"Sorry" his voice crackled the icy silence surrounding filling the room.
"What?" She turned to face the man behind her.
"I said I'm sorry"
"Ha, that's funny "
"Really?" confusion clouded his response
"No, not really" her head fell to her chest, her eyes momentarily looking down.
She turned back to face the window, blocking the man behind her from her sight and mind. Rain ran down the windows, small rivers flowed seeping into the battered wood of the outside sill. Her hand reached to touch the coolness of the glass. She had sought this cold, dark claustrophobic new world. She had tried to put behind all that once warmed her.
Her fingers gently trailed down the pane, her mind lost in the path of the water.
For a brief moment she could almost feel her past lover's breath upon her neck, heat gently caressed his sigh, just below her ear. Words forming impossible promises, which she had chosen to, believe. "That's what heat sickness does to you", she murmured, tracing her fingertips down the length of her exposed skin to the top of her gown.
She made small circles upon her skin, rogue thoughts of a suppressed past snaked to the surface of her consciousness. Her body swayed, pale blue eyes closed to allow the images to swirl before her. She was now alone in the room, at least in her mind.
A different room, a better place. His words drifted towards her spoken directly into her mind.
"I told you the truth, when I said I was sorry"
"I believe you, I did then, I do now, nothing has changed"
"Nothing?"
He moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue; the hotel light reflected his glistening invitation. With little coaxing her body eased against his, the pressure of her intention causing ripples of anticipation upon his flesh. She moved with serpentine ease enjoying every moment of extended contact, dragging herself across his naked expanse. "Now you have me, do you know what to do with me?"
His hands gripped each shoulder and pushed her back onto the bed, his weight holding her down. His hips against hers "Dominate you, your body your mind"
"So you believe I have lost all control, that I am under your spell" her hand moved between his thighs, massaging higher, moving towards exquisite warmth that offered satisfaction.
"Control is given not taken", he thrust into her, she arched, giving him all that she was.
Back to the reality of her icy exile, her eyes opened, the rain continued to fall. She was now alone in the room, her companion leaving realising his purpose had been served; a shudder ran through her body, a tear formed. She could hear the words spoken to her, months after her blissful oasis.
"He's dead"
"Its not my fault, it cant be my fault!" she screamed at the men around her, looking at her, accusing her. Those who were once friends, gold and blue a blur in her tear filled eyes.
"Others offered, he would only have you, you were gone"
"I didn't stop him"
"He promised you!" the words were spat at her.
"I am sorry…Oh God I'm so sorry" falling to her knees, hot dirt burnt into her. The pain was not enough, not enough to make amends. She threw her arms into the dust, begging the sun to burn her into the ground beside him.
Coldness cajoled her into a world where she did not need to see the past. Memories could be chosen, not inflicted upon her by incidental meetings. She ran so far away that she could barely remember whom she was, which is as she wished because who she was had killed the man she believed she could have loved.