Author's Note: Well, here they are, the next section of the "Secret Diaries" as promised. :-) I'm writing these as the fancy strikes me, so they are not in any particular order. But I hope you enjoy them!
Day 1:
Discovered beautiful Elf-maiden in Lorien. Have plighted my eternal troth.
Day 2:
Discovered father of beautiful Elf-maiden in Lorien. Must become King of the West to get girl. Life sucks.
Day 21,900:
Still not king. But have managed to grow beard that makes me look like hunk. Must remember next week monthly bath date – if I miss fifth appointment will be blacklisted.
Day 21,901:
In Bree. Feet hurt from boots with worn out soles – boot-replacement not covered by Ranger Insurance policy. Will sit in dark corner for two weeks and look mysterious.
Day 21,915:
Small hairy creatures arrived at Inn in Bree. Two fond of lager, one of bread and cheese, and one of disappearing.
LATER: Lead small hairy creature is owner of gold ring. Will take to Rivendell – Elrond v. fond of gold jewellery.
Day 21,930:
Have discovered am being followed by men dressed in black bedsheets. Took the "wild road" – not what I thought it meant. Walked forty miles in freezing rain. Not good for boots.
Day 21,931:
Frodo hobbit stabbed by man in black bed sheet.
Day 21,932:
Met up with Arwen – she's v. mad about something. Told her she shouldn't kill me because I was heir to the thrones of Gondor and Ithilien. She said she didn't fear them.
LATER:
Drat. Arwen ran off with Frodo.
Day 21,940:
In Rivendell. Borrowed soap and hair gel from Legolas and took bath. Borrowed grey velvet dress from Legolas to wear to Council meeting tomorrow. Made out – er, made up – with Arwen. But still not king.
Day 21,941:
Elrond not as fond of gold jewellery as previously thought. Council have decided to destroy Ring. I pledged my sword.
LATER:
Wait, you mean I have to go with it?!? Drat.
Day 21,942:
Left for Mordor, along with: 4 hobbits, 1 elf, 1 dwarf, 1 wizard, and 1 other man. Not a girl in the bunch. Life sucks.
Day 21,970:
Stuck on Caradhras with Fellowship. V. cold. This was not in job description. But Sam v. good cook.
Day 21,971:
Have decided to take underground route through place called Moria. Have a bad feeling about this…
Day 21,972:
Orcs killed: many. But Boromir has more – should have known another man in Fellowship would be too much competition. Gimli's cousin dead. Frodo almost dead.
LATER:
Met huge fiery thing called Balrog. VERY bad breath. Gandalf dead. Wish Boromir was dead.
Day 21,973:
Finally out of Moria. Look v. dirty today but adds to my manly charm. Legolas clean & tidy as always. Boromir v. dirty too – left his comb in Rivendell.
Day 21,980:
In Lorien. Saw Galadriel. Yet another blonde – great. But at least it's a girl. Had chat with Boromir – that guy seriously homesick. And took bath – go me!
Day 21,981:
Fellowship leaving for undisclosed location in cool swan boats. Legolas has taken to braiding his hair– says someone stole his shampoo. Will not tell him I did. Still not king.
Day 21,982:
Have reached crossroads. Am stuck between rock and two huge statues. (Sounds better than hard place.) Legolas said a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind. Did not tell him what I thought had been growing in his mind. Do not know what to do. Gimli fussy. Pippin hungry. Must think a bit.
Day 21,983:
In absence of Gandalf have laid the burden of decision on the Ringbearer. Small hairy creatures good for something after all. Frodo gone to think. Still not king.
LATER:
Boromir shot full of arrows by nasty Uruk-hai. Nasty Uruk-hai killed by me. Go me! But Boromir dead. Called me "My brother…my captain…my king" so am at least getting somewhere, even if only with dying man from Gondor.
Small hairy companions of Frodo captured by other nasty Uruk-hai. They forgot Legolas. Bummer. And Frodo gone to Mordor alone. But took Sam with him. Strange way to be alone.