Res-QUE-ing the Melon
"Beef Stapleton," Chex announced to the stuffy man in the painting guarding the Ravenclaw common room. He obligingly swung forward and Chex hopped inside.
Ravenclaw was not Chex's House, but the House of her best pal at Hogwart's and in the world, Melon.
It was afternoon on a Saturday and time for waking Melons up she thought. She strode into the 6th year girls' dorm and threw back the curtains of Melon's bed.
"Gourd! Awaken!"
With a startled snort and a "huh?" Melon sat up.
"Hi Gourd. We should go to Hogsmead today," Chex suggested.
"MOPE! Lemme sleep! I had one HELL of a night last night," the Melon croaked, rolling over.
Chex burrowed at the Melon's skull insistently, "It can't have been that mind blowing…unless somebody's gotten a hold of those mushrooms from the Forbidden Forest…or did they?"
"Squeal, no…we all went out drinking again but then…we went somewhere else…I forget…"
Melon had a sense of dread about the previous night, but she was unable to remember the cause of it.
"Where'd you go, Melon? Think! What were your surroundings like?" Chex coaxed.
Then it hit her like a stage weight on the haid and she shot up in bed-
"Shit! God! I did it! I joined the Slytherin Society!!"
"WHAT! MELON! How could you?" - Chex was particularly shocked, being a Gryffindor.
"Oh NOOOO!" Melon cried. " I couldn't help it! Oh! I was so trashed I couldn't walk, and we were chillin' in the Slytherin common room for some reason, and then Draco Malfoy came in and started talkin' shit, and I told him he was a git, but he was the prettiest damn git I'd ever met. Not that he wasn't a bitch-"
"Gourd! Get to the point!"
"Wooh! I AM! SO I was there bitchin' at Malfoy, and who should walk up but Professor Snape!"-
Here the Melon paused to sigh for it was a well-known fact that Melon had a crush on Snape.
"Well, Snape told me that I was showing great disrespect for Slytherin, sitting around on my drunk ass insulting-"
"He said 'drunk ass'?" Chex interrupted.
"Uh…I think he did actually but I was drunk…so ANYWAY! He said that by disrespecting Slytherin I was disrespecting him! I was simply horrified, Chex! I got up to beg his pardon, but fell on my drunk ass instead and he looked so very…disappointed that I was willing to do anything to prove my respect and adoration for him. So I got it into my drunk haid that I should join the Slytherin Society to show my support for Snape."
"DUMB GOURD!" Chex yelled. "This isn't like Girl Scouts! You can't just sign up or be initiated and not go to meetings! They'll kick your ass!"
"Moooooope!" the Melon wailed and started sniffling.
"Aw, Gourd…at least you can have your chance to impress Snape."
"Squeal! Chex that involves being a bitch and betraying your House and even my own House! I can't do that!"
Chex mulled this over… and mulled it over again.
"Well, Gourd…you could always Play Dumb! Pretend you're gonna be a spy but come up with totally useless information! Besides, men love dumb blondes! You said so yourself!"
"Ooh! Chex! That might work!"
Melon, feeling somewhat more relaxed about her situation, was able to get out of bed and enjoy an afternoon at Hogsmead.
Chex and Melon were having a butterbeer at the pub discussing their favorite anime, Utena. At that moment Draco Malfoy breezed into the pub with his bitches, Crabbe and Goyle.
Chex prodded the Gourd, "Don't look now, but our favorite Bitchy Bishounen just walked in!"
To their horror, he made straight for their table, but instead of tossing down an insult like he normally did, he nodded and asked if they minded him sitting there.
Gourd was too stunned to do anything but nod.
"Look DeVine," He began, "Now that you've decided to join our society, it would behoove you to hang out with the right people."
Melon laffed.
"Ah, Draco! Such big words for a pretty boy like yourself. But a word of advice: don't use "behoove" and "hang out" in the same sentence!"
Draco scowled.
"Ya know, Malfoy. People might like you more if you weren't such a bitch," Chex laughed.
Malfoy stood up, looking ready to punch the Chex, but Melon placed a placating hand on Draco's shoulder.
"Look, Draco. Let's not start squabbling over silly things again. We're going to be leaving now. Take our table."
"I don't want your filthy table!" muttered Draco.
"Then SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" Melon responded on her way out, causing several heads to turn her way.
Draco sat down at the table.
Melon and Chex saw Harry Potter and his two friends, whom Chex knew personally from living with them, and Melon knew almost as closely. They looked like they were headed to the pub so Melon spoke up to warn them.
"Dudes! Ya might wanna avoid the pub for a bit. Malfoy's on P.M.S. again or something."
Harry Potter and Co. decided to step into the candy shoppe instead.
Chex and Gourd continued on to Hogwart's returning much earlier than anyone else. Minerva McGonagall was just entering the Great Hall as they were.
"Hi Miss Brodie-I mean Professor McGonagall" Melon stammered in greeting.
"You two are certainly back early," she observed.
"Yeah, we got bored with town for the day," Chex replied.
The two decided to go find an unexplored corridor to discover.
-Half an hour later…somewhere in the basement
"Gourd! Are we lost??"
"Squeal, beats me…this looks kinda familiar…" The Gourd scratched her haid.
They were surrounded by some really old-ass tapestries on the wall, and a suit of armor was sitting on a stool, it's legs crossed primly. It was rather dark and quite scary.
"Mope…" Melon hung close to the Chex nervously.
At that point a door slammed behind them and they both jumped, yipping!
Melon spun about-and nearly swooned! There stood incredible Severus Snape in his Black Silk Robes, hands on hips looking very expectant. It was all too much for her delicate Melon sensibilities-she took a running leap and flung herself upon him joyfully.
Professor Snape Twitched violently and forced the Gourd off of him furiously. He pinned her arms behind her back, grabbed her hair, and forced her to her knees.
"What is the meaning of this, DeVine?" He growled.
Melon whimpered.
Chex stood horrified, but Melon, though in pain, seemed to be enjoying it.
"We were lost!" Chex explained. "We hadn't any idea where we were! We're very sorry sir!"
"I mean, why did Miss DeVine attack me like that?"
"Squeal-ow- I was-ouch- happy to see you -aah! - You startled me -ow! - I wanted to give you a -Oi! - hug!" Melon gasped.
Snape released the Gourd looking almost confused for a moment before scowling.
"You two shouldn't be down here! Get back upstairs to your own Houses!"
"But we don't know the way!" Melon simpered. "Professor Snape, you know your way about so well, won't you show us up?" she fluttered her eyelashes.
