Victor frowned as he looked out over the ocean from the edge of the pier. All he had to do was climb over the chest high railing and let himself fall to the murky depths. This time however, he'd do it right. Going headfirst into the surf could mean instant death or at least, a better chance of ending his misery. Spinal injuries, concussions, unconsciousness; any of these combined with the torrents below could end this. So what was stopping him? Some days, like today he found himself unwillingly contemplating his death. He thought of the pain disappearing as he joined his beloved on the other side, or at least, he wouldn't be able to think about her.
Then there was the humiliation of his first attempt to take his own life by a similar means than what he was envisioning currently. Except then, he'd gone feet first into the water; highly disappointed when he surfaced a few seconds late with only a fractured pelvis. He'd turned over in the water in an attempt to drown himself but hadn't succeeded with that either. Jumping off the pier with close friends nearby wasn't the smartest thing Victor had ever done in his life. It took just seconds for Tc to mount his bike and fly down the stairs to the water edge. Victor hadn't even begun feeling the overpowering urge to breathe again before Tc had him above the surface and pinned safely against his chest, at which point Victor gave up. They loved him. They never wanted to see him hurting and they'd tried so hard to ease the pain of his loss to the point where Cory had once sacrificed herself to make him feel better when he was sexually frustrated. He regretted it of course which only made his situation worse.
He'd taken her in a moment of intense loss and discarded her sometime during the night. It had come to his attention a few days later when he'd heard his roommates-cum-minders, Tc and Chris, talking about the incident. Cory had inquired to her bosom buddy whether or not Chris thought Cory had not fully satisfied him and now doubted she cold satisfy any man in bed. She had thought that maybe it was the reason she was unmarried. Guilt had devoured him until he pledged to make it up to her. He'd called by her house and told her how wonderful she'd been to him and how much he had enjoyed her 'company'. She then took his head in her hands and kissed him passionately revealing that his confessions to her meant that she believed he was interested in her.
Victor winced at the thought. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with her. She was nice, sweet, caring, compassionate…sexy, but Linda's death had taken its toll on him. He didn't want anybody to want him, to watch out for him, to love him. He didn't want to live. Hence came his first jump from the pier.
A cool breeze whipped up from the waves had brought him relief as he stood on the other side of the railing. Victor feared panic. Panic caused him to think rationally about what he was about to do. Panic might cause him to misjudge his position and landing that could only lead to one thing…life. He didn't want it, he didn't need it and after what he did to Cory, he didn't deserve it. He took one hand off the railing and leaned out. The water looked so pure and blue. He knew it's secret though.
The thrashing waters around the support columns had in the past claimed the best of lifeguards. One wrong move and collision with the thick wooden structure was imminent. Oh how he craved that moment. The pain, the guilt, the helplessness; it would all be gone with just one wave.
He gave a short smile as the relief washed over him. Just a few more seconds and it would all be over. He closed his eyes. Death at last. Then, he heard his name.
At first he though that it might already be over even though he couldn't remember the fall. He thought he could hear her calling his name and he was home. He listened again. This time it came louder and deeper than before. Tc was running towards him spurred on by the rush of adrenaline. Victor had to think fast. On a normal day Tc was quick on his feet but now, he was supersonic. Victor didn't have time to think. He was coming fast, he was coming, he…he looked down and let go of the rail. He heard Chris's screams, Cory's cries and Tc's obscenities as he became weightless and floated towards his way home.
The moment he hit the water he knew something had gone wrong. He sliced through it and slammed into the sandy bottom with his legs unbent. He choked on the salty water as he cried out in pain. A wave of searing heat flowed through his lower body from his spine to his hips and down his legs.
He had panicked.
He gasped for air as the pain took hold, water slowly filling his lungs. His plan, his precious plan. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
He surfaced and squinted towards the sky, the heat of the sun already burning his face. He could see the railing. Cory and Chris now stood on the other side. Cory was holding it for support with one hand; the other being across her mouth. She sucked in deep breaths as she cried and tried to shop herself from being sick. Chris fully leaned over the rail, her hair gleaming in the sun as she called for him to hold on.
Hold on to what, he though? He couldn't move his arms, his legs or his back. The pain and jarring had paralyzed him. He couldn't move. He floated there, his body stunned and in shock. The pain of his loss, the guilt of his action and now the humiliation of failing his fall flooded through him. There was only one thing left to do.
He wretched his back and turned over. The cool water felt like it was quenching the fire of his pain as it surrounded his eyes, nose and mouth. Relief again has though maybe this would be it; his last moments left floating upside down in the ocean. It was not to last long though. Tc cut through the water like a shark but had the touch of the feather as he turned Victor in the water and headed back to shore.
Victor could recognize his body giving into shock and the world became blank when his foot brushed against the sandy bottom once again.
What had seemed like only moments later he felt the loving touch of fingers grazing his forehead and running through his dry hair. 'Linda.' He murmured as he struggled to open his eyes.
Cory sniffed and shook her head as he focused on her. 'I'm so sorry Victor.' She mouthed to him running a finger down his cheek and let her hand rest on his shoulder.
He realized that he'd hurt her again. He'd rejected her for the third time, each time more hideously crueler than the previous. He'd made her feel unwanted, then unloved, then made her feel like death was the only way past her. He wanted to touch her; to ease away the pain etched on her face.
He reached for her but something held him back. He looked at his wrist. A black belt made out of seat-belt restraint material kept him sealed to the bed. He looked at Cory again. 'I'm not crazy Cory…' he began but she put a finger to his lips.
'I know Victor. It's not for that. It's to keep you still.' She motioned down the bed. He could see the restraint across his chest. Another was on his stomach. There was another at the tops of his thighs, at his knees, his calves and finally at his ankles.
Cory put a hand across his forehead as if to smoothe some invisible strands of hair away from his face. 'You broke your pelvis when you hit the bottom.' She explained. 'It's gonna hurt like hell if you move so they're got to keep you restrained. They wanted to have you sedated for a few more weeks till you started to heal but your mother wouldn't let them. She wanted to see you, to make sure you were okay.'
And to know why he did it. The thought hung in the air between them. She was hoping he'd tell her. He was hoping his pelvis wouldn't stop him from trying again.
She sighed and gave up on him telling her right now.
