This is my first, and probably only, Hikaru No Go fic. AkiHika! Kawaii pairing! I switch between moods in this story. Akira will be OOC...I know he is, even with my limited knowledge. Another note...I don't know almost anything about Go. I want to learn to play, but...-sad face-
Who's older, Akira or Hikaru?
Akira was on the train. He blinked...why was he here again?
Oh...right...Shindou!
Hikaru was at that computer place! He was Sai! No...he wasn't...
'This odd feeling I have...I can't continue denying it!'
He felt a breeze brush past him, but there was no wind.
'But it's ridiculous! There's just no way!'
His mind was now fully on the situation at hand.
'But I just can't help thinking that it might be him...After all...Sai's moves...for a moment they were just like Hikaru's when I first played against him!'
He was running along the sidewalks...The store was coming into view...Hikaru was there! In his ridiculous outfit...on the computer...It was him!
"Hikaru!" Akira called, running in.
'Could you really be Sai?'
His hand went to clasp down on Hikaru's but he suddenly felt a force keeping him back.
'I...I can't...get any closer...What is this?'
Hard as he tried, Akira couldn't get closer to the bicolor-haired boy.
'Hikaru...Hikaru!' he yelled, but it would come out his mouth. He couldn't talk...Hikaru couldn't hear him...and he couldn't move...Hikaru didn't know he was there.
Akira's expression became a sad, pleading one as he tried to reach out again. But this time, it was as if he himself had pushed Hikaru away...
The shop, the computers, reality, Hikaru...they were all falling away, leaving him. Akira reached out, as far as he could, to the boy at the computer...leaving...
"Hikaru! Hikaru turn around!" he called. But when Hikaru turned around, it wasn't Hikaru... "What?"
A man with a feminine face, with long black hair, wearing a white outfit, and a black eboshi hat was there instead. His gaze was cold, his mouth set and his eyes hard. Akira flinched.
"Y-you're not Hikaru...You're...not the one...I want to...play...I want to face Hikaru!"
'No...' and the voice seemed to come from within him.
The dark haired man turned slightly to look sadly over at the computer, and a boy with two colors in his hair. The computer, Akira, Hikaru, and this man were the only things left in this black abyss. Akira saw Hikaru at the computer, and could see his smile even though his back was to him.
"What do you mean...No?" Akira asked with a bit of apprehension.
'You...you've been chasing me, Akira Touya...the spirit that lives within...and without Hikaru...Fujiwara No Sai...'
"Sai...?" Akira gasped. "You!" Sai nodded.
'Hikaru gave me that name...he claimed my full name was too hard to remember, and shortened it...I admit, I like the name...'
"You...you're the one I've been playing against?"
'No...for some time now...Hikaru has actually wanted to play for himself...'
"That tournament was him then?" Akira asked, eyes hardening. Sai nodded.
'He played the whole tournament alone...At first, he was going to play you himself...but...' Akira paused, confused. 'We overheard your team members talking about how badly you'd wanted to play him...and he let me play...being picked on...bullied...all so he could mess up your dream...Hikaru didn't want that...'
"Mess up...my dream...?" Akira blinked. Hikaru had heard of that? He lowered his head.
'We were in the middle of our match against you...and Hikaru ignored me...he started playing for himself...I'm still not entirely sure why...'
Akira glared at the memory.
'Later...he was met by the #1 on Kaio's team...And he learned that you were going pro...He had been training very hard since the tournament, and he'd gotten a lot stronger...truly...but you were still...'
"Better than he was...right?" Akira asked, looking up defiantly at the ancient go player. Sai sighed (lol).
'You were still leaving him.' he said bluntly yet softly. Akira's eyes widened. 'When you said you wouldn't chase him anymore...Akira Touya...you have no idea how hurt Hikaru was...when you said he'd never see you again.'
'I was leaving him...?' Akira couldn't move.
'That's right. There's no way it could be you...Sorry about all this...You'll never have to see me again...'
