Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately). These characters belong rightfully to Kastura Hoshino. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy it!-Wondering Snow
Attack of the Demon Death Bunnies
Out of all the possible ways to die (and there are a lot of ways) this was the one that fifteen year old Allen Walker least expected. Tied down to an alter in some desolate temple with Lavi, Reever Wenham, Bak Chang and other members from the Black Order to be offered up to a (fake) god. By giant, pink talking bunnies with green eyes and fangs that resembled that of a Saber tooth Tiger's.
"I am going to kill Komui even if I have to crawl back from the dead to do it!" Reever growled with as much vengeance as humanly possible (or maybe a bit more). "And then I'll bring him back from the dead and kill him again!"
"I'd be more than happy to help." Bak agreed darkly (that was quite obvious due to the dark aura surrounding him).
"Silence insufferable pestilences!" The (Allen surmised) King of the Death Bunnies snarled. "You shall soon speak no more." The fifteen foot rabbit turned away
"Isn't that a comforting thought," Lavi muttered. "I can't believe I ever thought you guys were cute."
"This is unbelievable!" Allen groaned and would have palm-faced if he was able.
"That you're going to die?" Lavi asked, craning his head to see Allen. "That's a pretty believable thought if you ask me."
"No, not that," Allen replied grumpily. "Kanda was right after all."
One week earlier…
"Oni-chan, what have you done this time?!" Lenalee glared at her older brother, temper simmering.
"Ahh, Lenalee-chan!" Komui said nervously with a cheeky smile, "I didn't realize you're back so soon! Where's Kanda, I need to speak with him-"
"Don't change the topic!" Lenalee sighed and rubbed her temples. Honestly! Why does Oni-chan always have some wild experiment going on?
"What on earth?" Lenalee turned to the source of the voice to see Allen who had just walked in, followed shortly by Lavi, whose jaw dropped when he took stock the crazy situation. The three of them and Kanda had just gotten back from a mission in the south of France, where they had discovered a piece of Innocence along with a hoard of Akuma. They had returned to the Black Order the victors, and Kanda had taken the Innocence down to Hevlaska while the others went to report to Chief Komui (when they realized he was at the Science Division Department, they decided to just give their report there as supposed to his overly-crowded-with-papers-office). As it turned out, while they were away the Science Division (cough*Komui*cough) had conducted an experiment (cough*torture-device-meant-to-make-everyones-life-miserable-because-it-will-end-up-malfunctioning-go-belistic-and-evil*cough) that had ended up malfunctioning, leaving the Black Order's Science Division with a minimum of two-hundred and seventy-three fluffy green-eyed pink bunnies. And they were rapidly reproducing.
"They're sooo CUTE~!" Lavi quickly overcame his shock and was now holding two of the bunnies with a huge grin on his face. "I'm going to keep them! This one is Yuu-chan-" Lavi pointed to the one in his left hand, smaller than most of them-"and this one will be Old Panda." He pointed to the one in his right, extra fluffy. The mental image of Kanda and Bookman as fluffy pink bunnies and frolicking around with peaceful smiles on their face was one that sent shivers down Allen's (and everyone else's) spines. No. Just no.
"Uh…what are you going to do with all of them?" Allen asked, carefully stepping around the huddles of bunnies, making him look like some sort of dancer that didn't quite know what he was doing.
"We still don't know," Komui answered. "Jonny with probably think of something-"
"Oh no you don't!" Reever interrupted him, not looking up from his desk where he was trying to move the twenty-five rabbits that had decided to nest there. "You made this mess, you clean it up. WE have enough work as it is, not to mention all the trouble that Central is giving us. The last thing we need is Malcolm giving us an even harder time than he already is. Argh! Will you stay off!?" the last part of that sentence was directed towards the thirty-one (yes, more joined their fellow brothers and sisters in the conquest of taking over) bunnies that seemed determined to stay on Reever's desk.
"They could stay with me in my room!" Lavi said gleefully, ignoring Komui's wailing ("How could you be so mean to your hardworking chief after all I've done for you?!) "Look, doesn't this one look like me?" Lavi held up a bunny that had a redder looking pelt and green eyes (as all of the bunnies did) to his face and grinned. "I'm going to name him Zaza!"
"Brilliant!" Komui did a 360 degree change in character from one minute moaning about how unappreciated he was to an uncaring Reever to the next second grinning like a maniac. "I say that they should stay with Lavi!"
"I'm all for that, but what about Bookman?" Lenalee asked trying to help Reever, "He wasn't very happy with Lavi when he let the cow sleep in your room."