'Where is she?' Victor asked her. Hearing his mother had been actively involving herself in his treatment meant that she should be nearby.
'Tc took her home to his place. She's been up here for days. She needed some rest.'
Victor looked blankly at Cory. He loved Cory to bits. He always had but he still didn't want to see her. He didn't want to see anyone. Even his mother.
'I'm tired.' He announced to Cory and shut his eyes as to prove the point.
She nodded and rose to her feet but before she went she kissed him lightly on the forehead. 'Whatever it was Victor, it's not worth it.' She said and closed the door behind her.
Victor stared at the white ceiling. How could she understand? She's never lost anyone that important. He corrected himself as a vision oh her in a bed very similar to this one flowed through his mind. She had cried as she told him that she'd lost her unborn baby. Victor had smiled sympathetically and put an arm across her shoulders, his hand resting at her elbow. 'The pain will go away Cory.' He'd told her. 'It's just a matter of when.'
Victor jumped as a seagull squawked nearby.
Seven months spent in hospital teaching him to walk again. Another five months spent visiting the physio anything up to five times a week. A whole year since he'd jumped off the pier from this very spot and now he was back thinking of doing it all over again.
He could use the upper body strength gained from spending months in a wheelchair to hoist himself over the rail. He'd fall to the water again. He wouldn't be about to control his landing this time but at least he wouldn't spear into the ground and break his pelvis. At least his friends weren't around to save him. At least he had spent the last year with a shrink working through his grievances and making progress enough to know better.
He turned away from the water in disgust. He walked slowly along the structure. He'd been out of his wheelchair and away from crutches for about two months now and still walked with a limp that the doctors said might never go away. At least he was alive.
He eased himself down the steps at the other end and looked up to find himself face to face with a goddess.
'Hi.' She said with a self-conscious smile. 'I saw you were having trouble on the steps and I wondered if you needed any help?'
He started at her in amazement. Flawless olive complexion, deep almond eyes, silky dark brown hair. Her body invited his touch. Her dress made him want to rip it off and discover the hidden treasure beneath it.
He looked back at her eyes again. She looked so pure, so feminine, so gorgeous, yet, she reminded him on Linda.
He smiled at her. 'Yes, I need help.' She tilted her head to one side as if to encourage him to continue. 'Could you do me a favor? Could you call heaven and tell them that there's and angel missing?' She smiled softly as he cursed himself inwardly for pulling a one liner on this gorgeous female. 'You remind me of someone, my ex-fiancee. She's an angel.' He stammered.
'Ah, I see. So she was a nice ex-fiancee then?'
Victor nodded. 'Yeah she was. Linda is dead now. She was shot.' He had no idea what had come over him. He rarely mentioned Linda and avoided the subject like a plague whenever someone brought it up yet here he was, spilling his heart to this beautiful stranger.
'Oh.' She said and pulled a face like she was about to cry.
He nodded absently then stuck out his hand. 'I'm Victor by the way.'
'I'm Annette.' She said taking his hand but not shaking it. 'I'm so sorry to hear about your fiancee. I can't imagine how tough it must have been for you.' She placed a hand over the one of his she was holding.
Victor grinned at her supremely aware that this woman must think that he'd escaped from an asylum. 'It feels a lot better now.' He said and stopped. Was he right? Did it really feel a lot better now that he'd met Annette? How could she possibly walk into his world and erase three painful years of pinning for Linda? Could she do that?
Annette smiled. 'I'm glad to hear that.'
Victor looked around, now thankful for the street full of vendors just a few yards away. It's a bit hot today. Would you like to get a drink with me?' He asked her fully aware that it was probably only around 70 degrees.
She laughed. 'Sure, I'd like that.' She let go of his hand and cupped his elbow, leading him towards a small café.
They chose a table on the side of the boardwalk and gave their orders to the waitress. He'd ordered an iced tea. She ordered coffee.
Victor laughed. 'I guess it wasn't so hot after all.'
Annette smiled. That smile so warm it could melt the polar ice caps. 'I love it here.' She said. 'The beach, the sun, the water. It's so lovely.'
Victor managed to nod.
'Do you live around here?' She asked him.
'Yeah, I do. Just up the street actually. Maybe you could come by later and check out my rock collection.'
Annette laughed. Victor wondered if she knew he was trying to ask her out. 'Rocks?' She questioned.
'Rocks. My apartment is a pet free zone so a pet rock seemed fitting.' He couldn't believe how silly he was sounding. 'So what about you?'
'I have a cat.' She answered.
'A cat.' He chuckled to himself. He wasn't asking if she had any pets. 'And does the cat live around here?'
Annette laughed. 'Yes, she does.'
The waitress came with their drinks.
Annette sobered for a moment. 'I hope you don't mind but I had an ulterior motive to wanting to help you.'
Victor gave her a puzzled look.
She sighed. 'It sounds so petty…I'm at university studying physiotherapy and when I noticed you limping…' She winced waiting for his reaction. When he didn't respond he continued. 'I was just curious as to what happened.'
Victor shook his head and looked away. He didn't know what to think. Did she really like him or was she using him for a case study? Did he want to be used as a case study even to get to know this pretty lady?
Annette reached across the table and placed her hand on his. 'I'm really sorry but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it.'
Victor squared up to her and withdrew his hand. 'I fractured my pelvis when I tried to commit suicide by jumping off the pier.' He motioned toward the structure with a nod.
Annette sat back in her seat. She's expected him to say that he'd been in a car accident, or he was recovering from an operation or even that when he was a kid he'd fallen out of a tree, broken a bone and it still hurt whenever it got cold.
'I suppose you think I'm some sort of freak now?' He mumbled and stood up from the chair.
'No.' She said urgently. 'I just…'
'I should go.' He said and retrieved his wallet from his pocket to pay for the drink.
'Wait, please.' She grasped his hand and gently guided him back to the seat. 'I don't think you're a freak. I just didn't expect you to say that.'
Victor shrugged his shoulders and sulked.
'I'm in my fourth year and most of the patients we see have been in car accidents.'
He took a slow breath in, gave her a weak smile and shifted on his chair.
'It was over your fiancee wasn't it?'
He nodded.
She'd done some psychology work in her studies as well. Most people who have physical injuries have a few mental scars as well. She didn't need her psych knowledge to know that the man sitting across from her was hurting badly. 'Victor…' She started but was interrupted by the waitress with the bill.