Chex felt she might vomit.
Snape rolled his eyes and said, "All right-follow me." (Melon did this with great joy).
Later that evening, Melon, having retired to her room for the night, was absent from a conversation in the Gryffindor common room. Chex sat on an over-stuffed suede couch with Hermione "The brain" and watched Harry Potter and Ron Weasley play Chess. They were complaining about Snape.
"He's such a bitch to us just because we're from Gryffindor," Chex huffed.
"I don't see why Dumbledore allows him to carry on in such a blatantly biased manner," Hermione said.
Alaina Dew, a Hufflepuff, chose that moment to climb thru the door for a visit.
"Hey fools! What's up?"
"We're discussing Snape's Major Malfunction," said Harry looking up from the Chessboard.
"That bitch needs bringing down!" Chex said resolutely.
"If only we had a way to…" Hermione said and thought for a bit. "I think I know of something that might work!"
She jumped up and ran into her dorm room to emerge a few moments later with a Large Book entitled Advanced Spells. She skimmed through it until she found what she was looking for.
"Aha! Oh…this is clever." She read on…
Chex spoke up, "I think Melon is beginning to rub off on Hermione. She's actually breaking rules for things like revenge and practical jokes now."
"Indeed," Alaina agreed.
"Look what I found!" Hermione brandished the Book before reading aloud:
"Supersecive Spell, substitutes its taker's personality for another. Ingredients: the head from a newt, the wing from a bat, the tongue from a snake, the tail from a rat, the neck from a chicken, the eye of a crow-"
"And an itty-bitty-itty-bitty Drip of Faygo!" Chex inserted.
"Huh?" She got a 'Look.'
"Nothing! You were saying?"
"And a fingernail of one whose personality the spell is to cast."
"Ooh! We should find Gilderoy Lockhart and get him to donate a fingernail!" Ron said and the image of Severus Snape prancing and preening and giving dazzling smiles sent them into fits of laughter.
"Nice thought, but I doubt we could find Lockhart. He all but disappeared after he was fired," Harry said.
"We need a Diva, though," Alaina insisted. "Someone almost as bad, or worse… some prancing, squealing, vain, Prima-Donna-ish-"
"MELON!" Hermione yelled then slapped a hand over her mouth, feeling mean.
"Yes!" Chex jumped up not bothering to mention that Melon had used the same words to describe herself regularly.
Everyone thought that Snape squealing and burrowing was even better than Snape preening and grinning. So it was decided that a nail of Melon's would be used in the plot.
Later that week
Melon awoke out of an overly romanticized dream about scrumptious Severus to find the Chex giving her a manicure…or so she thought.
"Squeal, Chex, no need. I just did my nails two days ago." Melon sighed before rolling back over to sleep.
"Alright, Go'de." Chex said, for she had gotten what she needed and left the room.
She had already talked to Dobby the house about putting the potion in Snape's morning tea. It had taken much convincing from Harry Potter that it was only a joke and would not do serious harm, and further more, Dobby himself would not take the blame.
So it was that Professor Snape's first period Potions Class was in for a treat!
Melon minced gleefully into the dungeons for her favorite class of the day to find she was in for a surprise.
Snape, who normally would have been looming at the head of the class, was not in the room. It was not until most of the class was already assembled that the object of her desire arrived.
He minced gleefully into the dungeons, his normally shaggy hair brushed and glossy. He was grinning.
"Teeth! Hi Class! Are we ready for some fun today?" He asked as he twirled to face the class, his robes flaring out and hair swishing gloriously as he spun about.
There was only the sound of crickets (in the terrarium used in Potions).
'Fun' was not a word anyone used in association with Potions class or Severus Snape.
Looking for some papers, Snape burrowed absent-mindedly at his desk.
"Wooooh…Ah! Here they is!" He scooped up the papers and passed them out to the class. He gave a small squeal and told them, smiling, that this was their assignment for the day.
The class, still not quite sure of what to make of their professor, sat in their seats, papers ignored.
Snape who had reached into his desk to retrieve a cheeseburger looked up to find his class neglecting their work.
"Fool! C'mon! These projects ain't be doin' themselves! Get yo' asses in gear!"
The class, more out of shock then anything, obeyed.
Melon was pleased to see Snape had a sense of humor after all. It quite blew her mind.
She approached his desk, "Professor…"
"Hello, sexy!" Snape replied, quirking an eyebrow.
Melon thought she would faint, "P-Professor…" She began before she lost her nerve, "I was wondering if I could stay after class for some…extra help with Potions."
Snape had a knowing twinkle in his eye, "Of course my dear, I was hoping you'd ask me that." He smiled a sweet smile causing Melon to fall over.
"Squeal! Oh! I'm such a klutz! Sorry!"
"Squeal that's OK." Snape grinned to himself and tossed his gorgeous hair over his shoulder.
He then began to doodle on some paper and became quite engrossed in his drawings. He was so engrossed, in fact, that it was almost time for class to end before he realized he needed to check projects.
"Oh crap! Hang on!" Snape rushed about the room testing the projects, a sleeping potion, on white mice.
Most of the mice fell asleep except for Alexander Dane's mouse which ran in circles until it became dizzy and vomited.
Snape giggled manically at the barfing mouse, "Tee hee…sorry Dane, I think you've got your proportions wrong there…OK class dismissed!"
The class, except for Melon, poured out into the hall whispering and giggling madly.
Melon stepped up to Snape's desk, peering at his sketches. He had been drawing ladies in flamboyant evening robes, but had abandoned the pen for a mirror and a brush and was intently brushing his hair.
He looked up and smiled the silliness gone from his manner, "Now then, Melon darling, would you like to step into my office?"
"You'll have to carry me," Melon said before swooning.
When she came to she found herself stretched out on a black velvet couch in Snape's office. He was standing with his back to her, pouring something.
He turned to bring her a small snifter of brandy.
"To keep the fainting down," Snape said kneeling in front of the sofa.
Melon took a few sips and put the glass aside, gazing dreamily at Severus who leaned even closer, looking a bit dreamy himself.
"Gawd…" He nearly drooled. "You're almost as sexy as I am."
Melon had to grin, "My thoughts exactly."
Then Snape closed the distance giving Melon fodder for her wildest fantasies.
Meanwhile in the Great Hall, lunch was commencing and Chex, Alaina, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were rolling about laughing their asses off and high-fiving each other. Over half of the school was laughing about Professor Snape's bizarre behavior.
"I wonder how Melon took it!" Alaina said, wiping her eyes after a particularly long bought of laughter.
