The car engine groans and sputters. I'm not exactly rich, well no one is in the fringe, so my car sucks. It's a beaten down pick up truck I found in an alley. The owner must have found a slightly less awful truck in a different alley. Finally, the car makes a loud rumbling sound and lurches forward. I can't help picturing my mom, how mad she'll be when she wakes up in the morning and realizes I've gone back to the experiment. I was in the middle of Dauntless initiation when the bureau pulled me out because I'm "Divergent" or whatever, and wanted me to work with them. But I refused, so I was banished to the fringe. But today I'm going back. Telling my only friend Four I'm still alive, seeing the look on his face.
Finally the car pulls up to the fence. I hop out and open it up. I drive through, not bothering to shut it. It's my middle finger to the bureau. Joy courses through me. This is the compound. The only place I felt like I belonged. But it looks empty. Abandoned. What happened here? There seemed to be a new sense of danger in the air. Was Four okay? Oh god. What if no one was okay? I shuddered at the thought. I kept driving around. Maybe I would see some- And then as if the universe read my thoughts, a dim light came on in one of the apartments across the street. I carelessly parked the car and ran up the the front doors. I burst in and begin scanning the room. I notice an elevator in the corner. I rush over to it and jab the up button several times until the elevator door slides open. Inside, I decide the light had come from the third floor. I press a three and it lights up. When I reach the third floor, I don't know what to do. Should I just check every room until I find the light? No that would take too long. I guess I could- "Emma?" A familiar voice interrupts my thoughts. I look up slowly. Four stands across the room, staring at me in disbelief. I stagger over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. "What..." I whimper. "What happened here?" Tears stream down my face and I clutch him tighter. "A lot." He answers grimly. It seems like a sensitive subject for him. But then again, shouldn't it be? His world has fallen apart. Our world has fallen apart. But there's something else. Something even more intense than just sadness. It scares me. I finally take my hands away from his neck and wipe my eyes. I stare up at him blankly, trying to read his thoughts. But he doesn't show any emotions, as always. We stand there staring for awhile. Then Four pipes up "Umm, Zeke's here. And my mom." Zeke had been Four's friend from initiation. I always kind of tagged along with them. But Four and I had this connection... I can't describe it, but we could relate. We would talk every night in our bunks. We basically just let it all out. Until the bureau came into the picture. " Lets go see Zeke." I say, trying to sound upbeat. When we reach Zeke's apartment and open the door, he is making out with a girl I don't recognize. Tobias coughs and Zeke and the girls turn to us looking startled. Then their eyes shift to me. " Who is she?" Says the girl to Four. "I'm Emma." I say politely. "And you are?" She faces toward the TV and looks suddenly bored. "Christina." She mumbles. "Umm, I think Emma and I will come back later. Okay?" Says Four, obviously uncomfortable. He opens the door for me and we leave."Who was that?" I scowl. Something about her set me off. "That's Christina she was one of Tris' friends." He winces when he says "Tris". "Who's Tris?" I ask, not sure I want an answer. A sob escapes his mouth and I turn him toward me. "Hey. It's okay. What happened?" Tears well in his eyes. And then he just breaks down. He sinks to his knees and buries his face in his hands. I crouch beside him. I don't know what to say, so I just wrap my arms around him and whisper reassuringly. We sit there for awhile, pressed up against each other. He suddenly turns his face to me. It's bright red and streaked with tears. It worries me. Four never was the crying type. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull his head towards me. I press my lips to his forehead. "It's okay." I whisper. I pull him to his feet. "Let's go find you a room." He says, wiping his eyes. We walk for a minute, then he stops. "I'm really sorry about... That. I was being ridiculous." I step in front of him and look into his eyes. I take his hands in mine. "Four. It's okay. I understand." He looks down. "I should probably tell you my real name. You can call me Tobias now. Okay?" I had never given any thought to what Four's real name was, which I now realized was really stupid. It's not like his mom named him "Four". "Okay." I say as I step away from him. "What about this one?" He says stopping at a door. "It's great." I say and open the door. "I'll talk to you later. I need some time to umm... Process all this." He looks down. "Bye." He says as I close the door. I lean back against it. What had happened here? Why had everything fallen apart?
