A.N: I'll save the long talk for later and I'll just get on with it.
Bleach does not belong to me. I know, sad but true.
Renji was a jealous person… well, soul. His jealousy was born in consequence of many things. Like his best friend coping better in the academy than him, even if he was the one that wanted to be a shinigami more than anything… Or a captain of the Gotei 13 taking away said friend and keeping her all to himself. Seeing for the first time the arrogant human that had taken away his friend's powers and realizing that said human had possessed strength that any other shinigami would only dream of. How fast this puny human had discovered his zanpaktou's name, when even lieutenants like himself had needed at least a year to do it. The fast recovery the human had made and the unimaginable chaos he had created in the Seretei. The chain of events was what had woken up the green-eyed beast inside him. From then on he could remember just sequences of jealous fits. His captain was stronger than him, Kurosaki was stronger than him, Rukia had found another precious person in her life and he was forgotten as the childhood friend. But Renji never liked being jealous, because that only reminded him how insecure he was in himself and in his abilities, and still… the jealousy continued to eat him inside, trying to claw its way out of him and that continued for a very long time. Even after the battle in Hueco Mundo he still clung to jealousy like a dying man to a life preserver but it was starting to show. The jealous fits no longer covered up, no longer controlled came up front. He was getting into fights with everyone who made him feel insecure or vulnerable. He was starting to doubt his closest friends and his subordinates. Fortunately that didn't last long. Because unlike other people Renji had one thing that could quickly get him out of any state of emotion… Renji had Kuchiki Byakuya. Who insisted that Renji take a short term vacation, somewhere in the human world, preferably not in Karakura. He opposed the idea, saying that he had so much work to catch up on after the battle. And Kuchiki Byakuya threw him a disapproving glance and muttered coldly.
"The battle is over Renji, but the war is still to come. What you are experiencing now is only a hindrance to your calm and concentration. If an espada were to challenge you to a duel right now you would be dead within seconds. Victory needs a cool head Renji and right now your head is on fire, no pun indeed."
After that Renji reluctantly signed a vacation paper and left for the real world. A short stop at Urahara revealed to him a recent turmoil in the ranks of his human allies and friends. Apparently a friend of Ichigo and Orihime had not been talking to them for a long time and yesterday she had disappeared without telling anyone anything. And she had made her parents swear not to tell any of her friends where she had gone to. Maybe he would have had the time to revel in Ichigo's first mental breakdown (they had been close he heard), but he decided it best to leave immediately after taking his gigai, heading to a near town, almost as small as Karakura.
Upon arrival there were a few things he had to do. The first thing was to find a place to stay. After aimlessly searching for one such place he was found on the street by an old man, who really didn't look that old, and he was taken to his dojo, which was, full of crazy martial arts masters and their one disciple – Shirahama Kenichi. The only thing not so crazy about that place was the old man's granddaughter Furinji Miu, who's big innocent eyes reminded him a bit of Inoue Orihime (alas that was where the similarities ended).
The second thing on his to-do-list was to enroll in a human school. Cursing his captain and the fine prints his documents always had, he enrolled in Shirahama's and Furinji's school without problem and started his reeducation on the very next day.
Renji didn't feel any bit better in the week to come but when an inevitable fight came his way something opened the gates to hell. Or the gates to one of hell's resident demons. Shirahama's best friend, an alien faced devil, with the knack of running away and creating problems, started chasing him around relentlessly, constantly asking him to join his alliance. Of course Renji violently refused at the beginning but the closer he got to the idea the more he learned about the school's students and their dealings. Their martial arts status made Renji's heart burn with excitement and his knees tremble with anticipation. But he still held back, afraid to wake up the green eyed beast once again. But one day something happened that turned his life around.
