By Shino AKA The Wonkamatic
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Disclaimer: I don't own Willy Wonka or his factory or his Oompa Loompas or anything else associated with him. With that said, you may not sue me because I'm a poor college student. This is based on the 2005 movie by Tim Burton and a little bit on the original book.
Warning; This is my first Depp!Wonka fic. Please be gentle. I'm sure I'll get the hang of it! Secondly: it's NOT another Wonka's lost daughter or 6th ticket fiasco. Thirdly: I was inspired by another fic I read by the title of "First Impressions" by Luki Dimension, but I was disappointed in that particular fic's absurd brevity. So, I'm hoping to expand on the concept of what Mr. Wonka thought of the kids as he saw them on TV.
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"The hardest part is coming up with an opening line..." he muttered to himself. He was Willy Wonka, and he sat at a large mahogany desk in an oddly decorated office or something of the sort. In front of him lay a sheet of parchment and he hovered over it with a large, violet quill. Impatiently, he tapped the parchment, creating smallish black dots on the previously unmarred surface of the said paper. Finally it came to him. "Dear people of the world...", he began scrawling on the messy paper. "I, Willy Wonka..." and on it went. The beautifully formed calligraphy letters he was writing were telling of five golden tickets that would be distributed within Wonka Bars and shipped all over the world. It continued to outline that the prize for finding a ticket would be a tour of the factory and an even greater prize for one of the lucky five. He also insisted that the five winners should be children, lest his crude competitors try to win. When he was satisfied with the draft, he called an Oompa Loompa into the office-like room and gave him the paper.
"I want you to type that up all neat and clean, 'k? Then put them up all over the place so everyone knows... yeah." He smiled. The small man crossed his arms and snapped them back to his sides before bowing deeply and retreating. "Such good little workers." sighed Willy.
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The next morning, the fliers were up and posted about. People swarmed around them like flies to a bag of trash and read it aloud in excited whispers and non-whispers. News of the tickets spread quickly... perhaps too quickly. The world hushed with anticipation as it collectively waited for the first ticket to be found. Within the day, one Augustus Gloop had been the first lucky finder. Willy Wonka sat in front of a television watching the events unfold. He smiled in a rather pleased manner and jotted down the name of the mind bogglingly fat child on the screen of his antique looking television. After listening to the boy's mother talk, in broken English, about how she just knew he'd find the first ticket and seeing the mammoth boy bite into another of his confectionery delights, he switched off the set and ran to the Chocolate Mixing Room.
"LOOOLOOOLOOOLOOO!" he hollered the odd sounding Oompa Loompa call. Several of the miniature humans popped out of seemingly nowhere. They stood before their boss and guardian expectantly. Mr. Wonka smiled and handed the Head Chocolate Room Oompa Loompa the paper with Augustus Gloop's name on it.
"Here's the boy's name, 'k? He's most certainly not going to make it past this room, just you wait and see and see and wait... and I want you all to make sure you know your places and all that, yeah. Because we're going to sing and dance and have all sorts of fun with Mr. Fatty Pants Gloop! And he'll be most surprised, of course." Willy giggled in his usual high-pitched way. "So let's practice some of those dance moves and such, so you lot will be ready for the big tour... you'll be quite ready indeed..." He said, standing to his full height, towering over the diminutive employees. The little group hurried off to the Chocolate Mixing Room where there were more Oompa Loompas, all decked out in red vinyl. "Let's get this show on the road!" He squealed, as a rather swing-like song began to play and the Oompa Loompas scurried about to their places. Somewhere on the way, Willy donned a megaphone and began using it to tell the little dancers to do this and that, and that and this. Not to mention that thing that they shouldn't do until that part of the song and vice versa. They rehearsed and practiced the song about Augustus Gloop that had been concocted by a rather amusing Oompa Loompa by the name of Daniel. Daniel happened to be a well-known musician back in Loompaland and had composed several songs in worship of the cocoa bean. This however, was different since he was writing a song about an overweight boy.
Of course, Daniel managed to slip in a few references to his beloved cocoa bean, insinuating that they transform the large boy into a bit of fudge. Willy clapped enthusiastically as the group of smallish beings sang and danced. "Delightful, simply delightful!" He squealed, laughing shrilly. "And the tune's just so catchy! Danny, I have to say you're just too good at this! I am so happy I found you little guys, no pun intended, of course."
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A hideous little brat of a girl, named Veruca Salt, found the next ticket. Wonka eyed the fuzzy television screen in disgust as she smiled widely, her father telling of his escapades to find the ticket for her. Willy didn't think it was right to just waste his chocolate like that, just to spoil a rotten little girl like that Veruca. Suddenly an idea struck him as plain as day. Mr. Salt was in the nut business, eh? This would most definitely prove to be interesting. Willy ran down to the Nut Room to make sure that the squirrels would be ok with his plan. He stood at the stairs and began making squeaking noises that all sounded the same to a human's ears, but was in fact speaking perfect squirrelish. The squirrels stopped shelling walnuts for a moment to listen to their boss and they all nodded in agreement to his squeaked decree. Then they went back to work as Willy called in some yellow-clad Oompa Loompas to work on this latest child's fate… er… choreography.
