'On the first day of Christmas, a groupie gave to me. A Sweet Transvestite in a pear tree.'
Twas the night after thanksgiving, and al through the castle, not a creature was stirring, but a girl, heaving in a bunch of boxes. Her name was Columbia, and she had lived there for almost a year. That January, she was driving home, a bit tipsy from a party, when her car broke down. There was three aliens, a man named Frank n Furter, who was a transvestite with a large sexual appetite, and his two servants, brother and sister and sometimes lovers Riff Raff and Magenta. She had adjusted quite well,considering, and she became known affectionately as their "groupie."
But now she was pulling in Christmas Decorations for the castle, but unfortunately for her she had woken up the brother and sister, who were not exceptionally friendly.
"Collie, vhat in the vorld are you doing at this hour?" Magenta had asked, her hair as frizzy as a red afro. A smirk was on her face, a default expression.
"I'm just…" Columbia looked down.
"What on Earth is all of...that?" Riff Raff asked, pointing his pitchfork, as he assumed the noise to be coming from a burglar.
"D-Decorations." Columbia twiddled the buttons on her striped pajamas, embarassed.
"For vhat?" Magenta asked, crossing over to her.
"C-Christmas."
"Vhat's Christmas?"
A silence filled the room momentarily, before Columbia laughed, the sound resonating throughout the empty halled.
"Oh Mag, you really got me, not knowing what Christmas is."
Suddenly there was clacks down the stairs, no doubt coming from Frank n Furter.
Frank grimaced and yawned, coming down the stairs. He hated being woken up, especially during a wonderful erotic dream. Makeup was smeared over his face, and he was wearing a crinkly ruby robe.
"What on earth are you doing at this hour?"
Magenta pouted smugly, and Riff Raff hissed at Columbia, as if to say, 'Now look at what you've done, you've made the master mad.'
Magenta walked over, her robe floating against the soft red glow of the fireplace, as she pulled Frank closer to sit on the leopard print couch. "She's talking about this Satan Claws-"
"SANTA CLAUS!" Columbia yelled, huffing and wrapping her arms around each other.
Riff Raff rolled his eyes.
"She's talking about this Earthing holiday, called Christmas…"
Frank crossed his legs, and huffed, lighting a cigarette. "What the hell is this Christmas?" He asked, a twinge of posh annoyance in his voice.
Columbia was speechless, a blush matching the color of her hair creeping onto her face. She pointed a red tipped finger at them, who were looking at her in a sense of wonder. "W-wait, none of you ever heard of Christmas?"They all shook their heads and Columbia gasped, sitting down on the iron throne before them. "Well, I have to tell you the story of Christmas."
Everyone adjusted, sitting back, with a low groan from Frank.
She cleared her throat before starting, with her squeaky voice, "Well, Christmas started about 2,000 years ago. There was a woman named Mary, and one day an angel told her, that although that she was a virgin, about to be married, she would give birth to the king of the world, Jesus. Then, when she was giving birth, on December 25, Mary and her husband-"
"She was a virgin?" Frank raised an eyebrow, questioningly.
"Yes, Christians call her the Virgin Mary. Now let me finish my story!" She huffed.
She cleared her throat again, glaring at Riff Raff, before continuing.
"Mary and her husband traveled to Bethlehem, and gave birth to Jesus Christ. So, there was a distant king named Herod who had heard that God had said that Jesus would be the new ruler of the world. He sent three men to bring gifts, which were-" She paused, thinking hard. "Uh…..I forget. But he really wanted to know where the baby was so that they could kill him."
"Vhere does all these decorations und presents come in?" Magenta interrupted, her chin in her hand, with her fingernails painted black.
"Well, about one thousand years after Jesus was born, a man by the name of Nicholas saw the poverty around the town he was in. So he got to work making toys for the children, and made small food. Then at night, when the children would hang their stockings, he would-"
Frank thought a minute. "Are stockings finished?"
Columbia giggled. "Almost. They're fishnets without the holes."
"Ah."
"He would put the toys and food into the stockings, and he still lives on to this day."
Riff Raff leaned in, glaring accusingly, "There's other life forms like us?"
"No, no, no, no, no, no. He had died a Saint. But the generosity and Spirit of what he did lives on. And, people made his life into a story. It's called, The Story of Santa Claus. It goes like this. Santa Claus lives in the North Pole, with his wife Mrs. Claus, and a bunch of elves and reindeer. All throughout the year, Santa makes a list of nice and naughty people, and the elves are busy making toys. On Christmas, the reindeer take Santa to all the nice people's homes in his sleigh, so he can go down their chimney and give the children toys under the Christmas tree." She giggled a little, snorting, before adding, "He also likes to eat Milk and Cookies."
"Well, duh! Parents really put the gifts under the tree, after the kids are asleep. Santa is just a story to make the kids happy!" Columbia squealed and hugged herself, the Christmas spirit flowing in her veins.
The response was three unamused stares.
"Interesting."
"Yes...very."
"Sounds dumb."
Columbia gasped and frowned. "It's not dumb! It was my favorite time of year as a child!"
Magenta got up, along with Riff Raff and led Frank upstairs.
"Come, Master. Let us not listen to vis childish nonsense."
As they disappeared up the stairs, Columbia pointed her finger at them angrily, with her other hand balled into a fist on her hip.
"JUST YOU WAIT! YOU'LL BE IN THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT IN NO TIME!"