Sherlock & the Iodine-Lutetium-Vanadium-Uranium Letter
Dear John,
These days, I often find my mind wandering from my experiments. I find it difficult to pen these words since sentiment has never been my strong suit. Therefore, I shall endeavor to do so in my own manner. Forgive my indelicacy, John, but certain calculations have distracted my mind during my work, and I require your assistance in entangling them. Simply put, I want to explore your mean value. To integrate our curves and increase our volume. To discover our coefficient of friction. To change our potential energy into kinetic energy. To fill your valence shell until you're full. Day and night, you oscillate in my mind palace. Before I met you, my heart was a null set, but now a force greater than gravity attracts my heart to you.
Yet, your ambiguous words conjures so many -ifs- in my fanciful mind. Oh John...do you realize how you make me search in vain for the implicit -thens- in these puzzles? Don't you sense this force of tension between us? I think you do. The adrenaline pumping through our veins, just the two of us against the world, let us become cosine squared and sin squared - and make one, John. My fascination for you is like an exponential curve - unbounded, like an endless fractal or limit approaching infinity. Like a monotonically increasing unbounded function, like dividing by zero- you simply cannot define it. Sometimes I regard you as the squareroot of -1 because I question if this relationship is real.
Oh John, John...how you fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus. Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors. It is as profound as Euler's analogy. Perfect as a golden ratio or the Vitruvian man. A 180 angle cannot compare - your aesthetics are equivalent to a 90 degree angle - right in every way. Small wonder you're not comprised of Beryllium, Gold, and Titaniun for your asymptote, among other features of interest, are be-au-ti-ful. Forgive my audacity, John, but perhaps... if you integrate my natural log, you'll see we add up better than a Riemann sum.
So John...if your affections are not truly engaged elsewhere, be the variable to my coefficient - and perhaps you'll let me be the cation to your anion? Awaiting your response.
Attractively Yours,
Sherlock
My inner math nerd had way too much fun writing this. Since the fandom is freaking out over the new trailer, the title of this alludes to Sherlock saying 'I love you' in season 4. Just take the chemical symbols of each element and string them together. You get:
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I-Lu-V-U