Disclaimer: I do NOT own CSI but I wish I did. This is purely for fun from my imagination.

When Heartache Turns Into Desire

Sara's .

"Thanks for your help. I know you have the night off but I really appreciate it." Grissom says.

"No problem. My plans start at 8pm, so I've got over an hour." I reply.

I feel myself blushing as Grissom can't take his eyes off me. I'm not surprised though, it's not like I dress like this for work. I'm due for tonight off and I have plans with friends. Luckily I was ready early, I was going to head to a bar and chill out until everyone arrived but Grissom phoned me and asked for my help down at the hospital as the rest of our team are working another case. He said please and I couldn't resist, I did warn him that I was dressed a bit...different than usual though. I have my hair curled and I'm wearing a black skirt with a tight, royal blue top and high heeled black sandals. It's not often I wear a skirt and I'm pretty sure Grissom has never seen me in a skirt. I just wish he'd stop staring at me, he's making me want him more. "Griss...is there something wrong with my outfit?" I ask.

"Oh...err...no. You look...beautiful." he stammers. "What are your plans for tonight anyway?"

"I'm meeting the girls for drinks and a dance. I'm looking forward to it, I haven't spent time with them for a long time."

"Well...I hope you have a good night. You deserve it. You do know that you work too hard?"

"Yeah, I get it from hanging around with you." I smirk.

"You can go now if you want? I'm sure I can manage to get the files to the car." he says.

"It's okay, I'll give you a hand. Anyway...the longer I'm here with you, the less I'll have to drink."

"Be careful Sara. You know how many cases we come across involve alcohol." he warns, sounding slightly...worried, I think.

"I'll be fine, I'm a big girl. I'll just have to find a nice man to take care of me and to see me home safe." I say, trying to make him jealous. I notice his face fall as soon as I say it and I feel guilty, but...if he was the one to look after me...and love me, I wouldn't say stupid things to try and hurt him.

"Oh well...I hope you do." he spits out as I pick up a box file and step out of the office. I'm just about to turn around and shout at him, when I see a bunch of doctors and nurses running down the corridor pushing a bed. Grissom grabs my arm and pulls me out of the way, I stumble and he catches me. My face just inches from his. As soon as I see the bed fly past, I pull myself free from his grasp and drop the file I'm holding. I feel dazed and my legs are shaking as I take off down the corridor, I can hear are my heels crashing down against the tiles and I hear Grissom shout my name as I find my voice.

"David, OMG...what the hell happened?" I shout at one of my best friends.

"Michelle, she was in an accident. She's in a bad way." he cries as we're forced to stop outside the operating theatre and we're told we'll be updated in a little while. We both sit down and we start to cry.

After a while I speak up. "What happened?"

"Neil" he growls. "Neil happened."

"Tell me." I cry.

He tells me that our friend Liza was going to drive Michelle to the bar but she'd left her phone behind so she ran into the house to retrieve it. Another friend, Neil, was in the house, angry and drinking. The next thing David knew, Neil had run from the house and stolen Liza's car, with Michelle in it.

"Liza couldn't be here as she has the kids. Oh God, what if she doesn't pull through? I need to phone her family." he cries.

"Do you want me to phone them?" I ask, secretly hoping the answer is no. David nods his head and I pull out my phone to dial the familiar number. I don't explain exactly what's happened, I just tell them to get to the hospital quickly. Her mum, Jenny, starts shouting and screaming at me down the phone and eventually I have to hang up on her. I'll apologise to her later.

"Where's Neil?" I ask David.

"Emergency Room. All he has is a broken arm. For the moment anyway. When I see him I'll..." he starts to say but is cut off by the doctor walking towards us.

"David, I'm Dr Craggs. I'm very sorry to have to tell you this but...It's not looking too good for Michelle. I'd advise you to inform her family and prepare for the worst. She's out of surgery but she's not responding to any treatment. It's unlikely that she'll wake up. I'm really very sorry." says the doctor.

Suddenly I have an adrenaline rush, I take off running through the hospital towards the ER. I don't know how many people I bump into, I don't even see Grissom until he grabs my waist as I run past him. By the time I realise that I've stopped running, I'm doubled over, crying my heart out. I can feel his arms around me as he's trying to soothe me, he's holding me close and stroking my hair. All I feel is anger, he has no right to comfort me. He doesn't care. "Let go of me!" I scream as I pull myself free and take off running again. Eventually I run into the ER and I see Neil in a room off to the side, with Jim Brass as police escort. "Damn" I mutter and barge into the room.