"We'll ask her…but where is she?" Ron looked around confused. "Melon wouldn't miss lunch for the world!"
Chex stood up and asked Ravenclaw Alexander Dane if he'd seen Melon.
"Not since Potions class last period," he said. "She was going to stay after class for extra help."
"Oh…SHIT!" Chex smacked her forehead knowing full well what that meant.
"What?" Harry asked. "Where is she?"
"Dude! We have virtually two Melons here! One is Professor Snape! What are Melon's two favorite things??"
"Melon and Professor Snape!" Hermione said, realization coming up to smack her in the back of the head. "Ohh…I'm suddenly not hungry anymore…"
Later that night
After dinner, Melon the joyful Gourd having traded her witches robes for a red cocktail dress, found her way up to the Slytherin common room to see if Snape was still in his bizarrely good mood.
"Poison Darts," Melon said to the painting. The Painting sniffed and didn't budge.
"Password's been changed," said a vampy Slytherin girl behind her. She walked up to the painting and said "Ass biscuits!"
The painting swung forth. Both girls stopped in their tracks, staring.
Disco music blasted forth from the stereo in the corner and colored lights flashed exotically. In the center of the room Severus Snape had traded his robes for leather pants and a white poet's shirt ala Jim Morrison, and he was bustin' out some impressive dance moves!
Both the girl and Melon forgot about standing up and found themselves on the floor, jaws open wide.
Melon forgot herself again and took a flying leap at Snape who caught her this time laughing.
"You're pretty agile for having spent half the afternoon on my couch!" he grinned.
Draco Malfoy entered the room then and if he thought his House professor was acting strange earlier in the day it was nothing compared to seeing him dressed like this and publicly displaying affection!
His reaction was much the same Melon's had been.
"Hi Bishounen!" Severus Snape said off-handedly and Melon couldn't help falling away in a fit of giggles.
Malfoy looked right pissed off, but Snape was the one staff member he would never dare talk back to. Malfoy exited the room again, red-faced.
More and more people started coming into the Slytherin common room, some were not even Slytherins, but guests who had heard there was a party. Snape did nothing to dispel this rumor but brought forth chips, dips, and a keg of butterbeer.
It wasn't long before Chex and Alaina walked through the portrait hole with a gothic looking pal of Alaina's who must've been a Slytherin. They stared, jaws dropped, at Snape in leather pants now Disco-dancing on a coffee table. Melon spotted them soon after. So did Snape. There was a simultaneous cry of "SKULLHAID!!" and Chex was glomped on either side.
Chex had never even wondered what being glomped by SNAPE would be like, and it was one of the most odd experiences in her life so far. She pushed him away gently and he turned to happily burrow at Alaina's skull.
"Hey! Glad ya'll came to the party! Have a drink!" Snape pointed them to the keg.
Chex grabbed Melon and dragged her aside while Snape saw another 'chum' of his to go greet.
"Melon! Now's your chance to go ask Snape!"
"Huh??"
"Ask his if you can withdraw from the society! If he'll ever consider letting you out this would be the time!"
"Oh! But squeal why would I want to leave? Severus is so utterly charming and sweet!"
"Silly Gourd! He's under a spell! He won't be like that tomorrow! He'll be his bitchy-ass self again and he'll be worse for embarrassing himself today!"
Chex wished she hadn't said that-Melon looked absolutely heartbroken.
"Ah Gourd…enjoy him while you can."
Melon went off urgently to find Snape. She looked from room to room but still not finding him. In the 4th year boy's dorm room, however, she spied a small cloud of smoke emerging from under the closet door.
Fearing a fire the Gourd threw open the door. Inside were Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, giggling like mad smoking an unknown substance (It wasn't pot, but what was it?)
Snape threw an arm around Malfoy's shoulders, "Hey baby! Come join us!" then he lowered his voice to a stage whisper conspiratorially, "We found someone's stash of Goya Weed! It's Magical!"
Draco giggled.
"Oh, Lawdy!" Melon grinned and slapped her forehead giggling.
Draco Malfoy danced out of the closet happily and grabbed Melon's hand, "Melon, honey I need a groovy dance partner…come dance with me!"
"Dude!" Melon cried as she made a wild grab for Snape before being dragged off to dance.
Snape was laughing wildly at a poster of Yoda on the closet door.
Chex and Alaina looked out on the dance floor in amazement. Draco Malfoy was doing the Charleston to the rap version of 'Stayin' Alive'. (Get raw with the fever on the dance floor.) It was the funniest moment they'd seen since Snape had hopped up and down squealing.
Wiping tears of laughter from her eyes Chex turned to Alaina, "I wonder if somebody put the Supersecive Spell on Malfoy as well!"
"Somebody did something to him!" Alaina guffawed.
Shortly after Draco Malfoy took a break from dancing and bounded over to greet them.
"Hi girls! You know Miz Mix," He addressed Chex. "I think you're onto something. People are being much nicer to me when I'm not being a bitch!"
He grinned and downed the rest of Chex's butterbeer before bounding off. Melon walked up a moment later looking exhausted.
"Squeal. You haven't seen Draco have you?"
"Gourd! What the HELL did you do to him??"
"Nothing! It wasn't me for once! It was Snape!"
"Oh no! What'd he do? Please tell me it's permanent! I like this new Malfoy so much more," Alaina said.
"No, it's Goya weed. It's some wizard's drug. It's mind-altering I guess."
"Ah, shyeet," Chex sighed.
"Chex! What kind of a spell did you put on Snape? He's getting out of hand!" "Gourd, he's under the Supersecive spell and he's got your personality!"
"Squeal?!…Well, that explains a lot."
"So, if you want to control him look inside your own Gourdish mind."
"Brilliant!" Melon jumped up and grabbed a random cheeseburger off of the buffet table, which had magically appeared.
Melon then went into Snape's sleeping chambers, found her Slytherin Society initiation contract, found some of Severus's velvet sashes and ran out again. She went back into the dorm room where she had found Snape, but he had crawled out of the closet and was sniffling forlornly against a bed post.
He looked up at Melon, his eyes bright and dazed, "You came back!" he smiled and reached up for a hug.
"Squeal, of course I did silly."
Melon sat down next to him stroking his hair, which he had curled at the ends and put barrettes in. She offered Snape the cheeseburger, which he took joyfully, leaning his head on Melon's shoulder. Melon decided now was the best time to strike.
"Severus, honey- I've got to ask you a favor…please don't take it the wrong way…"
"WeyHey! Take it the wrong way! That sounds a bit rude!" Snape nudged the Melon boisterously and they giggled childishly.
