lights of the stage went off, and Iku was seen still catching her breath. Her face was flushed and she seemed exhausted, but she was also incredibly happy. So very happy to be alive at that moment.

Miku and Meiko were the first ones to hug her when she exited the stage.

"Iku, that was incredible!"

"Atta girl, Iku-baby!"

"Hee hee… I-I did good, then?"

"You were amazing." Haku said, smiling that little smile of hers.

Neru slapped her on the back. "Good job there, Greeny."

"See, Len? I told you she could do it." Rin said. "You had nothing to worry about, you big baby."

Len narrowed his eyes at his sister dangerously.

"But, Kamui…" Luka asked. "How on earth did you do this?"

"I'd like to know, too." Kaito said. "It must have taken a lot of work to be able to pull this off. How'd you teach Iku to sing like that?"

"Oh, it was a challenge…" Gakupo mused. "But we were able to achieve a… a sort of rhythm, you could say."

"…What does that mean?"

The samurai and maid looked at each other, and winked.

"It's a secret~"

"I don't think they'll enjoy staying in the dark much longer." Iku said as she and Gakupo walked through the hedge maze.

Gakupo lead her by the arm. "I know. We'll tell them. Eventually."

"Do you think they'll believe it?"

"Most likely not."

Iku giggled.

"But, Iku-chan, we have to discuss something important."

"Huh? What?"

"Your performance." Gakupo spoke with utmost seriousness. "It was impressive, but the music often drowned out your voice. We need to work on making you louder."

"We do?" Iku asked, receiving a nod. "Well, alright. When will the next lesson be?"

Gakupo pinned her against the hedge wall, nipping at her neck. "Right now."