Challenge:
Rock 'n Roll, Dudes!: Write a fic about the Hulk and the Thing in a band together with some villains.
-Can include other Marvel characters.
-Must have at least one song written by the Hulk. (lol, I really want to see this one)
The first three song are all mine (I'm sorry if they're not very good, I don't write songs very often). They are entitled; Strange road, things always get worse, and Ruling the World. The one sung by Thing & Hulk at the end, however, is entitled Get Off Of My Back from the movie Spirit, and Deadpool's song is Everything You Know Is Wrong by 'Weird Al' Yankovic. The little snippet of a song the Deadpool Corpse sang before their last song is from a funny car commercial I saw once. If anybody knows the name of the song, please tell me.
In a parallel world where the greatest musician rules, there is no place for second best. The musical industry is vicious, home to great heroes and great villains alike.
The sign hung like a herald of doom over the night club known only as; the Pantheon. The sign that would attract much unwanted attention, and send the regulars fleeing for their lives. The sign had five simple words; B.Y.O.B. Night.
Bring Your Own Bands.
The Pantheon; Hero's night club, founded by Tony Stark, was where heroes of music came to mingle. Spider-man, kid pop sensation became a hero at the age of fifteen, breaking several records. Captain America was the greatest singer in World War two, going so far as to serenade troops in battle with his melodies. Some say that the fall of Berlin was inspired by his music.
Currently on stage was a lone, somewhat skinny man in western styled clothes, strumming his guitar. He began to sing.
Somewhere outside of civilized parts
There's a road I walk
And it's littered full of hearts a'broken…
I just keep walking until I stop,
I go as far as I can
Until I drop like a fly in Hoboken…
I try to fit in, like anybody would,
I drop my bags
And try to make good, 'fore the plot thickens…
But I just can't get a wink of rest,
Before the locals
Manage to stir up a nest of ten foot chickens…
Oh, I got troubles that nobody knows…
Life ain't fair and boy how it shows…
I've set my trail and I can't look back.
I can only pray I'm on the right track.
When they say it ain't easy being green,
They're right.
My girl's back at her home with her dad,
And I'm not welcome
Back at her pad, until doomsday…
My shrink says I should move on with my life,
But I wish I could
Ask Betty to be my wife, if it were okay…
But instead I'm running down this lonely road,
With nowhere to turn to
When everything starts getting weird…
I've changed my clothes, and changed my name.
I hitched a ride South
To get away from my dame, and grew a beard.
Oh, I got troubles that nobody knows…
Life ain't fair and boy how it shows…
I've set my trail and I can't look back.
I can only pray I'm on the right track.
When they say it ain't easy being green,
They're right.
For now I just want to be alone
But it feels like
I'm entering the Twilight Zone, on vacation…
Someday I'll put together my shattered life
And sew it up clean
As a surgeon's knife before an operation…
But for now, I'm in it over my head
I'm going to have to focus on surviving instead.
Because I got troubles that nobody knows…
Life ain't fair and boy how it shows…
I've set my trail and I can't look back.
I can only pray I'm on the right track.
When they say it ain't easy being green,
They're right.
Boy are they right.
"Ha! Is that sappy western stuff the best you've got Bruce?" The spotlights swerved to the club's other stage. The Thing and his band, The Yancy Street Gang were had set up their instruments.
"No, but it should be enough to top whatever caterwauling is coming out of your instruments Thing."
"Yo' momma."
Bruce froze. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
The Yancy Street Gang's drummer stood up. "You heard me cowboy. Yo' momma's so fat, she became the titular character of her own comic book; Planet Hulk!"
"Woah hey, that's enough Hector." The Thing hoped not to get Banner angry. He didn't like him when he got angry. "Let's just show him how it's done."
The Nancy Street Gang began to play, Thing sang into a microphone with Alicia in the background.
One day I'm sitting back, relaxing, playing on the beach.
But then a shark tries to steal my swimsuit
While I'm splashin' in the water, shooting the breeze.
One night I'm on the tube with my girlfriend, watching football
But then the Raiders have a real bad day;
The Jets catch the fumble and touchdown for the lead.
