Title: Lamenting Roses
Author: Lady Miriamele
Warnings: A bit of Angst
C&C Welcomed :)
^Standard Disclaimers Apply^
Notes: This is intended to be non-yaoi.
I don't know if this fic has the feeling and message I wish it to contain, but I did my best. Please let me know what you think.
This fic is dedicated to my mom, Rose Song, with love.
Fatigue had a strong grip on Kurama as he closed his books for the night. The spirit detectives had spent the day fighting an odd group of serpent youkai. The demons had somehow found their way into the ningenkai and were slowly taking over humans and using them for their own will. Out of the fifteen serpents that were in ningenkai, the spirit detectives found and killed thirteen.
The other two were lost somewhere and the next day would be spent trying to locate them. Kurama decided that though it was early, he needed his rest to recover his stamina. Yawning, he quickly got ready for bed. Then he went to the kitchen to say goodnight to his mother.
She was sitting at the table with her back facing him. "I'm going to bed," he called.
When she didn't respond, Kurama went to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Goodnight, mother."
Before he could turn away, his mother grabbed his hand. "Kurama, darling. Going to bed so soon?"
Whirling away, Kurama gasped. "What did you just call me?"
"Don't act so surprised, youko," she spat angrily.
"Who are---" he began, but stopped when it hit him. "You're a part of that serpent clan, aren't you?"
A maniac laugh escaped her lips and she ran from him. He chased after her until they came to his room. She giggled again and stood by the window. "You know," she stated, "I can jump out of this window and your poor mother will die."
"Don't you dare," Kurama whispered fiercely.
"What, then, do you suggest we do to entertain us?"
"Why don't you stop being a coward and come out of my mother's body?"
"And spare her?" Suddenly, the laughter stopped. "Fine. Fine, if that is what you wish. But, I will avenge my clan."
His mother's body began to go through a series of convulsions. Kurama watched, biting his tongue, as the serpent climbed out of her mouth. Its length was terrifying. His mother continued to shake uncontrollably. Her body fell to the floor with a loud thud and the serpent, now fully emerged, gently slapped it out of his way. Kurama went to run to his mother, but the serpent used its large tail to drag Kurama away and into another room.
He did his best to get away, but the serpent continued to thrash him into the walls. With all his might, Kurama pulled his arms free and managed to take out his rose whip. Using the sharp thorns, he managed to slice the tail. He fell to the ground and quickly stood up.
"You're a weakling. I can kill you easily," Kurama warned.
"That's okay," the demon laughed. "I've already had my revenge." Ignoring the serpent's words, Kurama lunged forward with his whip and made sure he sliced the demon into multiple pieces. Even after it had fallen, he continued to slash at it. Finally, with no more energy left, Kurama slumped to the ground, his breath heaving.
Mother! The thought hit him with force once Kurama realized he was doing nothing but sitting on the ground. Right away, he was upon his feet. He sped into her room where her fallen form laid. He immediately knelt beside her, checking for a pulse, for breath, for anything.
A minute passed with no sign of life.
"Breathe damn it!" Kurama screamed to the lifeless form. "Breathe!" He preformed CPR and still she didn't return to him. "Mom!" he shrieked. "Please..." He continued to give her CPR, regardless of the lack of effect.
Finally, he stopped. He lifted his mother's body and placed it into the bed. His mind still hadn't registered the fact that she was dead, so he just sat and watched her. An hour passed as he admired her beauty and bathed in memories. So much this woman, whose womb he stole, had done for him. He had succeeded in preserving her life, but he had failed in protecting that life. Now she was gone.
Gone. Tears gathered at the rim of his eyes, threatening to fall. One by one, he let them go and watched as they plunged helplessly to the rug. Kurama blinked three times as he tasted the bitter flavor of salt. She was gone.
He was unaware of the duration of time. He knew nothing except that his mother's shell was empty. He sat on the edge of the bed, gently stroking her hair or holding her cold hand. All he wanted was to thank her. To tell her that she was the best mother. All he wanted was to see her smile and tell him that she forgave him for stealing her wound. That's all he wanted.
Vaguely he remembered his stepfather coming into the room. He recalled yelling and plenty of curses, but everything else was a blur. Kurama just remained seated. He knew that eventually, someone took away the body. Also, he knew that someone had tried to get through the barriers that Kurama had created, but failed deeply as Kurama kept his unfocused eyes on the clock on the wall.