***
Of course, it didn't begin with despair. The first thing she felt was confusion. Why? She asked herself million times. Why did they become so distant? Why didn't they have any more time for her? It's not like they didn't have time at all, she'd seen them hang out with the new kid and with that Ishida. What did Rukia and Ishida have that she didn't? Why were they suddenly sharing their problems with them instead of her? Those questions would torture her every day. And then… the anger came, she was so angry, and at first she was angry at Rukia and Ishida. How dare they take her best friends away from her? How dare they come into her life and take away her most precious people? And then she had an epiphany… it wasn't their fault, she thought, if Ichigo and Orihime were real friends, if they really loved her then they wouldn't abandon her like that. And this was the moment her anger was transferred to her friends. After all the things she'd done for them, how could they do that to her? She'd kept Ichigo's secrets like they were her own, she'd comforted him when he was almost dying from sadness, she'd saved Orihime from loneliness and she'd protected her from harm ever since. How could they leave her after that?
But anger is a fleeting emotion and it didn't last long. There soon came a moment when she realized that maybe it was her fault that they had left her. Didn't she listen enough? Didn't she do enough? Where had she gone wrong? As soon as she discovered their supernatural shenanigans she knew the reason for her abandonment. She just wasn't strong enough. They had become strong and they didn't need her anymore, that's why they had left. Of course till then her soul had already cracked hundreds of times and black sloozy masses of despair had started to slowly ooze through the cracks. At that moment she decided she had to change, she had to get stronger. She shut herself out from everyone else. She stopped paying attention in class, scribbling new training programs in her notebook instead. She wasn't surprised when her friends didn't even ask why she wasn't talking to them anymore. She trained till dark and she continuously failed in her studies. Her father had become a ball of nervous knots and her mother always had a pained look in her eyes. But they didn't say anything. Later Tatsuki would note that it was because they trusted her and knew that she was strong enough to get out of her condition. But she didn't even know she had a condition until she started going out of her way to start fights with other member of the karate club. And when she couldn't bait the fight out of them she started looking for fights in different places altogether. Like the night streets for example. Karakura was calm, boring city but even there, there were people who were less than appealing to society. At first she could barely escape the big men that she all too foolishly dared to challenge but that changed soon, and she started coming home with less and less bruises. After she came home one night, after a fight with four bikers, with only a scratch on her hand that she had gotten on her way out of the convenience store, she knew she was stronger than ever. But it was too late, despair had filled her up completely drowning any rational thought or emotion in her body. She was slowly sinking and she was losing her breath but she didn't know what to do anymore. Because her friends had abandoned her and she didn't have anyone to confide in. She was alone. One day though marked the beginning of her recovery as loud knocking resounded in the empty house. That was no surprise of course, people were knocking on her door at least once a week looking for her parents. The surprise came when she opened the door and came face to face with the most unexpected of people.
"Good afternoon, Arisawa-san. I don't know if you remember me but I am Ishida Uryuu."
"I know who you are." By that time desperation had taken its toll and her voice didn't sound any different from any other voice, generated by a computer program.
"You do?" strangely enough he really did seem surprised.
"We are in the same class." Was the monotonous reply, after which an uncomfortable silence reigned.
Ishida was frowning, Tatsuki noticed, as if he was trying to make a hard decision, a determined look graced his face and he took a deep breath.
"Arisawa-san, may I come in? There is something that I would like to talk to you about."
She shrugged and stepped aside to let her classmate in. Then she closed the door slowly and led him to her room, where he sat on her bed and she took her desk chair to sit in front of him. Silence reigned again.
"Well?" Tatsuki urged the bespectacled boy.
"Arisawa-san… I have been wondering how to approach you for some time now and I would understand if you beat me up for the conversation I am about to start but I'm convinced that it needs to be done… You need to stop."
"Stop what?" an uninterested tone, something that Ishida didn't fail to notice.
"Whatever it is you are doing to hurt yourself, I understand why you're doing it but I can't watch this anymore."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Ishida snorted.
"Arisawa-san, you are failing every single subject. You've been sleeping in class for a month if not more. For three weeks you came to school with conveniently covered bruises every day. You don't talk to anyone, you don't snap at anyone, your teammates run screaming when they hear your name and according to my father the night shifters in his hospital can recognize you are coming just by hearing your steps. I don't know why you deemed it necessary to get into fights with suspicious individuals every night but I do know this… I am extremely worried for your wellbeing."