They split the cost and Annette waited for the waitress to be out of ear shot before she continued.
'Victor, I know it must have been hard for you but…'
'You're right.' He said cutting her off. 'I can't talk about it.' He stood up. 'Thanks for the coffee.' He said and walked away.
Annette cursed herself. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. And she'd picked him on a day and in a place that made him relive his attempt on his life. She'd been so stupid to think that he'd confide in her to help him.
Annette gathered her handbag and left.
The waitress called after her. 'Miss, you forgot your wallet.'
'Oh, that's not mine.' She said looking at it.
'Oh okay. Would you like me to hold onto it in case you friend comes back to collect it?'
'It's okay.' Annette said looking down the street. 'I'll give it to him.' She thanked the waitress and set off in the direction that Victor had gone.
Victor walked as fast as he could with a sore leg. It was mostly his left leg that hurt nowadays.
He felt stupid. Of course she didn't like him. She was probably only in her early twenties as opposed to his early thirties. What would a girl her age want with a guy like him, especially when he was defective. Everybody knows you don't buy the merchandise that is faulty.
Unless of course you are a physiotherapist in training and want something to practice on, he thought bitterly.
He slowly climbed the stairs to his apartment block. He'd been right. His apartment was very close to the coffee shop, and the pier. Maybe five or so blocks away. It made a nice backdrop from out his bedroom window. Not that he ever wanted to see it ever again but it was one of the only apartments he could get at the time, especially with the funds he was getting from the disability pension. It was one of the only ones within his price range.
He dug the keys out of his pocket and let himself inside.
Home.
It was such a relief.
Although not quite the bachelor pad he'd had before Linda, everything fitted nicely into its place, arranged to his perfection. He liked it that way.
He went into the tiny bathroom and stripped off his clothes. His hair was full of the salt from the ocean and a warm shower would help ease the discomfort of his leg.
Victor just moved under the spray when the phone rang. He groaned and let the machine pick it up.
'Victor, it's Chris, Tc and I are out shopping and thought we'd drop by to see how you are so you'd better be home.' He could hear Tc saying something in the background about breaking his good leg if he wasn't home. Chris laughed. 'Anyway, we'll be there soon. Bye.'
The machine beeped.
So much for his relaxing shower.
He was drying himself when the doorbell rang.
They couldn't be here already, he though wrapping a towel around his waist as he made a beeline for the door.
'That was quick…' He started expecting Tc and Chris to be at the door. It wasn't Tc and Chris though.
Annette smiled sheepishly and held up the wallet. 'You left it at the café.
'Thanks.' He muttered taking the wallet and started to close the door.
'Wait.' Annette said pushing the door open. 'I want to talk to you.'
'Well, I'm expecting company in a few minutes and I'd really like to get dressed first.' Victor said dismissively.
'It won't take long.'
Victor stepped aside and let Annette pass through into the apartment. After all, he didn't want to hold a conversation at the door wearing only a towel.
'I want to apologise.' She said lacing her fingers. 'I shouldn't have pried.'
'I'm sure you only meant it as a professional thing.' Victor said.
Annette shook her head. 'I said it was an ulterior motive, but not the only reason I wanted to talk to you.'
Victor folded his arms across his chest. 'Then what?'
Annette unlaced her fingers and waved her hands looking for the right words. 'I guess I found you attractive. You looked very peaceful on the pier gazing out over the water and you're very handsome. I wanted to meet you.'
Victor nodded slowly.
Before he could respond however there was another knock on the door. This time he knew it was Tc and Chris.
'It's open.' He called to them.
Tc swung the door open. The bolt snagged in the towel's fabric and pulled it away from Victor's hips.
Tc laughed as Victor grabbed for the towel.
Chris, who'd come in behind Tc and who hadn't seen the bolt catch the towel looking on in amazement. 'We weren't interrupting anything were we?'
Victor secured the towel back into place and looked at Annette who had turned red in the face.
'You're company is here. I'd better go.' She said and ran out the door.
'She seemed nice.' Tc said. 'Who was she?'
'She's a physiotherapist.' Victor replied.
'Physiotherapists make house calls now?' Chris said bemused.
'Well no. She's training to be a physiotherapist. She found my wallet and brought it back to me.'
Chris smiled and nodded.
'No.' Victor said sternly.
'No what?' She asked innocently.
'No I am not even considering dating her. It's too soon.'
'Victor its been about three years now. And you can't tell me that your physiotherapist friend doesn't spark your interest.'
'That's not the problem Chris. It's just that every time I even look at another woman in that way, all I can think about is Linda. I can't get over her.' Victor wandered off to his room to put some clothes on.
'Well, at least if you don't date her you could always stay in touch.' She called after him.
'She just saw me naked. I don't think she wants to stay in touch.'
Chris laughed. 'Tc has seen you naked plenty of times in the locker rooms and he's still hanging around.' She poked her tongue out at her husband.
'Yeah Victor.' Tc piped up. 'I've always thought you had a nice ass.'
The three continued laughing and joking like old times. Only Victor knew how heavy is heart was.
He knew that Annette was a special lady but couldn't shake the image on Linda in his mind.
'Just the paper?' The vendor asked.
Victor nodded. He thought he might as well get something to read while he waited for his appointment at the physio. The specialist he saw was always running late.
Victor looked in his wallet for the money. He was surprised to see a card there. It was the card of the physio he was seeing this afternoon. He turned it over. Written on the back was 'If you ever want to talk - Annette' with her phone number written below. Victor realised that she must have put it there when he left his wallet at the café.
He payed for the paper and waited for the bus that was to take him to the hospital.
'Victor Del Toro?' The nurse called his name. He stood up and followed her to the exam room as per routine.
His 4.30 pm appointment ended up being at around 5.15 pm, not that he was really surprised.
The nurse ushered him into the room and motioned for him to sit. 'The doctor should be too long.'
The door opened a few minutes later but it wasn't the doctor.
'Annette? What are you doing here?' Victor asked in surprise.
She smiled and did a pirouette to show off her doctor's coat. 'I'm doing my prac here. I get to assist with your appointment today. The doctor had to make a phone call before he came though. You don't mind me being here do you?'
Victor shook his head. 'Why my case though?'