"Squeal, you're not making this any easier!"
"Sorry."
"I have to ask you to remove me from the Slytherin Society."
"Why?!" Snape looked concerned.
"Because…I have rehearsals every other night!" (Melon's classic excuse.)
"For what?!" (Hogwart's didn't have a theater department.)
"Uhh…I'm starting a band!"
"What? You think a band is more important than me??" Snape pouted.
"Oh, no sweetie! But…uh…I'm the only student at Hogwart's who's worked in the entertainment industry!" She pleaded.
"Well, fine! Whatever! Go on! Be a world famous Diva! Forget about me!" Snape twirled, pissed off, and stomped across the room to sulk by the fire.
Melon thought about how she would handle the Melon in this situation. You had to know what Melons wanted.
She decided the most effective approach was a forceful one. Striding across the room, she grabbed Severus's shoulders and forced him down on the nearest bed, pulling out the sashes she had brought.
"C'mon guys! I wanna show you something really cool!" Draco eagerly tugged Chex and Alaina by the hand.
Alaina leaned into the Chex as they followed Malfoy. "This really makes me wonder what is going through his mind right now."
"It's gotta be pretty amazing," Chex replied.
Malfoy lead them into the room to the foot of his bed where he kept his trunk. As he opened it and started rummaging through it Chex and Alaina became aware of sounds coming from behind the bed curtains.
Giggles and growls could be heard from the depths of the bed and Draco looked up with innocent concern.
"Who's in my-" He threw the curtains open, causing each inhabitant of the room to scream in horror.
Melon and Severus Snape had been found in a very compromising position indeed. Not only had Melon managed to tie Snape to the Mahogany bed posts, but had become entangled in the velvet ropes as well and was now bound to Snape at the arms.
They were barely covered by various random articles of clothing that had been tossed aside.
Chex hid her eyes, "Oh, God."
"My…bed…" Malfoy stammered then fled the room, hyperventilating.
Alaina sighed then walked out of the room.
"So, Gourd," Chex crossed her arms. "Did you get out of the society?"
"Squeal, what?…OH! Would you throw my contract on the fire?"
Chex gingerly picked up the paper between thumb and forefinger then tossed it on the fire where it burned happily.
"Shall I untie you then, Melon?"
"Squeal! Oh, no thanks. We'll be fine. I've got my wand for when I'm ready to get out of this."
Chex thought the better of asking the mostly nude Melon where she kept her wand, but another thought occurred to her.
"Hey Gourd, where were you expecting all the fourth-year boys to sleep?"
"Oh, you're a clever Chex, you figure it out."
Snape pulled his face up from where he'd been nibbling the Melon's neck. "Why don't you take Malfoy back to Gryffindor and make a man of him!"
Gourd tried to smack Snape, but couldn't being tied to him. "Dude! He's 13!" Melon yelled instead.
"At least he's not 12," was Chex's response as she left the room grinning.
The following morning found confusion and chaos for more than one person at Hogwart's.
For Melon, it was a coyote morning. A coyote morning is where one wakes up to find oneself trapped in some way on the bed by a sleeping partner so unfavorable that, like a coyote caught in a trap, one would rather chew one's own limb off than awaken one's bedfellow.
Melon's arm was trapped under the still cuddly bulk of Severus Snape. Admittedly, he looked positively angelic in his sleep, but Melon feared for her life if she woke him up. Also, her arm was starting to fall asleep.
Meanwhile, in Chex's bed Draco had awoken to find he couldn't remember the previous night. He at first thought he was in his usual bed in Slytherin, but then he realized his bed curtains weren't lavender velvet. Next he realized he wasn't alone in the bed.
Very afraid he rolled over to see who was keeping his back warm and would have screamed had he not been muffled by a stuffed plush lizard being crammed in his mouth.
"Dude! Hush! Do you want to wake the whole dorm?" Chex hissed.
He certainly did not! If anyone should see him in Chex Mix's bed what would they think? He yoinked the 'zard out of his mouth and hissed like a true Slytherin.
"Get me out of here! What the Hell are we doing in here together?"
Before Draco could flee the bed, however, Chex pinned him as she had seen Snape do to the Melon earlier. It was more difficult than it looked in a bed.
"First off, I wouldn't be insulting someone who's bed you've just spent the night in and secondly, that's not what you said last night. Now, I suggest you get over yourself and be a nice boy or I'll have to teach you some manners."
Melon had almost succeeded in freeing her arm from beneath Severus when Draco Malfoy's Mickey Mouse alarm clock went off like a bomb.
Snape sat straight up in bed looking furious, turned to the alarm clock and smashed it to bits against the fireplace. He clutched his head and sagged back into the mattress looking miserable.
Melon, still not noticed, tried to slide off of the bed out of sight without being noticed, but too late. Snape, sensing the movement snapped his head in her direction, his eyes blazing with fury.
"YOU!" He roared furiously grabbing her by the arm and dragging her across the bed. "You put a spell on me!"
"And now you're mine!" Melon, in spite of her situation, couldn't help singing.
She got a slap across the face for it.
"No! I am not!" Snape growled. "Do you realize the damage you've done?"
"Do you mean to your ego?" Melon taunted.
"I mean I could have you expelled for such an act!"
"But I didn't do it! Someone else put that spell on you Severus, not me! I swear it!"
"You will address me as Professor Snape with due respect!"
"Mm…that's not what you wanted me to call you last night…loverdoll!" Melon giggled and found Snape's hands at her throat.
"Last night should not have happened!"
Melon pulled Snape's hands away, "But it did! And if you have me expelled, I could have you fired for that fun-filled afternoon on your couch! Not to mention last night! So I think you and I are just gonna have to compromise, loverdoll."
-Later that afternoon-
"Oh my GAWD! That's great Chex! That's even better than me and Snape! Well…almost."
Chex giggled as well, pleased with herself.
"And Malfoy was totally your bitch after you said that?"
"Yup!" Chex was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
More fits of giggles.
"Oh…man! That was so worth it! I'm glad they didn't really decided to punish us!" Melon sighed contented.
Chex tugged at the manacles holding her to the stone wall of the dungeon. "What? I know Melons think being chained up is fun, but Snape isn't even here!"
"Aw…he'll be along to administer whippings soon," said Melon smiling to herself.
"But I mean now," Chex interjected.
"Chex, if they really wanted to punish us do you think they'd put us in the same cell together?"
Chex laughed at that, "Yeah, I guess you're right, Gourd. As long as we're together life is a never ending laugh parade!"