Lavi rolled his eye and a 'that doesn't matter' motion with his hand. "He was just grumpy that the cow tried to eat his hair. I'm sure that one that old grumpy Panda sees these cute little guys he's going to-"
"What the !#$%$#!" Kanda had just walked (stormed) into the room expecting to give the last details of the mission only to be surrounded by a sea of fluffy pink balls of fur. It took him 1.4 seconds to draw Mugen.
"Heeeyy! Yuu-chan!" Lavi called to him, and held up the bunny he had dubbed 'Yuu-chan,' "Meet Yuu-chan!"
"Urusai, baka usagi!" Kanda snapped, glaring at Lavi.
"Tsk, tsk Yuu, you shouldn't yell at him like that!" Lavi reprimanded waving his finger at Kanda, "you could hurt Yuu-chan's feelings."
"Do you want to die!?" Kanda proceeded to stalk towards the Bookman apprentice making the bunnies part like the Red Sea.
"Wahhhh! Yuu is being mean again!"
"Ha! Kanda doesn't know how to be anything but that!" Allen declared snarkily.
"Oi Moyashi!"
"It's Allen!"
"Grrr…."
The sound of Allen and Kanda bickering ("Let me show you something you little XXXX-" "Ha! You call that a punch?!" crack "Che, you hit like a girl!") was skillfully ignored by everyone else in the room.
"What are we going to do with…however many bunnies there are?" Lenalee asked looking around the wild room. All the commotion had obviously disrupted the scientists work and the bunnies were hopping all over the place.
"Eat them." One of the Science Division guys replied bluntly, clearly annoyed with all the activity that seemed to have flooded the Division in less than twenty minutes.
"What?" Lenalee asked aghast.
"Why not?" The guy asked with a shrug. "They look good enough."
"Welll…" Lavi spoke up, looking at the bunnies uncertainly, "there was once this story that Bookman and I recorded…"
"Yes…?" Lenalee and the guy prompted curiously.
"Well, I'm not really supposed to say this, as it's a Bookman secret, but basically what happened—" the rest of Lavi's sentence was cut off by a foot solidly connecting itself with his jaw. The force from the flying sidekick sent the young Bookman flying straight into Allen and Kanda who had been throwing fists and curses at each other. As Lavi crashed into them, they all went tumbling into a bookshelf that was packed to the brim with papers, books, cans of…well, no one was really sure what was in those things (and no one wanted to find out), vials, and charts. The bookshelf very quickly followed in suit and soon it too came crashing to the ground, papers, bunnies and God only knows what flying everywhere.
"Blabbermouth! I've told you already, those are Bookmen secrets!" Bookman yelled at his apprentice. (When he got there was anyone's guess).
"Oh come on, old Panda!" Lavi said cheekily, "loosen up a bit!" Bookman's eye twitched as he stalked over towards his apprentice muttering something about "I'll show you loosened up."
"Usagi! Get your foot out of my face!" Kanda yelled at him (who was busy yelling back at Bookman), trying to shove Allen off of him, which wasn't really working because he was trapped underneath the fallen bookshelf. "Moyashi, you have three seconds to get yourself off me before I slice you up with my Mugen."
"Ha! You can try, BaKanda." And thus the boys went back to the very productive activity they had been doing five minutes ago.
"Would somebody get those bunnies out of here?!" Reever had to yell to be heard over all the shouting (cursing and beating people up) that was going on in the back of the room.
"I can take them to Jerry-"
"No!" Lenalee interrupted the Scientist. "We are not going to cook these poor adorable little things!"
"Actually, maybe we should…" another scientist spoke up. A heated debate soon took place between those who wanted to eat them, and those who wanted to keep them, and that just added to the yelling from the exorcists and chaos from the two hundred something bunnies hopping all over the place.
"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"
Silence.
"Finally," Reever breathed and rubbed his temples. "I can actually hear myself think!" He looked around the room (which looked like a tornado had blown through it) and glared at its occupants. "Now, everyone, including those ridiculous bunnies, are going to walk out that door," he pointed to the exit and they all hastily complied. Boy if looks could kill…"Everyone except you!" Reever growled at Komui, who had been trying to sneak his way out, and grabbed him by his collar. "And don't you give me any of your lame excuses!" Komui promptly ignored that statement and his wailing declaration of "unhand me you monster, I want my lawyer!" was the last thing they heard before the doors slammed shut, leaving the beat up exorcists (with the exception of Lenalee and Bookman) with now two hundred and eighty-three fluffy, green-eyed pink bunnies.
Brilliant.
So that's chapter one! Sorry if the characters are a bit OOC, I take the blame for that, as well as all or any spelling/grammar mistakes (and I apologize for that as well…hehe) Next chapter should be up by the end of this week, God willing. Thank you to everyone who read this little story! Be a dear and leave a review ;) They're greatly welcomed XD