"Sara, I didn't think you were working tonight." states Brass.

"I'm not." I growl as stare at Neil.

"So...what are you..." he starts to ask and I freak out.

"You bastard." I scream at Neil. "She's probably going to die and it's all your fault. I swear to God I'll kill you if she does."

"I'm...I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me." he cries.

"Sorry? You're sorry?" I scream at him and start shaking as I step towards him. I can't control myself, I lash out and start hitting him. I feel Brass grab hold of me but I push him away and carry on screaming and hitting Neil. I'm crying so hard that I can hardly breath. Another officer tries to pull me away but my body's on overload and I push him away too. I don't notice when another body enters the room, but as soon as he grabs a hold of my waist, I know it's Grissom and I collapse into his arms and cry. I see Brass take hold of Neil's good arm and lead him out to another room. "Bastard." I scream at him and continue to sob into Grissom's chest. My chests heaving and I'm starting to find it hard to breathe. Grissom pulls my face up to his and holds my gaze, he looks sad, like it's hurting him to see me like this. "Sara honey...focus on your breathing okay." he says as he strokes my cheek.

"I...I...it's his fault. One of my best mates is probably going to die, all because he's a drunken fool." I choke out.

"I know honey. I'm really sorry but he will pay for this." says Grissom.

"I want him to suffer for this. Michelle has loads of people who love and care for her. It's not fair. I don't know how I'll cope if she dies, I don't think I could cope without her in my life. She's been there for me through everything." I cry and I see pain flash over Grissom's face.

"Please don't talk like that Sara." he whispers and I cling to his chest and carry on crying.

A little while later, I look up at him, "I'm sorry. I've wet your shirt." I sniffle.

"It's okay honey. Here, put this on." he says as he pulls away from me hands me his jacket. I didn't realise I was shivering until I felt the warmth of his jacket around my shoulders.

"I'm sorry about before. I didn't hit you, did I? I need to go check on Michelle and her family" I ask.

"No, I'm fine. Would you mind if I stay with you? I just want to be here for you. To make sure you're okay." he asks as he strokes away my tears.

"You don't have to. I'll be fine, as long as I don't see Neil again."

"I want to Sara." he whispers.

I reach up and kiss his cheek, letting my mouth linger there longer than necessary, letting him know that I appreciate it. I'm exhausted with crying and Grissom puts his arm around my waist to steady me as we're walking towards Michelle's room. He lets go of me as we near her family and he stays back. I feel kind of...lost now, without his arm around me. Michelle's mum, Jenny runs over to me hits me. "You bitch. You're supposed to be her best friend. How could you do this to her?" she screams, as Grissom and one of her sons, Luke, tries to pull us apart. Grissom tries to lead me away but I stop him.

"Jenny, I can't believe that you think it's my fault. I was here working when they brought her in." I cry.

"Sara I'm sorry. I just assumed, I mean...you phoned me and David didn't have time to explain what happened before he went to talk with the police. I'm really sorry, I know that you're hurting as much as me. I'm devastated. The rest of the family are away on business or on holiday. I've had to leave messages for them." she cries. I sit down next to Jenny and tell them what I know and that Neil is fine and with the police, or should I say, was fine until I beat the hell out of him.

"What? Neil's here?" shouts Luke and then takes off down the corridor, as I did earlier. I jump up and run after him, followed by Grissom and Jenny.

"Luke!" I shout and grab his arm. He swings around, accidentally knocking me to the ground. I cry out as my head cracks off the ceramic floor, making him stop in his tracks. Grissom looks like he's going to attack Luke, I have to stop him. "Griss..." I say and he quickly turns his attention back to me. "Don't" I whisper. He looks at Luke then back to me and nods his head. My step falters as I stand up and Grissom reaches out to catch me, he then places his arm around my waist again. "Listen...he was here earlier...but he'll have been taken to the police station by now. There's no way you'd be allowed anywhere near him. Not after I attacked him earlier."

Luke walks over to me and I feel Grissom tense up. "Sara...I'm really sorry." says Luke as he pulls me into his arms and kisses me. "I didn't mean to..hurt you."