"What better place for something spoiled than the garbage chute?" he mused, looking at the large hole in the center of the room. "This is simply too beautiful and much too perfect...don'cha think?" He asked an Oompa Loompa who smiled and nodded back. "Yeah..." he sighed blissfully. Again, he produced the megaphone. This time a pop song wafted into the room, and the group gathered sang about the sorts of things that little Miss Salt would encounter on her way down the chute. At this point, Wonka also made it a point to tell another of his workers to make sure to turn the incinerator off for the next three weeks. "This way, there'll be lots of stinky winky garbage to break the rotten kid's fall. That is, I don't need them getting hurt. Humiliation should be quite enough, wouldn't you say?" He tilted his hat towards an Oompa Loompa who nodded in silent agreement.
Wonka continued to rehearse with the group in the Nut Room. Again, Daniel did not disappoint. The lyrics were just perfect, and it made Willy Wonka giggle with glee. He even started dancing along with the little men.
"While you all sing and dance this time, I think I'll pretend to be looking for the key to open the gate, alright? I think that's a fun thing... to trick her pa... pa... guardian." He stumbled, looking perplexed. He shrugged it off, and plotted the scene out. "She'll want to steal one of my precious squirrels, that Veruca wart, and they won't have any of that." a few squirrels looked up and seemed to nod. "No siree bobaroo! They'll check to see if she's a bad nut, which is quite obvious she is a very bad nut! If she were actually a nut and not a girl, I'm sure she would be the rottenest nut in the whole tree! Gosh darn it, the whole tree she came from is rotted and covered in the nastiest smelling gook around!" He scrunched his nose as if he could smell the imaginary gook of which he spoke. Some of the Oompa Loompas stuck their tongues out in disgust. They continued their practicing through the night. Mr. Wonka wanted to make sure that they got the dancing and singing down perfect.
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The third ticket came into the hands of a young girl by the name of Violet. Violet was a gum chewer. Quite the nasty habit, chewing gum. Willy hated gum. He had a bit of a flashback to the time he had tried gum. It had gotten stuck on his braces, which in turn made his father quite angry.
"Willy, I thought I told you that candy is a waste of time! Not to mention this... this... HORRID gum!" Dr. Wonka bellowed at his son. "I told you that it'd get stuck in your braces, but did you listen? No!" he continued his tirade. Willy just looked sullen and sadly away, even his headgear seemed to wilt.
"I'm sorry, dad... I just wanted to try it." He whispered through the sticky mess in his mouth. Dr. Wonka snorted.
"Of course you're sorry. But now you know not to do this again! Gum is one of the most disgusting things ever invented, other than that candy stuff. Candy is nothing but an invitation to cavities, you know! Do you want me to have to drill all your teeth out? I didn't think so!" he huffed, "If you want to save your teeth, you should give up this chocolate nonsense and become something successful and respectable, like a dentist. It's in your blood, after all."
Willy shuddered at the thought of his dad's wishes for him to become a dentist. "No way!" he thought, "I'd never want to do that stupid thing. What, and smell people's nasty fish breath all day? No thank you!" He was pulled from his musings by the television reporter who was interviewing Miss Violet and her... obviously air-headed mother. Mr. Wonka couldn't help but be a tad creeped out by the woman's wide-eyed stare. He imagined that he might have nightmares about those overly large and vacant eyes. Stupid people frightened Mr. Wonka the most out of all people in general, and this woman was about as stupid as he had seen. Letting her daughter chew and chew like that! Didn't she know any better?
Wonka thought long and hard about this particular girl's falling. She seemed bright, cheerful... but she had a one-track mind. That was certainly NOT what Willy Wonka was looking for. You see, in his mind Willy Wonka had already ruled out the three winners so far. No one that he had seen would be fit for the grand prize at this stage. He only hoped that in the last two tickets he'd find a suitable heir.
Then it struck him. He could show the gum-chewing maniac his chewing gum meal. She wouldn't be able to pass it up! She'd inevitably turn into a blueberry like the Oompa Loompas who had previously tried it. But, unlike the Oompa Loompas, she deserved it for having such a nastified gum habit. Putting it behind her ear to save it for later? Gross! She'd have to learn the hard way what a disgusting thing it was to be constantly chewing. Daniel the Oompa Loompa didn't miss a single beat. This time he wrote a delightfully upbeat disco style song. This particular group would be dressed in black vinyl and wear large, psychedelically colored glasses. They practiced what they could, since part of the choreography called for them to jump on a large blueberry shaped girl and roll her across the room...
