Disclaimer - I only own my actor and some things she says but everything else or the word SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot I don't ...sadly T,,,T
Chapter 1- Introducing oneself (re-written)
I suppose this is where one should introduce oneself and starts of a story...But I C.B.A's man~.
To tell you the truth this story is pretty crap to begin with and it's just one of those ones that just drags on and on and on and on...right I think you get it. Only just in the beginning though, after that there's some epic scenes dude.
Maybe I should start to get this over with, my name is Lysette but I prefer Lizzie. I absolutely despise my name. I've hated it since I was born, well probably...hey you would too with a name like mine.
I should probably start with mah boring-yet-crazy-assed story, I was once normal but whoever is running this gaff decided I needed a bloody changed after NINETEEN freaking years of my life. Well as normal as one could possibly get...maybe, anyway perhaps I should start from the beginning.
-beginning...
"Oi Lysette, get your fat ass down here right now!" Wanna know who that is? I certainly do not. I walked down stairs in my jammies and said "What do ya want woman?" As you can tell we totally get along just fine.
The woman turned around and glared at me with a big joint in her mouth, her shoulder length brown hair with blonde highlights flaring out as she spun around. I walked into the kitchen ignoring her screeches I will not write what she says because that vile hardly ever comes out of my gob, so I decided to make a cup of tea and grabbing a massive galaxy chocolate bar. And when I mean massive I mean like horse size.
Walking back up to my room still ignoring the screaming twat of a woman who sadly I'm related to due to my mother giving birth to the cow-bag four years before me or so I am told. Personally I hope I am adopted either that or the cow-bad was abducted by aliens after her birth, or switched. But I'm leaning toward the abducted by aliens.
I shut my door with my foot drowning out the screams and put my tea on my bedside table and chocolate on my bed, I went into the bathroom and showered with apple scented products as well as body wash. I wrapped a towel around my body and went back into my room I pluged the hairdryer into the socket and dried my hair. All quickly by the way just in time for my tea at the right temperature to drink.
After putting the hairdryer away I got out some underwear and a bra, a pair of black skinny jeans and a baggy BATMAN T-SHIRT! Ain't I badass I put on some underarm deodorant and then put my clothes on. Cause seriously I am not being a smelly banana.
I started to brush hair, it's ass length, dark chocolate brown. Braiding it into two braids and used hairbands to hold them in place. I connected my laptop to the TV in my room and put on one of my favorite movies ever, The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey. Because I am broke and have no moneys to buy the dvd which is out by the way... OMG!
As I started to watch the movie I drank my tea and started to eat mah chocolate. "NOM, NOM. NOM." Putting the massive-horse-size bar and the tea cup on my bedside table I got up and walked to the other side of my room.
I was going to stay at my "aunties" for a few months so after finishing the bit of chocolate I had been munching on I got a massive...wait I use the word way to much, how about humungousaurs-huge type backpack from my wardrobe. And my shaun the sheep bag, yes you heard me SHAUN THE FREAKIN ' SHEEP, he is totally badass~
I started to get the things that I needed and I put the hoodies, clothes, underwear and bras in the bag as well as other essentials, like pads, money not a lot though cause like I said earlier I'M BROKE PEOPLES~, hairbrush, a load of hairbands, my shampoo and conditioner as well as the body wash, and a few razors as well as a toothbrush and some toothpaste.
I put the big bag on the floor, I C.B.A's with the whole humungousaurs-huge typing even though I just did it...and started to watch the movie again. Does she ever shut her fat gob. Hearing my sister still going at it I turned up the volume on my laptop and TV so I could try and drown out her awful sound again.
I picked up my phone to see if I had any messages. Wahhhh...NO ONE LOVES MEHHHH. Realising that no one has even sent me a massage I put my phone down next to me.
It was nearly time for me to walk to my "aunties" she lives ages away and won't give me a lift, I went to turn off the movie, with chocolate in hand munching on it and my Shaun the sheep bag on. But me being me, I trip.
Over nothing.
Wait let me repeat something there
...nothing...
that's right nothing and faced planted the floor. Then as I got up, why does the floor feel softer. I sat on my bum and started to rub my nose "Owwie." I opened my eyes "HOLY SHIT!" I screamed as I noticed my surroundings were different.
