Hello dear readers, welcome to yet another fic XD Are you getting sick of it yet? ;) This is a little something that we had a lot of fun to write and so we thought we would share it with you. We hope you enjoy^^

Title: Carhitman

Authors: BMIK and Chephren

Summary: Sephiroth says the world is full of rapists, brigands and thieves... How will Yazoo ever make any friends? AU.

Characters: Sephiroth, Yazoo, Vincent, Tseng, Rufus

Warnings: There will be smut. Explicite smut.

Disclaimer: Bishis, we no own. Belong Squeenix, they do.

A/N: (Cheph) This is Schwaerze answering my desperate need for more Tsengzoo! *kasnuggles her!* Hope you likie! It's AU in that, yeah, you'll see, it's pretty much completely AU, like we do, with their personality quirks within different roles. XDD

BMIK: Sephiroth, Yazoo

Chephren: Vincent, Tseng

One man hit

Sephiroth's fingers drummed an impatient rhythm that grew faster with every passing second the clock on the wall displayed. His expression grew more aggravated as well. Before him stood a plate with steaming dinner that had begun to cool down, not adding to his mood in the slightest.

"It has been five minutes now," the silver haired man finally declared into the room. "If he is one more second late, I will draw serious consequences."

A slightly flustered Vincent lay a hand over that moving, knocking fist to quiet it. "Hush, I'm sure he's alright..." Inwardly though, the dark haired man wasn't sure. "Shall we go look for him? He's been late before when he's been out having fun. It's probably nothing."

"Yes, but five minutes is pushing it!" the man growled, irritated. He was a very orderly person and Yazoo knew very well how important it was to Sephiroth that he was punctual! It was somewhat suspicious too that something would be so much fun that the boy could forget time over it...

At that moment, the closing front door could be heard and Sephiroth stiffened, straightening up.

"Now don't be harsh," Vincent chided gently as they looked toward the kitchen door. A dreamy Yazoo sailed in and it was clear that this young man had many things on his mind and much to occupy him. Tonight however, he seemed greatly unsettled by something as he sat down and started to eat silently.

"Yazoo? Are you alright," the dark man asked, concerned.

"And what's with that attitude?" Sephiroth growled, refraining from barking only for Vincent's sake. His boyfriend was someone who cherished harmony, and Sephiroth would have given that to him dearly, but living with a 16 year old irresponsible teenager was wearing on his patience... very much. All the things that could happen! It was bad enough that the rest of their family had died in that car accident 8 years ago. Since then, Sephiroth had done everything to ensure that Yazoo would be safe, but the little brat was in a 'difficult phase' now, or so Vincent had said, and Sephiroth was supposed to be understanding.

"I'm sorry," Yazoo replied blankly, dutifully glancing up from his soup. He didn't look sorry at all, Sephiroth thought. "Vincent asked you a question first," he snapped.

At least Yazoo turned his head towards the dark haired man, throwing him a look as if to say 'What the fuck is wrong with Seph?' but instead said politely, "I'm okay." In all actuality he wasn't, but he wouldn't say so because if he did, all hell would break loose.

Not true, that much Vincent picked up on, but there was little wonder why Yazoo didn't confide in him with Seph being so over-protective. He had become parent to his brother quite early and it had been one of the things about Sephiroth that had won the dark man's heart. Sephiroth was such a good parent and the care was certainly there, however he was rather pathetic in the doting department. He ran a tight ship and that was that. There was no convincing him otherwise and Vincent would try to act as a buffer sometimes when things got too rough on Yazoo. His big brother really didn't mean to be so harsh. He did the best he could and Yazoo seemed to know that too.

"Care to tell us what kept you?" he asked gently, hoping to still ease some of his lover's torment.

Yazoo wouldn't have minded telling Vincent, but with Seph, it was a different matter. His brother stared him down as if he was a dangerous criminal. His gaze briefly flickered to the clock. Shit, he was late and he hadn't even noticed!

"I'm terribly sorry," he said, putting some more conviction in it now and glancing at Sephiroth to see if he was buying it. It had been a fight to be let out already, and now he had to blow it by being late! "I was at the book shop and they had a book about swords that was very interesting and then it was so late all of a sudden," he smoothly lied, gracing his brother with a charming smile. Sephiroth loved swords. It was his weak point and surely, the elder's features relaxed a bit, but he instantly looked at Vincent to see if his lover thought this was a plausible explanation.