But things get a lot worse before they get better.
You have to tear the wrapping
To get granny's hand-knit sweater.
You gotta take your lumps
If you want tea with the queen,
You gotta take one for the team.
Come breakfast I'm sitting back, eating my McMuffin, when
Johnny comes in, says he ain't done nothing.
And that's when I see the frog in my Orange Juice.
Come the afternoon, there's been an alien invasion, and
I've been abducted for their alien games.
And I just know that these're games that I'm gonna lose.
But things get a lot worse before they get better.
You have to tear the wrapping
To get granny's hand-knit sweater.
You gotta take your lumps
If you want tea with the queen,
You gotta take one for the team.
Now that shark is sushi in some Japanese place,
I went there with my girlfriend on a date
After the Raiders won the Superbowl twenty-one to seven.
The frog took a swan-dive into Johnny's Captain Crunch.
The Aliens got dealt with in a single punch.
And my life ain't perfect but I'll give it a ten.
'Cause things always get worse before they get better.
I have to tear the wrapping
To get granny's hand-knit sweater.
I gotta take my lumps
If I want tea with the queen,
I gotta take one for the team.
I gotta take one for the team!
"How do you like me now Banner?" Thing chuckled as the crowd cheered.
"Fools!" A voice called out. The crowd went silent. Dr. Doom had taken the other stage, with his band the fearsome four. His band included M.O.D.O.K. (Mechanical Organism Designed Only for Karaoke). His internal gyroscopes whirred as his mechanical body produced a pair of boomboxes. Sabertooth was at his side, strumming his electric guitar with his claws. Taskmaster was at the drums. All wore heavy metal make-up.
"You thought Doom would not notice it is bring your own bands night?!" Doom asked. "You thought Doom would not plan accordingly? Doom challenges the Yancy Street Gang and anybody foolish enough to take the stage to a battle of the bands!"
They began to play. A trio of Doombots sang in the background.
There cannot be a snake without a head
At least that was what my dear mother said,
So while I grew I sharpened my fangs
And I waited for my day.
Now that day has come, and I'm waiting ready,
My nerves are steel and my will is steady.
I'll use all my might and all my brains
And soon the whole world will say;
Look out!
The Doctor's out of control!
He's quickly taking power
And he's still on a roll!
Look out everyone
Nothing can stop him now!
He's going to rule the world!
Alexander the Great was too good a sport,
Napoleon tried but he fell short,
Hitler was brutal but not too bright,
Ceaser should have watched his back.
I know all of the tricks and all of the rules,
If you tried to stop me, you'd be fools!
Today is my day! Tonight's my night!
Better brace for my attack!
Look out!
The Doctor's out of control!
He's quickly taking power
And he's still on a roll!
Look out everyone
Nothing can stop him now!
He's going to rule the world!
You think you're the fighter who can stop me now?
The one who's better than I could allow?
Come on then let's go, I've taken on champs.
I will have my victory!
I've managed to fight my way through to the top,
I'm gonna keep fighting and I won't stop.
I've kicked my power level up some amps,
You pose little threat to me.
Look out!
The Doctor's out of control!
He's quickly taking power
And he's still on a roll!
Look out everyone
Nothing can stop him now!
He's going to rule the world!
My middle name's trouble and my last name's doom,
My past's full of graves and I've still got room.
The world will soon be under my thumb
An oyster to be de-pearled.
I've put on my game-face, I've sharpened my blade.
I've already won, so cease your crusade.
Stop trying to beat me just succumb,
I'm going to rule the world!
Look out!
The Doctor's out of control!
He's quickly taking power
And he's still on a roll!
Look out everyone
Nothing can stop him now!
He's going to rule the world!
Look out!
The Doctor's out of control!
He's quickly taking power
And he's still on a roll!
Look out everyone
Nothing can stop him now!
He's going to rule the world!
Doctor Doom raised his hands in triumph. "Doom wins!"
