Pain seared through her veins like lightning, the endless agony of her existence. On occasion, it receded to a dull ache, but it never seemed to go away completely. She couldn't forget. There wasn't enough ryncol in the galaxy to completely shut out the horror of what would be the remainder of her long life.

Alone.

She couldn't decide if waking to reality, or to the nightmares was worse.

It's going to be one of those days, Liara thought despondently. She lay in her bed, listening to the dull echoes of the rain outside her window. Reaching up and pushing aside the tattered curtain she glanced outside, and stared into the grey abyss of Earth's dark, cloudy sky.

Shepard loved days like this, she recalled. It was a conversation they'd once had in his cabin aboard the Normandy. He had told her how being raised in space made him appreciate weather- even bad weather.

Liara sighed, her head landing on the pillow again. Eighteen months. It seemed like Shepard had only died yesterday. Earth was a smoldering ruin, along with half the galaxy. The reapers had taken their toll on everyone, but it was worse here. At least, that was how Liara at first justified staying- to help the Alliance rebuild. Days like today made her realize it was far more likely that she remained because she craved the company of a human- any human- to try and fill the agonizing void of Shepard's absence.

A dull pounding on the door stirred her from her thoughts.

Door chime must not be working. Again. The building is lucky to be standing at all. The ramshackle apartments were a temporary home for Liara and many of the Alliance personnel. The walls were soot-stained, the floor was pitted and cracked, and most days, the water in the refresher was lukewarm at best. It was like this across most of the London Forward Operations Base- the Alliance was sinking far more resources into the well-being of the civilians, counting on their soldiers to tough it out a little longer.

The pounding on the door started again. For a moment, she considered not answering- pretending not to hear and hoping the person on the other side simply went away. Heaving a sigh, Liara threw the covers aside and stood.

"Just a minute." She walked to the small chest of drawers and pulled on an oversized t-shirt she'd recovered from Shepard's cabin. Liara turned and walked to the door slowly, trying to compose herself. Her hand hesitated above the door control. She took a deep breath, and stood straight, shoulders back before she pressed the button, opening the door slightly. She leaned her head toward the opening. "Yes?"

"Dr. T'soni? Admiral Hackett wanted to speak with you this morning regarding the trials for the new drive core. I'm to escort you when you're ready."

She nodded to the young officer- there were so many new faces wearing officer stripes. New blood. Well, can't really be shocked, can I? Earth's population was almost entirely decimated. The Alliance is probably recruiting like mad. Anyone who survived the war is likely officer material at this point…

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I'll be along shortly." The young man snapped a quick salute to her. For some reason, it made Liara smile. She closed the door, and turned on heel quickly- too quickly, and winced. Her leg still wasn't working at one hundred percent. I'm lucky to have a leg at all. That reaper guarding the Conduit could've cut me in half… If Shepard hadn't called the Normandy to evacuate me…

Liara shuddered, remembering- reliving- the last moment she'd seen her lover alive. Watching him run away from her… Hot tears slid down her face. Goddess, just help me get through the day. It was a prayer often thought, and just as often ignored. The searing pain in her chest was proof of that.

Liara walked from the door and made her way to the bathroom where she stripped and turned on the refresher, willing it to warm up. While she waited, she stared back at the asari in the mirror. The image was cracked and broken in several places, and there was a piece missing from one corner.

Like me. I am the mirror.

Dejectedly, she stepped into the refresher and let the water wash over her crest, and run in rivulets down her body.

Shepard.

Goddess, help me hold back the tears.

Another battle of wills lost, she sank to her knees and bit her lip to stop the fine tremor in her jaw. She tried to spread the warm water over herself with her hands, but it did nothing to shake the cold she felt to the core.

Stepping out of the refresher unit a few minutes later, Liara changed into her normal work clothes for the day: basic Alliance BDU pants, along with an old and faded Alliance-issue NCO shirt. She fixed the collar, and went to close the drawer, but stopped. She reached into the drawer, and quickly pulled on Shepard's N7 hooded jacket. Liara zipped the hoodie to mid-chest and closed her eyes, running her hands over the soft fabric. With a sigh, she began composing herself. She blinked several times, and went about setting a polite, if slightly detached, expression on her face. Lastly, Liara pinned her badge that identified her as a 'civilian contractor' on the front of her jacket before walking out the door to follow the Lieutenant to the meeting. Civilian contractor. Interesting title.

