Disclaimer— I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United Fandoms of Fanfiction. And to the lawyers for which law stands: one franchise, I'm under oath with a lack of invisibility...with...wait...— okay, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of the characters included in said anime-package. Please, don't sue me...

forever alone with no girl to own

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"With how non-existent Natsu's love life is now, I'm sure his future wife will be a cat," Gray guffawed, tipping his head back in laughter as he took another swig of alcohol. The group of men around him nodded in agreement, garggling their own drinks as they attempted to smother their endless chuckles. "I mean look at him. I invited every single one of our female co-workers and he hasn't spoken a word to any of them."

Loke looked completely baffled at Gray's words, reering his head back in disbelief and ultimate second-hand embarassment. "I'd be brain dead before I'd ever ignore a woman. And doesn't Lisanna have a...a..." he rolled his eyes, trying to come up with the right word. "a thing for him?"

"I know right!" Gray exclaimed. He pointed over to the corner where Natsu stood alone, sulking. "Look at him! Does he know how sexy he is?" Gray earned himself a few awkward looks but he ignored them, too angered to filter his words. "As a man, I am totally disgusted that he doesn't properly use his charms. Lisanna has been crushing over him for almost a year and that oblivious ash-for-brains—"

"Gee, not so loud, Fullbuster. I might hear you," Natsu scoffed from across the room. He pushed away from the wall and strolled over to the couch where Gray and his other friends sat. He crossed his arms before them, eyes narrowing as he looked down at the group of gossiping men. "Learn to control your volume, popsicle face. My apartment isn't as big as you think."

Gray gasped in mock surprise, hand over his heart as he squealed, "congratulations, Dragneel. You're not deaf!"

"Why, you—"

Sensing the oncoming tension, Alzack cleared his throat, quickly claiming Natsu's attention. "Uh...hey, birthday boy! Didn't see you over there!"

"Of course you didn't," Natsu snorted. "Look guys. This has been fun and all— you grouping together to talk behind my back for hours instead of celebrating my birthday —but it's getting late and I have work in five hours. I need you all to get out."

As soon as he moved, all eyes were on the man of the hour who hadn't spoken a word since they all forced their way into his home. He nudged his head towards the front door. "Yeah. I mean now."

"Come on, Natsu. Let's have a little more fun. I wanted to sing 'happy birthday' for you," Lisanna whined, walking up behind him and grabbing onto his wrist. She pouted, fluttering her eyeslashes as she swung their hands back and forth. "I also have a...surprise for you."

Natsu shook her off of him, eyebrows scrunched together. "Lisanna, I can just accept your surprise gift at work. But really...how much did you drink?"

"Oh, for the love of—" Gray slammed his now empty bottle onto a nearby coffee table, almost breaking it as he let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't take this! Did you hear him, Loke? He can accept her gift at work?! Either he's suddenly really kinky or he has no idea what the hell this poor, frustrated girl is talking about!"

Loke frowned, standing before placing his hand on Gray's shoulder. "Although it's really none of my business...Natsu, I must say, your virgin-ness is evident."

"G-guys, it's okay. You're embarassing me," Lisanna squeaked, face red from both shyness and drunkeness. She covered her face with her palms, inching away from Natsu when he gave her a long confused look.

Gray payed her words no mind. "Natsu, as your best friend of thirteen years, I can shamelessly say that I want to kill you. I know I don't normally give gifts..." actually, he never gave gifts. Not even to his mother. "but this time, I'm willing to make an exception. Stay home from work today. Your gift will be on your doorstep by twelve. I can't even look at you right now. Good bye. Gray out."

That had been six hours ago, back before the sun shined through his bedroom window where he waited for the "special delivery" Gray had forced him to accept. He had spent most of those hours cleaning the house where what felt like his entire office left a complete mess. Half-empty bottles, questionable stains in his carpet, a few cracked picture frames and— dammit, they had used up all of his toilet paper.

It was the expensive kind, too...ugh.

"I knew I shouldn't have let them in," Natsu grumbled to himself, dusting off his sleeveless tank as he made his way to his bedroom where he last left his phone and wallet. Rushing through the house to find his valuables, he readied himself to make a quick run to grocery store down the street for some much-needed house supplies.

His twenty-third birthday party had been the humilating, awkward mess he was sure it would be when Gray first mentioned throwing one. He wasn't one for drinking or socializing, but after raiding his apartment with their trunks of alcohol and boring conversations, he couldn't exactly avoid it. Gray had invitied people Natsu had never even spoken to before. For what, he had no idea. But whatever the reason, he was sure it was as intrusive and annoying as his best friend was.

Gray had always told him to get into a relationship, always attempting to send him on blind dates and introduce him to his many lonely cousins and friends. Age doesn't matter, he would say. Neither does shape or size. As long as she's breathing and has a nice rack, she's a potential target. Natsu rolled his eyes at the memory of Gray's drawn-out speech on the female species. He would never take advice from someone like Gray, a womanzier who hadn't had a steady relationship since birth. It's why I can't stand you sometimes, Gray once mentioned. Girls flock around you all the time but you never give them to time of day. Meanwhile I have to struggle to get a freaking name!

But whatever. Gray's so-called plight was none of his concern. Right now, his only concern was getting that toilet paper.

The clock struck twelve by the time Natsu found his wallet hidden under his bed and his phone under his pillow. Throwing on his coat and boots, Natsu was ready to face the cold winter breeze as he opened his front door only to be greeted with— "meow~" — a cat.