The crowd cheered and the Thing turned to his band. "Alright team we can beat that, we –"
He froze as he saw the Hulk grab his drummer by the head. "What was puny drummer-man saying about Hulk's momma?" He asked.
"Hulk, stop!" Thing yelled. "Put Hector down!"
Hulk shrugged and tossed Hector's body to one side.
"Awe fer the love of – now we son't have a drummer!" Thing yelled.
Hulk thought for a bit. "Hulk can smash." He said, thoughtfully.
Thing raised his eyebrows.
"Hulk can smash, gently."
"Aaargh, I suppose it'll have to do." Thing growled. "Let's blow these heavy-metal punks to oblivion.
"Hulk can write too." Hulk said, handing over a piece of sheet paper.
Thing took it. "Eh, better then what we had." Thing shrugged. "Or what you had for that matter."
"Puny Banner does Romantic westerns. My westerns got umph."
Thing shrugged. " All right Banner, let's do this. It's clobberin' time."
They began to play;
Oh if you think that you can take me on
You must be crazy.
There's not a singlething you've got
That's gonna phase me.
Oh, but if you want to have a go
I just want to let you know…
Get off my back and off of my name.
Get out of my way and out of my brain.
Get out of my face or give it your best shot.
I think it's time you better face that fact
And get off of my back.
You know this isn't just some game
That you're playing.
Don't think that you can figure me out
Is all I'm saying.
Oh, but if you want to have a go
I just think that you should know...
Get off my back and stop playing your game.
Get out of my way and out of my brain.
Get out of my face or give it your best shot.
This train is going to come off of its track,
So get off of my back.
"Suits you." The Thing said, nodding to the Hulk.
Hulk clapped enthusiastically.
Spider-man Captain America and Tony Stark considered, and raised their cards. They gave the Yancy Street Gang a 10, 10, and 7.5 respectively. They gave the Fearsome Four a 4, 0, and 7.5.
"Curse you Thing!" Doom cried. "I will conquer the musical industry some day! And when that day comes... you shall feel the wrath of Doom!" The crowd booed them off the stage.
"Well, time to pack it in gang." Thing gestured to his band.
"Awww… but I wanted to throw down with Banner." Wolverine growled at them. "That's part whole shtick… we constantly fight with our music."
An injured Hector raised his head. "Yo momma…"
Snikt
"…is a wonderful person." Hector fainted.
"well, you can always throw down with them." Thing gestured to theband occupying the stage. It was Deadpool, and the Deadpool corpse. Accompanied by Bob agent of Hydra, some Chainsaw wielding clown, and Bea Arthur.
"No thanks." Wolverine grumbled, hefting his guitar and trudging towards the bar. The Deadpool corpse began to sing…
'Cause we're maniacs, maniacs woah-oh-oh…
And you know that we're all going for the go-old!
As the crowd cheered them on, the Thing and the Hulk took their opportunity and ran. Neither of them much cared for the musical styling's of Deadpool, despite his immense popularity.
I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
With a rabid Wolverine in my underwear
When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed, "Is it Sabertooth or X-23?"
"Is it Cable or Bea Arthur?"
"Could it be Mom or Bob, Agent X or Deathstryke?"
I probably would have kept on guessing
But about that time we crashed into the jet
And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt
Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer
Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me;
"Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong!"
(I shot him, the jerk.)
I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams
When I accidentally stepped into an alternate dimension
And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space
Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr
(bet they were Skrulls)
I shot some of their vital organs
And they took some polaroids
And said I was a darn good sport
And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go
And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time
Just then my floating disembodied head of
Colonel Sanders started yelling;
"Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn't matter
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong!"
(So I shot it too. It exploded like a Kentucky fried pinyata.)
I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin
When I got a nasty papercut
And, well, to make a long story short
It got infected and I died
(I meant to do that!)
So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter
By the pearly gates
And it's obvious he doesn't like
The Nehru jacket that I'm wearing
He tells me that they've got a dress code
Well, I shoot him and I go in anyway
But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine
For all eternity
And every day he runs by screaming;
"Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong!
Everything you know is wrong!"
(I blew him up. There were feathers everywhere.)