Vincent remained silent but there was knowing in his ruby eyes. He knew Yazoo didn't really care about swords. He had found the youth eyeing his gun one afternoon when Vincent had been polishing it for some target practice. Then, Vincent had been so pleased to see the teen's interest that he took some time to teach Yazoo some basics of shooting. It had been their true moment of bonding and the dark man had been so relieved to see those sullen teenage walls come down for him from that point on.

"Well, Seph," he replied finally, "what do you think, is that excusable? Yazoo, no matter what you are doing, your brother just wants to make sure you get home safely and learn to respect others' time and concern for you, understood?"

Vincent gave him his infamous 'peering over his collar' look and Sephiroth crossed his arms over his chest sternly, but he looked relatively appeased.

"Yes, I am really terribly, terribly sorry. It won't happen again, I promise," the youth stressed, which was more than he said in an entire day sometimes. A simple 'Sorry' just wouldn't do here, not if he wanted to go out again, and he certainly wanted to.

"Fine," Sephiroth said finally and reached for his own cutlery, and they started eating again. Yazoo finished as quickly as he could without seeming impolite and then asked to leave the table. Sephiroth waved him away and the youth bolted, going upstairs to his room. The elder looked after him suspiciously.

"There is something going on he's not telling me," he muttered while he helped Vincent clean the table.

"Yes," Vincent agreed, "he's a teenager now. As long as he remains safe, that's really the best we can do, isn't it?" He touched shoulders with his lover while they stood side by side at the sink, one washing the other drying, the old-fashioned way.

"Not if I can help it," the silver haired man murmured, determined and final. He would keep both his eyes on his little brother and whatever mischief he was planning, Sephiroth was sure to undermine it.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Later that night, a quiet man sat alone in a small Wutaian teahouse on the edge of Midgar's Little Wutai. Thoughtfully, he sipped at his hot tea and stared out the window into the night. When the traditionally-dressed waitress approached his table with some soup, the dark man, Tseng, accepted it with a small smile before he sat waiting for it to cool. Tonight had already been such a chaotic evening and he enjoyed this moment of respite.

He had left his employer's office to walk to the nearest convenience store to pick Rufus up a pack of smokes. Tseng was no errand boy... well, unfortunately, yes, he was from time to time. His blond superior called the shots and he was paid well for his services, so there was little he wouldn't do and it was not as if Rufus had him cleaning toilets or anything... A carton of cigarettes was no problem really and he had wanted to get out of that stifling office anyway. The dregs of society who gathered there to appeal to his employer for money, protection or what-have-you were starting to irritate him with their bad jokes, their delusions of mafia grandeur and worst of all from some, their longing glances. He had to get away and this errand was for once, a welcome opportunity. In essence,, Tseng was Rufus' number one hitman, companion (as much as one could be to Rufus Shinra,) and now it seemed, occasional errand boy.

Sighing, the dark bodyguard put one foot in front of the other as he walked the seven blocks to gather some of Rufus' favorite smoking blend at the most exclusive store that carried them in town. On his way, he heard the loud hum of a large, beat-up van round the corner and he saw a streak of silver crossing its path. Before he knew what it was or even processed why he was acting, Tseng had leapt out in front of the moving vehicle to envelop the small form in his arms protectively, moving them out of harm's way.

When they were toppled on the opposite sidewalk across the street from whence the silver had come, the dark man looked down into stunned emerald eyes.

"Look out," he murmured very belatedly in warning, pulling what he discovered to be a teenage boy closer into his body.

Finally, Yazoo pulled his earphones out of his ears and stared up at the man who had just suddenly come out of nowhere to attack him like that. Now he had always suspected that Sephiroth's stories about the outer world (that consisted only of pedophiles, sociopaths, kidnappers and the like) had been a bit of an exaggeration. Here he was though, finding himself flat on the street with a total stranger lying atop of him. He had no idea what to do in such a situation and people were probably already staring, so he just kept blinking and looking upward blankly.

"...Hi there."

"...Hello," Tseng replied in still-late realization. Kids and their hidden devices... "You should be more careful when you cross the street, young one," he instructed gently and yet, he couldn't find it in him to pull himself all the way off the youth. He was quite comfortable this way. "Promise me, you will look both ways before crossing from now on."