"Fullbuster..." Natsu growled the name, his tone dripping with anger. "you bastard!"

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magical kittens and mutliated mittens

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The toilet paper had been long forgotten.

Natsu was currently sitting on his recently cleaned couch, a pair of wide, honey-colored eyes staring at him without rest. They both had been like that for a good thrity minutes, just sitting and staring, neither species moving as they observed the other.

The cat was small, almost abnormally so. Natsu was sure it would be comfortable if he ever held it with both hands cupped together. That's how small it was. Especially when compared to the size of its oddly-colored eyes. It's fur was a light brown, and for a possible stray, extremely shiny and soft. It mewled excitedly when he finally moved, inching his hand towards it and giving it a firm pat on the head. It nuzzled into his palm, purring.

"Sooo," Natsu drawled, continuing to pet it awkwardly. He never exactly had a pet before. "you're Gray's little surprise, huh? Y'know, if you weren't so cute, I would've called him to take you back already. But...I just might keep you."

The cat licked his fingers playfully, eyes glittering in what Natsu's supposed was happiness. It wagged its tail back and forth, watching as Natsu sighed, taking a stand from his position on the couch. "I still have to get that toilet paper," he thought aloud. "I could also get some stuff for you since I guess you're my new pet now. I can't exactly bring you with me, though. It's a bit too cold and you've suffered out their enough, right? I'll be back soon."

It hopped off of the coffee table where it had been sitting for a while, weaving through Natsu's legs as if to tell him not to go. It looked up at him, meowing loudly. "Uhhh, don't worry." Natsu felt like an idiot for actually trying to reassure a cat. "The grocery store sells some small pet stuff. I'll be home sooner than you think..." He looked the cat over, smiling. "Luigi."

When Natsu reached the grocery store he had been purchasing items from since he moved into town five years ago, he was quite shocked when he saw the fresh looking building had been replaced by a dingy old shop. It was..confusing. Very confusing. He was sure this was the place, the store only being a block or two from his apartment. Yet it looked so different compared to the last time he had been there only a week before. Had a storm hit? Had some kids played a prank? He wasn't sure, but whatever it could possibly be, he had no time to think about it. Not when Luigi was back at home probably starving to death or worse...destroying his furniture with his curious claws.

He walked into the ominous store, bells ringing as the door closed behind him. An elderly woman stood in front of him before he could even take a single step further into the store, her eyes piercing as she looked him up and down. "You seek toilet paper and cat supplies?"

Not even giving him a chance to question how on Earth she knew something like that, she shoved two plastic bags into his arms. Natsu stumbled back in shock. "You also seek a woman. A weird combination of desires, boy."

"O-oh, um. What?"

"Don't even bother talking," the woman huffed, waving dismissively when he tried to speak. "What you seek, you shall recieve. It's all in the bags...now get out before I charge you for them!"

Natsu left without a word, more than happy to get the hell out of that creepy shop. He had never seen that employee before and he was sure she'd get fired within a week. With that strange customer service, he couldn't see her lasting there even a day. But as Natsu looked inside the two bags that she gave him, one housing the glorious toilet paper that he loved and the other carrying a few cans of cat food, he really couldn't complain about being able to keep a few extra dollars. "These better not be expired..."

By the time Natsu got home, he knew his worst fears had come true. The curtains he had just scrubbed down were ripped into pieces. His table cloth now resembling a napkin and his carpet fuzzing over from being clawed at. I wonder who did this? Natsu mused sarcastically, dropping his bags after pulling out a can of cat food. Watching enough internet videos to know that the sound of a can's lid being peeled back was enough to find the location of any cat, Natsu did just that to find the hiding animal known as Luigi.

As soon as he popped the lid off, Luigi sprinted into the living room, a torn glove between its teeth. "Ack! Those were my favorite!" Natsu screeched, he placed the can down in front of Luigi, snatching the abused glove from its mouth before it could be damaged any further. Though the deed was already done. Natsu whined in sadness. His glove was gone...and it would be missed.

Meanwhile, Luigi sniffed at the food, taking a lick before reeling its small head back in...disgust? Or was it shock? "Dammit, it was expired. Sorry Luigi. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that stupid old—" A bright light interrupted his oncoming rant, blinding him as he covered his eyes. The sounds of Luigi's pained meows reached his ears as he struggled to see what was happening. "L-Luigi? Are you okay?"

The light had finally settled down after what felt like forever. He quickly looked for Luigi, hoping desperately that the poor cat wasn't harmed. A soft, light moan threw him off. I don't remember cats sounding like that...he thought, slowly looking down and into his lap where he felt a small nudge against his clothed skin. I don't remeber cats looking like this either!

In his lap...layed a girl. A girl he didn't remember ever meeting. And a girl he didn't remember ever inviting into his apartment. She was blonde, tan, not to mention naked...and she was staring at him through wide, honey-colored eyes.

"Meow~"

"Oh my god."

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(=･ω･=) To Be Continued (=･ω･=)

Author's Note: Happy New Year, everyone! Gee, I haven't written/published a fanfic in a while. I feel gross and rusty, uck. But I'll try and get back into my groove sooner or later. If I don't...I'll probably drop this story like a rock, similar to how I dropped Secret Garden, haha...yeah. Anyways, thanks for reading and review if you wanna (especially if I have any spelling/grammar mistakes)! Part one of chapter two has already been written, so look out for that, folks~! Love you all!

chu~