"What if someone attacks her? What if she has a car accident? What if Jacob loses control over who he is and attacks her? My head was bursting in it's seams with endless thoughts about Bella. At times like this I wish I could sleep. Then again, no I don't, because then I would stress about having nightmares. If the tricks my mind is playing on me are this bad, when I have some sort of control over them, I can't even imagine how terrifying and heart breaking they would be while i'm asleep. Ever since Bella left Forks, I keep having this feeling. I feel like she's under constant danger without me. Maybe it's because I thought she couldn't live without me and now I see that she can, and her life is even better. The day I realised Bella was in love with Jacob and not me, was the worst day of my existence. There was no pain, just numbness. I paid no attention to anything. My music was no relief either. This was strange because usually whenever I sat in front of the piano, I just poured all my emotions onto the keyboard. Now, nothing sounds right, not an A not a C or a D or an E. Nothing. She was my inspiration, now that she's gone. So is my music. I don't know what to do. My life makes no sense. I might as well take a gun, put it to my head and pull the trigger. DAMN! I forgot I was bulletproof! I wish comitting suicide was easier because then i would have it over and done with"
As I read this the smile on my face grew bigger and bigger.
"What is that?" Sophie asked as she leaned her head on my shoulder, peeking at the old tattered book I held in my hands.
"It's just my old diary"
I turned my head around and kissed her passionately, but she pulled away.
"Who's Bella?"
"She's my ex-girlfriend" I said with a sigh
She gave me one of those suspicious looks. Her frown always made me smile. It didn't suit her angelic face. That's probably why she hardly ever frowns. She's always laughing and smiling!
"Are you sure she's just an ex?"She asked, eyeing me up and down with pretended suspicion.
"No. Not quite. I'm... I'm still... I'm still in love with her"
Sophie looked at me with a blank expression and her eyes welled up with tears.
"Hey! I'm kidding! I cant believe you fell for that you dummy!" I reassured her, taking her delicate face in my hands and wiping the tears that have rolled on the her cheeks off her face.
"Leave me alone!" She got up and walked towards the door, sobbing.
"Wait! Soph, what are you doing?"
"I can't believe... I can't believe you fell for THAT!" Sophie burst out laughing as she walked up to me and ruffled my hair jokingly.
"Don't do that! i got seriously scared then!" I stood up and looked deep into her beautiful sapphire blue eyes. "I'd hate to lose you. You're the only reason for me being here"
"So was Bella."
"No, Bella was different. I kissed her because i felt like i have to. when it comes to kissing you, there's nothing i want to do more..."
"Whatever. I love you anyway."she said and kissed me so passionately that i felt like my heart was about to pop out of my chest although it doesnt even beat. I can't wait to change her. I know why I didn't want Bella to become a vampire now. It's because deep down somewhere, I knew she wasn't the one and ever since I met Sophie, i'm thankful to Jacob for stealing Bella away because now I can be happy with the one I really love.