Hello! Mandy here (not my real name) so this is my fan fiction. Story of (Delirium and Pandemonium) this is my imaginations after reading Pandemonium because really, I can't sleep knowing that Alex is alive! (Check the last page of Pandemonium) And really, I can't even choose between Julian and Alex because, I LOVE THEM BOTH but let's face it, Lena has to choose one. Yeah, that's all! :) Credits got to Ms. Lauren Oliver, of course.
-Mandy
Choosing Between Two
Chapter 1: He's back
Alex. He is alive. Breathing. Living. Standing in front of me. I feel like drowning and suffocating. I can't breathe. I forgot how to speak. He stood in front of me so, perfectly even though I can tell that he's angry because of me. I feel like crying and want to hug him right now, right here and tell him that I miss him and love him but, there is Julian. Sitting beside me, looking so bewildered. Raven told me that "Someone arrived from Portland last night-a fugitive. Escaped The Crypts after the bombing. He hasn't said much, hasn't even given his name. I'm not sure what they did to him up there but- Anyway, he might know something about your mom. About her time there, at least."
From Portland. The Crypts. Knows something about my mom.
Alex.
Alex.
Alex.
Alex.
His name keeps on repeating in my head. The way he held me back from Portland. The way he taught me about love. The way he say my name. The way he told me about the Wilds. The escape. The way he got shot and told me to: Run. If he didn't helped me, I wouldn't have met Julian. I would have died or thrown at The Crypts-
With Him.
"Don't believe her." Alex says louder this time.
I froze. I didn't move. I sat there and stared at him. His deep voice keeps on resounding in my head. I feel like I'm in a dream. I feel tired and hurt at the same time.
"Why not?" Julian asked. Julian is still holding my hand. I want him to let go off my hands but, I can't speak. I'm already frozen. "Why not?" Julian asked, louder, this time. "Who are you by the way?"
Who are you? Who are you?
Alex.
Alex.
Alex.
The boy of my dreams.
"Hey there Le-"Raven is back and is standing beside Alex. She looks so confuse and then looks at Alex. She tapped Alex shoulder and said, "I see that you met Lena and Julian." Alex didn't look at Raven. He stared at me and I can't read his face. I'm staring at him too. Then, I started to cry. All this time I thought he was dead. I thought he was, dead. Dead. Dead. And now, he's back. He's back for me but, he saw me with Julian. I wonder how he feels now.
Hurt. Maybe, He's angry at himself too.
"Alex." I started to whisper. I want to getout now. I want to run and disappear. I want to forget everything. I want to be free. But this thing inside of me. This love inside of me. I feel so confuse. So angry. I hate myself.
"I see that you still remember my name. I thought that, you forgot about me." There's nothing else to say. I know that he's hurt by the sound of his voice. "Wa-wait. You know him?" Raven asked me. I nod. And close my eyes for awhile then, open them again.
It's true. I'm really awake.
"I miss you." Alex said then continues, "Every night, every day, I think about you and tell myself that I would escape for Lena. For us. I'm also afraid that you will find someone else to replace me but, I trust you. So, I push the thought away. But now, it seems like, all my nightmares came true. You left me." I began to cry harder and Julian starts to rub my shoulder. "Not to mention, I didn't thought that you would fall in love again with the leader of the DFA's son." He said then laughed a little. I can tell that he's hurt and angry. "I'm sorry." That's all I can say. I looked at him then he walked away. He walked away.
It's like, One minute I love Julian and now, I love Alex. I hate myself now. I hate my feelings for hurting Alex and Julian. But what can I do? If there's only a way to escape from these feelings but there is none. I'm so confuse now and hurt. "So he is him?" Raven asked and I cried louder. I know I look like a baby now but I can't help it. Julian hugs me so tightly the rubs my back.
"Everything's going to be alright." Julian says. "I love him." I said. I know that might hurt Julian but that's the truth. I love Alex then, Julian then, Alex.
I don't know anymore.
I closed my eyes and saw a picture of Julian and Alex colliding together then, separating again. I'm so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. "Kid, it's not your fault." Raven used her baby talk to me again. "It's my fault." I whispered. Julian keeps on rubbing my back. I can feel that he too was hurt. Then I started to dream in white fog and saw that Julian and Alex were standing in front of me.
I opened my eyes and saw that Julian was still holding me. The van was moving. I looked around and my eyes hurt. I guess I was still crying while I'm asleep. Then, I remembered Alex. He is here and I can't lose him again.
"You're awake." Raven said then gave me a water bottle. "Thanks." I slightly move apart from Julian and then drink the whole water. I feel thirsty and tired also. I looked at the back and saw that Alex was sitting by the window staring outside. I looked away then back to Raven. "You've been asleep for an hour." I nod then looked at my bottle. What more else can I say?
Alex is here. Julian is here.
"Are you hungry?" Julian asked. I shook my head. I don't want to speak. I don't want anyone to hear my voice. I want silence. I looked outside the window and saw that the sun is already setting down. I remember something but, I pushed it way. I know someday that everything will be alright and be fine again. I know that someday, the world will be in peace and people will know that Love isn't a disease. I know that someday, that everything in this world has a purpose. Even this thing that I'm feeling right now.
Blah Blah. Hello there! So what do you think? Ehhhh, I know I'm not that really good in writing but anyway, I hope you like this Chapter and I would love to read some of your comments. Positive or Negative. I'd accept that. Thank you again for reading. Chapter 2 will be updated tomorrow or in Tuesday. I'm really busy and bored. LoL.
-Mandy