"...Hn." What a strange sociopath, giving advice on how to cross the streets... He must be of the polite sort. Well, Yazoo could work with that. He immediately came out of his surprised state and his brain was back to functioning. He cleared his throat again. "Sir, excuse me. If you don't mind, I would kindly ask you to get off of me and not try anything funny for I have a stun gun in my pocket and I promise you, it is no fun to rape and dispose of me in some dark corner of a forest."

Sephiroth had taught him all ways of how to deal with various criminals and Yazoo was a bit proud that he had been able to recite the whole sentence without fail. His expectant gaze lay heavily on the man above him; how would he react? Of course Yazoo had a stun gun - amongst various other weaponry for self-defense Sephiroth insisted he wore at all times- and he was curious to try it out. But this man didn't look so bad (though of course Yazoo had also learned that rapists and mass murderers seldom did.) This man was very handsome and his dark hair tickled Yazoo's cheek as it fell around their faces like a curtain.

"...I don't want to rape you, child," Tseng replied automatically as he let the boy up. Unfortunately though, he kept talking. "If anything ever happened between us, I would want you to want it to. With me, of course.." 'Shut up, Tseng,' he inwardly berated himself. He really didn't speak much at all and now of all times, he had to start blurting unnecessary things? Also, he shamed himself for feeling attraction to this... admittedly, very lovely young man with creamy skin and moonlight hair...

"You don't?" Yazoo couldn't help but sound the slightest bit disappointed. Not because he wanted to be raped of course. He didn't even know why. Yazoo dusted off his clothes, wiping away white snow, his breath coming in small white clouds from his mouth. "I'll let you know then when I am ready to get raped," he finally said, improvising because he was at a loss for what to do. He could deal with almost everything, but what Sephiroth had failed him to prepare at was dealing with normal people. He didn't go to a public school either but was home schooled by his brother and here he was, meeting a new person who wasn't even a rapist! Yazoo stopped his ministrations and looked at the man again, tilting his head. "What's your name?"

"Tseng," the man answered mechanically, already puzzling over the child's evident dissatisfaction. "You... wanted me to rape you?" He absently reached up to curl his fingers around the nape of his own neck. This child perplexed him and he found that very little on this planet did. Realizing this, he found he was very hesitant to let his source of confusion wander off.

"No." Yazoo gave him a look that pretty much said 'duh!'. "Do you want me to want you to rape me?" he shot back, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. Tseng looked very exotic to him, with his slitted eyes and that slicked back, dark hair. Actually, the man reminded Yazoo a bit of Vincent, but only a little. Beautiful he was, and though Yazoo had almost no experience with the world outside, the man's clothes seemed expensive to him. There was a strange aura around him too. Maybe Tseng was a rapist after all...

"Maybe... not rape though," Tseng blurted again, inwardly facepalming. He really should stop talking now and be on his way. "What is your name, child?" The youth was a teenager and approaching adulthood, but to Tseng, he was as lovely and pure as a child somehow... his limited knowledge of people, his equally-limited social skills. It did appeal to something dark inside the man and he found he reached out boldly to run a finger over a pink lower lip.

"What else is there but rape?" Yazoo blinked a bit, perplexed. Was this how people usually interacted in the real world? He didn't much like to be touched and stiffened, sullenly looking up, but it didn't feel that bad actually. "Bludgeon, strangle me, or torture me to death?" He closed his mouth, thinking for a second before he routinely recited one of the other phrases Sephiroth had taught him in case it ever came down to this. "You don't seem like someone who gets a rise out of torturing people to death, so if you don't mind, I would actually like to get shot because I was told that it is one of the least painful ways of dying."

The raven haired man noticed a couple of judgmental glances as a couple of passers-by stared at him in his black suit conversing with a young man who thought he was a rapist. Carefully and nonchalantly, he let his hand drop to his side once more.

"I mean," Tseng clarified, a bit appalled, "I would not wish to hurt or kill you. Is there something else you might ever wish to do... with me?" 'Stop trying to fraternize,' he warned himself silently but he didn't care to listen to his inner conscience at all right now. The youth was just too captivating. "Would you like... a cup of coffee or tea perhaps? My treat?"

"I am not allowed to drink coffee because it will raise my blood pressure and caffeine kills people," Yazoo enlightened the man listlessly. "But I can drink tea," he offered. He felt that he was trapped a bit in a conflict here because he was not supposed to talk to strangers, but then Tseng had so politely refrained from killing or raping him, so Yazoo should somehow show how grateful he was, shouldn't he?

Yeah, definitely.

TBC!