This one sentence lit a spark in her but she pushed it away quickly.
"I'm fine. I don't come to school with bruises anymore."
"Arisawa-san, I don't care about the bruises but you've cut yourself off from everyone else and if you don't do something soon you are going to sink completely and there will be no saving you then."
The word echoed in her head, it was as if her mind was trying to make a point, to make her see something that she couldn't get a hold of.
"How do you know?"
"Know what?"
"That I'm sinking."
His eyes softened as he gazed at her with sympathy and he smiled gently at her. At that moment she thought that she had never seen something so bright, so calming.
"You are not the only lonely soul in this world." She knew that of course.
And she remembered how this boy, that was now trying to help her, had been alone too. How he left school alone, how he ate lunch alone. And she knew then, that he would be her lifeguard in this sea that she couldn't get out of.
"What do I do?" her tone was pleading, the first sign of emotions returning, the first step towards home.
"You need to calm down. Sort it out. Assess you options and then take action. Talk to someone… anyone, just do whatever you see fit to return to us."
"Us?"
"I know you haven't spoken, really spoken to Kurosaki and Inoue-san for a long time, and I know that they are closest to your heart but Sado-kun, Asano-san, Mizuiro-kun, Kuchiki-san and I… we care for you as well, in our own somewhat silent way."
It was enough. Tatsuki nodded in acknowledgment to his advice and stood up signaling the end of the conversation. She silently walked with Ishida to the door and after throwing one last gentle smile at her he was gone.
And that was that. She knew now that she needed help and she knew that she wouldn't be able to get it from her friends. They'd push too hard and expect too much and that wasn't the way to recover. So this same night after she had finished her meal, she asked her parents for a transfer of schools. The surprised expressions on their faces held a great deal of relief and her mother smiled happily. Her daughter was beginning to recover.
"Are you sure?" they asked.
After a brief nod Tatsuki stood up and headed to her room and it was decided. She would move out as soon as possible in order to attend a new school.
***
The new school was in a small town not too far from Karakura. She rented a hotel room and started searching for a place to stay immediately. Her first day amongst her classmates was uneventful, the second day wasn't a success either, it seemed as though everyone was afraid of her and those who weren't always disappeared to somewhere. The third day passed by calmly with the exception of the event that occurred later that night. Tatsuki was faced with a dilemma. Should she turn her back and get away from the fight that was about to take place or should she defend her classmates Shirahama-kun and Furinji-san. Talk to someone. And before she knew it she had punched the living daylights out of those men that were ambushing her classmates. She was in for a surprise when she found out that they were probably the last people in need of help, but nonetheless that is the way that they met. After this incident Shirahama-kun's demon friend Nijima wouldn't leave her alone, always confidently ordering her to join his alliance, which, as it turned out, was made up of martial artists one of which Shirahama-kun himself. Of course in her mad chase for normality she accepted this opportunity right away. She was eternally grateful that most of the members of the alliance were stubborn in their pestering and she was rarely left alone. The sinking had stopped and she was connected to the world once again.
***
Opening up to these new people was not so easy though. But once it happened it felt like she was living a whole new life filled with adventures and fun. Of course that's when they opened up to her completely too and she heard of a transfer student that had come around the same time she had. What lit a light bulb in her memory was his description. Apparently this boy was very big, he was always sulking because someone had send him on vacation (whatever that meant) and he had the most disturbing features: a long, fiery red hair, that was always tied back, and a body covered in black tattoos. Now, Tatsuki wasn't stupid, she had seen a person like that only once, when he was consoling Ichigo (the name brought an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach) after one of his lost duels with a monster. And she knew that people with these features didn't just spring out of nothing. She decided to investigate.
***
This brings us to the present moment. When Tatsuki was sitting in the home of Furinji-san (now affectionately called Miu), drinking tea and staring in the concerned eyes of Abarai Renji…
"So, that's what happened." He wasn't sure how to feel. Listening to other people's misfortunes had always made him feel bad.
"I'm sorry to throw all this on you, but I would feel bad if I hid my identity and you discovered everything in the end. So, I'm taking it out in the open."
