Chapter 1: The pain is also felt by the readers
"Oi oi, since when did Gintaman turn into such a serious manga?" Gintoki grumbled, lying lazily on his couch as he threw the JUMP magazine to a side like a kid having a tantrum, "What's the storyline anyways? Quit confusing us, you goddamn gorilla mangaka!"
"Gin-san, don't throw things around like that," Shinpachi said, as he bent down to pick it up.
"Shut up! You don't understand the young and naive feelings of a JUMP lover, seeing a manga that you didn't particularly like turn into something to cry over, what is this anyways? All these plot twists..." Gintoki grumbled, seeming greatly unsatisfied. He turned over onto his side and stared at the couch, "Man, I'm not going to look forward to next week."
"Is that so? You're not buying JUMP next week?"
"IDIOT, DO YOU THINK I CAN LIVE LIKE THIS?!" Gintoki screeched, and scowled deeply, "Such a cliff hanger, every single chapter since this arc began... I DON'T EVEN LIKE GINTAMAN! WHEN DID YOU GET SO GOOD, GORILLA?! Make the arc end already!"
Not knowing what to say, Shinpachi kept his mouth shut and continued to sweep the floor, leaving the man to his own fantasies.
"PAST ARC?!" Gintoki stuttered, the JUMP magazine as close to his face as it could go before he would be unable to read the words, "I EXPECTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS BUT NOT SO MUCH!"
"Is that so," Shinpachi said absentmindedly, sorting through his Otsu albums.
"Man, Ginta sure is something..." the samurai nodded approvingly, "So he isn't a totally useless bum after all."
"OH! GIN-CHAN, THAT MEANS THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR YOU YES?!" Kagura exclaimed, bursting out of her closet, "BRING OUT THE RED RICE, WE SHALL HAVE A FEAST!"
"Shut up you belly of a black hole," Gintoki said, and tossed the magazine at the yato girl, perfectly hitting her square in the forehead, "Red rice can only be used for when you hit puberty. For now you can have leftovers."
"Gin-chan~~~ so mean~~~!" Kagura complained, rolling around on the ground.
"Ah~ so it's over~" Gintoki sighed, and let the JUMP magazine fall to the floor.
"Oh? Ladies four isn't airing anymore?!" Kagura cried.
"Nah, it's your brain that needs to be aired out," Gintoki retorted, and started picking his nose, "Well, I'm glad he's alive. As expected of that idiot... for a moment I thought it would be serious. MAN, I don't want any more serious moments! Just bring back the boring stupid moments that were never really that interesting anyways! This is killing me! It's so painful! This whole manga is a pain! I don't want to read it anymore!"
At that moment, Shinpachi looked over at Gintoki with a blank look, "If it's really that much of a pain, don't read it anymore."
"...I can't."
"N-No way..." Gintoki said, hands shaking slightly as he held the magazine in his grip, "It actually happened... C-C-COME BACK TO US KING OF HOOOOSTTTSSSS!" Gintoki hollered loudly, throwing JUMP into the air and turning around onto his belly to bury his face in his arms, "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! MAKE IT STOP! TURN BACK TIME! TIME MACHINE, TIME MACHIIINE!"
"Calm down, it's just a manga-" Shinpachi started, but it was no use, Gintoki was on a roll, "OI! CALM DOWN! YOU'RE GOING TO BOTHER THE NEIGHBORS!"
"YOU'RE BEING LOUD TOO SHINPACHIII! AS EXPECTED OF YOU, YOU INSENSITIVE JERK! I DIDN'T RAISE YOU TO BE THIS WAY!"
"YOU BORROWED THAT LINE FROM KAGURA DIDN'T YOU!? AT LEAST BE ACTIVE ENOUGH TO CREATE YOUR OWN LINES!"
"SHADDUP IT'S A PAIN! THINKING IS A PAIN! CREATING LINES IS A PAIN! JUST PUT GINTAMAN BACK TO WHERE IT WAS BEFOOOOOREEE!"
At that moment, the door burst open and a killer robot walked in (she goes by the name Tama) and said slowly and clearly with killing intent, "Gintoki-sama, Otose has ordered me to execute you if you continue in this loud and rowdy fashion. Please quiet down."
"...o-okay," Gintoki whimpered nervously, and waited until Tama left.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"...w-what is it now, Gin-san?" Shinpachi said, startled at his boss's sudden outburst.
"G-G-G-G-GORILLAAAAA! THE GORILLLAAAA!" Gintoki screeched, "I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD CARE ABOUT THIS GORILLA OF ALL PEOPLE! THE GORILALALALALALALAALALALAAKDFALKDHAWEIOH!"
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" Shinpachi replied loudly, in attempt to pull the silver-haired samurai out of the world of JUMP, "SNAP OUT OF IT-"
"Calm down Patsuan, let the responsible one take care of this, yes?" Kagura said calmly, pushing Shinpachi to aside like someone incredibly important, "Mother will solve this all... CHILD! HEAR ME NOW!"
"THE GORILLA!"
"MANGA HAS HYPNOTIZED YOU!"
"THE GODDAMN GORILLA WHYYY?!"
"MAMA WILL SAVE YOU, COME BACK FROM THE DARK SIDE!"
"WHY DID THEY ARREST YOU?! DON'T DIE GORILLAAAA!"
"CHILD I-"
"GORILLA!"
"LISTEN TO MOTHER-"
"GORILLA!"
"HEY-"
"GORILLA!"
"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" Kagura screamed, and heel dropped Gintoki into the couch, smashing it right through, leaving a terrifying hole in the couch with Gintoki's head buried in it.
"G-GIN-SAAAAAN!" Shinpachi cried in horror, trying to wake the unresponsive Gintoki as Kagura wiped her hands of the matter, "Kagura-chan, you killed him!"
"I took care of it didn't I? You complain too much, you ungrateful child," Kagura tut-tutted, and went back to watching Ladies four.
"W-well I guess that is one way to take care of it..."
JUMP day was around again, and this time, they were all prepared for the noise Gintoki would surely bring to the establishment, another something about Gintaman and how horrendously out of character it had been acting as of the late. There wasn't a particular story line to the manga anyways, so how would he know if it had been out of character or not...
"I've got the tazer ready, Agent Pasta," Kagura mumbled, wearing sunglasses and hiding her face behind a large newspaper, "How is it on your end."
"What Pasta? Are we doing this again?" Shinpachi said, and ducked his head behind the newspaper beside Kagura, "Um, I got my broom...?"
"Good, we'll need all the help we can get Pasta. Don't let your guard down."
"Okay, Yama-san."
At the sound of Gintoki setting the JUMP magazine down on the table, the two tensed, preparing to silence their boss with any means possible. To their shock, nothing happened, except his blank and empty stare at the last panel of Gintaman.
"G-Gin-san?" Shinpachi asked hesitantly. Gintoki looked up at him with dead eyes.
There was the rolling of wheels as Gintoki stood up from his chair at his desk, and went to his bedroom, slumping down in the corner of the room and huddling into fetal position.
The two tentatively approached their boss, not sure of what to do, and waited for a response. After a few moments, Gintoki looked up at the two with the gloomiest atmosphere, gloom settling all around them and making everything seem so much heavier.
"...Make it stop."