She shrugged. 'Just lucky I guess.'
'Um. I got your note. I just wanted to say that…'
The doctor came into the room. 'Victor, how are you feeling today?'
And so it started. Victor had to describe in great detail all the aches and pains he had since the last visit. Then the doctor put him to work on some stretches.
Halfway through one set of stretches the nursed peeked her head around the door. 'Doctor, you have a phone call.'
'I'll be right back. Ms Benito will make sure you are doing the exercises correctly.' The doctor left leaving Victor alone with Annette once more.
Benito, Victor though. Annette Benito. He'd have to remember that.
Annette was sitting on a chair watching his as he did he exercises on a mat on the floor. She could see his muscles working hard as he bent and stretched them. For a man who limped when he walked he had an amazing physique. She couldn't help wonder what he'd have been like before his injury.
'Ow.' Victor grabbed at the muscle at the back of his thigh.
'What happened?' She put her clipboard down on the seat she was sitting on and came to kneel beside him.
'Cramp.' He answered shortly and his muscle tightened painfully.
'Roll on your stomach.' She ordered him and when he did so she massaged the muscle. 'Do you usually get cramps?'
'Sometimes.' He said.
'Hmm. You should do stretches before you take on any exercises. Even going for walks.
Victor just sighed. He was enjoying the feeling of her warm soft hands rubbing the tightness out of his muscle.
'I want to apologize again for the other day.' She said. 'It was very inconsiderate of me.'
Victor though for a few minutes before sitting up opposite her. 'You could make it up to me?'
'How?' She asked.
'The circus is in town this weekend.'
Annette cringed.
'What? You don't like the circus?' He asked.
She shook her head. 'No it's not that. I have plans this weekend.'
'Oh.' Victor couldn't hide the disappointment on his face.
'We'll have to do something together though.'
The doctor came into the room and Victor continued on with his stretches.
Victor shifted on the seat. The hard wooden bench he was sitting on was getting harder by the minute. At least Cory was enjoying herself though.
She convinced Victor to come with her to the circus. She said that it would be strange to go by herself so she's taken him and borrowed her niece and nephew to come along as well.
There wasn't anything wrong with the day. He'd had a great time talking baseball with Aaron who'd turned nine a few months ago. He'd been stoked when Victor won him an oversized novelty baseball on one of the shooting games.
Kaitlyn wasn't a problem either. She was four and had stayed awake long enough to see the animals. Now that the ring events were on, such as the clowns, she made herself at home in Victor's lap and fallen asleep.
No, the day had been good. It's just he'd rather be here with someone else.
He sighed. He hadn't really stopped thinking about her since he'd met her. Her beautiful smile, the way she looked at him, her gorgeous curves.
The clown car had driven off without anyone in it and the clowns were now chasing after it which made Aaron roar with laughter.
Victor manoeuvred Kaitlyn off his lap and handed her to Cory. 'I need some air. It's too stuffy in here.'
Cory nodded. 'Are you okay?'
'Yeah. The elephants kicked up a lot of dust.' He lied. Well, not really lied. The elephants had created a severe dust problem when they were doing their tricks. He just was not really comfortable with the whole family situation he'd found himself in.
Kaitlyn had gotten detached from them at once stage and started calling for her brother. A lady had pointed to Victor and said, 'Look, there's your dad.'
Kaitlyn didn't say anything, she was just happy to be found.
Victor on the other hand wanted to scream. Linda was dead. There would be no children for him. He didn't understand why people had to be so presumptuous.
He wandered outside the big top and pretended to look around the stands. There was hand made everything, scarves, jewellery, beaded bags.
He wasn't interested. The only thing he was interested in was, 'Annette.' He said surprised.
She turned and looked at him. 'Victor, what are you doing here?'
'Um, I came with a friend of mine and her brother's kids. What are you doing here? I thought you said you had plans.'
'I do.' She said.
'Hey Mommy, what about this one?' A little girl held up a necklace to Annette. 'Isn't it pretty?' She had the same dark hair and olive skin as Annette. Or at least he thought she did. The girl's skin was marked with pink scar tissue and she had pressure bandages on her arms and legs.
'That's really nice sweetie.' Annette said half looking at the girl and half looking at Victor. 'Are you going to buy that one?'
The girl nodded and handed over the necklace so the stall owner could read the price tag.
'I promised her I'd take her to the circus.' Annette said, her voice shaking.
Victor felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. She was a mother…which meant that she was probably also someone's wife.
The girl made her purchase, put on the necklace and came back over to hold her mother's hand. 'Who's that?' She whispered.
'This is Victor. He's a friend of mine.' Annette said.
The girl looked at Victor as though she had been his friend for ages. Obviously she thought that because he and her mother were friends that he was good to talk to.
'Do you like my necklace?' She asked.
Victor nodded. 'Yeah, it really suits you.' He said.
The girl beamed and he could see that she had gotten her mother's smile as well. The only difference is that this girl and her mom was that she had vivid green eyes whereas her mother's were a dark brown.
'Mom, can I go and pat the pony?' She asked and pointed to a small Shetland behind a fence with about three other children patting it as well.
'Sure, honey. Just don't go too far.' Annette watched as her daughter went over to the fence. The other children took one look at her scars and bandages and quickly went back to their parents. At least Charlotte didn't seem to notice.
Annette saw the look on Victor's face. It wouldn't have looked any different had she slapped him. 'Victor, I'm sorry. I should have told you about Charlie.'
'No. You didn't have to tell me anything. You just shouldn't have made out that you were single.' He said and stormed back into the big top.
She tried to follow him but the man at the entrance asked her for her ticket. She had Charlie were going to see the next show and hadn't bought their tickets yet.
Cory watched as Victor climbed back into the stands and sat down next to her. Something had happened outside.
'What's the matter?' She asked quietly. Aaron was having a great time and she didn't want to alert him to anything.
Victor shook his head. He was so angry. He didn't know what would happen if he opened his mouth to speak.
Cory reached over and held his hand for support. She wanted to give him a hug and get him to talk to her but Aaron was going through him 'Eww girls' phase and anything remotely physical would be taken the wrong way. She knew Victor did not need the added pressure. She'd seen the look on his face when the lady had said that he was Kaitlyn's father and he hadn't really gone back to his normal self since.
