This story fits into the time line of my other Aarson one shots but is a little different as it's Aaron POV. I want to warn you before hand that there are a few derogatory and offenses homosexual terms included but they do not reflect my opinion at all, I just felt they were appropriate from Aaron's perpective.
I hope you enjoy
When Aaron opened his text message from Jackson he'd not expected it was to be told he was ill and going home to bed. Jackson had said he felt a bit rough that morning and he looked a little flushed but Aaron hadn't expect him to go home because he had been so determined to work. His current job promised a bonus if he made a deadline and Jackson had said that he really needed that cash, Aaron had just eyed him warily and said he'd see him later before heading from Dale View to the garage.
Now stood in the garage forecourt Aaron sighed heavily, he'd promised Cain he'd go into town and pick up some spare parts but really he'd wanted to go and have lunch with Jackson who was working right near the suppliers, Aaron allowed a low frustrated growl to form in the back of his throat.
"What's up with you?" next to him Ryan was leaning against the bonnet of a car and sipping from his mug of tea.
"Nothing."
"Yeah right."
Aaron just frowned at his colleague before turning away and heading a little down the drive; he was going to call Jackson back but didn't want everyone knowing his business. Even though they'd been together 4 months Aaron still struggled with the fact he had a boyfriend and in all honestly he liked to keep Jackson as separate from his life as possible. This was difficult especially since he'd moved into Dale View with Ryan and Andy a few weeks ago. There was also the rest of his family to deal with, who had all seemed to take it upon themselves to become Jackson's best friend, he was often found having a pint with Paddy, his Uncle Zak offered to take him poaching and even his cousin Belle begs Jackson to play card games, most of them time Aaron wished that they'd all leave him and his boyfriend alone.
He pulled up Jackson number before glancing back, Ryan had disappeared into the garage. When Jackson answered it was clear by the tone of his voice how ill he sounded. "What's up with you then?" Aaron winced a little at his own tone, he didn't find sympathy easy. It amazed Aaron that Jackson didn't spend more time snapping back at him, as it turned out Jackson was a pretty patient man.
Jackson sighed heavily as if he was trying to find the energy to speak, "I think its flu, I'm all achy and I feel really cold," Aaron couldn't give and opinion on that, he'd never had flu before.
"I picked up some stuff from the chemist on the way home, which should help."
"Good so you'll still be able to go out tonight then?" they had planned on going to see a film that evening and he was really looking forward to it.
"Aaron I'm not sure."
"You said you've got some stuff and all you have to do is sit there," Aaron huffed slightly but did feel immediately guilty.
Jackson huffed himself "I don't have the energy for this. I'm ill, I might feel better later, let's just play it by ear."
As annoyed as Aaron was even he couldn't act like such a selfish petulant child, he sighed apologetically, "call me if you need anything."
"Aren't you coming here for lunch?"
"No, I said I'd go pick up some parts for Cain, I was going to come and see you as well."
Aaron knew that Jackson was closing his eyes disappointed, "sorry," he boyfriend shakily replied.
"No worries."
He snapped shut his phone and turned back towards the garage, this time both Cain and Ryan were sitting against the bonnet obviously listening.
"What's up?" Cain was smirking at him.
"Nothing."
"Girlfriend feeling poorly is he?" Aaron glared at his Uncle, ever since he'd moved to the village Cain had ridiculed Aaron in as many different ways as possible, his sexuality was the latest with him constantly making snide comments about handbags and leather whips.
Cain suddenly smacked his head exaggeratedly, "Oh no wait we've not established if he's the girlfriend or you are. Remind me which one of you bends over and takes it."
Aaron clenched his jaw tightly, almost every day he wanted to smack his Uncle in the mouth.
"Ignore him," Ryan was always the diplomat but Aaron could see him trying not to laugh and it made him want to knock Ryan out too.
"You can take it can't you Aaron, you like taking it."
