AN: Eee! It's ma first fanfic ever! So be nice. No flames please. Anyhoo I was at my friend's house (I swear I did not kill her bird!) and my other friend was showing us KH and KH2. And we were making fun of how RIDICULOUS the characters looked. And we came up with the Death-mas song. It was so priceless, I had to put it into a fanfic. Which is why you probably won't understand half the inside jokes. Now read.

Chapter 1 – Chain Letter

Riku ran down the beach drunkenly.

The price I pay to look cool, he thought. But it was worth every bit of it, worth being blinded by his hair, the spine damage from his chronic slouching, having to hold up his extremely oversized pants when he walked because he refused to wear a belt. He looked cool.

Except when he ran. Then he looked like an idiot. Which was why he now avoided it at all times, but this was an exception. There. He picked up the tightly corked bottle. It was another message from King Mickey.

"Sora! Kairi! I found it!" he yelled excitedly. Riku's friends, interrupted from their PDA session, came running grudgingly. They could actually move in a straight line, he noted.

"What is it, Riku?" asked Sora. Riku waved the bottle in the air.

Great time for a message, Sora thought angrily. I was hoping to get to home base with Kairi…

"Here, I'll open it!" Riku called. However, his hair was blocking his vision and he ended up smashing the bottle against a nearby tree. The message inside fluttered up into the topmost leaves.

"Oops. What happened?"

"RIKU YOU IDIOT! WHAT"S WRONG WITH YOU?!" was Sora and Kairi's reply. Sora started climbing the tree in hopes of retrieving the message. Through his curtain of bangs, Riku could see that Sora was…getting it on? Sora sure climbed sexily!

"STOP GROPING THE FUCKING TREE SORA AND GET THE FUCKING MESSAGE!!!" yelled Kairi. Aah…she's jealous of that tree, thought Riku. That means I still have a chance with her.

Sora jumped out of the tree with the message in his hand. Kairi looked furious.

"Sorry Kairi, I really can't climb any other way." Said Sora. "But you do look hot today…" Kairi beamed.

"What does it say?" asked Riku, who was feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

"Huh. It says,

Dear Sora, Riku, and Kairi,

Season's greetings! I'd send you a gift, but you wouldn't believe the cost of sending a little package by bottle. So instead, I give you this mission to spread holiday cheer! Now go sing this following carol in front of at least ten houses and send this to 10 people or you will get 500 years of bad luck!

Well, apparently there's song lyrics written here. This is an interesting carol. What do you say?" said Sora.

"Since when did King Mickey send chain letters?" Kairi said, rolling her eyes.

"Will we even be alive in 500 years?" said Riku skeptically.

"Oh, where's your Christmas spirit?" Sora replied. "I think we should go for it. It's from King Mickey, after all."

And so, the three friends mailed out 10 copies of the lyrics and began practicing the carol.

Riku held the paper and stood between Sora and Kairi, lest they start making out again. They started singing, Kairi's soprano voice clashing with Sora's off-beat notes and Riku's bellowing.

"On the first day of – Deathmas? What the hell is that supposed to be?" exclaimed Sora.

"The rest of the song's like this too," sighed Kairi. "Do we really have to do this?"

"What? I can't see!" Yelled Riku.

"Never mind, let's try that again…"

"On the first day of Deathmas my stalker gave to me a vulture in a dead tree…" sang Sora and Kairi.

Unfortunately, Riku couldn't see much through his hair and ended up singing, "…a whore in a dead tree."

"RIKU! STOP SCREWING AROUND!!!" Yelled the other two.

"Sorry. It's hard to see the words when I'm wearing a blindfold."

"That's your hair, Riku," Sora said.

"Oh…I knew that." They started singing again; this time Kairi and Sora held Riku's bangs up so he could see.

"On the second day of Deathmas my stalker gave to me two dying cats and a vulture in a dead tree. On the third day of Deathmas my stalker gave to me three smoke bombs, two dying cats, and a vulture in a dead tree. On the fourth day of Deathmas my stalker gave to me four pounds of crack, three smoke bombs, two dying cats, and a vulture in a dead tree. On the fifth day of Deathmas my stalker gave to me- OH MY GOD!"

"What is it Sora?" groaned Kairi, annoyed that they were still singing the dumb carol. Anyone with half a brain knew King Mickey wouldn't send them that kind of crap. But Sora had called her hot…which was the only reason she was going along with the whole thing.

Sora started whispering into Kairi's ear. "I have a great idea that will help Riku! We'll need Selphie's jump rope." He kept talking, and Kairi started nodding. It was brilliant. And she wouldn't have to keep holding Riku's bangs up anymore. Kairi smirked. Oh, Riku was going to love this.