The End
"Beef Stapleton," Chex announced to the stuffy man in the painting guarding the Ravenclaw common room. He obligingly swung forward and Chex hopped inside.
Ravenclaw was not Chex's House, but the House of her best pal at Hogwart's and in the world, Melon.
It was afternoon on a Saturday and time for waking Melons up she thought. She strode into the 6th year girls' dorm and threw back the curtains of Melon's bed.
"Gourd! Awaken!"
With a startled snort and a "huh?" Melon sat up.
"Hi Gourd. We should go to Hogsmead today," Chex suggested.
"MOPE! Lemme sleep! I had one HELL of a night last night," the Melon croaked, rolling over.
Chex burrowed at the Melon's skull insistently, "It can't have been that mind blowing…unless somebody's gotten a hold of those mushrooms from the Forbidden Forest…or did they?"
"Squeal, no…we all went out drinking again but then…we went somewhere else…I forget…"
Melon had a sense of dread about the previous night, but she was unable to remember the cause of it.
"Where'd you go, Melon? Think! What were your surroundings like?" Chex coaxed.
Then it hit her like a stage weight on the haid and she shot up in bed-
"Shit! God! I did it! I joined the Slytherin Society!!"
"WHAT! MELON! How could you?" - Chex was particularly shocked, being a Gryffindor.
"Oh NOOOO!" Melon cried. " I couldn't help it! Oh! I was so trashed I couldn't walk, and we were chillin' in the Slytherin common room for some reason, and then Draco Malfoy came in and started talkin' shit, and I told him he was a git, but he was the prettiest damn git I'd ever met. Not that he wasn't a bitch-"
"Gourd! Get to the point!"
"Wooh! I AM! SO I was there bitchin' at Malfoy, and who should walk up but Professor Snape!"-
Here the Melon paused to sigh for it was a well-known fact that Melon had a crush on Snape.
"Well, Snape told me that I was showing great disrespect for Slytherin, sitting around on my drunk ass insulting-"
"He said 'drunk ass'?" Chex interrupted.
"Uh…I think he did actually but I was drunk…so ANYWAY! He said that by disrespecting Slytherin I was disrespecting him! I was simply horrified, Chex! I got up to beg his pardon, but fell on my drunk ass instead and he looked so very…disappointed that I was willing to do anything to prove my respect and adoration for him. So I got it into my drunk haid that I should join the Slytherin Society to show my support for Snape."
"DUMB GOURD!" Chex yelled. "This isn't like Girl Scouts! You can't just sign up or be initiated and not go to meetings! They'll kick your ass!"
"Moooooope!" the Melon wailed and started sniffling.
"Aw, Gourd…at least you can have your chance to impress Snape."
"Squeal! Chex that involves being a bitch and betraying your House and even my own House! I can't do that!"
Chex mulled this over… and mulled it over again.
"Well, Gourd…you could always Play Dumb! Pretend you're gonna be a spy but come up with totally useless information! Besides, men love dumb blondes! You said so yourself!"
"Ooh! Chex! That might work!"
Melon, feeling somewhat more relaxed about her situation, was able to get out of bed and enjoy an afternoon at Hogsmead.
Chex and Melon were having a butterbeer at the pub discussing their favorite anime, Utena. At that moment Draco Malfoy breezed into the pub with his bitches, Crabbe and Goyle.
Chex prodded the Gourd, "Don't look now, but our favorite Bitchy Bishounen just walked in!"
To their horror, he made straight for their table, but instead of tossing down an insult like he normally did, he nodded and asked if they minded him sitting there.
Gourd was too stunned to do anything but nod.
"Look DeVine," He began, "Now that you've decided to join our society, it would behoove you to hang out with the right people."
Melon laffed.
"Ah, Draco! Such big words for a pretty boy like yourself. But a word of advice: don't use "behoove" and "hang out" in the same sentence!"
Draco scowled.
"Ya know, Malfoy. People might like you more if you weren't such a bitch," Chex laughed.
Malfoy stood up, looking ready to punch the Chex, but Melon placed a placating hand on Draco's shoulder.
"Look, Draco. Let's not start squabbling over silly things again. We're going to be leaving now. Take our table."
"I don't want your filthy table!" muttered Draco.
"Then SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" Melon responded on her way out, causing several heads to turn her way.
Draco sat down at the table.
Melon and Chex saw Harry Potter and his two friends, whom Chex knew personally from living with them, and Melon knew almost as closely. They looked like they were headed to the pub so Melon spoke up to warn them.
"Dudes! Ya might wanna avoid the pub for a bit. Malfoy's on P.M.S. again or something."
Harry Potter and Co. decided to step into the candy shoppe instead.
Chex and Gourd continued on to Hogwart's returning much earlier than anyone else. Minerva McGonagall was just entering the Great Hall as they were.
"Hi Miss Brodie-I mean Professor McGonagall" Melon stammered in greeting.
"You two are certainly back early," she observed.
"Yeah, we got bored with town for the day," Chex replied.
The two decided to go find an unexplored corridor to discover.
-Half an hour later…somewhere in the basement
"Gourd! Are we lost??"
"Squeal, beats me…this looks kinda familiar…" The Gourd scratched her haid.
They were surrounded by some really old-ass tapestries on the wall, and a suit of armor was sitting on a stool, it's legs crossed primly. It was rather dark and quite scary.
"Mope…" Melon hung close to the Chex nervously.
At that point a door slammed behind them and they both jumped, yipping!
Melon spun about-and nearly swooned! There stood incredible Severus Snape in his Black Silk Robes, hands on hips looking very expectant. It was all too much for her delicate Melon sensibilities-she took a running leap and flung herself upon him joyfully.
Professor Snape Twitched violently and forced the Gourd off of him furiously. He pinned her arms behind her back, grabbed her hair, and forced her to her knees.
"What is the meaning of this, DeVine?" He growled.
Melon whimpered.
Chex stood horrified, but Melon, though in pain, seemed to be enjoying it.
"We were lost!" Chex explained. "We hadn't any idea where we were! We're very sorry sir!"
"I mean, why did Miss DeVine attack me like that?"
"Squeal-ow- I was-ouch- happy to see you -aah! - You startled me -ow! - I wanted to give you a -Oi! - hug!" Melon gasped.
Snape released the Gourd looking almost confused for a moment before scowling.
"You two shouldn't be down here! Get back upstairs to your own Houses!"
"But we don't know the way!" Melon simpered. "Professor Snape, you know your way about so well, won't you show us up?" she fluttered her eyelashes.
