Spoilers for PITH and Series 3 in general.
Disclaimer; I don't own Bones, believe it or not!
Hope you enjoy x
I'm awake in her bed. How it came to this, I don't think I'll ever quite work out.
It was dark and we were alone. She wasn't smiling and I wasn't trying to make her. We were silent. As if through our newest unspoken agreement we had decided that neither of us needed to voice aloud the warnings ripping through our minds. And we didn't.
It had been a day and a half. And I hadn't been entirely sure it was a day and a half I ever wanted to remember, that was, until about an hour ago.
We had found out the truth at nearly ten-minutes-past-three. Zack had confessed by four and Caroline had done all she could by half-past.
Then we were left to pick up the fragments. The tiny fragments of what remained of Bones's heart. She really was crushed, not to mention how badly the rest of us happened to feel.
At six we found ourselves congregated around the Squints' coffee table, frantically scraping for the smallest of hints that our guilt was misplaced. We failed. I failed. Bones thought she had too. But we were all wrong, deep down I knew it.
None of us could have saved him, even with the knowledge of his crimes. All Zack is now is a man who murdered another, his fate is balanced upon the hands of our good-old reliable justice system. I'd wish him luck, but it's the truth is unavoidable. He pleads guilty to murder and he's got no chance.
Bones left our gathering without so much as a word and I followed in an equal fashion. She held her head in her hands, shining auburn curls glinting under the harsh, luminous lighting. I wanted to hold her but I knew that was slightly out of the question, we were still recovering from our own mistakes; not yet ready to process Zack's.
Soon I had forced her letter to Zack into her grasp and her head was resting on my shoulder. I wished to see her smile; I wished to feel the tickle of her breath on my neck as I kept her pulled tight to my chest. I lifted Bones to her feet, grabbed her hand and dragged her to my car. We were going to forget all about Zack, if only for a minute, if it took all the time or money in the world. Without any goodbyes, we had left.
Bones followed in an unusually placid manner, questioning me only once on my intentions and was almost-startlingly accepting of my reply of, "Anything."
The rain was heavy and hard. Mini water bombs exploding anywhere they landed, especially against my windscreen.
On auto-pilot we arrived outside my apartment but instead of heading rapidly for the Building, I made a run for the nearby park, savouring each purifying splat of cool liquid against my body.
"Come on!" I shouted to my reluctant, almost bewildered partner, ushering her to join me in my inertly childish but nonetheless strongly therapeutic escapade. I saw the roll of her eyes not to mention the brief twinge of her lips and she pulled herself from the seat. We were running; from what it did not matter, just running. In the rain. In the park. Together.
I couldn't help but chuckle a bit. Our friend has been arrested for the murder and accomplice-ment of acts too horrific to describe and we were literally drowning our sorrows in the most impulsive way. The sort of way which, I feared, he would never understand.
"This is an uncharacteristically spontaneous encounter for me, Booth." I hear her giggle above the rain as I haphazardly throw myself into a large puddle.
I smile back, "Exactly."
We play and occasionally laugh at our unstructured adventure; she's so loose and natural that it hurts. I love to see her so free but I hate the looming depression of what is to come in her life. I reach for both of her hands and we spin round like I do with Parker when we meet. By now our hair is flat to our faces, clothes stuck like a second skin, but neither of us can care to give a damn.
For a second I swear I see a glance of regret in her features.
"Let's just forget, just for now, for a moment." I plead as we fall to a wooden, though sodden, bench.
She nods grimly.
"You loved him, still love him- and that's okay! That's good, Bones. But none of this is remotely a product of your influence on Zack, and I mean it. You only made Zack a better, happier person. You are allowed to be happy, you know, in fact it's your turn. Zack chose his destiny but you choose your own." I punctuate my last sentence with poke in her direction, at which she hides a tiny smile.
I continue, "I'm not saying this isn't going to be hard- hell it is. But we all feel it, not just you. I do too Bones. Look at me, I'm almost delusional, we're dancing in the rain for Christ's sake!"
