Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I wish I did.
Title: I shouldn't be here.
Summary: Emily visits her grave a year after she was to have died, but did she know that a certain blonde was watching her.
This is my first fan fic so please be kind, and any spelling/grammar mistake are all mine.
Emily's POV
I shouldn't be here but for some sick reason I needed to see where I buried. They say it will compromise my safety and the safety of other's. What the fuck do they know about safety? If they knew anything about safety, Doyle would have been dead years ago. I wouldn't have had to die or leave the only women that I have ever truly loved. She of course is Jennifer Jareau and that women can light up any room just by walking in it. I close my eyes and it's almost like she is standing right beside me. She is also the only person who knows the truth about the night I died. It's been a year since that night in Paris, but I still remember like it just happened. We weren't there because we wanted to, no we were there because of Doyle. She handed me an envelope with a few passports, information on my new identities and bank account numbers. I remember looking at those piercing blue eye's thinking I should tell her just how in love with her I am. Instead I get up from the table taking the envelope with me and walk out of Jennifer's life for what I hope isn't forever. I don't look back because if I do it will undo me and I will never be able to move on. I walk away because I don't want to give her the same life sentence of wanting, longing and emptiness that I must live with. It's not fair to tell her how much I love her, and then tell her we can't be together. As I look down at the empty grave, the tears that have been threatening to fall for the past year start to fall. I can't control the tears and soon I find myself sobbing. All the pain that I have been holding back onto comes out and I fall to my knees. The pain that I felt after Doyle tried to kill me is nothing compared to the pain of loving someone I will never have. As the sobbing subsides I get up off my knees and place a single rose on my grave, not because it was her favorite flower but because it simply means "I love you". I wonder if she will ever come to visit me and if she will get the message I left for her. One more look at my grave and once again I walk out of Jennifer Jareau's life.
JJ's POV
I wonder if she knows I have been watching her. I have come to the only place I feel close to her. As I watch her fall to her knees, I know she is in pain. I know this because I'm in the same pain. I want to run over to her, take her in my arms and tell her that everything is going to be okay but I can't. I watched her walk out of my life that night in Paris, with out telling just how much in love with her I am. I live every day knowing that she is still alive, but I can't do anything about it. I want my Emily back. I want to tell her that I loved her since the first day I saw her. If it takes me the rest of my life I will hunt Ian Doyle down and put a bullet in his head myself. I watch her leave and wait for a few minutes. I walk over to where she has just been and if I close my eye's it's like I can feel her standing right beside me. I never knew I could miss someone this much and yet I find myself wanting, and longing to feel her touch. After her funeral I laid a single rose on her grave not because it was her favorite flower but because it simply means "I love you". I wonder if she ever came back to see where we laid her to rest or if she ever got my message I left for her. As I look down at the empty grave I see the red rose she left, I pick it up and it smells like her. Even though she can't hear me I whisper "I love you to".
Well let me know what you think. Please be kind.
Skittles1203