"Hikaru..." he muttered under his breath.
'But you were talking to me...weren't you? You were saying that...you'd never chase me, Fujiwara No Sai, ever again...' Sai smiled lightly and Akira felt a lot of pressure leave him.
"What...what do you mean by that?" Akira asked, and didn't curse himself for stuttering.
'Touya...You've been chasing Hikaru all this time...Hikaru...not me.' Sai said in a slightly sad, yet...hopeful voice. 'Akira...You never noticed? If you had been chasing me...you would never have let Hikaru say no to a match. But you were chasing him...so you were willing to wait.'
"Wait?"
'I think...somewhere inside you...you knew Hikaru wasn't strong enough yet. So you waited for him...even after you said it was all over...and you're still waiting, Akira, you truly are...You'll wait for him-'
"-forever..." Akira finished. His eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes sad. "Why would I wait that long for a game?"
'Because you're not waiting on a game.' Sai turned away from Akira to look at Hikaru again.
"Wha-?" Akira's mind couldn't form words anymore...he just wanted...to watch...
"Sai? Who do you want to play against this time? You keep getting requests, I can hardly see the screen!" Hikaru said happily, turning halfway in his chair.
'Click on whichever you want, Hikaru. And thank you...for letting me play Go...' Sai said sadly. Hikaru's smile widened.
"No problem! I admit, I hated the thought of being made to play Go whenever you wanted to play. But it's actually really fun." Hikaru turned back to the computer. "I love playing Go...especially against someone I can't beat...who can make me want to get stronger!"
'You enjoy playing...Akira?' Sai asked, perfectly portraying confusion. Hikaru laughed nervously, Akira's eyes wide once again.
"Heh heh, yea. I guess so. He's so...different. Akira's not like Kishimoto, Kaga, or Yuki. He's not like the sensei I had for the few lessons I had at the Go study sessions...if I managed to not cause trouble and get kicked out that is..."
Akira smiled simply. It was so like Hikaru to do something like that.
"But really, his game. The way his fingertips glow when he places down a stone-" Akira looked at his fingertips in confusion. "The way he can be so determined about something that he'd..." Hikaru stopped.
'I know Hikaru...I know...' Sai smiled happily at Hikaru and then pointed joyfully to a certain name on the screen. 'That's an interesting name! Clicky clicky!'
In the back of Akira's mind, he wondered about Sai's personality, but in the front...His mind was clouded over with all the times he'd seen Hikaru. He seemed nervous...or like he wasn't really there. These were the differences between when he played for himself, and when Sai told him what to do.
Hikaru, after awhile, gained enough confidence in his own abilities that he'd wanted to challenge Akira as himself. And while he thought, Akira felt himself getting lighter, like everything was turning out ok...He hadn't seen Hikaru for days in life...but here, in what must be a memory or dream or both...Hikaru was mere feet away...and he couldn't touch him...He couldn't talk to him...Sai's voice brought him back.
'Touya...Do you want to know what Hikaru did...when he learned you were going pro? That he was falling behind?' Sai asked, not removing his caring gaze from Hikaru Shindou. Akira lowered his head and looked to the side.
"When I said that...I would never see him again...when I walked off..." Sai looked to him. "Yes...I'd like to know." they locked eyes for a moment, and Sai saw tears falling in his mind. His eyes softened at the memory Akira had unconsciously given to him.
'Hikaru immediately went to find out when the next Insei test was being held.' Akira blinked. 'They told him he couldn't compete,' Akira looked even more sad. 'But a man that had seen Hikaru before, I believe he worked for you father, told the man to let him try his luck at it. So Hikaru got his score sheets and all the information he needed.'
"How'd the test go?" Akira asked almost immediately. Sai shook his head.
'There was some confusion. He didn't know what the score sheets were or how to fill them out!' he laughed. Akira sweat-dropped. 'When he asked his team members from Haze about it, they told him Insei couldn't compete in tournaments. For a moment...Hikaru faltered.'