By his sides Aaron's fists tightened and Ryan jumped up quickly reading the signs and ready to diffuse the situation, Ryan often played referee, "Aaron just ignore him, he's trying to wind you up and it's working."
Cain chuckled before turning towards the garage, "maybe you should go pick up those spare parts." He turned back towards Aaron and threw a set of keys, Aaron caught them but stood his ground, glaring at his Uncle.
"you waiting for something?" Cain eyed him dangerously.
"No he's not," Ryan quickly turned Aaron around and pushed him towards the car, "he's going now."
Still seething he made his way to the car. He hated Cain with a passion on a regular basis and would often have a little fantasy that his uncle had nothing whilst he had everything. In the fantasy Aaron would ridicule and laugh at how pathetic Cain was instead of it always being the other way round.
"You've got to stop winding him up," he heard Ryan say in a low voice that still carried across to Aaron as he climbed into the car, equally he heard his uncle scoff, "he shouldn't take it to heart, no one gives a shit that he's gay except him," this made Aaron ears burn.
It took Aaron about an hour to pick up the parts and by the time he'd returned to the garage he'd calmed down a little, both Cain and Ryan were sat in the forecourt as he'd left them, drinking another cup of tea, Aaron wondered if they'd bothered to do any work at all since he'd left. He still couldn't stand to be near his Uncle and so climbed out of the car and headed straight back towards the vehicle he'd been working on earlier."
"Hay!"
Aaron stopped and gritted his teeth, round two, "What!"
"Where you going?"
"Working,"
"You get all the parts?"
"Yeah."
Cain got up and walked towards him, still with a stupid smirk plastered on his face, "good lad, go get us some bacon sandwiches."
Aaron narrowed his eyes, "Why can't you get them."
He pointed to a vintage car parked on the drive way, "cause this is a big job and it needs to be finished today, were working through lunch."
Aaron looked at the vehicle bitterly, he'd wanted to work on it but Cain had just laughed at him and said he was to rubbish a mechanic to be allowed near it.
"Why can't you go?"
Cain huffed exasperated, "you clearing have no understanding of the employer/employee system that we abide to here. What it means is that you do as I say and if you don't like it you can run along." He then grabbed Aaron's hand and shoved a twenty pound note into it, "get me and Ryan some bacon sandwiches and a couple of coffees and buy something for yourself if you didn't eat whilst you were out."
Aaron glared at the note, he wanted to rip it up and shove down Cain's throat.
"Don't forget the iced buns," this was said by Ryan who had returned to working on the car.
Cain rolled his eyes "oh yeah and Princess Ryan wants an ice bun as well."
"That was the terms for working through lunch," Ryan popped his head out and flashed a cheeky grin, "one iced bun every day for a week."
Aaron eyed him warily, "Iced buns?" he wasn't impressed and could think of much better things to negotiate with.
"Yep, you know how much I love them, reminds me of being little, my Mum used to make them all the time."
"This just proves what a little mummy's girl you are," Cain laughed.
Aaron watched Ryan intently gauging his reaction, had this been directed at himself then he would have been ready to hit out as usual but Ryan barely reacted, he just flashed them both a grin before returning underneath the car bonnet.
Cain eyed Aaron, "off you skip then," he turned back towards the car before pausing, "oh and get us an iced bun an all."
Once in the café Aaron faced a serious dilemma, he could get the sandwiches and coffee no problem but the iced buns were causing trouble. It wasn't that there weren't any, in fact there were loads and they were all neatly stacked on the cake stand, the problem was that for some reason the icing that day had been made pink.
Pink, just Aaron's luck.
Immediately his mind imagined Cain's reaction to him bringing back pink iced buns. No doubt he would have to endure endless hours of snide comments about how its Aaron's favourite colour and how's he's gay therefore all his clothes are probably pink and that he's a pansy and pansies are pink, and these were some of the more obvious things – Cain could get much more creative.
Brenda was quietly waiting on the other side of the counter, "Can I get you anything else?"