~^*^~
Hiei climbed through the open window. In the darkness of the night, he made out Kurama's form, sitting on his bed. "Fox?" he whispered to the figure. There was no response. Hiei moved closer and called again. Still Kurama said nothing. Hiei kept moving until he was face to face with the youko. Youko? Hiei's mind exclaimed. Sure enough, Kurama was in his youko form, his long silver hair spilling over his shoulders.
"Kurama!" Hiei hissed. "What are you doing in this form? What if someone sees you?"
"I can deal with my emotions better in this form," Kurama said carelessly.
Hiei snorted. "Don't you mean that you can hide from them in that form?"
"So what if I can?"
Hiei rolled his eyes. "You know as well as I do that hiding will only make matters worse. That's what you told me before I let Yukina know I was her brother."
Kurama's laugh was harsh. "I don't see why you care, Hiei."
"Kurama get out of that form."
"No."
Hiei sighed. "Get out of that form, now."
"I said no."
"All this trouble over a ningen," Hiei stately dryly, knowing the effect that it would have.
Kurama's eyes narrowed. Before he had time to think about what he was doing, he delivered a hard punch across Hiei's face.
A moment passed as Hiei wiped blood from his lips. He held his ground, unfaltering. Kurama gaped at his actions and finally reverted to his human form. He slid off the bed and on to the floor. "I'm sorry," he said in a choked whisper. Hiei sat beside the fox and took Kurama in his arms. There, Kurama cried his heart out.
~^*^~
Kurama's Thoughts
I thought I'd be able to handle it when the time came. I thought I'd be able to move on. After all, I am youko Kurama. I should be able to forget easily. I have done it before. Why not now? Why do I feel as if I cannot live?
I failed to tell her who I really am. I failed to reveal the truth. All that time I spent telling Hiei he needs to tell Yukina who he really is, when I really needed to take my own advice. I should have told her. I needed to thank her, to explain to her all she has done for me. I needed to tell her I am sorry...
But that is not all that keeps these tears flowing. There is something else that stabs at my heart and keeps me from moving on.
It is my fault.
I saved her life those years ago to give her another chance. For nothing. It is my fault she died. My fault! I should have been able to protect her. I should have been able to.
I am the worst thing that ever happened to her. I am undeserving of her love. It would have been better if I had died that day the hunter shot me.
I will not stay here. There is nothing that binds me to ningenkai any longer. Only memories and pain. I am going to return to makai and never come back here. One last trip to my mother and then I will bury everything I am.
My fault...
~^*^~
There was a figure sitting a few feet away from the grave. Kurama watched for a long moment, wondering if he was hallucinating. Cursing his eyes, Kurama decided to ignore the figure and finish what he came for. He walked passed that all too familiar woman and sat down next to the grave. Stealing a glance at the figure, he saw she was holding a blood red rose.
Just ignore it, he told himself.
"Mom---" Kurama began, setting his eyes on the gravestone. "I've always told myself that there is no point in talking to the dead, but I have to get this out."
The woman's eyes were burning into his back as he spoke. "My whole life I have lied to you, Mother. I stole your womb and claimed to be your child when really, I was a selfish, injured youko. I used you. I used your love."
He paused, getting control of his emotions. "I had planned on leaving you once I was strong enough to do so, but I couldn't. You had sacrificed too much. I was so undeserving of your love. I still am. I never told you the truth. And your death was my entire fault. I should have been able to protect you. I should have.
"But its too late. I am so sorry for everything I have done to you." His tears were falling freely.
He took a shuddering breath. "I am so sorry I wasn't your son..."
The woman behind him stood up. She came forward and gently stroked Kurama's cheek. She had on her face a beautiful smile. Kurama stared wide-eyed and unbelieving.
"You'll always be my son..." she whispered. "Don't you ever forget it. I love you so much." She bent down and hugged Kurama.
Gaping, Kurama intertwined his fingers with hers. "Are you real?" he asked, breathless.
"Yes, but I only have three more minutes here." She laughed. "Koenma is a tough little baby, isn't he?"
Kurama nodded, tears in his eyes. A moment passed as he just watched her, still awestruck. Then, he captured his mother in a firm embrace and held her for the remaining three minutes.
~^*^~
Koenma glared at Hiei, who had convinced him to allow Kurama to have a few more minutes with his dead human mother. "You don't know how much trouble I am going to get into for doing that. I just broke nearly all the rules in existence. You owe me big. And I mean it."
"It was worth it," Hiei whispered. "Kurama's done so much for me..."
END
End Note: As I said, this is non-yaoi. Hiei in this fic is just a good friend to Kurama. He is just trying to help, like Kurama did for him so many times. The main focus of this was the mother and son relationship, not Kurama and Hiei.