AN: Hey guys, so some of you may know about my other fanfic, What If She Got Her Hand. I'm working on the chapter and will update it sometime this month. And I will be update it at least once a month.
And yes, I do realize that I am terrifyingly horrible at updating, but part of my New Years Resolution is to do stuff on time and stop procrastinating. Nevertheless, I feel guilty for not updating, so I thought maybe I should post this.
However, this is not a happy oneshot. This is pretty depressing, and angsty.
So, here it is. And it takes place after the whole Muramasa fiasco.
I do not own Bleach or its characters, it all belongs to Tite Kubo.
Denial.
It means to refuse to believe something is true.
It means to completely ignore its existence, and continue on as if nothing is wrong.
As if everything is perfectly fine.
But it's not.
'It hasn't been for a long time.'
"Rukia-sama...?"
"..."
"I understand..."
Rukia sighed as she pulled away from the sheet of paper in front of her, listening to the retreating footsteps behind her.
She was mean. Too mean to her zanpakuto. Way too soon.
She slumped as she gazed at the paper sitting in front of here.
It was blank.
The raven haired shinigami sighed frustratingly. Why couldn't she just draw? Why couldn't she think of anything to draw? Why couldn't she just pick up her ink and do something with it?
Why couldn't she do the same thing with her words towards Sode no Shirayuki?
To her brother.
To herself.
Rukia looked around her empty room. It was too big. Too spacious.
Too lonely.
She sighed again as she picked up her brush, dipping it in ink. She lowered the tip to the page and drew a circle. She promptly crumpled the page up and threw it against the wall.
She felt as if she was choking as she heard the light thump of the paper falling to the ground.
"What do the humans call it? Writer's block? Well, I suppose this would be called artist's block."
Rukia bitterly chuckled at her thoughts. She chuckled even louder when she remembered that no one was there to hear her.
She turned to her bed, falling into the covers.
She was lonely. That much, she was certain.
But she was also certain that she couldn't share her thoughts with Sode no Shirayuki, her other half.
She was uncertain why she couldn't.
It's not like her friend is going to leaver her again. They've already resolved that conflict weeks ago
Or was it a month?
She wasn't sure.
She wasn't sure of a few things.
She just knew that something was wrong with her.
Just outside of her room, Rukia's zanpakuto was standing there. Her pale hand rested on the door as she took deep, heavy breathes.
There was a blizzard raging on in their innerworld. Sode no Shirayuki could feel it. She was sure Rukia did, too.
She was just denying it.
'No. She isn't. She knows very well about it.'
She was in denial of something else though.
It was what the zanpakuto wanted to talk to her about.
Sode no Shirayuki slid the door open, silently approaching her other half. Rukia was already in slumber.
But the sun had only just set. Rukia hadn't even eaten.
Sode no Shirayuki sighed as she picked up the crumpled paper Rukia had thrown earlier. She opened it and eyed the almost perfect circle. She neatly folded it and slipped it into her kimono for later.
She turned back to her shinigami, silently admiring her soft features. She softly caressed Rukia's cheek with the back of her knuckles.
"Rukia-sama," she said softly, her voice slightly cracking, "I will not leave you. Never again. Kuchiki-dono will never leave you either. Neither will Abarai or Kurosaki. Nor Ishida or Inoue. All the loss you have had, all the pain, you do not have to bare them all on your own."
Sode no Shirayuki suddenly licked her dry lips, ignoring the heaving ache in her chest, "I will be here. Forever, until we die together.
"I will never abandon you again."
Sode no Shirayuki waited for a reply, desperately hoping for it.
But there was silence.
Rukia was either dead asleep, or she refused to answer her.
They may never know.
Sode no Shirayuki sighed.
Denial.
It was something Rukia exceeded in.
I'll be frank- I did not want to post this. There are a few reasons. One was that this was basically me venting, and I feel a little uncomfortable letting others see my vulnerability. But I know I'll have to so that I can get better. Now, whether or not opening up on the internet is a good choice is debatable...
Another reason why I didn't want to post this was because, to the naked eye, it seemed boring. I put some symbolism in there, and made sure everything happened for a reason. It's not just me rambling on and on about something boring as Rukia not knowing what to draw. There's more to it, and I'd like to hear on your thoughts on it. Please do, because I'd like to see if I was successful in expressing what I was hoping to express.
Okay, that's it. Until next time.