Aaron weighed up his options, he could go back and say there wasn't any but then one of them might return to the café later for some reason and see them all stacked there. Another option was to buy them all, bin them and say they'd ran out; he liked that idea a lot. It was easy enough to do, tie them up in a plastic bag open the bin lid and drop them in, he wished he could do the same thing about his sexuality.
As he'd suspected him coming out just caused him grief and he hated that everyone knew. He had to deal with side long glances all the time and snide comments, this morning being a prime example. He was convinced that everyone looked at him differently, was constantly exhausted by it and spent a good deal of his time wishing he'd never said anything.
"Aaron?" Brenda was still hovering.
"I'll take all those iced buns as well."
"There are eight of them," Brenda looked really puzzled.
Aaron eyed the offending cakes warily, "I know, I need a plastic bag as well."
Brenda had helpfully placed the iced bun in the bag and spent ages arranging them so that none of them got squashed, he didn't let on that they were headed for a bin. It took her ten minutes of messing around and wittering on and by the end Aaron wanted to shove one down her mouth just to shut her up. Once finally outside he stood over the waste bin and peered in, there were all kinds of crap in there.
This idea really appealed to Aaron, put the cakes in the bag, shove the cakes in the bin and then he could climb in afterwards. No more Cain making snide comments, no more struggling with who he was. No more being gay.
"All right Aaron?"
Aaron looked up to see Andy staring at him perplexed, "What are you doing?"
"Miles away," Aaron shook his head to clear it and stepped back from the bin casually moving the bag behind him, Andy gave him a funny smile but didn't mention Aaron's odd behaviour.
"You seen that boyfriend of yours today?"
Inside Aaron guts twisted, this was another thing he hated –someone using the phrase boyfriend, it made him cringe every time.
"Yeah earlier," Aaron was going to say when he woke up this morning but then that would reinforce that he'd stayed at Dale View last night which would be telling in that he slept in Jackson's bed and would confirm that they were sleeping together. Except everyone knew this anyway, so why bother being so vague? This was his problem though – he just couldn't handle people knowing who he really was. He had regular internal discussions about breaking up with Jackson and going back to the way things were. He even went as far as to imagine moving away from the village and starting again, some where no one knew him, he would fantasise about marrying a girl and having kids and doing all those things that normal people do because he desperately wished more than anything that he was normal.
"I've just seen him, he's really ill,"
Aaron looked at Andy and noted the concern on his face, "It's just flu, he's not dying"
"We'll yeah I know but maybe you should go and check on him."
This was another gay thing – Aaron could tell, people think they are weak, "Oh what and make him a hot water bottle and stroke his head," Aaron couldn't control the venom in his voice.
"I don't know, whatever," Andy glared at him warily and backed away, clearly not keen to get involved in whatever Aaron's problem is.
Gritting his teeth Aaron tried to calm down, he was still doing this - snapping at people, reacting before thinking and it was starting to exhaust even him. He should especially watch how he spoke to Andy, they haven't had the best relations in the past and Andy is Jackson's housemate and the last thing he wants is to cause Jackson grief, but then that's all he ever seems to do.
For about the hundredth time Aaron decided to break up with Jackson but then he shook his head and snapped out of it because the thought truly made him feel sick.
Back in the Garage both Cain and Ryan were impatient and annoyed that he'd taken so long.
"Finally," Cain snapped before snatching the sandwiches and throwing one to Ryan.
Ryan winked at Aaron and gave him a cheeky smile, "Where's the ice bun?"
'Damn', thought Aaron, he'd forgotten to throw them away and the plastic bag was still firmly grasped in hand, "huh," he tried to think fast but Ryan spotted the bag and pried it from him.
Aaron waited warily, if a comment about the colour pink and his sexuality were made then there was a chance that he could hit someone or cry.
"Why did you buy eight?"