"Why?"
"Well, considering that you'll be joining the alliance, I thought it would be good to clear up anything that might stand in the way of our communication."
Renji frowned, for a depressed chick she sure made a lot of optimistic assumptions.
"Who said anything about joining that madhouse?"
Tatsuki sighed and took a sip of her tea. Renji could help but notice how perfectly her lips fit to the rim of the cup, oh wait, they were moving now.
"Abarai-san, I don't know how you shinigami operate but… I know that you are strong, and nobody would send someone strong on vacation moments before battle. You obviously have a problem that you need to deal with."
"Che." He looked away, he hated when the females were right.
"These people helped me. I'm sure that they would at least take your mind off of whatever it is that is bothering you." Her eyes weren't hopeful, neither were the pitying. Renji knew that this person sitting before him was only speaking from the heart, trying to help him like she had been helped.
"Say I do join. I want something in return."
"If it's in my power I'll give it to you."
"I'm sure you already know that this place is a little on the crazy side. But watching talentless Shirahama bust his ass to get stronger is a pretty nice thing to watch. So, I want you to be my one-day-of-the-week company for such an event. I think Sunday would be a good day."
He didn't know why he made such an inquiry but he knew that there was no coincidence in the world. So if his mouth had run out on him and made a deal to spend time with a girl his friends were franticly searching for, he wasn't going to complain.
"Alright then. Sunday it is." She stood up and headed for the exit. Renji made a point to walk a few steps behind her in order to avoid flying kicks (he had heard that she had a short fuse). When they reached the gate Renji waved to her and watched her go away.
"Arisawa!"
Tatsuki turned to him.
"Thanks."
The smile that graced her face was blinding.
It made him feel warm.
***
Two weeks passed in awkward greetings between Tatsuki and Renji but soon they fell into a simple routine. Every Sunday she would come to the dojo and he would be waiting for her with glasses of juice and a bowl of popcorn. Seeing Shirahama-kun's struggle for improvement, even though he didn't have any talent for martial arts, made them face the world with new eyes. They now made more effort in the simplest of actions and tried to get along as well as they could. To take their mind off things they often talked about anything and everything. Tatsuki would explain many of the wonders of the human world to Renji and he in turn told her everything he thought necessary about existence in the Soul Society. Soon they would act freely around each other and Renji saw Tatsuki as the person she was, and as the person that his friends had described to him. One day after a particularly impressive duel between Tatsuki and another karate specialist, Renji paid a visit to her place. His visit resulted in a night walk and a conversation on the roof of a building. For the time that they had to know each other they had never discussed one thing that was eating them both. And now, Tatsuki felt that it was time to talk about the one thing, which was arousing fear in her soul, since she had gotten to know Renji.
"When will you leave?" she said without looking at him. The question made him wince but he knew it was coming and he knew that he had to answer truthfully.
"Soon. Maybe in two weeks or so."
Silence reigned between them. But it was peaceful, like they were trying to soak in every moment of calm and peace they could.
"Will your fight be in Karakura?"
"Yes."
Tatsuki's brows furrowed, very cutely according to Renji, and she turned to him.
"Will they be alright?"
He nodded.
"They were looking for you, you know." She stared at him for a few moments and her gaze turned back to the starry sky. "Before I came here, I passed through your town… I didn't meet them, but they were looking for you. I think Ichigo and Inoue were most distraught but everyone else was in panic as well. I assume Ishida hadn't told them."
"How did you know?... That he knew where I was."
"I heard you talking on the phone one day. I thought that you would tell me when you were ready… I just have one question."
"Hmmm."
"Why Ishida? Why is he your only contact to that place?"
"He was the one who saved me."
Renji's silent gaze was asking her another question.
"He was the only one who came. The only one who confronted me about everything. He told me to do whatever I see fit to return to them. Until then I didn't realize how many people were hurting because of me. So I decided to leave and I decided to thank him by giving him the knowledge that he was the only one that, in my state, I deemed worthy enough to know how I'm doing and where I am."
