Chapter 1: A Spring Without Her
The spring started without her by his side, heart-broken but not giving up.
A month after Kaori died, Kousei Arima was determined to leave the country to compete outside Japan. It was a thoughtful resolve he made for himself to achieve his dreams as a pianist. If she was alive, he knew, she would have supported him.
It would be lonely without his friends by his side, even Seto-san won't be with him when he leaves. This is something he had to endure, even for a short time.
Arima will be under a care of a renowned pianist who graduated from Julliard. His goal is to win multiple competitions for his own personal portfolio and get into a music school for college.
Before he leaves, he planned to inform his friends about it… including Tsubaki.
"Neh, Kousei." Watari called, "Take care of Tsubaki."
Adjusting her legs to his side from his back, he took a step forward, turned his head, looked back to Watari and answered, "Hai!"
Kousei gave a faint smile. His eyes was different, it was reassuring but sorrowful. Watari watched them leave with a heavy-heart, knowing that the school year will be different for the three of them.
"I'm worried about her. Do you think Tsubaki will be okay?"
"She should be…" he responded to Nao, "…she doesn't have a choice."
The gathering was supposed to be send-off party for Kousei, but Tsubaki refused to talk about it the whole night. She would purposely quibble to avoid the topic. She was busy getting drunk and rowdy with her friends. She took the liberty to ignore Kousei even when he tried to approach her. She would skip to one group to another while showing a cheerful face and laugh at jokes that wasn't even funny. Nao sworn she almost saw her best friend cried while laughing. The mask Tsubaki worn that night cannot hide the pain that can be seen in her eyes.
This was the second time Kousei carried Tsubaki on his back. He knew his childhood friend was too tired and tipsy to walk home from the party. Her pretty head comfortably rest over his shoulders while her arms are gently wrapped around him. In each step he took, he felt her breathe would lightly touch his nape, it was warm and comforting. It reminded him of those days when Tsubaki would closely hold him when he was down… At that moment, he realized how bad he'd miss her while he is away… he already is…
They haven't talked about it.
Kousei wasn't able to tell her. He wasn't given the chance to …but Tsubaki knew all about it.
She heard him when he mentioned it to Watari and Nao. From that day on, she started avoiding him. Nao even brought it to her attention in case she was clueless with her behavior.
"He's leaving in a few days, Tsubaki. Until when are you going to ignore him?"
Kousei doesn't exactly know how to tell her about his plans, and when he tried to, she'd be gone before he would open his lips. She'd walked out when he tried approach her, she wouldn't answer his calls and when he went over her house – she has several excuses not to see him.
Kousei Arima is not dumb. This time, he noticed it like everyone else.
2 weeks before he leaves, she started ignoring him. How mean can she possibly be? He would have preferred her to be either shout at or kicked him like she'd use to… but instead, she gave him the silent treatment. He sighed with the thought of wasted time as he carried her.
"I thought you'd always stay by my side…" he whispered with a sad smile, "You practically ignored me weeks before I leave."
He felt her slightly twitched.
The truth is he wasn't so dense after Tsubaki's discreet confession, she didn't exactly told him she loves him, but he knew what it meant. What Kaori told him in the letter, Tsubaki is crazy about you, is an affirmation about how she felt.
Tsubaki is in love with Kousei Arima.
It was no longer a secret to him but they haven't talked about it even after he realized it. It was heart-breaking for him to tell her about his plans but he knew it's better to spill it out than saying nothing at all. He knew it will break her heart.
"…I'll stay by your side." He clenched his fist as remembered those times when he mentioned it to her. He realized that maybe, this is the best time to talk and explained about his plans.
Not knowing where to begin or start the conversation, Kousei stared down the floor while walking. He took a deep breathe, lifted up his head with courage and called her name firmly,
"Tsubaki,"
He knew she was awake, even when she pretends not to be…
"…our school allowed me to take exams online and…" but before he can finished, Tsubaki interrupted.
"…put me down, Kousei." Her voice a little shaky.
"Ah!" surprised, he did what she asked for, "Ya…"
"Ah! Kousei! Look at the stars." She quibbled. "Beautiful isn't it?"
This is when he noticed that they were at the beach, the vast blue sky adorned by the stars.
She looked at the sky not to appreciate its beauty but to avoid his eyes, his stare.
It breaks his heart, that she would purposely avoid the topic but he never had the heart to force her to confront the situation or talk about it.
"…It's no used." He thought.
He finally decides to stop trying. Instead, he stood beside Tsubaki, looked at the starry sky and agreed,
"Yes, it is…"
She knows that he will be leaving in a few hours. It was too difficult for her to talk about it with him, she promised him she'd stay, but how can she if he decided he didn't want to – it was his decision to leave, not hers.
Tears.
She cannot help but cry in silence. Kousei who couldn't do anything about her tears, held her hand and whispered inaudibly, "I'll be back. I promise." His hands were warm and soft, it was comforting enough for Tsubaki who had squeeze back his hand.
They had ways of communicating with each other using an unspoken language.
He took it as a sign that she'd be okay.