I looked around quickly and noticed my chocolate bar was even bigger than before like ten times the size and my backpack was gone, but my Shaun the sheep bag was still here, I took it off and looked inside. "What the freaking hell happened? everythings different." Whispering to myself.I had underwear and bras but the clothes I had were leggings and tunics and shit...also I had more pads instead, "Woah!" I just notice that the money I have looks entirely different, there were no notes and only coins.
I put my Shaun the sheep bag back on and grabbed my chocolate bar and got up, everything seems so much bigger. "Hmm, what direction should I go in?" okay, I have the perfect solution for something like this. I lifted my arm up and point my index finger out and spun around in a circle after a few seconds of mindless spinning and nearly tripping over about three times in the process as well as nearly dropping the chocolate bar twice, I stopped.
My finger pointed to the right.
So left it is then.
I started to walk in the direction that was decided and holding the chocolate bar with both hands and munching on it and after what seemed like an hour I still munching the chocolate bar and I had found out that I was out of the forest and came upon some hills.
Whoa, I think I banged my head to hard, either that or whatever my sister was smoking this morning was something strong.
I suddenly heard someone humming, and saw a man walking, his clothes grey and a pointy hat and a huge wooden stick. "Excuse me?" I know I'm not really one for being polite but I need some help here.
He looked down at me and said "Yes my dear?" ermm... okay, something I'm not used to but whatever. "Where exactly am I?" he looked at me confused and said "Why Hobbiton my dear. What your name?"
ohhh great should I tell him a cover name, cause I don't wanna be murdered by some freaking nutter but I am crap at making up names I'll probably come out with fluffy mcdoodles or something.
"Lizzie, sir, and may I ask what your name is?" he smiled at me "Lizzie is quite a strange name, is it short for something? and my name is Gandalf." wait are you fucking shitting me... Gandalf. Like from the movie I was just watching Gandalf.
Noticing my shocked look he looked quite concerned "You alright my dear?" snapping me out of my stupidness. "Ermm, yes and It is shortened my name is Lysette but I prefer Lizzie."
I looked up at him in shock still and he had a look of realisation on his face. "Ahhh Lady Lysette, I have been expecting you." ...ermmm wait you what? suddenly confused "Ahhh brain is hurting." I whined as I clenched my head with one hand.
I didn't realized that he bent down to my level and put a hand on my shoulder, "I will explain to you when we are in a safer place to speak of this, but first you must come with me, we need somewhere to be." I sighed..."Okay...Wait what do you mean we." he gave me a look "Oh safer place I get it."
"And you might want to change when we get there Lady Lysette." He said as he got up, "Wadda ya mean?" He smiled and looked down to my clothes, so I looked down, no wonder that I kept tripping over. "What the fuck happened? no wonder you're so tall." ..."Language Lady Lysette, and you changed into the race you would be if you were born in Middle Earth."
I pulled up one of my trouser legs and noticed that I had no Hobbit feet but shoes that fitted my feet and were a emerald green colour. wait so I'm shorter than Gandalf and I don't have any Hobbit feet, "I'm a Dwarf, I won't start growing a beard will I Gandalf." I fretted.
He chuckled "No Lady Lysette, you're a bit taller than the average Dwarf so I'm guess you're half Dwarf." I checked my ears I better not be half elf either cause that is a ridiculous combination. And I don't wanna be half Mary Sue, yucky. "So I'm half Dwarf and half Human then." I said taking my hand off one of my ear, as we walked along to wherever we was going I was still munching my chocolate
He smiled and nodded "Oh and Gandalf, can you knock of the Lady Lysette thing and just call me Lizzie." Hearing a bunch of noise that was coming from around the corner I stopped still put my chocolate bar in my Shaun the sheep bag shittin' henry it fits... and said "Gandalf who are we meeting?" he just smiled and nudged me forward.
I carried on walking with Gandalf until we came across people around the same height as me. They became quiet as they noticed us and I just stood there awkwardly beside Gandalf as they all talked to him until.
"So Gandalf who is the Lady?" An auburn-ish long haired Dwarf and beard and mustache to go with it. OHHHHH this dude must be Gloin "Ah, this Gloin is Lady Lysette who prefers to be called Lizzie." said Gandalf as he put a hand on my shoulder and slightly pushed me forward.
The youngest one of the Dwarfs oh so thats Ori, ain't he adorabubble said "Oh, so this is the other member of our company." ...you bloody what? "Hehe... excuse me!?" I quickly turned to Gandalf who had an innocent look on his face.