Chex felt she might vomit.
Snape rolled his eyes and said, "All right-follow me." (Melon did this with great joy).
Later that evening, Melon, having retired to her room for the night, was absent from a conversation in the Gryffindor common room. Chex sat on an over-stuffed suede couch with Hermione "The brain" and watched Harry Potter and Ron Weasley play Chess. They were complaining about Snape.
"He's such a bitch to us just because we're from Gryffindor," Chex huffed.
"I don't see why Dumbledore allows him to carry on in such a blatantly biased manner," Hermione said.
Alaina Dew, a Hufflepuff, chose that moment to climb thru the door for a visit.
"Hey fools! What's up?"
"We're discussing Snape's Major Malfunction," said Harry looking up from the Chessboard.
"That bitch needs bringing down!" Chex said resolutely.
"If only we had a way to…" Hermione said and thought for a bit. "I think I know of something that might work!"
She jumped up and ran into her dorm room to emerge a few moments later with a Large Book entitled Advanced Spells. She skimmed through it until she found what she was looking for.
"Aha! Oh…this is clever." She read on…
Chex spoke up, "I think Melon is beginning to rub off on Hermione. She's actually breaking rules for things like revenge and practical jokes now."
"Indeed," Alaina agreed.
"Look what I found!" Hermione brandished the Book before reading aloud:
"Supersecive Spell, substitutes its taker's personality for another. Ingredients: the head from a newt, the wing from a bat, the tongue from a snake, the tail from a rat, the neck from a chicken, the eye of a crow-"
"And an itty-bitty-itty-bitty Drip of Faygo!" Chex inserted.
"Huh?" She got a 'Look.'
"Nothing! You were saying?"
"And a fingernail of one whose personality the spell is to cast."
"Ooh! We should find Gilderoy Lockhart and get him to donate a fingernail!" Ron said and the image of Severus Snape prancing and preening and giving dazzling smiles sent them into fits of laughter.
"Nice thought, but I doubt we could find Lockhart. He all but disappeared after he was fired," Harry said.
"We need a Diva, though," Alaina insisted. "Someone almost as bad, or worse… some prancing, squealing, vain, Prima-Donna-ish-"
"MELON!" Hermione yelled then slapped a hand over her mouth, feeling mean.
"Yes!" Chex jumped up not bothering to mention that Melon had used the same words to describe herself regularly.
Everyone thought that Snape squealing and burrowing was even better than Snape preening and grinning. So it was decided that a nail of Melon's would be used in the plot.
Later that week
Melon awoke out of an overly romanticized dream about scrumptious Severus to find the Chex giving her a manicure…or so she thought.
"Squeal, Chex, no need. I just did my nails two days ago." Melon sighed before rolling back over to sleep.
"Alright, Go'de." Chex said, for she had gotten what she needed and left the room.
She had already talked to Dobby the house about putting the potion in Snape's morning tea. It had taken much convincing from Harry Potter that it was only a joke and would not do serious harm, and further more, Dobby himself would not take the blame.
So it was that Professor Snape's first period Potions Class was in for a treat!
Melon minced gleefully into the dungeons for her favorite class of the day to find she was in for a surprise.
Snape, who normally would have been looming at the head of the class, was not in the room. It was not until most of the class was already assembled that the object of her desire arrived.
He minced gleefully into the dungeons, his normally shaggy hair brushed and glossy. He was grinning.
"Teeth! Hi Class! Are we ready for some fun today?" He asked as he twirled to face the class, his robes flaring out and hair swishing gloriously as he spun about.
There was only the sound of crickets (in the terrarium used in Potions).
'Fun' was not a word anyone used in association with Potions class or Severus Snape.
Looking for some papers, Snape burrowed absent-mindedly at his desk.
"Wooooh…Ah! Here they is!" He scooped up the papers and passed them out to the class. He gave a small squeal and told them, smiling, that this was their assignment for the day.
The class, still not quite sure of what to make of their professor, sat in their seats, papers ignored.
Snape who had reached into his desk to retrieve a cheeseburger looked up to find his class neglecting their work.
"Fool! C'mon! These projects ain't be doin' themselves! Get yo' asses in gear!"
The class, more out of shock then anything, obeyed.
Melon was pleased to see Snape had a sense of humor after all. It quite blew her mind.
She approached his desk, "Professor…"
"Hello, sexy!" Snape replied, quirking an eyebrow.
Melon thought she would faint, "P-Professor…" She began before she lost her nerve, "I was wondering if I could stay after class for some…extra help with Potions."
Snape had a knowing twinkle in his eye, "Of course my dear, I was hoping you'd ask me that." He smiled a sweet smile causing Melon to fall over.
"Squeal! Oh! I'm such a klutz! Sorry!"
"Squeal that's OK." Snape grinned to himself and tossed his gorgeous hair over his shoulder.
He then began to doodle on some paper and became quite engrossed in his drawings. He was so engrossed, in fact, that it was almost time for class to end before he realized he needed to check projects.
"Oh crap! Hang on!" Snape rushed about the room testing the projects, a sleeping potion, on white mice.
Most of the mice fell asleep except for Alexander Dane's mouse which ran in circles until it became dizzy and vomited.
Snape giggled manically at the barfing mouse, "Tee hee…sorry Dane, I think you've got your proportions wrong there…OK class dismissed!"
The class, except for Melon, poured out into the hall whispering and giggling madly.
Melon stepped up to Snape's desk, peering at his sketches. He had been drawing ladies in flamboyant evening robes, but had abandoned the pen for a mirror and a brush and was intently brushing his hair.
He looked up and smiled the silliness gone from his manner, "Now then, Melon darling, would you like to step into my office?"
"You'll have to carry me," Melon said before swooning.
When she came to she found herself stretched out on a black velvet couch in Snape's office. He was standing with his back to her, pouring something.
He turned to bring her a small snifter of brandy.
"To keep the fainting down," Snape said kneeling in front of the sofa.
Melon took a few sips and put the glass aside, gazing dreamily at Severus who leaned even closer, looking a bit dreamy himself.
"Gawd…" He nearly drooled. "You're almost as sexy as I am."
Melon had to grin, "My thoughts exactly."
Then Snape closed the distance giving Melon fodder for her wildest fantasies.
Meanwhile in the Great Hall, lunch was commencing and Chex, Alaina, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were rolling about laughing their asses off and high-fiving each other. Over half of the school was laughing about Professor Snape's bizarre behavior.
"I wonder how Melon took it!" Alaina said, wiping her eyes after a particularly long bought of laughter.
