Sometimes, Luke dreams.
It's not little kids' dreams. No, his dreams especially after Akzeriuth are rife with death and pain and his friends dying. He remembers the little boy they couldn't save. He remembers the guilt and heartbreak on Natalia and Ion's faces. But, most of all, he remembers the look on Van's face.
Never had he seen such a cold expression on his master's face. Luke is still confused, naturally; who wouldn't be? His brain is all jumbled and Asch isn't helping by prying into his private, personal thoughts. There should be a law against that, he thinks. But then again, how many perfect isotopes in the world are there? Only he and Asch.
The betrayal has hit him hard. It's like someone sucker punched him in the stomach and knocked all of the wind out of his body. Weeks afterward, he still hasn't regained his breath and footing. Sure, he's cut his hair. He's made promises. But to be honest? Luke is scared. Terrified, really. What if he messes up again? What if he kills a dear friend? What if Tear gets hurt? What if-
So many – too many – what ifs running through his head. Jade has teased him before about not thinking, but now, he's thinking far too much. He wants so badly to go back and erase what happened in the mining town, but Luke knows that won't happen. There's a chance he won't be able to redeem himself, too. Perhaps he'll be stuck in the middle. Perhaps he'll be used again by Master Van.
It frightens him to the point where he's a quaking mess at night, bombarded by the images he so desperately wants to forget.
But, then again... if he forgot them, what purpose would he have?