Prologue –

"I love you… You know that, right?" He smiles, pressing his forehead against mine. I nod slowly leaning into his body, trusting him enough to hold me there. His arms were strong as they wrapped around me, pulling me in as close as I could possibly get. I felt safe in his arms. His smell made me feel secure; the combination of sweat, cologne, and that musty, boyish smell that only men have. I could have stayed like this forever, but I knew what he did, and there was no forgetting it.

It took me a moment to get the words out, but I did, "I love you too…"

There are moments I wish I could just forget everything, moments I wish never happened, but I know they did. I know he never meant to hurt me. I know that when he says 'I love you', he really does mean it, but sometimes I wonder how much. I love him too, but our feelings are never the same, and they never will be. No matter how hard I try, I can never completely forgive him, but I always seem to keep going back to him.

"Why did you do it?" I ask, pulling away from him and standing about a foot back. I felt like I was repeating myself. In a way I guess I was. I had asked him time and time again why, but he always said the same old thing. He said he was sorry and it was a mistake and he would never do it again.

"I'm sorry… I don't know, I guess I wasn't thinking." He looks at me, pleading, with his big brown eye. "It was in the spur of the moment! I swear… Please forgive me. I love you so much…"

"You slept with her… That wasn't just in the spur of the moment. It's not like it was a simple kiss. It's not like you said no. You went home with her. You slept with her. You cheated on me! And the worst part is, this isn't the first time…" I look down at my shoes. Every part of me wants to slap him and walk away, but there was something keeping me here. It wasn't the urge to fight or argue, it was the urge to forgive him even though I couldn't. It was the urge to kiss him and apologize for yelling at him and questioning him. But that was where I went wrong all the other times. I forgave him and apologized for something I didn't do, I apologized for something he did.

I wasn't going to let that happen again. This time, this time would be different. This time, I was going to end it. No matter what my heart, or my brain, or my whatever, was saying, I was done.

"I can't do this anymore, Jason… I'm sorry." I force the words out in a hushed voice before turning around and walking away without a single glance back.

Chapter 1-

"I just can't do it anymore. It's every other week! He says he loves me then her goes off and screws some other chick. I honestly don't understand men sometimes!" I cry out sitting on the bed next to Robbie.

Robbie has been my best friend since we were 6. I remember the first time we met. It was the first week of July and the day before 4th of July, LA had this carnival in the Valley. I was running around with my mom and begging her to buy me cotton candy, and she did, but minutes later I dropped it. Then this little curly haired boy came up to me and gave me his. That was the start of something great.

"He was a dick anyway. I told you that from the beginning." He chuckles trying to lighten the conversation and make me laugh.

"I guess you were right all along." I laugh back.

"I always am." He puts his arm around me and pulls me in for a big hug, before we fall back onto the bed. I curl up next to him and lay my head on his chest and cry my eyes out for the next hour.

He understood what I was going through. His first real girlfriend was a two-timing piece of garbage, and when he found out, it crushed him.

Sometimes I don't know what I would do without him. He meant the world to me, and I think I was the same for him. As I think to myself, I start to notice the hardness of his chest and stomach, and I can feel the outline of the well toned body under his shirt. The rise and fall of his chest made me was to fall asleep. It was like floating in the ocean, letting the small waves roll under you. It felt relaxing… it felt right.

"Why don't we go downstairs and get some ice cream? Maybe watch a movie? How about it?" He smiles down at me, rubbing small circles on my lower back.

I simply smile and nod, pushing myself up off of him, and walking out of his room. He follows me down the stairs and towards his kitchen. This place was like my own home, so it didn't matter if I went into his freezer for food.

I pick up the tub of chocolate ice cream, every girls comfort food, and place it on the counter. He grabs two spoons and walks over to the couch. I didn't even bother getting bowls, because we would finish it by the time the movie was over.

"A full tub of ice cream and The Notebook… This is perfect." I smile grabbing a spoon from his hand.

"The Notebook again? This is like the 500th time!" He wines falling onto the couch beside me and taking a spoonful of ice cream. He always laughs at the way I eat my ice cream, because I flip the spoon upside down and pull it off with my tongue. He isn't so much laughing at the way I eat it, but the way I drop it on myself every once and a while.

"Don't drop it Kitty Cat." He teases, poking me in the side making me flinch. The ice cream flies off of the spoon and onto his shirt.

"Looks like that backfired!" I start hysterically laughing. He looks down at his shirt and laughs along with me.

"I'm going to go and get a paper towel…" He starts to get up, but I pull him back down.