"We'll ask her…but where is she?" Ron looked around confused. "Melon wouldn't miss lunch for the world!"
Chex stood up and asked Ravenclaw Alexander Dane if he'd seen Melon.
"Not since Potions class last period," he said. "She was going to stay after class for extra help."
"Oh…SHIT!" Chex smacked her forehead knowing full well what that meant.
"What?" Harry asked. "Where is she?"
"Dude! We have virtually two Melons here! One is Professor Snape! What are Melon's two favorite things??"
"Melon and Professor Snape!" Hermione said, realization coming up to smack her in the back of the head. "Ohh…I'm suddenly not hungry anymore…"
Later that night
After dinner, Melon the joyful Gourd having traded her witches robes for a red cocktail dress, found her way up to the Slytherin common room to see if Snape was still in his bizarrely good mood.
"Poison Darts," Melon said to the painting. The Painting sniffed and didn't budge.
"Password's been changed," said a vampy Slytherin girl behind her. She walked up to the painting and said "Ass biscuits!"
The painting swung forth. Both girls stopped in their tracks, staring.
Disco music blasted forth from the stereo in the corner and colored lights flashed exotically. In the center of the room Severus Snape had traded his robes for leather pants and a white poet's shirt ala Jim Morrison, and he was bustin' out some impressive dance moves!
Both the girl and Melon forgot about standing up and found themselves on the floor, jaws open wide.
Melon forgot herself again and took a flying leap at Snape who caught her this time laughing.
"You're pretty agile for having spent half the afternoon on my couch!" he grinned.
Draco Malfoy entered the room then and if he thought his House professor was acting strange earlier in the day it was nothing compared to seeing him dressed like this and publicly displaying affection!
His reaction was much the same Melon's had been.
"Hi Bishounen!" Severus Snape said off-handedly and Melon couldn't help falling away in a fit of giggles.
Malfoy looked right pissed off, but Snape was the one staff member he would never dare talk back to. Malfoy exited the room again, red-faced.
More and more people started coming into the Slytherin common room, some were not even Slytherins, but guests who had heard there was a party. Snape did nothing to dispel this rumor but brought forth chips, dips, and a keg of butterbeer.
It wasn't long before Chex and Alaina walked through the portrait hole with a gothic looking pal of Alaina's who must've been a Slytherin. They stared, jaws dropped, at Snape in leather pants now Disco-dancing on a coffee table. Melon spotted them soon after. So did Snape. There was a simultaneous cry of "SKULLHAID!!" and Chex was glomped on either side.
Chex had never even wondered what being glomped by SNAPE would be like, and it was one of the most odd experiences in her life so far. She pushed him away gently and he turned to happily burrow at Alaina's skull.
"Hey! Glad ya'll came to the party! Have a drink!" Snape pointed them to the keg.
Chex grabbed Melon and dragged her aside while Snape saw another 'chum' of his to go greet.
"Melon! Now's your chance to go ask Snape!"
"Huh??"
"Ask his if you can withdraw from the society! If he'll ever consider letting you out this would be the time!"
"Oh! But squeal why would I want to leave? Severus is so utterly charming and sweet!"
"Silly Gourd! He's under a spell! He won't be like that tomorrow! He'll be his bitchy-ass self again and he'll be worse for embarrassing himself today!"
Chex wished she hadn't said that-Melon looked absolutely heartbroken.
"Ah Gourd…enjoy him while you can."
Melon went off urgently to find Snape. She looked from room to room but still not finding him. In the 4th year boy's dorm room, however, she spied a small cloud of smoke emerging from under the closet door.
Fearing a fire the Gourd threw open the door. Inside were Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy, giggling like mad smoking an unknown substance (It wasn't pot, but what was it?)
Snape threw an arm around Malfoy's shoulders, "Hey baby! Come join us!" then he lowered his voice to a stage whisper conspiratorially, "We found someone's stash of Goya Weed! It's Magical!"
Draco giggled.
"Oh, Lawdy!" Melon grinned and slapped her forehead giggling.
Draco Malfoy danced out of the closet happily and grabbed Melon's hand, "Melon, honey I need a groovy dance partner…come dance with me!"
"Dude!" Melon cried as she made a wild grab for Snape before being dragged off to dance.
Snape was laughing wildly at a poster of Yoda on the closet door.
Chex and Alaina looked out on the dance floor in amazement. Draco Malfoy was doing the Charleston to the rap version of 'Stayin' Alive'. (Get raw with the fever on the dance floor.) It was the funniest moment they'd seen since Snape had hopped up and down squealing.
Wiping tears of laughter from her eyes Chex turned to Alaina, "I wonder if somebody put the Supersecive Spell on Malfoy as well!"
"Somebody did something to him!" Alaina guffawed.
Shortly after Draco Malfoy took a break from dancing and bounded over to greet them.
"Hi girls! You know Miz Mix," He addressed Chex. "I think you're onto something. People are being much nicer to me when I'm not being a bitch!"
He grinned and downed the rest of Chex's butterbeer before bounding off. Melon walked up a moment later looking exhausted.
"Squeal. You haven't seen Draco have you?"
"Gourd! What the HELL did you do to him??"
"Nothing! It wasn't me for once! It was Snape!"
"Oh no! What'd he do? Please tell me it's permanent! I like this new Malfoy so much more," Alaina said.
"No, it's Goya weed. It's some wizard's drug. It's mind-altering I guess."
"Ah, shyeet," Chex sighed.
"Chex! What kind of a spell did you put on Snape? He's getting out of hand!" "Gourd, he's under the Supersecive spell and he's got your personality!"
"Squeal?!…Well, that explains a lot."
"So, if you want to control him look inside your own Gourdish mind."
"Brilliant!" Melon jumped up and grabbed a random cheeseburger off of the buffet table, which had magically appeared.
Melon then went into Snape's sleeping chambers, found her Slytherin Society initiation contract, found some of Severus's velvet sashes and ran out again. She went back into the dorm room where she had found Snape, but he had crawled out of the closet and was sniffling forlornly against a bed post.
He looked up at Melon, his eyes bright and dazed, "You came back!" he smiled and reached up for a hug.
"Squeal, of course I did silly."
Melon sat down next to him stroking his hair, which he had curled at the ends and put barrettes in. She offered Snape the cheeseburger, which he took joyfully, leaning his head on Melon's shoulder. Melon decided now was the best time to strike.
"Severus, honey- I've got to ask you a favor…please don't take it the wrong way…"
"WeyHey! Take it the wrong way! That sounds a bit rude!" Snape nudged the Melon boisterously and they giggled childishly.