Aaron blinked for a second not expecting that response, forgetting he'd brought all of the stupid fucking pansy cakes, "A week's worth, that was the condition of you working late," he replied thinking fast.
Ryan looked at him like he'd gone mad, "they'll all be stale tomorrow."
"Nice one lad," Cain grinned in a conspiratorial way, "nothing was said about them being fresh, now I've held up my end of the bargain, you hold up yours and get back to work," Cain raised his eyebrows at Aaron, including him in the joke and Aaron smiled back mildly still sore over Cain's earlier comments and not ready to join in the banter.
"Oh and let's have one then."
Aaron paused as he watched Ryan reach into the bag, any second now Cain was going to see that stupid bright pink icing and then Aaron would have to endure comment after comment; he closed his eyes and swallowed a sickly feeling down.
"They're pink!"
Aaron froze.
"Look Ryan, there pink!"
He wanted to run.
Cain started laughing, "Lovely girly pink icing for Princess Ryan."
He took Aaron's brain a moment to catch up and realise that the comment was not aimed at him. Aaron stood wide eyed looking at Cain, watching him waving the cake in front of Ryan, winding him up.
"Seen as Aaron brought loads maybe I should get you our Sarah tea set and some teddy's and you can have a lovely picnic."
Ryan crossed his eyes, "Only if you'll both join me."
"Oh no, this is much more your scene, me and Aaron would just be cramping your style," Aaron watched Cain rubbing his hands together gleefully before heading back to the car muttering to himself and chuckling, "Fancy getting your favourite colour?"
Aaron breathed heavily, crises completely avoided.
"I saw Andy whilst you were doing the bun run," Ryan chirped up as if he'd suddenly remembered and possibly trying to change the subject.
Aaron took a deep breath, knowing where this was heading, "right."
"He said Jackson was pretty rough, said he had to get him a glass of water because he felt too ill to get up."
He suddenly felt guilty; he'd been too busy snapping at Andy to show concern earlier.
Cain resurfaced his head from the car, "Andy's playing nurse maid to your boyfriend, isn't that your job?"
Aaron gritted his teeth, "He'll be fine."
"I'm sure he will mate," responded Ryan, "that doesn't mean he don't need looking after."
"Don't be soft," he puffed out his chest slightly, unconsciously trying to man up, Cain was looking at him unsurely.
"Go and check on him if you want," Aaron didn't know if this was a set up, Cain's face remained neutral.
"No."
Cain scoffed, "You're a rubbish boyfriend."
This was the last straw, Aaron had had enough, he could feel the coiled anger inside him unfurl and he wanted to lash out, "What you think that because he's a queer that he needs special looking after!" Aaron spat out his words, "You can fuck off Cain cause we're nothing like those faggots!"
He watched Ryan and Cain look at him in shock and glared at them daringly, "come on then make some comment about cat fights and handbags, I fucking dare you!" His jaw muscles clenched and by his side his fists shook as his whole body filled with adrenalin, he was ready to kick something or scream or both.
Cain recovered quickly and stepped forward dangerously, "I'm gonna say this one last time," he moved right into Aaron's personal space, causing the younger lad to flinch back slightly and spoke so quiet that his words came out menacing, "I couldn't give a shit that you're gay, that's your hang up not mine. Now your boyfriend's sick, stop being a prat and take the afternoon off to go to look after him."
Aaron swallowed and Cain eyed him, "go."
There wasn't anything to he could say, maybe sorry or thanks could have jumped to his lips but he couldn't manage neither of them and wasn't sure he felt either.
"Aaron you'll need these," Ryan throw him the front door keys to Dale View, "keep the door on the latch for me."
He looked at the keys in his hands feeling completely deflated, he wanted to cry, he always wanted to cry. Everyone was right he was a stupid queer.
"See you tomorrow," Cain said before turning to work, there was nothing left for him to say.