I take off my backpack and throw it to the ground. I begin packing my stuff into an old wooden dresser in the corner of the room. I didn't bring many clothes. I could only fit so many into my backpack. I heard a knock on my door. "Come in!" I holler. Christina enters the room. "Hey um, I'm sorry I was kind of a jerk earlier. I thought since you didn't bring many clothes, you um, might want these." She says, handing me a bag of clothes. "Thanks." And I really am thankful. I would've had to wear the same outfit 3 times a week. I'm not a fashionista, but still. She nods and leaves. I start sorting out the clothes she gave me. A stretchy black shirt, not unlike the one I'm wearing now. Black running pants, a black, transparent blouse, a lacy black bra... These were dauntless clothes. I sorted out the rest of the clothes. And flopped down on my bed. Five seconds later Christina poked her head through the door. "I forgot to tell you earlier- we're meeting up at the Red Shack today. It's a bar a little ways down the street. We're all meeting in Zeke's room in an hour. See you then!" She slams the door, not giving me a chance to respond. Should I go? I don't know how comfortable I feel drinking, I'm only 18. I suddenly feel like being spontaneous, and excitement bubbles up inside me. I'm going.
I turn the shower handle to maximum hotness. I sigh as the warm water relaxes my muscles. There were no hot showers at the fringe. Bottles of soaps and shampoos line the side of the shower. It's as if the people staying here before me left without taking anything with them. A grab a half-empty bottle of shampoo and squirt some into my hand. I rub it into my hair and then rinse it out, carefully combing through it with my fingernails. I do the same with conditioner. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. I walk over to my dresser. I slip on the lacy black bra, unsure at first, but it fits perfectly. Then I put the transparent black top over it. I put on my black skinny jeans, and my combat boots. I go back to the bathroom and blow my hair dry. I find a stash of makeup in a cabinet, and I feel a smile begin on my face. I've always been really good at makeup.
10 mins later I knock on Zeke's door. Christina opens the door. "Hey! You look amazing! I'm so glad you like the clothes!" She says smiling. "Thanks. You look great too." I say walking in. Tobias is sitting on the couch talking to Zeke. They look over at me "Wow." Says Zeke. "You look gooooood. She's a keeper Tobias." Tobias blushes and looks away. "You look great" he says apologetically. "Shall we get going?" Says Christina she grabs Zeke and pulls him out the door. Tobias and I walk awkwardly next to each other, not daring to look at one another.
Next thing I know we're at the bar. Zeke runs to the back room and comes out holding two bottles of fancy wine. "Let's get this party started!" Smiles Zeke as the cork flies across the room, barely missing Christina's face. She pulls him onto the couch with her and they kiss rather aggressively. I sit down on a stool and examine my hands. Tobias sits down next to me. "I thought you were killed." He says quietly. "I know. I'm sorry. The bureau-" he cuts me off. "I know about the bureau. I know what they did." I hear a hint of anger in his voice. "But I'm here now." I say. "You're here now." He stares at me for a long time. "Okay, why are you looking at me like that?" I ask smiling. "Like what?" He asks, on the brink of laughter. "You're giving me that look." I say quietly. "I disagree. I think you're the one giving me that look." He says. Affection bubbles up inside me. I feel like crushing my mouth to his. He leans in to me. Nervous excitement writhes in my gut. "I missed you." He says. He leans in closer. But something inside me say now's not the time. I spin out of my chair and stand behind him. I put my hands on his shoulders and whisper into his ear, "I missed you too." I feel a grin on his face. I walk over to the wine and refill my glass. I take another sip. My head pounds. "Guys I think I'm gonna head home." I say. "I have a headache." Tobias stands up. "I'll take you home." He says. I hold back a smile. "Byeeee!" Christina giggles. I can tell she is drunk. Tobias and I head out the door. "So when did Zeke and Christina get together?" I ask, trying to create conversation. "About a month ago. Why?" I racked my brain for a response. I knew what the answer was. I was thinking about us getting together. "Just curious." I finally answered. "So," I began cautiously. "Tell me about Tris." He hesitates. "She was amazing. She was the love of my life. She was funny, smart. I loved her." I nod. "She sounds pretty cool. Wish I could've met her." I lean into him, hoping I didn't upset him by talking about Tris. "I didn't want to leave you." He blurts out. "What?" I ask. "That's what Tris said. Right before she... She died." I smile. "But she didn't leave you. She's with you still. She's probably looking down at you right now." I don't believe in heaven. I never have. But it seems like a comforting idea for a person who just lost someone. He puts his arm over my shoulder. Heat rises to my cheeks. "You're right." He sighs. "Of course I'm right!" I grin. He smirks and I nudge him playfully.
