Title: Everything's Not Lost
Summary: Nick learns that not everything is lost.
Disclaimer: We all know I don't own Nick or Greg although I wish I did. Lyrics to Everything's Not Lost belongs to Coldplay. And I don't own them either.
Notes: Post Stalker AU. Yes this was published before Holding Out for a Hero, but I changed a few things and made a few decisions so be sure to read the Note at the bottom! Please review. Thanks!
If you ever feel neglected
If you ever think all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost,
Everything's not lost
When I'm counting up my demons
--Coldplay "Everything's Not Lost"
Dr. Buckland opened the door for me as I left her office. "Nick," she said to me, "I don't think it's a very good idea for you to stay by yourself right now. Is there a friend or a family member you can stay with for a week or so? At least until you get your feet back on the ground and maybe find a new apartment." I stared at her numbly. Stay with someone? I was capable of taking care of myself. Besides who would I stay with? Who could I possibly ask? I was better off on my own.
"Yeah," I lied, "I'll find someone." I think she knew I was lying, but what was she going to do about it. She just smiled and nodded her head. Sometimes it felt almost as if she could see right through me. Like she knew all my secrets. All of them. And she still thought I would be okay. That I could make it even with all the demons I had from my past. I wanted to tell her about it but I couldn't. I had all ready told Catherine and that had been torture. Besides the Doctor probably would have wanted me to tell my parents. I could hear her now telling me how it would bring closure. But I don't need closure. All I needed was a nice hot shower, a warm bed, and lots of sleep. I had a few days off to look forward to. I headed back to my house. There was still a giant hole in the ceiling, but it was covered by plastic. There was a car in my driveway when I pulled in. I started to get nervous before I realized Greg Sanders was sitting on my porch. I got out of the car and headed for the door. "What are you doing here Greg?" He shook his head and looked up at me, dazed for a few seconds.
"Oh, I uh, I was just checking in to see how you were holding up. See if you needed anything."
"I'm fine, Greg, but thanks for asking anyway. Do you want to come in?" I offered. He stood up to let me pass and unlock the door.
"Sure." I let him in. Poor kid wouldn't stop fidgeting. He looked like a mouse just waiting for the cat to pounce.
"Is there something wrong? Did you need something?" He looked up at me in distress.
"No, it's just that. Well you see. Actually what I'm trying to say. There was this. I mean I got."
"Greg, take a deep breath buddy. Here sit down." I led him over to the couch and forced him to sit, "Now tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong. It's just that your doctor, she gave me a call. She said you needed somewhere to stay and she. I thought. Look, Nick, if you need a place to stay my apartment is open. Just come over when you're ready." Greg stood up then and walked to the door, poised to leave. He turned around and looked at me. There was a seriousness to him I don't think I had ever seen before. "If you don't want anyone to know you don't have to tell." And with that he left. I know he was just talking about staying with him, but that last comment it jarred me. All of a sudden I didn't want to be alone anymore. It was too much all at once. I went to my room and grabbed a duffel bag from the closet. I haphazardly tossed a few things in, grabbed my tooth brush and razor from the bathroom. I went back to the living room and sat down on the couch to breathe for a few seconds.
"If you don't want anyone to know you don't have to tell"
His words echoed throughout my head, throughout the room, throughout the house. I couldn't get away from them.
"You don't have to tell."
"Tell what?" I yelled out at the empty house. Beads of sweat began to form on my forehead and my hands were starting to shake. Dr. Buckland had been right. It was better if I stayed with someone else. Just for a little while.
I drove to Greg's apartment complex which was about twenty minutes from my house. I sat in the car looking at the building trying to muster enough courage to go and knock on his door. Going to stay with a friend did not make me weak. I wasn't giving in to anything. Being scared is normal. Everyone feels it.
Everyone feels it.
Everyone feels it.
I took a deep breath and stepped out of my Tahoe before going up to the second floor. I had only been to his apartment once before. His car had refused to start and he had needed a ride to work or Grissom would have killed him for being late. And everyone knows how unreliable cabs can be.
I raised my hand at least five times before I actually knocked on his door. I heard the ruffling of papers, the shuffling of feet, and then the door open. Greg didn't say a word he just let me in.
That's how it began. There were no words between us just a silent understanding. Greg was the one that told me I wasn't a coward. He made me understand that a coward would have run away. He had this far off look in his eyes when he explained it as if maybe once he had run from something. I didn't push the subject. I knew one day I would find out. The week I stayed at Greg's turned into two weeks, and then three. Finally around my sixth we somehow silently agreed we would become permanent roommates. Besides as Greg had put it, it was cheaper when two people were living together. That's how we both rationalized it. But underneath I think we both knew it was because we were tired of being alone.
I still haven't told Greg about it.
Greg still hasn't told me what he ran away from.
Together though we figured out that not everything is lost.
NOTES: I am seriously considering writing two more chapters for this that will take place immediately after Holding Out for a Hero the first episode in the Ghost of a Good Thing series and one that takes place immediately after You're the One which is the second episode in the series. The entire lyrics to the Coldplay song are below this if you'd like them. Thanks to all who reviewed.
If you ever feel neglected,
If you ever think all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost,
Everything's not lost,
When I'm counting up my demons.
There's always one for everyday,
With the good ones on my shoulder,
I drove the other ones away.
If you ever feel neglected,
If you think all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost.
When you thought it was over,
You could feel it all around,
Everybody's out to get you,
Don't you let it drag you down.
Cos if you eve feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost,
I'll be counting all the demons, yeah.
Singing out o yeah
Everything's not lost,
Come on yeah, o yeah, come on yeah,
Everything's not lost,
O yeah,
Everything's not lost,
Come on yeah, o yeah,
Come on yeah
O yeah, Come on yeah,
Everything's not lost, Sing out yeah,
Come on yeah
Everything's not lost,
Come on yeah, o yeah,
Sing out yeah,
Everything's not lost.