"He didn't take the test..." Akira lowered his eyes. Sai smiled.
'Kaga, the Shogi leader and also a good Go player...He helped Hikaru regain his confidence...By making him play three games at once.'
"Three simultaneous games?" Akira asked in surprise.
'Yes...He went to take the test...and he was so nervous, he made simple mistakes.' Akira lowered his head again, Hikaru had messed up. 'I offered to play the test for him-' Akira balked. 'But he couldn't hear me. Hikaru had grown so much...he was so concentrated on the game...that he couldn't hear my offer...' Akira took a deep breath.
"What happened?" he asked tentatively.
'The man told him to calm down because he didn't have to win to pass. Hikaru fell over.' Sai smiled brightly and Akira smiled in a sad/happy smile. 'His leg had fallen asleep from sitting the proper way, his nerves had been so on end his head hurt almost, and he was so relieved, he stopped making so many mistakes!'
Akira nearly laughed, but stopped himself so Sai would continue.
'At the end, I got the distinct impression he wasn't impressed.' Akira tensed. 'He commented on how sloppily played the three games Hikaru had recorded were and Hikaru, without even thinking first, said that those had all been played at the same time. He complained at how hard it was, and how even though he'd never played simultaneous games before, they didn't go easy on him at all.'
Akira blinked, smiled slightly, and lowered his head to have his bangs hide his eyes from the spirit he spoke too.
'The man's aura changed immediately. He seemed so impressed...that Hikaru had won 2 out of 3 of the games, all of them really close, and that he had done so well for his first time!' Sai smiled again as if in relief. 'He told Hikaru he'd passed...and Hikaru smiled so wide...' he cast a look to Hikaru.
'He passed! Hikaru passed! He-' Akira paused.
"Why do you look so sad?" he asked. Sai blinked and looked up at him.
'Hikaru still...only wants to play you. He loves playing against his old team members at Haze, he hates playing me because I always go so hard on him, but he really...really...just wants to be close to you...'
Akira paused and looked at the ground.
'And you'll wait for him to get there, won't you Akira?' Sai brought Akira's attention to him, but not his eyes. 'Because...once again...you aren't waiting for a game...and he's not coming for one.'
'Hikaru is running towards you, who so inspires him. He wants to play you, more than he wants to play anyone else. He wants to be as good as you...so he can stay at your level at least. Hikaru wants...more than anything...'
"To be...like me..." Akira said, and Sai could hear the tears he refused to shed. "To be near me...like me...above and beside me...more than me...less than me...and equal to me...He wants to walk down a path I created when I started playing Go...he doesn't want to follow me...does he?"
Sai shook his head, frowning.
"He wants...to walk..." a tear fell from his eye. "With me..."
Sai smiled sadly as he faded away and the computer, and Hikaru, moved away from the softly crying pro. Akira's head snapped up and he began running after Hikaru.
"Hikaru! Hikaru wait up! Don't go!" he shouted, hand outstretched. "Don't leave me!" he pleaded, tears running freely down his cheeks.
'Why shouldn't he leave me? I left him. I left him there, on that street corner...When he convinced me that he wasn't Sai...' Akira thought sadly.
"Hikaru!" his hand was within reach and he smiled. Everything slowed down, until they were still again, Akira right behind Hikaru.
Just as Akira went to place his hand on Hikaru's shoulder, the ladder of the two started to disappear. Akira gasped and Hikaru turned halfway in his chair to smile at Akira. Akira began to cry slightly when he found that his hands went straight through his rival.
"What are you waiting for...Touya?" Hikaru's voice echoed, and the question, and his tone, didn't match the smile he wore.
He disappeared completely, the computer gone too. So now all that was left was the chair he'd sat in. Akira draped his arms around the back of the chair as he sunk to the ground, a few tears falling from his eyes, and blackness all around him.
"I...I don't know..." he managed to whisper as he cried. "I don't know..."
'I built myself around Go...I never had any friends...But I lost to you and it all changed...'