"This is gonna' be splendid!" Willy exclaimed. "Danny, you never cease to amaze me with your talent." He smiled at the Oompa Loompa in question. Daniel bowed back and continued to encourage his fellow Oompa Loompas to get the steps and lyrics just right.
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Shortly after... well, to be honest, later that night, the report came in that a boy named Mike Teavee had found the fourth ticket. The boy could not be moved from the video game he was playing, even with all the newsmen and women crowding around him. He was spewing some nonsense about tracking numbers or something like that. Something far too logical for Willy Wonka to care about. After all, logical was not conducive to a creative lifestyle. Why, if he were logical, would his Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemellow Delight taste as scrumptious? Of course it wouldn't!
Mike basically said something about figuring out the system and only having to buy one candy bar. The thing that made Wonka most upset was how the boy said he hated chocolate. I mean, how can anyone hate chocolate? It's simply unheard of unless that someone was allergic to chocolate, but this didn't seem to be the case. Blasphemy! That's what it was. This child was most undoubtedly NOT going to win the grand and wonderful final prize. Nope.
Wonka consulted Daniel about the song for this particular boy. He wanted it to be an interesting song about the evils of watching too much television and how it was making him think too logically, an obvious sign of Mike's brain turning to mush. He said that Daniel could have free reign, but to somehow make it work in an ironic sort of way.
"Boss, why not use the Television Room?" Daniel piped up. Willy smiled his on-the-verge-of-being-devious smile.
"That's a wonderful idea, Danny. I think you've certainly got something in between your ears there." He nodded, "Yes, and what's better is that I know he'll want to visit the room simply because of the name. He's so infatuated with that horrendous multicolored screen... and I'll be able to showcase my latest invention!" Willy cackled. "It's just so perfect, you know. Perfecter than my candy bars!"
"I suppose." Danny replied. "I think I'm going to tape this song and put it on the TV. like a broadcast."
"Sounds delightful, Mr. Danny-o." Mr. Wonka agreed. "But what do you say to oh..." Wonka smiled, "Subjecting little Mike to something almost dangerous-ish? You can be creative with what exactly. I love surpises, of course!" he smiled. Daniel looked at him, questioningly. Wonka felt the need to elaborate on why he wanted this, "I can't quite put my finger on it -- mostly because it's hard to put a finger on a thought, seeing as they are wiffly and non-touchable -- but I don't quite like this Mike Teavee."
"If you so wish, Mr. Wonka, sir." Daniel bowed low, smiling. "I've got some nice ideas in mind."
"Oh, good!" Willy clapped. "I can't wait. But of course, I'll simply have to...unless...I could invent a candy that speeds up time..." He mused, wandering off to the Inventing Room. He tinkered about for a few hours, but sleepiness got the better of him and he meandered to his privatequarters and turned in for the night. When he woke up, he ate his usual breakfast of Halibut Fillets. It was an odd breakfast for a chocolatier, but hey. Fish is brain food, and the brain is where ideas live.
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The days until the tour were closing in. And the fifth ticket was still not found. Sure, some Russian kid tried to fake it, but he was caught. The Wonka 'W' was all wrong on the counterfeit... it was just that obvious. Wonka was relieved because the last person he wanted to inherit his factory was a lying cheater.
Then it happened. The last ticket was found by one Charlie Bucket.
"Now this one... he seems..." Willy wondered aloud, "...he's the one. He's just perfect. I can tell these things, you know." He said to no one in particular. "He's got what it takes, no doubt about it, and no abouts to doubt it!" He smiled. At last the tickets had found what he was looking for. This boy, Charlie, would be the heir of the famous Wonka industry. He would be the next world-famous chocolatier and candy genius. He just didn't know it yet...
William W. Wonka, however, knew all too well just how lucky the both of them were. Provided, of course, that this boy accept his offer. Which was a given; who would refuse a wondrously spectacular offer like this? A weirdo, that's who.
--fin--
a/n Obviously, naming the musician Oompa Loompa Daniel should have been retardedly easy to figure out. I was making reference to Danny Elfman. I hope you all liked reading this as much as I liked writing it. Even if it's just average. It's still better (in my humble opinion) than most of the swill out there. At least it's not making a love blossom between unlikely characters or adding drama where it need not be added, right? It's more of a "So that's why it all looked too well planned out!" story. The initial inspiration came from both the fic titled "First Impressions" and also Mr. Salt's quote of "It all seemed rather rehearsed." Which it did, but of course the outsiders can't know that Wonka meant for the kids to have this all happen to them.
In short, I've always liked to fill in plot holes and I hope that this little one shot helped some people's wonderings be put to rest.
Shino; review if you wish, I might give you one in return. No flames, please. I prefer constructive criticism.
This fic was edited/Beta'd by:
-hitenmitsurugi girl -L'ange de Mort
Thanks for enduring my non-capitalization habits.