"It's fine, I know you're angry." I say. I quickly look at Grissom and see anger and jealousy flash over his face.

We sit and talk for while, there's only one person at a time allowed in the room with Michelle. When David arrives back, he sits in with her for a while and then Jenny sits in with her. I stay out in the corridor, I can't bare to see her like this. I sit next to Grissom and he puts his arm around me as I lay my head on his chest. I don't know how long I slept for but I awake with a start when I hear Jenny scream. I takes me a few seconds to realise what's happening before I run to the window of Michelle's room. Doctors and nurses run into the room, she's stopped breathing and they're trying to resuscitate her. Jenny breaks down crying in Luke's arms and David falls to floor. I can't think, I don't know what to do. I slowly step backwards as my heart rate speeds up, Grissom stands up, he knows what I'm thinking. He stands behind me, blocking my exit route. "Sara don't." he warns. "You'll regret it if you're not here." he whispers as he steps towards me. I hold my hands up, as if to tell him to stay away and I look around in panic. I turn around and run in the opposite direction, Grissom not far behind me. I find the stairwell and work my way up. I don't know how many flights I run up but I finally make it to the roof. I stand over by the rails and I start to hyperventilate, I can't believe this is happening. "Sara" screams Grissom as he runs over to me.

"No, no no...she can't die. She can't leave me. She's one of the very few people who loves me. It hurts Griss, it really hurts." I cry and collapse to the floor.

"Sshh...there's a lot of people who love you honey." he says as he picks me up and moves me away from the edge. "I...I love you Sara. It's killing me to see you like this." he whispers.

"No. No you don't love me. You hurt me, you hurt me more than anyone else ever has. It breaks my heart everyday when I see you, knowing that you won't love me the way that I love you. Michelle knows me, I can talk to her about anything. But I can't talk to you because you block me out. You hardly even speak to me anymore. Unless you want my help, like tonight. I wish I didn't bother, I wish that I'd gone straight to the bar and none of this would be happening." I scream as I cry into his chest.

After about twenty minutes I've calmed down, I look up at him with horror in my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I...I didn't mean..."

"Sshh...it's okay Sara. I know that I keep hurting you. I don't mean too, I just wish that you didn't love me. I don't deserve to be loved by you. I do love you Sara, more than anything or anyone else in world and I hope that you know you can talk to me about anything. I want to be with..." he says but is cut off by my phone ringing. I pull the phone from my pocket whilst looking at him. I don't want to answer it, I want to know what he was going say. Grissom nods his head and I answer.

"Hello"

"It's Luke. Sara...she's..."

"I don't want to know." I cut him off.

"Sara, she's awake. She's responded to treatment. We think she's going to be okay." he says.

"I'll be right there." I say. I hang up and turn to Griss, "She's awake, I'm sorry I've got to..."

"Come on, I'll take you back inside." he smiles and pulls me up, placing his hand around my waist again. As soon as I have Michelle's room in sight I remove myself from his grasp and run. Luke is outside waiting for me, I run into his embrace and he swings me around.

"She's asking for you." he says as he kisses me.

"Thanks" I whisper and head in.

Michelle looks very weak but very much alive, I start to cry. "Don't ever scare us like that again." I cry.

"Sorry" she says. "I heard that you gave Neil a bit of a beating?" she smiles.

"Yeah." I reply. "He's lucky I wasn't on duty, because if I had my gun with me, I'd be in jail now."

"You wouldn't have shot him Sara. I know you, I know you could never take another persons life."

"I don't know...I was so mad, I still am. But...on a lighter note, your accident may have brought Grissom and me together. Or at least closer together."

"Really? That's great. Well...tell me." she begs.

"I'll tell you later." I whisper, as Jenny, David and Luke walk in. "Listen...I'd better go, I've been here for over twelve hours. I'm glad you're alright, stay alive and I'll stop by later. Luke, phone me if anything changes." I say as I kiss everyone, then exit the room. Grissom smiles and holds his arms out to me and I step into them. "Thank you for being here...and for putting up with my tantrums." I whisper.

"Do you want to come back to mine for breakfast?" he asks.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry and I'm exhausted."

"Sara, you haven't eaten in well over twelve hours. You need to eat something and I don't trust you to eat something if I drop you off at home. I won't poison you."