'Wow, Aunty Cory, did you see that?' Aaron said. The trapeze had started and the acrobats were flying through the air.
'It's great isn't it?' She said. She turned her attention back to the act in front of them but kept in sight out of the corner of her eye.
Then there was the humiliation of his first attempt to take his own life by a similar means than what he was envisioning currently. Except then, he'd gone feet first into the water; highly disappointed when he surfaced a few seconds late with only a fractured pelvis. He'd turned over in the water in an attempt to drown himself but hadn't succeeded with that either. Jumping off the pier with close friends nearby wasn't the smartest thing Victor had ever done in his life. It took just seconds for Tc to mount his bike and fly down the stairs to the water edge. Victor hadn't even begun feeling the overpowering urge to breathe again before Tc had him above the surface and pinned safely against his chest, at which point Victor gave up. They loved him. They never wanted to see him hurting and they'd tried so hard to ease the pain of his loss to the point where Cory had once sacrificed herself to make him feel better when he was sexually frustrated. He regretted it of course which only made his situation worse.
He'd taken her in a moment of intense loss and discarded her sometime during the night. It had come to his attention a few days later when he'd heard his roommates-cum-minders, Tc and Chris, talking about the incident. Cory had inquired to her bosom buddy whether or not Chris thought Cory had not fully satisfied him and now doubted she cold satisfy any man in bed. She had thought that maybe it was the reason she was unmarried. Guilt had devoured him until he pledged to make it up to her. He'd called by her house and told her how wonderful she'd been to him and how much he had enjoyed her 'company'. She then took his head in her hands and kissed him passionately revealing that his confessions to her meant that she believed he was interested in her.
Victor winced at the thought. It wasn't that there was anything wrong with her. She was nice, sweet, caring, compassionate…sexy, but Linda's death had taken its toll on him. He didn't want anybody to want him, to watch out for him, to love him. He didn't want to live. Hence came his first jump from the pier.
A cool breeze whipped up from the waves had brought him relief as he stood on the other side of the railing. Victor feared panic. Panic caused him to think rationally about what he was about to do. Panic might cause him to misjudge his position and landing that could only lead to one thing…life. He didn't want it, he didn't need it and after what he did to Cory, he didn't deserve it. He took one hand off the railing and leaned out. The water looked so pure and blue. He knew it's secret though.
The thrashing waters around the support columns had in the past claimed the best of lifeguards. One wrong move and collision with the thick wooden structure was imminent. Oh how he craved that moment. The pain, the guilt, the helplessness; it would all be gone with just one wave.
He gave a short smile as the relief washed over him. Just a few more seconds and it would all be over. He closed his eyes. Death at last. Then, he heard his name.
At first he though that it might already be over even though he couldn't remember the fall. He thought he could hear her calling his name and he was home. He listened again. This time it came louder and deeper than before. Tc was running towards him spurred on by the rush of adrenaline. Victor had to think fast. On a normal day Tc was quick on his feet but now, he was supersonic. Victor didn't have time to think. He was coming fast, he was coming, he…he looked down and let go of the rail. He heard Chris's screams, Cory's cries and Tc's obscenities as he became weightless and floated towards his way home.
The moment he hit the water he knew something had gone wrong. He sliced through it and slammed into the sandy bottom with his legs unbent. He choked on the salty water as he cried out in pain. A wave of searing heat flowed through his lower body from his spine to his hips and down his legs.
He had panicked.
He gasped for air as the pain took hold, water slowly filling his lungs. His plan, his precious plan. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
He surfaced and squinted towards the sky, the heat of the sun already burning his face. He could see the railing. Cory and Chris now stood on the other side. Cory was holding it for support with one hand; the other being across her mouth. She sucked in deep breaths as she cried and tried to shop herself from being sick. Chris fully leaned over the rail, her hair gleaming in the sun as she called for him to hold on.
Hold on to what, he though? He couldn't move his arms, his legs or his back. The pain and jarring had paralyzed him. He couldn't move. He floated there, his body stunned and in shock. The pain of his loss, the guilt of his action and now the humiliation of failing his fall flooded through him. There was only one thing left to do.
He wretched his back and turned over. The cool water felt like it was quenching the fire of his pain as it surrounded his eyes, nose and mouth. Relief again has though maybe this would be it; his last moments left floating upside down in the ocean. It was not to last long though. Tc cut through the water like a shark but had the touch of the feather as he turned Victor in the water and headed back to shore.
Victor could recognize his body giving into shock and the world became blank when his foot brushed against the sandy bottom once again.
What had seemed like only moments later he felt the loving touch of fingers grazing his forehead and running through his dry hair. 'Linda.' He murmured as he struggled to open his eyes.
Cory sniffed and shook her head as he focused on her. 'I'm so sorry Victor.' She mouthed to him running a finger down his cheek and let her hand rest on his shoulder.
He realized that he'd hurt her again. He'd rejected her for the third time, each time more hideously crueler than the previous. He'd made her feel unwanted, then unloved, then made her feel like death was the only way past her. He wanted to touch her; to ease away the pain etched on her face.
He reached for her but something held him back. He looked at his wrist. A black belt made out of seat-belt restraint material kept him sealed to the bed. He looked at Cory again. 'I'm not crazy Cory…' he began but she put a finger to his lips.
'I know Victor. It's not for that. It's to keep you still.' She motioned down the bed. He could see the restraint across his chest. Another was on his stomach. There was another at the tops of his thighs, at his knees, his calves and finally at his ankles.
Cory put a hand across his forehead as if to smoothe some invisible strands of hair away from his face. 'You broke your pelvis when you hit the bottom.' She explained. 'It's gonna hurt like hell if you move so they're got to keep you restrained. They wanted to have you sedated for a few more weeks till you started to heal but your mother wouldn't let them. She wanted to see you, to make sure you were okay.'
And to know why he did it. The thought hung in the air between them. She was hoping he'd tell her. He was hoping his pelvis wouldn't stop him from trying again.
She sighed and gave up on him telling her right now.
'Where is she?' Victor asked her. Hearing his mother had been actively involving herself in his treatment meant that she should be nearby.
'Tc took her home to his place. She's been up here for days. She needed some rest.'
Victor looked blankly at Cory. He loved Cory to bits. He always had but he still didn't want to see her. He didn't want to see anyone. Even his mother.