She sighed heavily, mindlessly following the lieutenant. He stopped at a massive double-wide door, saluting her again.

"Just through here, Ma'am."

Liara smiled as kindly as she could muster. "Lieutenant, I have to ask… Why are you saluting me? I'm a civilian. Even my identification states I am not a member of the military or of Earth's government."

The young man lowered his hand slowly, and looked at the ground. He waited a moment before he raised his head, meeting Liara's eyes. "Because you were on his crew." It was the way the officer said 'his' that made Liara's breath catch. "I don't care what title the Alliance brass wants to give you, Ma'am. Far as I'm concerned, you've earned that salute."

Liara swallowed the lump in her throat, hard. She had to try speaking twice before she managed a half-whispered, "Thank you, Lieutenant."

The officer nodded, and punched the control to open the door.

Liara entered the makeshift command center, finding her senses immediately battered by the hustle and bustle. Alliance men and women scurried around the room, datapads in hand. Repair workers spliced cable, hung monitors, adjusted settings. The room was organized chaos in motion. It reminded her a bit of the Normandy's CIC. And with that thought, the fire rushed through her veins, threatening to bring her to her knees. I've got to focus. It's going to be a long day.

Liara walked around the workstations, making her way to a command station near the front of the room.

"Admiral Hackett?"

The tall human turned. Liara marveled at the supreme commander of the Alliance Navy. His uniform was crisp and clean. His cap was straight, and his beard was neatly trimmed, not a hair out of place. "Admiral, I must admit, I'm confounded."

Hackett raised an eyebrow quizzically. "About what, Doctor?"

Liara held out her arms, and looked down, as if appraising herself. "I feel as though I picked up about 3 layers of dust from my quarters to here. Yet somehow, you appear…pristine."

The admiral tried to frown, and failed, breaking into a quiet chuckle. "When you put this uniform on as many times as I have, you learn a thing or two about it." A smile still played at the corners of his mouth as he picked up a datapad and passed it to her. "These are the specifications we've built the new drive core to. As best we can tell, all the readings are normal. At this point, the only thing we can do…"

She nodded. "Is launch the ship and test it."

The new drive core system was a spin-off of the Normandy's oversized core. Previously thought impossible to replicate accurately, Alliance engineers had surprised Liara by not only reverse engineering the Normandy's core exactly, but then also finding ways to scale the technology down further, thus allowing more powerful cores to exist within smaller vessels.

The first of the new drive cores had been built into a new model of Corvette-class recon ship. Smaller than the traditional Corvette class, the new model bore simplified and streamlined controls and a powerful VI, allowing for a smaller crew. The prototype vessel, aptly named the Stargazer, could house a crew of five comfortably, and if necessary, operate with just a solitary pilot. It was the prototype of these smaller cores that she had assisted with.

Assisted with might be giving myself too much credit, Liara thought. All I've done is secured some of the more difficult to come by materials. Tali would've been far more suited to the engineering work… I think more than anything, Hackett keeps me around for company. Or perhaps as a reminder of friends we both lost during the war...

The idea didn't bother her. It was a chance to help continue to rebuild the Alliance and, perhaps more importantly, it's what Shepard would've done.

Liara looked over the schematics again, and her brow furrowed with worry. I certainly don't envy whoever gets chosen for this mission. So many variables, so much could go wrong… if even one calculation in the new core is off by so much as a fraction…

She shuddered at the possibilities. "So, who… drew the short straw, I believe is the human saying?"

Hackett smiled and nodded, oddly pleased. "I've designated the mission Two-Alpha. Volunteer only. Sent the request out over the fleet's comm network two days ago. I got one reply. A pilot."

Hackett paused then, looking around the room at the various monitors and data streams. Liara was puzzled. Something's not right. He's worried… about the pilot?...no, about me. About how I'll react… why? Oh, Goddess…

Concern for her reaction over the pilot could only mean one thing- or rather, one person.

"Joker."

Author's Note: First and foremost, thanks for reading this story. It's been a project rolling around in my head for some time, and it feels good to finally get it on paper. I'm not working on any kind of timetable or anything like that; updates will come as they can. Feel free to leave your feedback and first impressions- I'm always eager to see what people have to say.

This story would be half of what it is now without the help of my amazing beta reader Owelpost and her fantastic red pen. If you haven't checked out her ME story Glacial Fire... you're missing out.

Thanks again for reading! Until next time.

-Zero