lowercase: salvadore
Italic: Charlotte
UPPERCASE: DOCTOR MONEY
Each Word Capitalized/underline: Mr. Smiley
Bold: Protagonist
I fucking hate this. I'm stuck in this goddam fucking room and I hate it. I wish I was dead! The window isn't big enough for me to get through to hurl myself out of. FUCK! God. One day I was dragged here by people I didn't know, given a shot that still is throbbing, (it fucking hurts like hell!) and I'd rather be dead than alive! Fuck! Just fucking kill me now! I'm in prison, for reasons I don't know, I don't understand, and I don't give a flying fuck about! I know whatever they're accusing me of I'm innocent. But apparently that didn't stop them, so why the fuck should it stop me? God I'm not making any sense anymore. What was in that shot? I'm just stomping around the room. Sitting on the bed, getting up again. Just walking around aggressively, letting my mind run wild with painful and angry and depressed thoughts. I fucking hate this, I hate myself, I want to die. I can't see anything sharp around here, there aren't any blankets to hang myself from. Maybe I could smother myself with the pillow? Bang my head hard enough against the wall? There is so little room in this fucking cell. I… I don't even have the energy for walking anymore. I sit on the bed. I … I'm crying now. God damn. I wipe furiously at my eyes. I… I can't! I just… I need to die. I sigh and lay in bed trying to find ways to occupy my mind. Death is the only thing that seems to come to it.
. . .
Noon… a letter is slipped under my door. I sit up and stare at it. I'm in prison. Who the fuck is sending me letters? I get up from the bed and walk over to it. I look at it a little bit more on the ground before I pick it up. I vaguely recognize the hand writing. Salvadore.
my dear friend, i hope this letter finds you well. how is prison life going for you? How the fuck do you think it's going bitch!? i know it must be hard, especially in times like these. Times like these? Fuck you. as for me, i will soon start another of my journeys into the unknown. wish me luck. –Salvadore the traveller.
Salva-fucking-dore the fucking traveler. Learn to spell right damn it. Bastard was a childhood friend of mine. A fucking traveler indeed. If I didn't know him any better I would say he was mocking me. Bragging about how he's not in a goddam cell. Yeah, well, good fucking luck.
I groan and lay back down on the blanket-less bed.
Another letter arrives a little later.
friend, i hope you aren't feeling too lonely in that dark cell. just in case. i have put a little bug friend for you in the envelope alongside this letter. –Salvadore
The goddam spider freaked me the fuck out! Didn't even get to read the letter before he came out. Jesus!
Shit. I should just step on the little guy and end his misery now. He shall hence forth be know has Crappy McFuck Face.
Well fuck. Thanks a lot Salvadore. This little ass spider is really going to brighten my day. Best friend I've ever had. Go fuck yourself.
I look down at it. Maybe it's poisonous? If I get it to bite me maybe I'll die by infection?
…
Screw it. I sit on my bed again and watch it scurry around. I wait for it to just crawl out the slot that the letters come though and abandon me like everyone else.
I don't get any more letters till a long while later.
GOOD DAY. WE ARE HAPPY TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED BY ME, DOCTOR MONEY, TO JOIN AN EXCLUSIVE PROGRAM FOR INMATES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.
Oh really? Oh I'm so excited? Sarcasm much fuckers?
WE HAVE NOTICED THAT DUE TO THE RECENT OUTBREAK OF A TERRIBLE VIRUS THE POPULATION OF OUR BEAUTIFUL fucking beautiful! NATION HAS STARTED DWINDLING. THIS IS UNFORTUNATE. BUT THERE IS STILL HOPE: YOU.
Me? The fuck are you talking about you ass?
I sit on my bed as I inspect the letter.
Oh shit! Are you the little bitch that shoved me in this cell? And wait… virus? Wait-wait-wait back the fuck up, terrible virus? People are…? People are dying of some freaking virus? Jesus, is that what I'm missing? Good god.
I suddenly become very anxious and my breath becomes erratic.
RECENT STUDIES SHOW THAT 98% OF OUR GREAT NATION'S POPULATION IS ALREADY INFECTED WITH THE VIRUS. Ninety... I gulp. Ninety eight percent… oh fuck. INCIDENTALLY, MANY OF THE REMAINING 2% ARE PRISON INMATES LIKE YOU. WE HOPE THAT YOU CONTINUE TO BE VIGILANT AND REMAIN HEALTHY.
Like me? Fuck, what is even that supposed to mean? Tears are coming again, oh god, just kill me now! How the fuck do you expect me to remain vigilant and healthy, by the way? I'm in a goddam prison cell! I'm trembling, oh god, I'm trembling. Fuck am I… really going to die like this? Alone in a cell? Suffering from god knows what. Wasn't I just begging for death a little while ago? Why am I so terrified? Shit.
IN ORDER TO FIGHT DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN THE DIRE SITUATION YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF IN, YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED YOUR OWN PERSONAL HAPPY-BUDDYtm. ENJOY!