Renji nodded, he could understand that. Though he was afraid that jealousy would overcome him again, he was glad to find no clenching in his chest and no anger in his soul. Tatsuki made him secure, he decided.
The rest of the night went quietly. No word was spoken again, but the smiles, the two souls shared upon their separation, spoke enough for million years.
***
The time came when Renji had to return to the Soul Society. Saying goodbye to all the new friends he had made wasn't easy and he was quite sure that a mind alteration wouldn't work on these people. One person though had avoided any confrontation with him and that made him sad. No. It wasn't just that. He felt as though he was empty, like he wanted to cry but didn't know why. And when he heard the sound of drumming on the pavement in the night street he knew why that was. A piece of him was missing and he knew now, he realized the magnitude of what had happened to him and he didn't know if he would ever be able to live again without her. But right now that didn't matter because she was running towards him. There were no tears in her eyes. Tatsuki wasn't that type of person. But there was determination and hope, and as she threw her arms around his neck he knew that everything was going to be just fine.
"I'll wait for you, Ok? I'll go to Karakura, as close as I can, and I will wait for you to come back."
And with that she kissed him. With force, with passion, with strength he knew she possessed inside and out. There were no fireworks but there was light. Immeasurable, unimaginable, bright light. The one he had seen when she first smiled at him. And the passion. Oh the passion! Clouding his mind, making him yearn for more, more of her essence, more of her soul. He wanted everything right at that one moment of heaven. Everything… anything. Whatever she was willing to give him.
They broke apart. Breathless, pressed so close, as if they wanted to become one entity, one being. Foreheads lightly pressing they stared into each other's eyes trying to memorize every detail of their souls.
"How is it possible?" Renji asked quietly "To fall in love with one person for such a short time."
Tatsuki smiled lightly and took a deep breath.
"I guess it was just meant to be."
Renji chuckled and kissed her again. Slowly, trying to prolong the moment.
"I have to go." He said after breaking apart.
Tatsuki disentangled her arms from behind his neck and nodded. She took a step back and looked straight into his eyes with a big smirk on her face.
"Don't let anyone beat you down. Don't lose… to anyone."
Renji smirked back.
"Like that's ever going to happen. And don't you dare lose either. I know you're going to be like those ridiculously strong freaks at the dojo one day. Don't let anything hold you back."
"You got it."
And with that Renji turned around, and with a heart, lighter than ever before, he opened a door to the Soul Society and headed back to his world of training and work.
***
"What the hell is wrong with you? Stop pushing me already. Why are you so keen on coming to Karakura anyway?"
Ichigo was digging hiss feet in the cement while Renji was pushing him towards the school.
"Come on, Ichigo, didn't your friends say that they were going to wait for you at your school. The war is over chill out. Just go see them."
Ichigo snorted.
"I don't get you. You've never wanted to see my friends before. But this time you even got a gigai and everything. What's the rush?"
Renji blushed and looked away while muttering.
"There's someone waiting for me too."
Ichigo erupted into laughter.
"You sly dog! Don't tell me you got yourself a girl while you were on that vacation couple of months ago."
Renji just smiled in remembrance and braced himself. They were already in front of Ichigo's school and as they approached the group of people waiting for them he heard Ichigo exclaim:
"Hey, Tatsuki's here. Man I haven't seen her in so long."
Renji immediately found her in the group and smiled. She had a smirk on her face and she was getting ready to run. She shot out from her position, astonishing everyone around her and jumped right into Renji's arms not caring about the exclamations flying all around.
"You seem intact." She whispered in his neck.
"And you seem happy." Renji whispered back smiling lightly.
She didn't say anything, she couldn't, Renji had effectively locked her in a passionate kiss that made her body hum with pleasure. She didn't even hear Ichigo's astonished screams.
The world stood still. She was whole.
A.N: This came up in my head one night and I decided to write it down. I realize that Ishida seems strange in the role of a counselor but I've always imagined him as a kind of person that would try to help even though he looked so cold. I hope everything else is okay. I'll probably do some art on that fic later and post it on DeviantArt but I don't know when that will be. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed.