A/N: A little about this story. It was a dream and migraine induced one that just poured out of me. It will be a short one but thought it was a neat little story and wanted to share. I hope everyone enjoys and I will have another chapter out in a bit. I am not sure this will go beyond more than a few chapters but if I get requests or feedback for it too I wouldn't mind doing so!

Chapter 1

This was it, this was the moment he had dreaded for almost two months now. Ever since he realized how he felt about her. Now he had so many more reasons to dread it. At first he just dreaded he would see himself there. It happens more than he really cares for and more than he would ever admit that it gets to him. To know he is in the peoples he is trying to mold into strong soldier's worst fucking fears. He would never say that shit out loud but it is always fucking there. He is a nightmare, quite fucking literally, to the very people he would bleed for. People he would die for. Dauntless and this city are his fucking life and all anyone sees is a monster.

He has had to be hard, to become what he is because he knows what the is fuck out there. He knows what will happen if he doesn't do what he has been trained and tasked with doing. She saw that in him. The only fucking one and from the start that saw what he was trying to do for her and the other initiates. She stuck up for him and called out her fellow initiates when they called him sadistic. She had talked to him like he was a normal fucking human being. Like a man.

They had become friends first, unbelievably. Sitting on the roof and talking, walking the compound together, doing nothing more than spending time together like friends would. She even got the balls one day and just plopped herself down in front of him at the dinner table. She didn't try and talk his ear off, she just sat with him and ate. That night when he got home he allowed the shit eating grin of happiness to come over his face. After that she sat with him all the time, breakfast, lunch or dinner. It wasn't everyday or every meal because she knew he wanted space too. He hadn't been able to just come out to tell her that he would take every meal with her if she wanted to. He took what she offered and was grateful for even that. She didn't give a fuck what was said about her being seen with him. Even though it was all just innocent.

He couldn't lie though. Yeah they had started out friends but he had always wanted her, from the moment he first saw her. He knew she wanted him too but they were both restraining themselves. It wasn't the time and something told them this. It still didn't stop him from falling for her and hard. He had meant to keep that resolve, to not try for anything until after initiation.

Then things had changed on so many levels. Jeanine had some fucking odd fascination with her but was insistent it wasn't because she suspected her of being divergent. This had filled him with relief to be honest. If she was divergent...he knew his duty. He knew what it could mean for his faction and city. That is why he was doing what he was doing, why he had done what he had done. She still wanted to know her movements, her health, if she was fucking happy and if not how could she be MADE happy. Eric was assigned to protect her and look out for her.

Not that he minded because it was another reason for him to be closer to her. Then the night of that fucking party had happened. It was still hazy as shit to him and he wasn't even sure at times if it had really happened. The next morning though she acted like none of it had ever happened and it had killed him.

So he lashed out in anger and started treating her exactly like she had once defended him against. He became almost unbearably cruel to her during training. Giving her punishments for the smallest of shit so that he could take up any free time she had. She practically lived in the training room, his office, the armory; all where he either had her doing training, cleaning, paperwork or weapons maintenance. He was just as sadistic to himself because he always made sure it was something he just had to be present for.

The sneer or coldness never left his face that entire time, the desire for her never left his body or the fucking hole in his heart from the loss of her and that friendship.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to try and take over her fear sims when they started. He had to be in the fucking room because of orders from Max and Jeanine. She was to be given a special serum for every sim. So he had just sat back, glowering at Four anytime he put his fucking hands on her. When he gently moved her hair or smiled at her. Four fucking smiling at her alone was enough to send him at the punching bags for hours after. Because she would smile back when she hadn't been able to do the same for him in months.

He knew he still fucking loved her. The woman he loved didn't remember the singular greatest night he had ever had. The woman he loved, in a week's time, was going to be made into a zombie and made to kill. He was going to be doing that to her. It was necessary to save the city and the faction, but he fucking hated it.

He hated himself and as he walked towards her sitting in the chair in the fear landscape room he was scared to see just how much she hated him too. This was the moment he dreaded for two months because he was sure he was going to turn up in her fear landscape as the nightmare he had become and the monster he had let himself be made into.

This was also the moment he had a choice to make. He could either disobey a direct order or follow it and possibly kill the one person in the world he gave a shit about and who for a brief shining moment had felt the same for him. He could give her the serum that Jeanine had practically beat into leadership that it was imperative she get or give her the normal one.

He was sure the special one would reveal she was divergent. Because she was. He knew this now, looking back on all of the signs and their conversations. She was also the most fucking Dauntless person he had ever known.

She holds his eyes as he comes closer. The collar of her uniform is starched to within an inch of its life and her gorgeous curly black hair is in this half up half down style. She has never looked more beautiful as she does at this moment. He doesn't see hate in her silver/blue eyes. What he does see is nearly his undoing and he knows what his decision is, what it was always going to be. Because in her eyes he sees hurt, longing, regret and love. There is no fucking mistaking that look and he wants to pull her to him right then and there but he can't. He already had the gun with the normal serum out. He had made the switch before he had told Max he would make sure it was done right. He knew even then he couldn't follow the order given.

"Ava." He almost breathed her name out.

She gives him a small sad smile. "Eric."

"Be brave Ava." He says as he lets the needle slip into her neck.

"I'll make you proud Eric." She mumbles as her eyes roll back before they close.

"You always do baby." He whispers before he walks to the monitors to take his place and watch.