I sighed "Gandalf didn't you say we had a place to be?" realization came to everyone and Gandalf lead the way. I was waddling because of my clothes and nearly tripping over about seven times before we got to where we was going.
We were now in front of a big green rounded door, staring off into space and got snapped out of it as I heard the others fall down, I turned around and saw Bilbo Baggins. ohhh meeee goddddd. I gave him a big smiles I walked forward "Lizzie at your service." I said with a bow and as I looked back up he had a confused and tired look on his face "Bilbo Baggins at yours?"
Awww poor Bilbo, "Is it okay if I use your bathroom so I can change into something more suitable please?" I tried to be polite I don't want Bilbo stressing out even more than he is. He just sighed and nodded, I said my thanks and walked around to find his bathroom.
I found it and locked myself in there, I put my Shaun the sheep bag down and sat on the floor as I rummaged about in my bag to find a pair of dark brown legging type trousers and a tunic type t-shirt and a belt, as well as some underwear and a bra.
I took of the clothes I was wearing and put them in my Shaun the sheep bag, I also put on some underwear that fitted as well as a bra, and then I looked in my bag and found some underarm deodorant and put some on, and then put it back in my bag and proceeded with putting my clothes on.
I put on the legging type trousers first and then put on the tunic type t-shirt and put the belt around my hips, and the put on the boots, the colour of the boots and tunic type t-shirt are the same, an emerald colour whilst the belt was a dark brown and matching the leggings.
I undone my hair and brushed my hair again and put it into two separate braid again, tied them of with an emerald green hairbands. I put my brush away and picked up my Shaun the sheep bag and unlocked the door and made my way out. If you haven't guess my bag is a Shaun the sheep bag.
I followed the noise and found a lot of crazy-arsed Dwarfs, a stressed-out Hobbit and an old-nutty Wizard. "Ah, Lizzie nice of you to finally join us, everyone this is Lady Lysette who prefers to be called Lizzie, she's the other member I told you about." After he said that everyone went into an uproar, nice to know they think women are even remotely good at something. "HEY, HEY, HEY! SHUT IT! for one moment please!" everything went quiet... "Thank you."
"You all trusted me into getting you two other members Lizzie is perfect for one of the spots she holds a lot more potential than any of you can imagine." Everything went quiet again, suddenly my stomach growled.
"Gandalf, I'm Hungry!" I said ruining the silence, not even the slightest bit embarrassed, then everyone went back to the noise bunch they were before I came in.
Gandalf took my Shaun the sheep bag off of me and put it down behind him and he grabbed a chair and put it beside him to and put a plate of food in front of me, "Thought you might be, so I saved you some food as well." awww he's like the Grandpa I've never had, "Thank you Gandalf."
After I finished eat I heard Nori do a burp and then Ori done a big woopa after him, trying hard not to laugh as well, I heard someone, I think Balin say "There's a Lady present you to so stop."...
"Hey! Come on that's not a nice thing to say about Kili." I said looking around cluelessly, after a round of laughter from the others, Kili and Fili realized I was joking and started to chuckled, so I being the mature being I was poked my tongue out at them. Causing kili to fake a gasp and Fili to smile shaking his head, after that went down I heard Bilbo complain to Gandalf.
And I got up to speak to Gandalf about me being here. I picked up my plate and went to the sink, washed it and dried it and put it on the side. As I walked out I hear Bilbo go "Don't do that, you'll blunt them!" I moved out of the way but to somewhere where I could see everything happening. Kili started the song off-
Blunt the knives bend the forks!
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates -
Cut the cloth tread on the fat!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Splash the wine on every door!
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;
Pound them up with a thumping pole;
And when you've finished, if they are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!
Bofur started to play his flute as Oin blew into a teapot through the stout and move the lid of the teapot quickly, and Dori was doing whatever he was doing.
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Everyone else laughing at poor Bilbo's face as I giggled, what it was funny. A few loud knocks on the door made everyone go quiet and look at the door, I heard Gandalf say..."He's here!"...Oh crap, it's Thorin at the door...well I know one thing for certain. I am definitely screwed!
RE-WRITTEN! Hey peoples this is one of the new stories coming up hopefully I'll be able to update this one a lot more quickly.
Please review I know this chapter is a bit boring but hopefully I'll be able to pick up the humor in the next one.
again please review and I'll update a lot more quickly.