The manger story!
It's the bible…. Rewritten. Actually just the thing with Jesus (pronounced "Hay-souse") and the manger. If you don't like this, then you can kindly kiss my ass.
(A/n: Props to Ayu for some ideas)
Bethlehem-some shed-2007 years ago:
Joseph: Push Mary push!
Mary: (irritable from being in labor) WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARE? IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR KID ANYWAY!
Joseph: What did you just say?
Mary: Uhm… well, you see, I was just angry.
(Joseph is smote by Willy Wonka and falls dead)
Mary: (out of labor and holding a fat Italian baby in her arms) Thanks Willy. Now, can you say da-da?
Jesus: Gaah?
Mary: lightbulb (yells) I AM HOLDING HERE IN MY ARMS, THE SON OF GOD! STEP RIGHT UP! ONLY 5 CAMELS TO HOLD HIM!
3 days later- same shed
Mary: Look! Another miracle! He's glowing!
Random Person: You stupid bitch he's on fire.
Mary: Oops. We better call MediFlight.
(Marius from the Vampire Chronicles shows up, spanks Jesus, and leaves)
Meanwhile- Middle of the fucking desert
(3 Elvis impersonators/ child molesters see the helicopter)
#1: Ooh lets go there might be CHILDREN there!!!