She scans my face, I reach for her hand and wordlessly she allows me to take it.
"We need each other, Bones. I need you. You know that right? Because I do not want to have to live without you again anytime soon. Nuh-uh." I shudder at the thought and refuse to meet her studious gaze, my voice dropping to a whisper as I reveal more than I probably ought to. "You thought I was dead and at times I wished I was. Without you and Parker, I'm useless. I hope you know that, Bones."
A squeeze of my hand confirms my expectations.
"We'll get through this. We'll do it." I repeat my very own mantra. I wasn't sure whether it was Bones or just myself that I was trying to convince.
"Right." She murmurs, unconvinced.
I nod. Out of nowhere, a flash of lightning streaks through the sky, shortly followed by a monotonous rumble. I turn to my noticeably cold partner, throwing my jacket around her shoulders then smiling, "Wanna get out of here?"
Letting go of my hand, she shivers a little then rises. Let's go.
By the time we find ourselves on my doorstep, we may as well have gone swimming in our clothes, we were soaked. I flick open the catch of my door and stride straight for my bedroom, grab some clean towels and clothes and chuck them right into Bones' arms.
I nod to the bathroom, "Have a shower, warm up. You know where everything is. I'll order in."
She does, giving me the chance to quickly change to some dry clothes and ring our favourite Thai for takeout delivery. She steps out wearing the FBI sweats I had loaned her and still manages to look painfully beautiful. She takes the food after reminding me that she had work to do, that she was busy and that what had happened today couldn't change that. In fact, today only increased the work's priority in her life.
Great, I thought at the prospect of an overworked partner hiding from her reality. Hiding from me. Again.
We ate in more silence but before long we've finished and I flick on the TV.
"Riiight," I start to switch between channels, "We have Sport, Cartoons, News, more sport, ooh- a film! And cartoons and, er, yuk Bones it's the crime channel!"
She shakes her head, tipping her eyes back a little, "I know what you're doing and it is not going to work."
I don't stop flicking. "Me?" I squeak.
"Booth," Bones sighs, "I'm going home, okay, I have many unfinished tasks that Zack was working on and which I must now complete, not to mention all that residual paperwork from your absence." Her voice has taken a cold turn, I feel her slipping away into her own mind once more. She was going to go back to being the Bones she was without me and I wasn't going to let that happen. Ever.
"I know what you're doing and it's not going to work." I echo.
Before I can react she's standing near the door, dropping each word like a dagger through my heart, "I'm afraid, Booth, that you forfeited your choice in what I do and do not do when I spent every night for two weeks eating cherry pie in your seat at the diner."
I groan and stand too.
"You're going to jump, no dive, head first into your work- and that is not efficiency Bones, not under any argument. That's running. You're running from Zack and Love and, and Me. You're running away from me Bones! I just want you to talk! I want you to be happy." My voices raises, I step forward merely an inch but she steps back.
"You want me to be happy," She repeats, voice dripping in sarcasm, "How could I have possibly doubted that, Booth? You keep telling me that you care about me! Believe me Booth, it's been said before."
I've lost all patience.
"OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!"
She shouts back, "EITHER THAT OR YOU JUST FEEL GUILTY!"
And she had left.
I actually cried. Full on blubbered. But I never told her.
I spent the next three hours writing a list. Well, two lists if I'm being pedantic. The first suggesting reasons why I should tell her exactly how much I do care and the second reasons why I shouldn't. There was startlingly little on the latter, in fact, I couldn't come up with one single reason not in favour of me driving straight to her apartment and ripping off her clothes there and then.
So what do I do?
I drive straight to her apartment.
By the time I've reached her door I'm shaking. Violent shakes, the sort that come mandatory with a fever. Oh god! She's giving me a fever!
"Bones?" I question, voice soft as honey, as a rap gently against her door.
"Bones?" I repeat, a little louder this time.
Silence.
Dejectedly, I sigh, throwing my head to my hands. She didn't want to talk to me and in a way I understood exactly why. I only served as a constant reminded that her life was changing in ways she didn't have the power to control; an unnerving emotion that she thought was easier to hide than accept.
