Xbox Romance: One Shot, One Kill
"…So I say to him, those aren't plasma grenades, those are my balls!" My teammate finishes his third crappy story in the last fifteen minutes. Off to my right, my other male ally starts to laugh his ass off over the mike. I don't really want to pay attention to him, so I look the other direction. Towards Miranda. It's been three days since our battle on Valhalla, and we've gotten to know each other a lot better. She stands by the support of the bridge we are one, looking out towards the enemy position. We're playing on High Ground this time, a ridiculously one-sided game of Shotty Snipers. Everyone on my team (myself included) is good with both weapons, and experts with one of them, but the group we got paired up with seems to consist of noobs, squeaky-voiced kids and the kind of people who think starting with the shotgun means they're invincible. Which has made our job quite a bit easier. Over the last ten minutes (the first five being filled with no kills for either team), we've gotten 27 kills, 23 below the goal, while they have just three (the first a lucky shotgun-melee kill on me, which Miranda avenged seconds later with a sniper double kill, the second on one of my teammates who stood still to long, and the final a splatter on my other teammate with a Ghost, which is now blown up.) I sigh.
"Something bugging you Colin?" Miranda asks. I shudder. I always get chills whenever she says my name. Not that I mind, really. I grunt over the mike.
"Just these guys. You think there's a reason we always get paired with a bunch of losers?"
"Will of the Force, perhaps?" She says. She laughs at her own joke, and I have to bite my cheek so I don't start as well and miss the glorious sound.
"Maybe." I say. Miranda finishes laughing and sighs. Of to my left and her right, the two other members of our team are still laughing about the joke. Their laughter sounds stereotypical. Like something from a Bevis and Butthead cartoon. Ironic, considering their GamerTag's are BVISFTW12 and BTHD33.
"At least they pull their weight." Miranda adds. I nod, even though she can't see me. She's right. Of the 27 kills of our team, the two of them have contributed about half. Miranda and I hold up the other end.
Something snaps me out of my reverie. A blue helmet pokes around the cover near where the Rocket Launcher would spawn if this was a normal game. My sniper is instantly up, and my hand unconsciously brings the small circle of it's reticule over the person's head. Then he shouts something.
"QuantumPower? What kind of GamerTag is that, you worthless camper!"
For a moment, I'm stunned. Just how dumb is this idiot? Insulting my GamerTag? It's like he's asking to get shot.
Asking…
"Heads up!" Miranda shouts. "Incoming, from the sniper cave!"
Another reason I like her: She always uses proper radio tact. Unlike some of the people I know.
"Roger that. Looks like these noobs are getting smarter." I reply. "I got the leader." I sweep my rifle towards the leading Blue, and my finger squeezes. The rifle bucks, and he falls. Another No Scope for me.
"Nice No Scope." BTHD notes. BVIS turns suddenly.
"Did someone say no scope?" He asked. I hear Miranda groan.
"Oh no…" She mutters. I wonder what she's worried about as I plug another Blue. I find out as BVIS begins to sing (in a horrible tone, I might add.)
"He got a-" He doesn't get any further as I pull my shotgun out and point it at him.
"If you go any further, I swear I will betray you." I growl. BVIS shuts up and turns back to the enemy. Seconds later, the third Blue hits the deck. I sigh. Ever since damn Matchmaking 13 game out, everywhere I turns its just "No scope was involved" or whatever. I haven't listened to the entire song, and I have no intentions of doing so. Miranda hasn't listened to it either, as far as I can tell.
"Could I have some help here, Colin?" She calls. She's single-handedly fending off most of the Blues, as Respawn time is almost nil on this match.
"Sorry." I reply. "Just trying to stop someone from serenading us with that accursed "No Scope Song."" I finish with a groan.
"You hate it to?" She sounds surprised. Maybe I was guessing about her earlier.
"Yeah." I make another Blue do back flips. It's to bad dropped grenades don't go off in Multiplayer. The amount of them dropped by the Blue's would have made an explosion equal to a Scarab going off. More Blues come. It seems like there's more than four of them. Is the Respawn time for them getting shorter? It doesn't matter. Miranda and I keep picking them off. BVIS and BTHD are doing their part, but they're in the wrong position to get most of the Blues. And still they keep coming. I watch in amazement as a Blue I just put down respawns instantly.
"What the fuck?" I wonder. Next to me Miranda echoes my thoughts.
Suddenly, everything changes. A Blue gets a lucky shot on BTHD. Not a huge problem, we're still smoking them, but five seconds pass and he still doesn't get up.