"You're not wasting my ice cream!" I say leaning over and licking it off of his shirt.

"Well that wasn't awkward…" He says smearing some melted ice cream all over my cheek. "You want me to get that for you?" He says leaning over kissing me on the cheek. He then gets up and grabs a paper towel and wipes the rest off my face.

"Ok lover boy, now sit and watch the movie!" I slap at his hands. It's always been obvious that Robbie liked me. I mean, every friendship is like that. The guy always has something for the girl. I don't know how I feel though and I've explained that. He's never made a "move" on me before and he's always very polite about it.

We watched the movie again, and occasionally I would curl up into his side, especially at the sad parts. I would cry and look up at him to see the tears welling in his eyes too, because it's that emotional of a movie. Not even the toughest man could get through it, and if you could, you're heartless.

"So what now?" I ask him.

"Want to stay over? It's almost 2 in the morning. It's not to safe to drive at this time." He explains, but I know he just wants me to stay.

"Not safe?" I laugh, and then continue, "But, yea, that's probably a good idea. I should head up the guest room. I'll see you in the morning."

I get up and walk up the stairs towards the spare room across from Robbie's. The bed was freshly made, and the room smells like roses. There is a window overlooking the front yard, over on the right of the room. It was late, and no cars were out.

I climb into the bed and pull the covers over myself. I could hear the murmur of crickets from outside the window, and it was quite relaxing.

I hear the door creak open and a small smile comes over me. The door closes again and I can feel his footsteps coming across the room. He pulls the covers away on the opposite side of the bed and climbs in next to me. I roll over to face him and smile.

"Hey…" I whisper. "I was wondering how long it was going to take you."

"Listen… I'm really sorry about you and Jason…" Robbie speaks up, but still in a whisper. "But, I have to tell you that I'm still really happy it happened. Not him cheating on you, but you ending it with him. You deserve someone so much better and –"

I cut him off, "Robbie, I told you, I don't want to ruin everything between us. I've seen one fight end things with people. I've seen relationships that have gone on for years, end in a matter of minutes, and I don't want to lose you as my best friend. You're the only one I have…"

"I know. And I'm not trying to saw that. If in a few years you want to try it, I'll wait, but if not that's fine. I'm just saying that there are so many other guys out there who are better for you and who will treat you right, and those are the people you should be with. Not that dick, Jason. Don't go back to him okay?" He stares at me forcing me to promise.

"I won't, I swear. I'm done with him." I say sliding over and resting my head on his bicep, with my face to his chest, breathing in his scent.

I knew somewhere inside there was that longing feeling. The one every girl has with a guy like Robbie, but I was absolutely terrified of what would happen between us if anything went wrong.

I look back up at him and smile, seeing the boy who's been in love with me since 6, out cold next to me smiling like a 5 year old in a candy shop. His curls were handing over his face, shadowing the one thing I wanted to see while I fell asleep. I slowly and softly bring my hand up to his face and brush aside the curls, hoping not to wake him. Once his face was reveled, I softly whispered 'goodnight' and shut my eyes. I replayed the first time we met over and over again in my head, hoping I could go back to that day. It was the day I met the person I would be friends with forever.

The morning came sooner than I wanted it to. I just wanted to lie in bed all day, which I could because it was a Saturday, but I knew it wasn't right. I roll over to face Robbie, whose eyes flutter open. He smiles softly, and whispers, "Good morning beautiful…"

"Robbie…" I feel the blood rush to my face.

"I'm not flirting. I'm being honest. I've never met someone so perfect." He sighs, knowing he hasn't won.

"Robbie!" I shout softly.

"Ok, fine. If you don't want the compliment, then don't take it. I'm going to go get ready." He throws off the sheets roughly.

"That's not what I meant! I just… I thought we've been over this before. For one thing, I just got over a bad break up! I'm not ready!" I pause.

"That's not what it's about Cat." He turns away, but I get up and grab his wrist, turning him to me.

"I know. I love you, you know that, but you're pretty much the only friend I've ever had, and I'm not going to lose that. You told me last night you wouldn't do this if I swore to never go back to Jason. You need to promise me you won't make this harder than it already is. I don't want to break your heart; I don't want to lose you. Please understand that, and just let go…" I sigh leaning into him for a hug.

"Ok. I'm not going to be happy about it, but ok. Anything for you…" He wraps his arms around me and squeezes lightly.

"Thank you." I let out a sigh of relief. I know this is tearing him apart, but it's better this way, than any other.