"I wasn't built around Go anymore...unconsciously, my world had switched to revolving around you instead..." Akira took a deep, shuddering breath. "Hikaru...Come back..."
His grip around the chair was almost like a hug, and he tightened his grip.
"Dammit! I'm waiting for you! I'm waiting! I'm waiting for...I'm waiting for you! I don't care about some stupid match against you!...I wait for...I wait for the time when you'll catch up...When my road and yours combine...When we walk the same path, side by side, and you hold your head up high...I wait for your smile to be directed at me...I wait..."
The chair disappeared and he fell. He caught himself with his arms and didn't miss a beat.
"Hikaru Shindou! I wait for the day you come walking up to me...But you're waiting too...You're waiting for me to come back..." He wiped his eyes and cursed himself for crying so much. "You're an idiot...a naive...lucky...dim-witted...happy-go-lucky Hikaru...And I love it that way..."
Akira opened his eyes as it dawned on him. All the reasons he did what he did. Why he changed how he dressed when not surrounded by Go. Why he chased Hikaru for so long. Why he would wait forever for him. All the reasons why it didn't seem important unless Hikaru was there. Why he wanted to see him everyday, hear his voice, see him smile. And it broke his heart.
"I love the way you're so stupid you didn't know who I was when we met. I love the way you're so naive you would try anything before knowing how dangerous it is...the way you're so lucky that you found friends in the Go world, and still managed to become as strong as you are...The way you're so dim-witted that your heart is made of gold...I love your personality, your smiles, the gestures and comments you make that have no meaning...Oh god...I'm in over my head..."
'Hey! Wait! Akira!'
"Alright Hikaru...I'm waiting...I'll wait...forever...for you..." Akira closed his eyes. "I..."
"Touya...Akira..." a hand cupped his chin and lifted his head, so that he was staring into the eyes of a glittery, semi-transparent Hikaru Shindou.
He was floating above Akira still, coming from somewhere higher up. Akira froze slightly when he saw beautiful, semi-transparent, white wings on Hikaru's back. But as soon as his feet touched the floor and he was settled, they disappeared.
Hikaru's hand moved from his chin to his cheek and brushed some of the tears away. He became less glittery, but still glittery...uh...a more physical looking form...thing...yea...
"Akira...why are you crying?" he asked, genuinely concerned. Akira's eyes narrowed slightly as his eyebrows furrowed.
He threw himself into Hikaru's arms, wrapping his own around Hikaru's waist, knocking said boy into a sitting position, and barely that.
"Touya?"
"I'm sorry Hikaru..." Akira mumbled as he began to cry anew. "I'm sorry for everything..."
"Don't cry Touya! You're too beautiful to cry..."
Akira's head snapped up, his crying paused.
"What?" he managed to whisper, eyes disbelieving.
"Akira Touya..." Hikaru's eyes were filled with an emotion Akira couldn't decipher...he was never very good at reading emotions... "Why are you running away?"
It was then he recognized the emotion. Pain. Hikaru was in pain. It tore at Akira's heart to see that look in his eyes.
'Wait...' Akira's mind clicked into memories. 'I've seen this before...' he forced himself not to start crying again. 'Every time I'm with him I cause this look...This pained look...to creep into his eyes...I cause it...'
"Touya!" Hikaru said in a pleading tone, his eyes pleading too. "Please don't cry anymore! It's...It's not right!"
"How's it not right?" Akira asked, barely fighting back the tears. "I haven't cried most of my life...I've been inhuman...But you..."
"This isn't like you, Touya...What's wrong?" Hikaru asked, worried. Akira shook his head, laying it against Hikaru's chest and closing his eyes.
"This is the first time..."
Akira could've sworn he'd heard a sound. But he felt at peace.
"This is the first time...I've ever been me..." he clutched Hikaru tighter and Hikaru held him in a comforting way, one hand on Akira's back, one on his head. "I don't wanna lose this..."
"Lose what?" Hikaru asked innocently.