Against the solid wood I whisper pleadingly, "Please," to the empty hall way.
I counted to ten, spun around on my heel and summoned up all the courage I could manage to slowly pace from her apartment instead of dragging myself along the damp ground in a hopelessly pathetic display of the alpha-male rejection I was currently battling with, however appealing the thought of surrender sounded. Then I heard my name and realised what a damn good job I hadn't admitted my defeat on the spot. With a new hope roaring in my chest, I whirled around. Only to see the shadow of a woman who once meant less to me than the criminals I imprisoned. Oh how things could change.
I sucked in a searing breath at her bloodshot eyes. I feared a similar reaction as she saw the same in mine.
"Bones..."
She pulled her arms into a defensive cross at her chest; she looked so young, so vulnerable I had almost teared up once more on the spot.
Thankfully, I needn't have worried she spoke before I gave my own voice the opportunity to break and expose me further.
"Just, well...come in."
And I did. In fact, not only did I follow her in, I followed her to her couch only pausing to throw closed the door behind me.
I cleared my throat, and then, when I was a little more confident at the prospect of not choking up half way through, I started to talk. The urgency I heard in my voice even scared me a little.
"I'm sick of this Bones. I'm sick and tired of you thinking that I don't care. What is so wrong about needing just the tiniest piece of evidence that you felt something more for me, something that you shouldn't but couldn't control, before I laid all my cards on the table only to be rejected? Just some small little drop of promise that perhaps I am good enough for you, that I am worth all that passion you consistently exude, day in day out. I do care, really, really Bones, I do."
To begin with I daren't meet her gaze, I can feel she'd avoiding mine too but the more and more seriously confidential information I release , the harder and harder it becomes not to seek reassurance in her reactions. When our eyes finally do clasp, I'm relieved.
She has the tiniest of smiles just tickling the lips her teeth are biting hard into, as if to keep her from revealing more than she is meant to, before she is meant. Though the words I read from her features spell out her feelings clear enough. She's sorry.
"Booth," She inhales and all time feels to stand still around me. We are paused on the threshold of an amazing moment, the verge between before and after. It's make or break and I savour it.
Finally, my damn-stubborn partner gives it up. "I, I know that I care about you. And, I know that you care about me."
"...just not how damn much." I muffle a frustrated mumble, but it's still loud enough for her to hear. I've stopped caring.
"Then tell me!" She exclaims, finally breaking through that transparent physical barrier we'd been separated by since her departure from my apartment and grasping my arm. She continues with a gracious eye roll, "If you don't, how are we ever going to move forward? We'll get stuck in this rut and then how will we evolve?!" Emphasis on evolve.
For the first time in a while I laugh at Bones's gorgeous abruptness.
"You want me to tell you?" I tease, but before I even allow her to think of a reply my lips are on hers and we're heading for her bedroom.
Actions do speak louder than words.
"Booth!" She groans as we topple onto her mattress.
"Did I forget to mention that I wanted those sweats back?"
And I knew exactly how to get them.
Three hours later she's lying tangled in my embrace and I think she's asleep but of course, with Bones, nothing is ever certain.
"Booth?" She whispers, testing my consciousness.
"Uhm?" I lazily, or more appropriately, contentedly reply.
She rolls to face me, my hand in hers. Without thinking I push a few of her more resilient curls behind an ear and she laughs at my chivalry.
"It's just, well, I can feel your pulse," She signals to her hand wrapped around my wrist. I hear the relief sweep through her voice. "You're alive."
I'm alive.
"You reckon?"
Bones dips her head in the faintest of nods, then twists back around to lay her head to the pillow.
"But not for long if you ever even think of pulling a stunt like that again! Do you know how dangerous hypothermia can be? Dancing in the rain, did you want to end up in the emergency room!? Anything could've happened tonight."
I'm almost laughing so hard that I can't reply but when I stop and there's that comforting silence once again, I just smile and whisper, "Anything did happen tonight Bones. We can be anything."
The End.
A/N; Please let me know what you thought!