Outside Dale View Aaron had made a decision. He realised he couldn't do this anymore, he'd had enough, every day was a constant battle. Paddy had lied to him, told him that coming out would make it easier for him to live his life but this simply wasn't true. He knew even less how to behave now, didn't trust his reactions and was scared that every decision he made alluded to his sexuality. He knew he needed it to end, he knew he needed to end things with Jackson and seriously look into finding work somewhere else and start again, it was his only option. Aaron swallowed, he was going to tell Jackson now.
"Jackson," Aaron called as soon as he entered the cottage, "I need to talk to you." He waited for an answer and when none came he called out again, he heard a weak reply in response.
"I need to talk to you, can you come down," again he heard a response but couldn't decipher the words.
He didn't want to go upstairs, this conversation needed to be over quickly, "fine," he gritted his teeth, "I'm coming up."
Jackson's curtains were drawn casting a gloomy effect over his entire room but Aaron could still clearly make out Jackson shivering beneath the duvet covers, he frowned up at Aaron as if it hurt to look. Aaron had never seen Jackson ill and it immediately unnerved him.
"You ok?" Aaron asked, it was a stupid question but he wasn't sure what else to say.
"Yeah."
"You don't look it."
Jackson gave him a weak knowing smile, "I've never looked better."
Aaron stayed still biting his lip, he'd never had to care for someone before and he wasn't sure he was capable.
"I'm alright."
"So you keep saying," he sat down on the bed beside Jackson and gently wiped a hand across his boyfriend's forehead, "You're burning up," Aaron worry spiked, "should I call a doctor?"
Jackson shook his head and closed his eyes heavily, "It's ok, I get this a couple of times a year and it lasts a few days, just need to keep drinking liquids.
Aaron quickly grabbed the glass from Jackson bedside table, "here," he guided it to Jackson's mouth.
"Thanks," he watched Jackson licks his lips after taking a sip, he looked so ill that it scared Aaron a little, "What are you doing here anyway, why are you not at work?"
He reached out a stroked Jackson's cheek, he'd come to end it and outside Dale View he'd been determined that that was what he wanted.
"I've come to look after you."
A small smile graced Jackson's lips, "I don't need looking after."
Aaron pressed a kiss to Jackson's forehead, it felt clammy and so worryingly hot, "I want to look after you."
"You're such a big softy really."
Such a big softy. Was that because he was gay? Straight men don't go running around like an old women causing fuss, straight men get on with it and don't show weakness, every day since he could remember he'd wished to be like them. He could go straight away, get up a leave now, tell Jackson it was all over, go away and start again just like he told himself he wanted to.
Aaron got to his feet looking down at Jackson, Jackson in response squinted up at him, "are you going?"
"No, I'm going to lie next to you for a bit."
Again Jackson smiled and closed his eyes tiredly, Aaron carefully climbed over Jackson trying not to jar him too much. He slowly got comfortable before pulling Jackson back and wrapping his arms around him.
"You ok?" he felt Jackson relax into his arms.
"Yeah."
They lay like that for a moment before Jackson interrupted the silence, "I'm not going to finish that job before the deadline now for sure, no bonus this time."
Aaron squeezed him slightly, "It's no big deal."
"I wanted to do something nice with the cash."
"Something nice?" Aaron frowned this was the first he'd heard of it.
Jackson sounded even sleepier than before and it was as if he was struggling to stay awake, "long weekend in Manchester or something."
Aaron froze. A weekend away just like regular couples, booking one double room and watching the receptionists eyebrows raise when she realises they're sharing a bed. Romantic meals for two and strolling down the gay quarter of Manchester hand in hand as if he was proud of who he was? Accepting who he was?
Aaron relaxed, "I have a bit of cash saved up, we can still go."
He felt the head against his shoulder nod minutely, Aaron then pressed a kiss into Jackson's temple before curling a little tighter around his boyfriend.
He could get up a leave now, tell Jackson it was all over, go away and start again just like he told himself he wanted to.
But then he wouldn't have Jackson.
The End