"You..." Hikaru started slightly. "I'm waiting Hikaru...I said I wouldn't...but I will...I'll wait for you forever..." Akira sat up slightly and looked Hikaru in the eyes. "I'll wait because..."
That sound again...still far away. He moved closer to Hikaru, who seemed startled by the movement. Their lips were 3 inches apart.
BA-BOOM!
Akira sat up straight in his bed. He gasped and looked around. Outside, lightning flashed.
Boom!
'Thunder...Just thunder...' his head stopped pounding as his anxiety levels lowered.
"Akira! Lunch is ready! Are you awake yet?" his mother asked from the other side of his bedroom door.
'Lunch? I slept in...'
"Yes mother! I'm awake. Sorry for sleeping in!" he called to her as he got out of bed and changed clothes.
"No worries dear. You were really tired last night. Actually...for awhile now you've seemed tired. Are you ill, Akira?" she asked. He blinked.
"No. I'm fine." he opened the door and smiled slightly at her to reassure his mother.
"Well, you look better today than yesterday. Come now, lunch is going to get cold soon."
"Is father here?"
"No. He had somewhere to be." his mother said sadly. Akira's eyes hardened slightly.
After they'd eaten, Akira went up to his room again. It was still raining. His mom said it had been raining for awhile now, and he had to have been a log to sleep through it. Now in his room, he pulled the curtains back on his window and looked cooly at the rain.
As he stared, his gaze softened until it was sad instead of cold.
'Rain is like tears...Tears of the Earth...Of a broken heart...'
He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind and closed the curtains, hiding the rain from view. As it thundered again, Akira went to his closet and pulled out a perfectly kept goban and go-stones.
He set up and sat in front of it. Across from him was his usual opponent, Hikaru Shindou. Akira put on his Go face and began to play.
10 minutes later, he punched the floor. What was with him? He could hardly concentrate on the game!
'Hikaru still...only wants to play you. He loves playing against his old team members at Haze, he hates playing me because I always go so hard on him, but he really...really...just wants to be close to you...'
'And you'll wait for him to get there, won't you Akira? Because...once again...you aren't waiting for a game...and he's not coming for one.'
'Hikaru is running towards you, who so inspires him. He wants to play you, more than he wants to play anyone else. He wants to be as good as you...so he can stay at your level at least. Hikaru wants...more than anything...'
Akira let out his breath suddenly and inhaled just as fast. His chest hurt. It hurt so bad...
"Don't cry Touya! You're too beautiful to cry..."
"This is the first time...This is the first time...I've ever been me...I don't wanna lose this..."
Akira stood up suddenly, knocking the goban over and spilling the stones everywhere. But he didn't care. His vision was cloudy and he felt dizzy. Akira looked to the closed curtains and made his way slowly over to them. Once there, he clutched them in his hands and ripped them wide open.
He pressed his hot forehead against the window and the glass fogged up around it quickly. His breath hitting the window also made it foggy and he didn't care.
He gazed out the window and saw...far away...Hikaru was walking along the street. He was under a dark blue umbrella with pictures of cup ramen all over it...Akira couldn't tell how he knew this. Hikaru seemed to be far from his line of vision...but he just knew...
Akira suddenly jumped from his place against the window and ran to his bedroom door. He flung it open without it hitting the wall and dashed down the stairs so fast he was a blur. His mom turned as he raced to the door.
"Akira? Akira! What are you-At least come back and get an umbrella!" she called out the front door, Akira's white shirt disappearing around the corner. She sighed. "Oh...what's got into him now?"
Akira ran down the streets, ignoring the confused looks he got from people he passed. He ran in the rain, not paying any heed to his fast paced breath. He didn't know nor care how long he'd been running, how ill he'd be in the morning, or how far he planned to run...All he knew is he had to...He had to go...to Hikaru.
Please review! I'll respond to them in the last chapter (chp 3) ok? Also, Akira WILL be OOC, for future, present, and past reference...heh heh...I already said that -sweat drop- oh well...Bye for now!