Hi guys, this is a one shot of Bellamy's view during the midseason finale. I am crushed Finn died and I heard this song from the Amity Affliction that inspired this little piece. This is mature, more or less for language and violence, thank you for reading.
The whole camp was quiet, except for Ravens sobs. All eyes were on Clarke, who was now talking to the Commander once again. The exchange was short and no doubt dealt with what would become of Finn's corpse. The taste of bile rose in Bellamy's throat. Much like he had for Clarke, he had hated Finn. Hated the goodness and rightness he always stood for. Hated that he held sway with the camp, hated his attempts to help everyone. Everything Bellamy hated him for became the things he respected him for. And now he was gone.
Abby took Raven from his arms, her screams became whimpers of agony. Nothing compared to Clarke. She was walking back to camp now, and the guards lined the crowd to stop them from running at her, but the didn't need to. No one did anything. No one whispered. The sight of Clarke made Bellamy's heart wrench. The light in her eyes died, in fact, they were glazed over. She didn't seem to see the people in front of her, rather just gazed through them. She walked stiffly. The emotion in her body leaving her like the blood from her paling face. The closer she got, the more Bellamy noticed the pain in her. She was overflowing with it. Abby didn't go to her, and instead, looked at her daughter as if she was someone foreign.
He didn't blame her.
They all had changed, perhaps Clarke most of all. She wasn't the Princess that left the ark anymore. She was a warrior. A dealer of death with the power to heal. When she walked past the gate, still no one moved toward her. Thats when Bellamy noticed her shaking knees locking as she walked. She was struggling to stand, to stay strong while the whole camp starred at her in shock.
Bellamy moved through the crowd quickly, taking his spot at her side. They walked together in silence until they past a few metal shacks that hid them from the camps view.
"Clarke?" He shook her, grabbing her to stop her from walking, but she didn't respond. "Princess?" If anything, that word made it worse. She stopped, her whole body shaking.
"I...I loved him." Was all she said, she tried to move forward, but Bellamy didn't let her go. Instead, her weak knees finally gave way and she collapsed into his arms. "I loved him." She whispered again. He looked at her eyes, the brightness was gone. Instead he watched while she tried to scrub the emotions from her body, but the shock was wearing thin. "Oh my god. Oh my god, Bellamy, I killed him...I Killed Finn...oh my god, Bell, oh my god he's gone. I killed him. I killed him..." She broke into a million shattered pieces in his arms. Tears streamed down freely from her white face. He could see the crimson blood that still coated her hand. He'd have to wash that later.
"Clarke, you have to breathe." He tried to soothe her, "Clarke?" She shook her head, a terrible sob escaped from her as she burried her face in his chest.
"Bellamy, I killed him...I loved him, I couldn't save him. I thought I could, I thought I could help him. He killed them for me, and I let him down...I killed him." Without anything to say, he walked her accross the camp to the small tents. No one could bother her there. But as he walked, his eyes filled with tears too. Finn had saved their asses more than once. And after the battle, he saw himself in Finn. The anger, the hate that boiled to the surface. It could just have easily been himself tied to the post as it was Finn. Now he was gone. And there was no guarentee they could save their friends in Mount Weather.
Bellamy bit back his own sob that built in his throat. Clarke needed him to be strong for her. And god damn him if he could help put her back together like she had done for him.
He found his tent that was nestled into the far end of the Ark wreckage, inside was a simple cot and a makeshift water basin. Perfect. He layed Clarke into the cot and she immedately curled into a ball, her tears staining the cot. Her hair fell into her face, small streaks of red was mixed in, she must of tried pulling it behind her ear.
"I want my dad." She sobbed, "I need my dad." Bellamy brushed her hair back softly, rubbing her back until she had fallen asleep. Grabbing some water and a rag, he grabbed her red hand, brushing the dry red flakes from her hand. He threaded his thumb through her fist to he could hold her hand to his face and began to scrub at the stain. No, not a stain, Finn's blood. He was washing his friends blood away to save his Princess's heart.
Without warning, her fingers closed around Bellamy's thumb, clutching him as if he would vanish.
"What am I now?" She asked, her voice breaking. He could only imagine what she saw herself. Did she see herself as cold blooded killer, like he had? Did she think herself a matryr? A friend giving mercy?
"Whatever you need to be to survive." Bellamy answered.
"What if we become that? What if we lose ourselves, what if...what if this is who we are now?" Her words were so familiar. Finn must of asked her that same question.
He didn't have an answer for her.
"Please tell me thats not true. Tell me everything will be okay. Please." She pulled his hand against her chest, holding it like she might a teddy bear, curling herself around her hands. He could feel her heart beating.
"We are human. We are alive because we haven't given up. We are going to make it, Clarke. I won't let you loose yourself." He kissed the top of her head like he had done to Octavia millions of times before.
"I killed him." Her face crumpled, "I killed him. I am death, Bellamy. We lead these people, but we are loosing."
"You bring light, Clarke. You ended Finn's suffering, like you had with Atom. You are not cruel. You are a survivor."
"But Finn, he was...he was good."
"And that is how we will remember him. We will remember him for what he had done when we landed. And what he tried to accomplish when he...he killed them Clarke, but he wasn't a bad person. Don't forget that."
For a second, when Clarke glanced up at him, he saw that familar spark of fire behind her eyes.
"I am afraid to fall asleep." She whispered against the palm of his trapped hand.
"Sleep, Princess. I will be here when you wake."
As she finally fell asleep, it was Bellamy's turn to cry freely. He remembered Finn defying his stupid rules in the begining. The stupid jokes made by the fire, with Monty's moonshine. Finn wasn't bad. And for once, Bellamy could except the mistakes he had made.
They were going to save their friends. They were going to get up tomorrow and look that Grounders in the face with every once of dignity they had. He wasn't going to let Clarke fade, nor would he let the memory of his friend slip away. Bellamy wipped the back of his hand across his skin.
"I'll watch over her for you, buddy." He smiled at the nothingness before him, "May we meet again."
Okay, I hope you guy's liked this. I was crying the entire time I was writting this. I hated the whole "antiflarke" and shit, so I thought I would write a farewell to one of the original six. Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.