We arrive at my apartment minutes later. I open the door. "Bye." Says Tobias. "Bye." I say back. He turns and begins to walk away. "Wait!" I say, grabbing his shoulder. Then suddenly I blurt out without thinking: "Do you um... Want to come in?" He looks at me for a minute. "Sure." He finally answers. I hold the door open for him and he walks in. We sit next to each other on my bed, looking down. I wish I hadn't invited him in. I don't know what I was hoping would happen. I look up at him. He doesn't look at me. I stare at him, trying to read his emotions, but I don't see any. He seems to be deep in thought. I see black ink peaking out from the neck of his shirt. I remember us getting our tattoos together. I got a wolf. I look down at my wrist. He still stands there, teeth bared, snarling. He represents my independence. I have anxiety about being abandoned, left alone. Probably has something to do with the fact that my mom and dad died when I was six. I ran deep into forest and lived off berries and roots for a few weeks. But the bureau found me and took me under their wing. The wolf reminds me that I can survive on my own if I need to. Only if I need to though. I will always have that longing for a friend, a guardian, a boyfriend... I look up at Tobias again. He got the factions. He never told me why though. I reach up and put my fingers on the ink I can see. He shudders, and finally looks down at me, but he still doesn't say anything."What..." I begin. "What does your tattoo mean?" He smiles slightly. "I'm Diverg-" his voice trails off. "I thought I was Divergent. I'm not though, so it doesn't really mean anything anymore." He says the words with a tone to his voice. It's almost like sadness, but not quite. It's... Numbness. Suddenly Christina bursts into the room. "Factionless!" She says breathlessly. "They're coming!" She slams the door and I can here her run away. I look at Tobias. "What? What is she talking about!?" I half ask, half cry. He doesn't respond. He grabs my arms and pulls me into a closet with him, closing the door firmly behind us. "What is going on?!" I whisper. He puts his finger to my lips, a nice way to say I need to shut up. I do, but I grab his arm and pull him close to me. I hear a pounding on the door. It must be the factionless. He turns to me. "I need you to be brave." He says firmly. I nod. "When I say go, break the glass on the window and jump out." I stare at him in disbelief. "It's a 20 foot jump! I'll die!" He looks at me hard. "There are bushes. You'll be okay." What will he do? "What about you?" He suddenly pulls me into him and crushes his mouth to mine. I kiss him back, wanting the moment to last forever. "Don't worry about me." He says sadly. "How can I not worry about you? After that?" He looks at me again, hungrily. I kiss him again, this time hard and sure. He pushes me back. "I'm sorry. This is the only way to get you out alive." I look down. "Tobias... I'm scared." I admit. "You'll be fine." He says reassuringly. "I'm not scared for myself. I'm scared for you." Tears well in my eyes. I hear the door snap and people burst in."Okay it's time." He says. "Remember what I told you?" "Tobias no-" I try to say, but it's too late. He pulls me out of the closet with him. He punches a factionless man hard in the jaw. I cry out and run over to him as Tobias is hit hard in the stomach and falls over. A factionless man runs at me but I punch him hard in the face. He falls to the ground, unconscious. I remembered initiation. I was the best fighter by far. Better than Four. Another factionless man kicks Tobias hard in the face. I see blood. I scream and keep running towards him. But I notice two factionless men are holding me back. Tobias gets kicked hard in the side several times, and his face just goes blank. I'm screaming at the top of my lungs but I can't here anything. I hear Tobias gasp, "Go!" I jerk my head back knocking out one of the men holding me back. I spin around and send a hard kick to the other one's face. He doubles back, but regains his balance. I lunge at him. I just punch and punch and punch until everything goes black. I stare down at the dead, bloody face below me. I force myself to my feet. The other men are staring at me in disbelief, not daring to challenge me. I hold Tobias' head in my hands, tears streaming from my face. He's dead. He died trying to buy me time. I sit up against the wall and try to process everything. Tobias is dead. Christina and Zeke probably are too. Why? It's all I can think. Why this? Anything else would have been better than this. I hear a soft groan. "Tobias?" I say softly. I rush over to him. His chest is heaving. He is alive. I press my lips to his and I sit there for what seems like forever, smiling, tears rolling down my face. Christina bursts through the door. He face is streaked with red and her hair sticks to her face, damp with tears. "Zeke... He..." She looks down and tears come to her eyes. "Didn't make it. The factionless, just so many of them..." She slumps against the wall and cradles her head in her arms, as if reliving every gruesome moment. We will be okay. I know we will. Tobias will recover, Christina will get over Zeke. We'll be happy here. But I'm lying to myself. Tobias and I make eye contact and I know we're thinking the same thing. It won't get better. That was the first of many attacks. More people will die. But we'll move on. We've just got to keep moving on, or the pain becomes to much to handle. The pain destroys you. But I'm not going to let that happen to Christina. We'll get through this. And then I know exactly what we need to do.