'I'm tired.' He announced to Cory and shut his eyes as to prove the point.
She nodded and rose to her feet but before she went she kissed him lightly on the forehead. 'Whatever it was Victor, it's not worth it.' She said and closed the door behind her.
Victor stared at the white ceiling. How could she understand? She's never lost anyone that important. He corrected himself as a vision oh her in a bed very similar to this one flowed through his mind. She had cried as she told him that she'd lost her unborn baby. Victor had smiled sympathetically and put an arm across her shoulders, his hand resting at her elbow. 'The pain will go away Cory.' He'd told her. 'It's just a matter of when.'
Victor jumped as a seagull squawked nearby.
Seven months spent in hospital teaching him to walk again. Another five months spent visiting the physio anything up to five times a week. A whole year since he'd jumped off the pier from this very spot and now he was back thinking of doing it all over again.
He could use the upper body strength gained from spending months in a wheelchair to hoist himself over the rail. He'd fall to the water again. He wouldn't be about to control his landing this time but at least he wouldn't spear into the ground and break his pelvis. At least his friends weren't around to save him. At least he had spent the last year with a shrink working through his grievances and making progress enough to know better.
He turned away from the water in disgust. He walked slowly along the structure. He'd been out of his wheelchair and away from crutches for about two months now and still walked with a limp that the doctors said might never go away. At least he was alive.
He eased himself down the steps at the other end and looked up to find himself face to face with a goddess.
'Hi.' She said with a self-conscious smile. 'I saw you were having trouble on the steps and I wondered if you needed any help?'
He started at her in amazement. Flawless olive complexion, deep almond eyes, silky dark brown hair. Her body invited his touch. Her dress made him want to rip it off and discover the hidden treasure beneath it.
He looked back at her eyes again. She looked so pure, so feminine, so gorgeous, yet, she reminded him on Linda.
He smiled at her. 'Yes, I need help.' She tilted her head to one side as if to encourage him to continue. 'Could you do me a favor? Could you call heaven and tell them that there's and angel missing?' She smiled softly as he cursed himself inwardly for pulling a one liner on this gorgeous female. 'You remind me of someone, my ex-fiancee. She's an angel.' He stammered.
'Ah, I see. So she was a nice ex-fiancee then?'
Victor nodded. 'Yeah she was. Linda is dead now. She was shot.' He had no idea what had come over him. He rarely mentioned Linda and avoided the subject like a plague whenever someone brought it up yet here he was, spilling his heart to this beautiful stranger.
'Oh.' She said and pulled a face like she was about to cry.
He nodded absently then stuck out his hand. 'I'm Victor by the way.'
'I'm Annette.' She said taking his hand but not shaking it. 'I'm so sorry to hear about your fiancee. I can't imagine how tough it must have been for you.' She placed a hand over the one of his she was holding.
Victor grinned at her supremely aware that this woman must think that he'd escaped from an asylum. 'It feels a lot better now.' He said and stopped. Was he right? Did it really feel a lot better now that he'd met Annette? How could she possibly walk into his world and erase three painful years of pinning for Linda? Could she do that?
Annette smiled. 'I'm glad to hear that.'
Victor looked around, now thankful for the street full of vendors just a few yards away. It's a bit hot today. Would you like to get a drink with me?' He asked her fully aware that it was probably only around 70 degrees.
She laughed. 'Sure, I'd like that.' She let go of his hand and cupped his elbow, leading him towards a small café.
They chose a table on the side of the boardwalk and gave their orders to the waitress. He'd ordered an iced tea. She ordered coffee.
Victor laughed. 'I guess it wasn't so hot after all.'
Annette smiled. That smile so warm it could melt the polar ice caps. 'I love it here.' She said. 'The beach, the sun, the water. It's so lovely.'
Victor managed to nod.
'Do you live around here?' She asked him.
'Yeah, I do. Just up the street actually. Maybe you could come by later and check out my rock collection.'
Annette laughed. Victor wondered if she knew he was trying to ask her out. 'Rocks?' She questioned.
'Rocks. My apartment is a pet free zone so a pet rock seemed fitting.' He couldn't believe how silly he was sounding. 'So what about you?'
'I have a cat.' She answered.
'A cat.' He chuckled to himself. He wasn't asking if she had any pets. 'And does the cat live around here?'
Annette laughed. 'Yes, she does.'
The waitress came with their drinks.
Annette sobered for a moment. 'I hope you don't mind but I had an ulterior motive to wanting to help you.'
Victor gave her a puzzled look.
She sighed. 'It sounds so petty…I'm at university studying physiotherapy and when I noticed you limping…' She winced waiting for his reaction. When he didn't respond he continued. 'I was just curious as to what happened.'
Victor shook his head and looked away. He didn't know what to think. Did she really like him or was she using him for a case study? Did he want to be used as a case study even to get to know this pretty lady?
Annette reached across the table and placed her hand on his. 'I'm really sorry but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it.'
Victor squared up to her and withdrew his hand. 'I fractured my pelvis when I tried to commit suicide by jumping off the pier.' He motioned toward the structure with a nod.
Annette sat back in her seat. She's expected him to say that he'd been in a car accident, or he was recovering from an operation or even that when he was a kid he'd fallen out of a tree, broken a bone and it still hurt whenever it got cold.
'I suppose you think I'm some sort of freak now?' He mumbled and stood up from the chair.
'No.' She said urgently. 'I just…'
'I should go.' He said and retrieved his wallet from his pocket to pay for the drink.
'Wait, please.' She grasped his hand and gently guided him back to the seat. 'I don't think you're a freak. I just didn't expect you to say that.'
Victor shrugged his shoulders and sulked.
'I'm in my fourth year and most of the patients we see have been in car accidents.'
He took a slow breath in, gave her a weak smile and shifted on his chair.
'It was over your fiancee wasn't it?'
He nodded.
She'd done some psychology work in her studies as well. Most people who have physical injuries have a few mental scars as well. She didn't need her psych knowledge to know that the man sitting across from her was hurting badly. 'Victor…' She started but was interrupted by the waitress with the bill.
They split the cost and Annette waited for the waitress to be out of ear shot before she continued.
'Victor, I know it must have been hard for you but…'
'You're right.' He said cutting her off. 'I can't talk about it.' He stood up. 'Thanks for the coffee.' He said and walked away.
