Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds
They are his family, his home.
While he sleeps at his apartment it is not his home because it is empty. There is no-one to talk to, no-one to listen to and he feels lonely whenever he's there. He wishes, every time he is at the place he should think of as home, for a case since it opens up the opportunity to leave.
But lately he's found himself wishing a bit less for a case.
Because, like in every family, sometimes trouble arise and even though usually a family overcomes those troubles and gets closer because of that, Spencer fears this problem of his won't be solved that easily.
Not that he shared anything with the rest of the team. Far from it since he has decided to keep his mouth shut and not tell a thing to anyone.
No questions asked, end of discussion.
Because Reid's never had a proper family and now that he does he is willing to do anything he can to keep his family, to keep them safe and hold the family together.
And even though it sometimes hurts, that whenever he gets dragged to a club with everyone his heart clenches painfully and he can't help the tears that find their way down his cheeks when he lays alone in his bed on those nights, he knows he has to do it.
He knows why he does it too. Why he has accepted the heartache that sometimes comes over him. It is because he knows his problem, his secret, will ruin the family.
It will break them apart, have them move out like teenagers do, drift away from him as his father and mother did, the same way Gideon had drifted away.
And even though he knows deep down it is better if he comes clean, he can't find the strength and the power within him to do so. He is not so confident that he believes this will not harm their relationship and he is hurt so many times in his life he knows for certain his feelings won't be returned.
To him that fact is easily concluded.
The fact Derek Morgan likes to talk about women is a dead giveaway he is not into men. And Spencer's quite sure that if Morgan would ever go as far as to sleep with a man, it would be a real one and not the lanky, geeky kind that he knows he is.
Then there's the point Morgan keeps calling him kid. Endearing, and he must admit his heart flutters every time the word passes the man's lips. But it does explain, down to the dot, how Morgan feels about him. A kid, a little brother to tease and take care of.
Admittedly, he's been called pretty boy by the man too but that is just sometimes and even though he falls just a bit harder for the man whenever he calls Spencer pretty, he knows it's just an illusion he's created for himself.
Because he's certain Morgan doesn't truly think he's pretty, that he's teasing Reid. Because for a man like Morgan, what's to like about someone like Reid?
Because Derek can get so much better, so much prettier and funnier and with more experience. Someone that isn't awkward all the time, talks fifty miles an hour when nervous and someone that is most probably female.
That's what Spencer believes and because of that he keeps his mouth shut.
Because telling Morgan of his feelings will end in heartbreak and with heartbreak comes the distancing from each other.
And, Reid knows, with that comes the downfall of the family he's created for himself. Because things won't be the same anymore.
Morgan won't tease him anymore, the girls will walk on their toes around him and there will be whispers behind his back.
Because that too is something a family does. But that doesn't mean Spencer won't do everything to keep that from happening.
Because a family should be happy, a bright place where one feels safe and can be just oneself. And that is the way the team is, right now without his feelings laid out bare onto the table. And he wants to keep it that way.
But he isn't so sure he's actually going to succeed.
Because Morgan's abducted him from his desk under the pretence of needing Spencer's help.
But the moment they had walked towards the lockers where people keep their change of clothes after a long night, or few nights, he knew something was going to happen.
And he feared, still fears now with his frail body pressed against the row of lockers and Derek standing too close to him with the lights still off and the door closed, that things will change forever.
And he doesn't want that. Doesn't want to be rejected and doesn't want to lose the friendship and the brotherly relationship he's build up with Morgan.
And he thinks it's unfair. He kept silent all this time and here Morgan just drags him away.
He fumbles with the bottom of his shirt, keeping his gaze locked onto his slightly shuffling feet and he's trying to keep tears from his eyes.
He's never asked for this confrontation. Never even attempted to talk to Morgan, to anyone, about his feelings and he feels slightly betrayed by life that after hiding for so long he's roughly pulled out of his comfortable closet. The closet itself set on fire the moment he's been dragged out of it without him wanting to.
Because Morgan's asked him. Asked him what is going on, why is he acting this way and why does he always smile so sadly at the man when Spencer thinks Derek's not watching.
But he also knows that no matter how unfair this may seem, he can't hide himself.
For Morgan is a profiler too. And if the man already had enough suspicions to want to talk to him alone, Reid knows he can't hide anymore because Morgan knows.
"Reid,"
Morgan's voice washes over him like a cold shower on a hot day and Spencer shivers from its impact.
He raises his head a bit, his eyes hooded and his expression slightly fearful. "Yes?" He whispers.
He knows he's being ridiculous, he knows why Morgan's calling out to him but he's not ready to face reality yet. Wants to pretend for just a little while longer that this is not the end of their friendship.
"What's wrong with you? You keep spacing out and you look as if I've hit you." Morgan asks, crossing his arms across his chest almost defensively as he watches Reid.
"I – I, there's nothing wrong." Spencer tries, pretends and the smile that comes to his lips is fake and watery and he knows it. "Just a bad day."
"Like hell." Morgan grunts.
And then suddenly Spencer is trapped, Morgan's strong hands pressed against the lockers besides his head and the man's taken a step closer. A dangerous step that's brought them close and Reid has to close his eyes to keep from seeing for himself how close their bodies are right now.
Because he can feel Morgan's warmth, he can feel the man's breath ghosting over his face and he doesn't know whether to cry tears of joy or tears of sadness for having the man so near to him.
"If that's the case you've been having a lot of bad days lately." Derek continues, his voice loud and kind of angry and Spencer wants to see what's in the man's eyes. But he doesn't dare to open his eyes, afraid of actually seeing what Morgan is thinking.
"Everyone knows, Spencer. Everyone sees you looking at me and to think I haven't noticed a thing would be madness." Morgan says.
Spencer flinches and when Morgan's fingers are on his chin, forcing his head up and Reid's obediently opening his eyes, a whimper escapes him.
"I'm sorry," he can't help but whisper.
Because he really is. Sorry for ruining his perfect family.
"Why? You've done nothing wrong, pretty boy." Morgan says, his voice suddenly softer and his tone, dare he think it, affectionate.
But it is and Spencer is certain there's affection and trust swirling through Morgan's dark eyes when their eyes catch. And he can't believe it but has to, because they're both profiles and he knows he's right.
"B-but..." He starts but doesn't finish, doesn't truly know what to say in this kind of situation. Not quite understanding how things will go from here and what Morgan will do.
"Silly kid," Derek sudden coos, one of his hands moving to Spencer's face to brush his cheek and a smile comes to Morgan's lips. "If only you paid some attention to me instead of trying to mask your feelings you would've seen me looking right back at you."
And with that Derek lowers his lips to Spencer's.
The genius can't help but gasp and he clings to Morgan in utter disbelieve and total happiness as he returns the innocent and tender kiss.
Because it's a tender kiss they need, something to show each other that they love one another because they know they can't say it with words.
Not yet at least.
A relationship is hard to start and Spencer fears that speaking the words will have this dream fall apart if it hasn't already.
For when Morgan pulls away from him Reid frowns.
He wonders what will happen now. How will the others react, will their little family be fine after this?
"Who do you think bullied me into going after you?" Morgan asks teasingly, reading Spencer's expression with perfect ease and he laughs happily when Reid's eyes widen slightly.
"They don't mind?" He asks in a whisper, surprised for he was sure this would change things.
"No, Spencer. They're happy for us like a good family should be." Morgan says and leans down to kiss Spencer's pink, luscious lips again.
Giggling ensues from the other side of the door and Reid can hear shuffling and mumbling and he can't help but smile happily into their kiss.
This is his family and he should've trusted them to stand by him.
The End