Polka, meet me at the Sakura Tree, 3pm tomorrow.
-N.
I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I stood up and got dressed to meet Natsume. I haven't seen Natsume for a week, due to his missions, so I miss him a lot. He and I have been dating for quite some time now and it's not everyday Natsume actually sends me a note to meet him. Usually, he just drops by my room.
So yeah, after a few minutes I arrived at the Sakura Tree. I saw him sitting against the trunk of the said tree with…Hotaru by his side, kissing. My face fell flat, and I felt myself stiffen at the sight.
"Natsume? What's the meaning of this?" I said, trying to keep my composure. Surely, he'll explain why he was kissing Hotaru, my bestfriend?
"Isn't it obvious, baka?" Hotaru stated coolly.
"No," I almost growled.
"We're together," Hotaru stated. I waited for Natsume to deny what she just said, but he made no comment. I was lost for words, I mean Hotaru and...Natsume? Are you kidding me? They hate each others' guts!
Mikan, keep calm. Natsume didn't say anything yet…but he didn't disagree with her either.
"Hotaru, just leave us alone for a while…"
Hotaru left without a word of protest. Then, I saw Natsume looking at me with a bored expression, while leaning on the tree.
"Tell me it's not true, Natsume?" I asked him, curiosity filling me. I couldn't help but think that maybe, `curiosity indeed killed the cat,".
"You heard what she said," He responded, looking straight into my eye. I felt disappointment fill me, and then hurt and then anger.
"Why?" I said softly. I was becoming more and more aware of the tears welling up in my eyes.
"I like her, she likes me, do the math Polka," he replied, unaffected by my tears. A sob escaped between my lips. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He was supposed to say he loved me too, not telling me he loved somebody else.
"But Natsume, she's my best friend... and we're still together! How could you!" I whispered. The next thing I knew, tears were trickling down my cheeks. My heart was heavy and there was a pit in my stomach.
A moment of silence was cast between us before I began to speak again.
"Just tell me Natsume, I know you're lying. You hate Hotaru now you're dating her? Just TELL ME! Why? Why?" I yelled. I felt my heart clench. I hated being so weak, so vulnerable whenever I'm with Natsume.
"I love you, Natsume. Sometimes, more than I do myself. Why? Why her? Aren't I the one who's always there for you? I'm the one who, even when I'm still sleeping, would wake up when you need me? Aren't I the one who was foolish enough to think you would even love me? I was there when your parents died, when Aoi fell sick, when your exes broke up with you. I was there every single time, Natsume! And Hotaru? my bestfriend? There are other fishes in the sea Natsume and you just had to choose my best friend..." I sobbed.
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I didn't really like you? That I only asked you to be my girlfriend is so that I'd be able to be closer to Hotaru without being suspicious? You're so stupid! And even if I actually liked you, you're not good enough for me! I hate your guts the most, I only put up with you because you're Hotaru's best friend. I never even liked you, bitch." he snapped.
I couldn't resist the tears that fell down my cheeks. I wiped them off angrily. I didn't know what to say anymore. I felt my heart spiralling into a deep abyss. It's shattered; its confidence and warmth diminishing. It only took 6 words for me to feel real anguish, `you're not good enough for me,"
`You're not good enough for me,"
`You're not good enough for me,"
`You're not good enough for me,"
"Then, I'm sorry for not being good enough for you." I whispered.
"As expected from someone who's never had a boyfriend since birth. Hn," Natsume said coldheartedly, before turning around and walking away.
"Yeah, and I'm the idiotic little girl who fell in love with Natsume Hyuuga, the infamous playboy," I laughed softly.
I hoped he'd say he loved me too. I hoped he'll say, "Gotcha, polka! I love you too," But no, he won't and maybe never will.