Annette cursed herself. Of course he didn't want to talk about it. And she'd picked him on a day and in a place that made him relive his attempt on his life. She'd been so stupid to think that he'd confide in her to help him.
Annette gathered her handbag and left.
The waitress called after her. 'Miss, you forgot your wallet.'
'Oh, that's not mine.' She said looking at it.
'Oh okay. Would you like me to hold onto it in case you friend comes back to collect it?'
'It's okay.' Annette said looking down the street. 'I'll give it to him.' She thanked the waitress and set off in the direction that Victor had gone.
Victor walked as fast as he could with a sore leg. It was mostly his left leg that hurt nowadays.
He felt stupid. Of course she didn't like him. She was probably only in her early twenties as opposed to his early thirties. What would a girl her age want with a guy like him, especially when he was defective. Everybody knows you don't buy the merchandise that is faulty.
Unless of course you are a physiotherapist in training and want something to practice on, he thought bitterly.
He slowly climbed the stairs to his apartment block. He'd been right. His apartment was very close to the coffee shop, and the pier. Maybe five or so blocks away. It made a nice backdrop from out his bedroom window. Not that he ever wanted to see it ever again but it was one of the only apartments he could get at the time, especially with the funds he was getting from the disability pension. It was one of the only ones within his price range.
He dug the keys out of his pocket and let himself inside.
Home.
It was such a relief.
Although not quite the bachelor pad he'd had before Linda, everything fitted nicely into its place, arranged to his perfection. He liked it that way.
He went into the tiny bathroom and stripped off his clothes. His hair was full of the salt from the ocean and a warm shower would help ease the discomfort of his leg.
Victor just moved under the spray when the phone rang. He groaned and let the machine pick it up.
'Victor, it's Chris, Tc and I are out shopping and thought we'd drop by to see how you are so you'd better be home.' He could hear Tc saying something in the background about breaking his good leg if he wasn't home. Chris laughed. 'Anyway, we'll be there soon. Bye.'
The machine beeped.
So much for his relaxing shower.
He was drying himself when the doorbell rang.
They couldn't be here already, he though wrapping a towel around his waist as he made a beeline for the door.
'That was quick…' He started expecting Tc and Chris to be at the door. It wasn't Tc and Chris though.
Annette smiled sheepishly and held up the wallet. 'You left it at the café.
'Thanks.' He muttered taking the wallet and started to close the door.
'Wait.' Annette said pushing the door open. 'I want to talk to you.'
'Well, I'm expecting company in a few minutes and I'd really like to get dressed first.' Victor said dismissively.
'It won't take long.'
Victor stepped aside and let Annette pass through into the apartment. After all, he didn't want to hold a conversation at the door wearing only a towel.
'I want to apologise.' She said lacing her fingers. 'I shouldn't have pried.'
'I'm sure you only meant it as a professional thing.' Victor said.
Annette shook her head. 'I said it was an ulterior motive, but not the only reason I wanted to talk to you.'
Victor folded his arms across his chest. 'Then what?'
Annette unlaced her fingers and waved her hands looking for the right words. 'I guess I found you attractive. You looked very peaceful on the pier gazing out over the water and you're very handsome. I wanted to meet you.'
Victor nodded slowly.
Before he could respond however there was another knock on the door. This time he knew it was Tc and Chris.
'It's open.' He called to them.
Tc swung the door open. The bolt snagged in the towel's fabric and pulled it away from Victor's hips.
Tc laughed as Victor grabbed for the towel.
Chris, who'd come in behind Tc and who hadn't seen the bolt catch the towel looking on in amazement. 'We weren't interrupting anything were we?'
Victor secured the towel back into place and looked at Annette who had turned red in the face.
'You're company is here. I'd better go.' She said and ran out the door.
'She seemed nice.' Tc said. 'Who was she?'
'She's a physiotherapist.' Victor replied.
'Physiotherapists make house calls now?' Chris said bemused.
'Well no. She's training to be a physiotherapist. She found my wallet and brought it back to me.'
Chris smiled and nodded.
'No.' Victor said sternly.
'No what?' She asked innocently.
'No I am not even considering dating her. It's too soon.'
'Victor its been about three years now. And you can't tell me that your physiotherapist friend doesn't spark your interest.'
'That's not the problem Chris. It's just that every time I even look at another woman in that way, all I can think about is Linda. I can't get over her.' Victor wandered off to his room to put some clothes on.
'Well, at least if you don't date her you could always stay in touch.' She called after him.
'She just saw me naked. I don't think she wants to stay in touch.'
Chris laughed. 'Tc has seen you naked plenty of times in the locker rooms and he's still hanging around.' She poked her tongue out at her husband.
'Yeah Victor.' Tc piped up. 'I've always thought you had a nice ass.'
The three continued laughing and joking like old times. Only Victor knew how heavy is heart was.
He knew that Annette was a special lady but couldn't shake the image on Linda in his mind.
'Just the paper?' The vendor asked.
Victor nodded. He thought he might as well get something to read while he waited for his appointment at the physio. The specialist he saw was always running late.
Victor looked in his wallet for the money. He was surprised to see a card there. It was the card of the physio he was seeing this afternoon. He turned it over. Written on the back was 'If you ever want to talk - Annette' with her phone number written below. Victor realised that she must have put it there when he left his wallet at the café.
He payed for the paper and waited for the bus that was to take him to the hospital.
'Victor Del Toro?' The nurse called his name. He stood up and followed her to the exam room as per routine.
His 4.30 pm appointment ended up being at around 5.15 pm, not that he was really surprised.
The nurse ushered him into the room and motioned for him to sit. 'The doctor should be too long.'
The door opened a few minutes later but it wasn't the doctor.
'Annette? What are you doing here?' Victor asked in surprise.
She smiled and did a pirouette to show off her doctor's coat. 'I'm doing my prac here. I get to assist with your appointment today. The doctor had to make a phone call before he came though. You don't mind me being here do you?'
Victor shook his head. 'Why my case though?'
She shrugged. 'Just lucky I guess.'
'Um. I got your note. I just wanted to say that…'
The doctor came into the room. 'Victor, how are you feeling today?'
