Disclaimer: I'd don't own Doctor Who, even though I'd like to. The BBC probably wouldn't let me anyway.
Wasn't it supposed to be easy, dying? But it hurt. So badly. The entire world was crushing down on him, like the world ending. It was though. The urge inside him, the one chewing him up and telling him to regenerate, was so hard to crush. It was, quite literally, killing him.
His breath was shortening, his heart beats slowing. Emptiness was swelling up inside him. But it was a good emptiness, like nothing he'd felt before. Somehow, the victory didn't even seem as important as it had before. The drums… the never-ending, always screaming, pounding, cruel drums…
They were fading.
For the first time in hundreds of years, the pain lessened.
Ever since eight years old. The drums in his head. They'd killed him.
Arms wrapped around him like an embrace meant to save his life. The rest of the universe was screaming. Right above him. A face twisted in pain, begging him to live. The whole of time was weeping.
Blackness swirled in front of his eyes. Living meant being imprisoned. The rest of all his lives locked behind the only person who cared that he existed. And maybe they needed each other. Maybe they needed not to be alone.
But maybe he needed the silence more. The drumming was ending. It was all he wanted. He could die, but like everyone said, dying was peaceful. Even together, the drumming would still be there. He couldn't take the drumming. Not a second. He would go insane.
He would scream.
And he might not be able to stop.
Even slipping away, he wouldn't show that side to the Doctor. He was strong. He was always the stronger one, wasn't he? He'd seen the Doctor scream before. He'd made the Doctor scream before.
He wouldn't scream for the Doctor.
But, oh, god, the drums. How long would they go on?
They slowed now, didn't they? Like the beating of his hearts, disappearing.
Regeneration was just the way of things. He could go on, and maybe this new form would be different. The sound might stop. It might end. He might be free.
It never stopped. None of it ever stopped. It was stupid to think it might stop. They were the same, the two of them, but oh so different.
So he laughed at the time lord's tears. And closed his eyes.