Oh great. Fucking marvelous. This is gonna be good.
I receive a letter from the asshat known as my happy buddy within seconds of the last letter Dr. Money sent me.
Hello Hello Hello! I Am You Own Personal Happy Buddytm! I Have A Present For You! FIVE CONFETTI POPPERS! HAVE FUN!
One accidentally goes off in my hands. Well fuck. There went one. Who does this bastard think he is? Jesus. Leave me alone.
Hello My Buddy Friend Buddy! Did You Enjoy The Confetti? If So, I Have Another Present For You!
No please.
It's A Doctor Money Portable Entertainment Machine! Game Included! Have Lots Of Fun :-)
The game came with the letter. I open it and one game is available. I find myself indulging.
This is lame. The game, serpent… fuck there's no point in this! Jesus.
I play the goddam game until I hear from Sal again.
my dear friend, i have started my journey in the far east, with no clear goal in mind. on the road, i met a nice woman who gave me directions to the nearest lake. you know how much i like swimming.
Yeah, didn't I save your ass from drowning when we were kids? Screw it, you know what? Just keep bragging. I don't give a fuck!
friend, this lake is beautiful. it is so peaceful and quiet here. have you ever been so alone that you-you cannot convince yourself of the fact that other people exist anymore? –Salvadore
…
…
…
WELL FUCK YOU, SALVADORE!
friend, i have a present for you. it's a painting that always reminds me of the spirit of travel. i hope it will liven up your cell a little bit. –Sal
I place the picture on the gray wall
I step back and look to see the green, yellow, and blue canvas.
I, dude did you paint this? Fuck, just stop. What are you even trying to do? Sal, I'm in prison, I rather be dead. And you really aren't helping matters.
Another letter? I sigh. Sal…
Hey Buddy! Fuck! this guy isn't helping either! How Are You Doing? If You're Feeling Down Maybe A Song Will Help! Lalala Happy Lala Glad To Lalala Be Alive Lala!
…
You know what? I pity you.
Hahahahahaha That Was Fun Wasn't It? I Hope You Keep A Song In Your Heart Always. For You Are Smart And Kind And Important.
You don't fucking know me.
Another letter, wow. Okay now I am really pissed. God damn it leave me alone!
GOOD DAY MR. SMILEY. WE HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU HAVE NOT MET YOUR HAPPINESS QUOTA YET. REMEMBER: YOU WILL ONLY GET TO SEE YOUR DAUGHTERS AGAIN IF YOU MANAGE TO LOWER THE SUICIDE RATES IN PRISON.
…
…
…
… I, I
Oh god… I didn't know. Fuck, dude I, I'm so sorry. More tears? Really? Fucking really? OH Jesus! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll be happy, just. Oh my god, don't hurt his daugthers! See I'm happy! Happy!
I quickly take out my game thingy and start playing, trying not to let anymore tears fall.
DEAR _, WE MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY SENT YOU A LETTER ADDRESSED TO A CERTAIN MR. SMILEY. WE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS MISTAKE HAS BEEN RECTIFIED AND THAT YOUR HAPPY BUDDY REALLY DOES LIKE YOU AND IS YOUR BEST FRIEND PURELY BECAUSE YOU ARE SO FRIENDLY.
Fuck that noise! You let his goddam daughters go! Why the fuck does he have to keep me happy anyhow? Screw that! Fuck you!
Another letter? Mr. Smiley? God, I am so sorry.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA How Are You Doing?
What am I doing is more the question. And I should be asking you that.
I'm Feeling Sooooooo Great! You, you don't mean that. You Are My Bestest Friendliest Happy Friend In The Whole Wide World!
Please stop! You don't need to lie to me. Please, I know about your daughters, just stop you don't have to push yourself into this act! I'll be happy! If it means you get your daughters back, I'll, I'll hang on. I just, I don't want you do lie to me like this, please. You shouldn't force yourself to do this but… god, I'm so sorry.
I step back from the door as I read the letter. I do my best not to crush the little spider, who for some odd reason hasn't gotten out of the room yet.
I play my game on my bed until I jump at the noise of another letter being slid under the door.
friend, if my calculations are correct, then this letter will arrive at your cell right around bedtime. i hope those prison beds are comfortable… goodnight friend, -Salvadore
They're not Sal… I don't even have a blanket… no, you know what Sal? I'm sorry for being that pissy little brat I was at the beginning. I know you didn't hear me and I know that Mr. Smiley can't either, but for his sake Sal…? I'm going to start being happy.
I peer down at the little spider Salvadore got me from my bed. He is still here, with me. In this tiny little cell. He can leave any time he wants. But he doesn't. Should I think that he's choosing to stay with me? Should I even hope anything(one) would choose to stay with me? I sigh and reach my hand down. I feel the little legs crawl up onto my arm and I resist the urge to swat it away. I look at the little bug through squinted eyes and dim light. Crappy McFuck Face… I'm sorry little buddy. I really am. Maybe I'll give you a proper name it tomorrow?