"Squeal, you're not making this any easier!"
"Sorry."
"I have to ask you to remove me from the Slytherin Society."
"Why?!" Snape looked concerned.
"Because…I have rehearsals every other night!" (Melon's classic excuse.)
"For what?!" (Hogwart's didn't have a theater department.)
"Uhh…I'm starting a band!"
"What? You think a band is more important than me??" Snape pouted.
"Oh, no sweetie! But…uh…I'm the only student at Hogwart's who's worked in the entertainment industry!" She pleaded.
"Well, fine! Whatever! Go on! Be a world famous Diva! Forget about me!" Snape twirled, pissed off, and stomped across the room to sulk by the fire.
Melon thought about how she would handle the Melon in this situation. You had to know what Melons wanted.
She decided the most effective approach was a forceful one. Striding across the room, she grabbed Severus's shoulders and forced him down on the nearest bed, pulling out the sashes she had brought.
"C'mon guys! I wanna show you something really cool!" Draco eagerly tugged Chex and Alaina by the hand.
Alaina leaned into the Chex as they followed Malfoy. "This really makes me wonder what is going through his mind right now."
"It's gotta be pretty amazing," Chex replied.
Malfoy lead them into the room to the foot of his bed where he kept his trunk. As he opened it and started rummaging through it Chex and Alaina became aware of sounds coming from behind the bed curtains.
Giggles and growls could be heard from the depths of the bed and Draco looked up with innocent concern.
"Who's in my-" He threw the curtains open, causing each inhabitant of the room to scream in horror.
Melon and Severus Snape had been found in a very compromising position indeed. Not only had Melon managed to tie Snape to the Mahogany bed posts, but had become entangled in the velvet ropes as well and was now bound to Snape at the arms.
They were barely covered by various random articles of clothing that had been tossed aside.
Chex hid her eyes, "Oh, God."
"My…bed…" Malfoy stammered then fled the room, hyperventilating.
Alaina sighed then walked out of the room.
"So, Gourd," Chex crossed her arms. "Did you get out of the society?"
"Squeal, what?…OH! Would you throw my contract on the fire?"
Chex gingerly picked up the paper between thumb and forefinger then tossed it on the fire where it burned happily.
"Shall I untie you then, Melon?"
"Squeal! Oh, no thanks. We'll be fine. I've got my wand for when I'm ready to get out of this."
Chex thought the better of asking the mostly nude Melon where she kept her wand, but another thought occurred to her.
"Hey Gourd, where were you expecting all the fourth-year boys to sleep?"
"Oh, you're a clever Chex, you figure it out."
Snape pulled his face up from where he'd been nibbling the Melon's neck. "Why don't you take Malfoy back to Gryffindor and make a man of him!"
Gourd tried to smack Snape, but couldn't being tied to him. "Dude! He's 13!" Melon yelled instead.
"At least he's not 12," was Chex's response as she left the room grinning.
The following morning found confusion and chaos for more than one person at Hogwart's.
For Melon, it was a coyote morning. A coyote morning is where one wakes up to find oneself trapped in some way on the bed by a sleeping partner so unfavorable that, like a coyote caught in a trap, one would rather chew one's own limb off than awaken one's bedfellow.
Melon's arm was trapped under the still cuddly bulk of Severus Snape. Admittedly, he looked positively angelic in his sleep, but Melon feared for her life if she woke him up. Also, her arm was starting to fall asleep.
Meanwhile, in Chex's bed Draco had awoken to find he couldn't remember the previous night. He at first thought he was in his usual bed in Slytherin, but then he realized his bed curtains weren't lavender velvet. Next he realized he wasn't alone in the bed.
Very afraid he rolled over to see who was keeping his back warm and would have screamed had he not been muffled by a stuffed plush lizard being crammed in his mouth.
"Dude! Hush! Do you want to wake the whole dorm?" Chex hissed.
He certainly did not! If anyone should see him in Chex Mix's bed what would they think? He yoinked the 'zard out of his mouth and hissed like a true Slytherin.
"Get me out of here! What the Hell are we doing in here together?"
Before Draco could flee the bed, however, Chex pinned him as she had seen Snape do to the Melon earlier. It was more difficult than it looked in a bed.
"First off, I wouldn't be insulting someone who's bed you've just spent the night in and secondly, that's not what you said last night. Now, I suggest you get over yourself and be a nice boy or I'll have to teach you some manners."
Melon had almost succeeded in freeing her arm from beneath Severus when Draco Malfoy's Mickey Mouse alarm clock went off like a bomb.
Snape sat straight up in bed looking furious, turned to the alarm clock and smashed it to bits against the fireplace. He clutched his head and sagged back into the mattress looking miserable.
Melon, still not noticed, tried to slide off of the bed out of sight without being noticed, but too late. Snape, sensing the movement snapped his head in her direction, his eyes blazing with fury.
"YOU!" He roared furiously grabbing her by the arm and dragging her across the bed. "You put a spell on me!"
"And now you're mine!" Melon, in spite of her situation, couldn't help singing.
She got a slap across the face for it.
"No! I am not!" Snape growled. "Do you realize the damage you've done?"
"Do you mean to your ego?" Melon taunted.
"I mean I could have you expelled for such an act!"
"But I didn't do it! Someone else put that spell on you Severus, not me! I swear it!"
"You will address me as Professor Snape with due respect!"
"Mm…that's not what you wanted me to call you last night…loverdoll!" Melon giggled and found Snape's hands at her throat.
"Last night should not have happened!"
Melon pulled Snape's hands away, "But it did! And if you have me expelled, I could have you fired for that fun-filled afternoon on your couch! Not to mention last night! So I think you and I are just gonna have to compromise, loverdoll."
-Later that afternoon-
"Oh my GAWD! That's great Chex! That's even better than me and Snape! Well…almost."
Chex giggled as well, pleased with herself.
"And Malfoy was totally your bitch after you said that?"
"Yup!" Chex was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
More fits of giggles.
"Oh…man! That was so worth it! I'm glad they didn't really decided to punish us!" Melon sighed contented.
Chex tugged at the manacles holding her to the stone wall of the dungeon. "What? I know Melons think being chained up is fun, but Snape isn't even here!"
"Aw…he'll be along to administer whippings soon," said Melon smiling to herself.
"But I mean now," Chex interjected.
"Chex, if they really wanted to punish us do you think they'd put us in the same cell together?"
Chex laughed at that, "Yeah, I guess you're right, Gourd. As long as we're together life is a never ending laugh parade!"
The End