And so it started. Victor had to describe in great detail all the aches and pains he had since the last visit. Then the doctor put him to work on some stretches.
Halfway through one set of stretches the nursed peeked her head around the door. 'Doctor, you have a phone call.'
'I'll be right back. Ms Benito will make sure you are doing the exercises correctly.' The doctor left leaving Victor alone with Annette once more.
Benito, Victor though. Annette Benito. He'd have to remember that.
Annette was sitting on a chair watching his as he did he exercises on a mat on the floor. She could see his muscles working hard as he bent and stretched them. For a man who limped when he walked he had an amazing physique. She couldn't help wonder what he'd have been like before his injury.
'Ow.' Victor grabbed at the muscle at the back of his thigh.
'What happened?' She put her clipboard down on the seat she was sitting on and came to kneel beside him.
'Cramp.' He answered shortly and his muscle tightened painfully.
'Roll on your stomach.' She ordered him and when he did so she massaged the muscle. 'Do you usually get cramps?'
'Sometimes.' He said.
'Hmm. You should do stretches before you take on any exercises. Even going for walks.
Victor just sighed. He was enjoying the feeling of her warm soft hands rubbing the tightness out of his muscle.
'I want to apologize again for the other day.' She said. 'It was very inconsiderate of me.'
Victor though for a few minutes before sitting up opposite her. 'You could make it up to me?'
'How?' She asked.
'The circus is in town this weekend.'
Annette cringed.
'What? You don't like the circus?' He asked.
She shook her head. 'No it's not that. I have plans this weekend.'
'Oh.' Victor couldn't hide the disappointment on his face.
'We'll have to do something together though.'
The doctor came into the room and Victor continued on with his stretches.
Victor shifted on the seat. The hard wooden bench he was sitting on was getting harder by the minute. At least Cory was enjoying herself though.
She convinced Victor to come with her to the circus. She said that it would be strange to go by herself so she's taken him and borrowed her niece and nephew to come along as well.
There wasn't anything wrong with the day. He'd had a great time talking baseball with Aaron who'd turned nine a few months ago. He'd been stoked when Victor won him an oversized novelty baseball on one of the shooting games.
Kaitlyn wasn't a problem either. She was four and had stayed awake long enough to see the animals. Now that the ring events were on, such as the clowns, she made herself at home in Victor's lap and fallen asleep.
No, the day had been good. It's just he'd rather be here with someone else.
He sighed. He hadn't really stopped thinking about her since he'd met her. Her beautiful smile, the way she looked at him, her gorgeous curves.
The clown car had driven off without anyone in it and the clowns were now chasing after it which made Aaron roar with laughter.
Victor manoeuvred Kaitlyn off his lap and handed her to Cory. 'I need some air. It's too stuffy in here.'
Cory nodded. 'Are you okay?'
'Yeah. The elephants kicked up a lot of dust.' He lied. Well, not really lied. The elephants had created a severe dust problem when they were doing their tricks. He just was not really comfortable with the whole family situation he'd found himself in.
Kaitlyn had gotten detached from them at once stage and started calling for her brother. A lady had pointed to Victor and said, 'Look, there's your dad.'
Kaitlyn didn't say anything, she was just happy to be found.
Victor on the other hand wanted to scream. Linda was dead. There would be no children for him. He didn't understand why people had to be so presumptuous.
He wandered outside the big top and pretended to look around the stands. There was hand made everything, scarves, jewellery, beaded bags.
He wasn't interested. The only thing he was interested in was, 'Annette.' He said surprised.
She turned and looked at him. 'Victor, what are you doing here?'
'Um, I came with a friend of mine and her brother's kids. What are you doing here? I thought you said you had plans.'
'I do.' She said.
'Hey Mommy, what about this one?' A little girl held up a necklace to Annette. 'Isn't it pretty?' She had the same dark hair and olive skin as Annette. Or at least he thought she did. The girl's skin was marked with pink scar tissue and she had pressure bandages on her arms and legs.
'That's really nice sweetie.' Annette said half looking at the girl and half looking at Victor. 'Are you going to buy that one?'
The girl nodded and handed over the necklace so the stall owner could read the price tag.
'I promised her I'd take her to the circus.' Annette said, her voice shaking.
Victor felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. She was a mother…which meant that she was probably also someone's wife.
The girl made her purchase, put on the necklace and came back over to hold her mother's hand. 'Who's that?' She whispered.
'This is Victor. He's a friend of mine.' Annette said.
The girl looked at Victor as though she had been his friend for ages. Obviously she thought that because he and her mother were friends that he was good to talk to.
'Do you like my necklace?' She asked.
Victor nodded. 'Yeah, it really suits you.' He said.
The girl beamed and he could see that she had gotten her mother's smile as well. The only difference is that this girl and her mom was that she had vivid green eyes whereas her mother's were a dark brown.
'Mom, can I go and pat the pony?' She asked and pointed to a small Shetland behind a fence with about three other children patting it as well.
'Sure, honey. Just don't go too far.' Annette watched as her daughter went over to the fence. The other children took one look at her scars and bandages and quickly went back to their parents. At least Charlotte didn't seem to notice.
Annette saw the look on Victor's face. It wouldn't have looked any different had she slapped him. 'Victor, I'm sorry. I should have told you about Charlie.'
'No. You didn't have to tell me anything. You just shouldn't have made out that you were single.' He said and stormed back into the big top.
She tried to follow him but the man at the entrance asked her for her ticket. She had Charlie were going to see the next show and hadn't bought their tickets yet.
Cory watched as Victor climbed back into the stands and sat down next to her. Something had happened outside.
'What's the matter?' She asked quietly. Aaron was having a great time and she didn't want to alert him to anything.
Victor shook his head. He was so angry. He didn't know what would happen if he opened his mouth to speak.
Cory reached over and held his hand for support. She wanted to give him a hug and get him to talk to her but Aaron was going through him 'Eww girls' phase and anything remotely physical would be taken the wrong way. She knew Victor did not need the added pressure. She'd seen the look on his face when the lady had said that he was Kaitlyn's father and he hadn't really gone back to his normal self since.
'Wow, Aunty Cory, did you see that?' Aaron said. The trapeze had started and the acrobats were flying through the air.
'It's great isn't it?' She said. She turned her attention back to the act in front of them but kept in sight out of the corner of her eye.