"What the hell is this?" I hear him shout into the mike. "30 seconds to respawn?"
"Something's not right here…" Miranda whispers. "Did he betray anyone?"
"Not that I can think of." What she's saying makes sense. But there haven't been any betrayals by our team. I quickly hide for a second and access the game settings. Everything looks normal except… Something called "Respawn Bias" is on. I check what it means. What I read makes my throat go dry.
"Ah, shit." I mutter.
"What is it?" Miranda asked. She sounds concerned. Or about as concerned as you can sound over an Xbox Live mike. I curse.
"Some idiot set the respawn to bias." I explain. "Every time you get a kill, your respawn increases. And the enemies decreases."
"Shit." She says. She lobs an incendiary grenade into the groups, setting all four Blues on fire. "I suggest retreat."
"Sounds good to me." I reply. Miranda lobs another grenade, her last incendiary, and turns towards the door that leads into the base. I lob my own two flame grenades and follow her. BVIS apparently wants to get some glory (or just didn't hear us talking) and keeps firing. I can hear the constant crack of his rifle as I pull back into the base. Fifteen second's later, the sound a shotgun blast rings out and the firing stops. Now, it's just down to Miranda and I. Well, at least until the other people in our group respawn.
"You might want to break out your shotgun." She says, acting to suit her words.
"Right." I reply. I pull my shotgun out. We wait. I expect the Blues to come charging in, but almost a minute goes by without anything.
"I'm gonna check out what's going on." I say.
"Be careful." Miranda replies. I hear what sounds like actual worry in her voice. Funny, this is just a game. Isn't it?
I push the thought from my mind and crouch-walk forward. I doubt these noobs will think to check their Motion Tracker, I'm not taking any chances. Peaking around the corner, I see the four Blues tea-bagging the body of BVIS. I sigh. Noobs are so predictable. I lob a plasma grenade at them. If I can just kill them all and send them back to the spawn point, it should by us some time.
My grenade soars towards them. I've always been a good 'Nader (a skill earned from days spent on the original Halo game), and my aim is true. The grenade sticks to one of the guys, nailing the back of his helmet. None of the rest of his team notice. I duck back to avoid any return fire, then run back to where Miranda is. As I do, medals flash up on my screen. Grenade stick, Triple Kill. That means one of the guys is still alive. I grit my teeth and keep moving.
"What's going on?" Miranda asks. I see her dot on my Motion Tracker. She's moving deeper into the complex. I follow her.
"I think I got three of them." I reply. "The fourth guy's still out there."
"Well we need to-" The bang of a shotgun cuts Miranda off. I turn, ready to fight. But the round came from her gun, and on the ground is the final Blue noob. "Never mind." She says.
"Let's keep moving." I move to fit my words. She follows. We pull farther back into the base. We finally stop in the open section where the Ghost would normally spawn. Its gone though. We crouch behind a wall.
"Well, this bites." Miranda says. I laugh.
"No shit." I reply. I can imagine her smiling.
"You think we're going to get out of this?" She asks.
"No."
"Ah." She moves her avatar away a bit. "I've got all four of them on my scope."
"Great. Uh, you got anythi-"
"You wanna hang out sometime?" Miranda interrupts. I'm stunned speechless.
"Uh…" I manage to get out. "How-"
"I've checked you GamerTag info." She says. "You live in Forks, right?"
"Just outside it." I reply. My mind's in shock. Did she seriously just ask to hang out? Like, in real life?
"Well, I live just a couple miles outside Tacoma. Shouldn't be too hard for you to find me, right?" Miranda says, snapping me out of my daze.
"Yeah…" I mutter. "Sure, I'll come."
"Cool." She stops for a moment, looking around the corner with her sniper. "Here they come…" She says. I steady myself. Do or die time. Then I happen to glance at my game clock. It slowly quickly runs down, and I find myself looking at three zeros. My screen goes black...
GAME OVER flashes in my screen. The final kill numbers pop up. I blink.
"Uh…did we just win?" I say out loud. Miranda begins to laugh uncontrollably.
"Yeah, I think we did." She finally manages to get out. I smile again.
"See you in the near future then?" I ask.
"Is the Prophet of Truth a shishkibab?" She replied. Now its my turn to laugh.
"Touché".
An old sniper mantra floats through my head, one rather fitting for this situation:
One Shot, One Kill.
For Miranda has No Scoped my heart.