"Okay fine. I can't drive though, I'll have to leave my car here." I say.

"That's fine, I'll have one of the guys pick it up and I'll pick you up before next shift." he says as we head towards his car. At some point within the last twelve hours, it's become natural for Grissom to put his arm around me. I like it, I smile to myself.

When we arrive at Grissom's place, he starts the coffee machine and looks for the ingredients for mushroom omelette. "Do you want a hand?" I ask.

"No thanks. You go and sit down, I'll bring breakfast in shortly." he says.

A little while later, I'm in my own little world, staring off into space when Grissom brings our breakfast in. As we're eating I tell him about Michelle and our history. I tell him what we used to get up to if we went out or if we had a girlie night in and about the time we were almost put in jail for the night, due to being drunk and disorderly.

"Mmm...that was delicious." I say as I finish my omelette and fruit salad.

"Thank you. I've enjoyed your company."

"Hey Griss...How much trouble am I in? You know, for attacking Neil." I ask, my voice shaking.

"Don't worry about it Sara, I spoke to Brass earlier. Everything's fine."

"Thanks." I whisper. "I can't help but think that...if I was on duty, if I had my gun on me, I would have..."

"Sara, I know you. I know that you would never take another persons life." he whispers.

"That's exactly what Michelle said." I smile. "But I was so mad..." I trail off.

"Sara...forget about it. Michelle's fine and Neil's in jail. Safe from you." he smiles as he finishes his breakfast and returns to the kitchen to tidy up.

I must have fallen asleep, I feel him gently lie me down and cover me with a blanket. I love the feel of him so close to me. I'm scared to open my eyes incase I spoil the moment. He leans down to kiss my cheek but as his mouth is about to touch me I turn my head, our lips meet and I open my eyes. He pulls back for a second, startled, he then smiles and leans in to kiss me again. The soft, sensual kiss turns frenzied and desperate as I lift my arms around his neck and pull myself into a sitting position. He makes himself comfortable next to me as he strips his jacket from my shoulders. My skin tingles as his hands run down my arms causing me to moan and he smiles. I throw the blanket off me and lift my arms as he he pulls at my top. I practically rip open his shirt and start kissing his chest as I undo his trousers. He groans with pleasure as I trail wet kisses down his torso and back to his mouth. I shift so that he can remove his trousers, I hitch my skirt up and straddle him. I start stroking him as we continue to kiss while his hands explore every inch of my body. His mouth moves swiftly to my neck and down my chest. I whimper as his fingers find my centre and he starts to caress me, causing me to inhale sharply and I feel myself tighten and start to release. I let out a cry as he moves his hand away from my heat and he smiles lovingly as he lifts me to the side and lays me down. He removes my skirt and underwear and I allow my eyes to close for a second, with pleasure. He positions himself above me and we looks into each others eyes, I smile and he leans down to kiss me passionately and he gently pushes into me. I gasp and he pauses so that I can get used to the feel of him. I moan as he starts to move and I pull his face down to mine for another kiss. He sighs with pleasure as I start to pump my hips in sync with him and I wrap my legs around him and pull him deeper inside me, causing me to moan. Every movement is driving me crazy, an indescribable feeling building up inside me. Our tongues are playing with each other, his hands are under my hips and mine have a death grip on a couch cushion which is now on the floor beside me. I'm not exactly sure when we tumbled on to the floor but the coffee table is half way across the room and there are Forensic magazines scattered all over the room. I feel him tense up, my breath catches in my throat causing me to tighten and we both release quickly. My head spins when I hear him growl my name. "Gil..." I moan, and I see love and shock flash over his face. I know he liked hearing his real name being called. My body shakes and he pulls the blanket up over us and he pulls out of me. I feel a sense of emptiness, not being able to feel him inside me and I sigh as I roll over into his chest.

"I love you Gil." I say, bracing myself for rejection.

"I know. I love you too." he whispers.

"Please...tell me that...this isn't a...one time deal." I whisper as tears fill my eyes.

"This is forever Sara." he says as he lifts my mouth to his. "I love you Sara Sidle. I always have and I always will. You're mine forever Sara." he whispers.

"And you're mine. I love you Gil Grissom." I say as we snuggle together on the floor and fall asleep smiling.

The End