Steven sat there idly staring at the ceiling of his room. With his covers pulled up, the bed warm, and the faint noise of lion's breathing, one would find it easy to sleep. However, Steven was thinking deep thoughts, of his mother, the gems, just everything. Though as hard as he tried his thoughts would not wonder elsewhere. How he now barred Rose Quartz's and his own mistakes, and how it was a mountain that was nearly unbearable. How the gems wished they had their Leader back instead of him. Especially Pearl, she may not know it, but he knew. He loved her and it hurt to know that he took Rose Quartz away from her. It angered him to know that it wasn't his fault, yet she still blamed him. A hot tear rolled down Steven's cheek.

Then there were the 'gifts' Rose Quartz left him. The inheritance was nothing he ever wanted, though the gem powers were nice, but the problems he left from him weren't. Bismuth. Pink Diamond. Secrets. Lies. That was her legacy, true he loved her that was undeniable, however, he couldn't help think that he was just an escape plan. Leave all her problems on him to solve. He never asked for it but that's what he was born with. What a gift Rose Quartz left him.

He sighed, rolling over. Connie. He loved her, thinking of her motivated, inspired, and made him smile. She was the sun, in his dark world. So he could never talk to her about his feelings, he had no right to dump that on anyone especially her. He didn't want to darken his little sunshine. There was no one to tell he was hurting, and in fact, he didn't want to burden anyone with that. No one should bear his mountain. 'Duty is heavier than a mountain, and death lighter than a feather.' Steven had read that somewhere. It was true, but he would never choose death, he knew their people that loved him and she would hurt them by leaving.

Steven gripped his wrists. He knew what cutting was but was too afraid to try it. He knew people cut to relieve the pain. To clear their heads of the mountains crushing the life out of them. He sighed as he got up and looked for his pencil sharpener. If he was ever going to sleep then this was the way it had to be. Steven found it and ripped the flimsy plastic off leaving only the razor shining under the moonlight. He went to his bed and got under the covers fiddling with the tiny blade in his hands. He realized that because he wore short sleeve shirts he would have to find another place to cut himself.

It didn't take long for him to settle that he could cut his inner thighs, and no one would notice. Steven slid his pajama bottoms down a bit and then made the first cut. What would Connie think? It was just a brief thought, but he hesitated in going again. Cutting was better than crushing her with his problems. So nick after nick, her though almost drained away, while his mind focused on the pain instead. He lifted up his mattress and hid the razor there. The gems would freak out if the found out he cut.

With a mind now at rest, and the slightly worse than a paper cut nicks he made, he fell fast asleep. He didn't know why he hadn't done this before. Now Steven in his mind was healthier and self-sufficient. In his mind, he saved the Gems and Connie.

Steven woke that morning to the smell of pancakes. He could practically taste them already, and if she knew the gems well, Pearl was making them. She was really good at cooking, despite having never eaten anything she made. He got up and ate, with Amethyst—She ate most of the pancakes— and went on with his morning routine all of this included little talking. Like brushing his teeth shining his gem. Steven briefly remembered the cuts he made. He frowned, because that reminded him why he did it, but then immediately forced a smile on his face. He told himself today was going to be a good day. The gems and he were going on a mission, Steven was excited, he hadn't gone on one in what seemed years, but in reality, it had only been a month. Then if he had the time he'd go to the arcade.

Him and the gems soon when of, and bubbled the gem like usual though he didn't perform as well as he should have. They had a mini celebration, well he and Amethyst did. He went home, changed his shirt and left for Funland Arcade. On his way to the Arcade, he thought of the mission. He almost got Garnet hurt for being in the way, he was glad she didn't get hurt. A frown however still graced his face with its arrival. Sad thoughts.

Before he knew it he was at Funland and smiled games till the end of the day. The day would still be boring if only he could have hung out with Connie, but she was at school. Steven could have hung out with multiple people, but no one would cheer him up like Connie. Maybe Peridot and Lapis could, at least they weren't always expecting him to live up to Rose Quartz or seeing him as a new version of Rose—his mother. He really should remember to call her Mother or Mom in his head, it just made him feel better to distance him. He wished the Gems never thought of Rose Quartz when they looked at him. He knew.

The world must have been a blur around him when he walked home because once again he was home before he realized. He looked up to the beach house, he didn't want to be near them right now. They would definitely think something was up he avoided them, and there accusing eye. Steven had a frantic thought. What if they did think it was his fault for Rose Quartz's death. He brushed that off as quickly as it came, but it still lingered and waited. Much like a predator waiting for the prey. He ascended the stairs slowly then came up.

He heard their talking just before they could see him but one sentence was all he needed to hear. "He didn't talk much today Garnet, I'm telling you there's something wrong." Steven wasn't going to walk in on that, so he spun around and head back down the stairs, for the first time noticing the gorgeous sunset. Smiling however briefly, he headed on a long walk. He had no destination in mind, wherever his feet took him as long as it wasn't to the house or his dad. It was Friday so Sour Cream was probably performing at the warehouse.

Now with a destination in mind, he walked a little faster, once he made it he stood off to the corner, just listening, Sour Cream noticed him and waved. He waved back, as usual, slightly Steven realizing frowning maybe he wanted to be alone? He laughed a little, about going to a crowded rave to be alone, maybe he should find some other place to go. What time was it? Steven but his lip a little, and pulled out his phone, nine and a missed call from Garnet. The gems were probably angry right now.

He walked out of the rave, the silence disorientating because of the party's blaring music. Steven took a deep breath and sprinted all the way back to his dad's van. He had an alibi now. However much Steven hated lying to the gems it was necessary, maybe they wouldn't ask? Now, of course, they would. Why did he have to loose track of time? Why did he have to run off after they were talking about him? It was only because they loved him. He gulped whatever the outcome he knew it was his fault.

Gathering his bravery he walked up the stairs it seemed like no one was there, and the lights were off. He relaxed and was happy there would be no confrontations. He opened and closed the door as quietly as humanly possible, and gemly possible. He was about to head up the loft when he heard Garnet clearing her throat. Alarm bells and bombing sirens rang deafeningly loud in his head, he felt his breath and heartbeat slow. The world felt like running hundreds of miles just to get away from punishment. Steven swallowed even though his mouth was dry.

He turned to see the silhouette sitting on the couch. Steven's teeth were grinding loud enough to be heard by everyone in Beach City. Then she spoke. "Steven you said you'd be here at sunset, and it's nine thirty. You have some explaining to do." He remembered his alibi.

"I was at my dad's and lost track of time, I came home when I noticed how late it was. Sorry..." He stuttered, the lie barely managing to skitter of his tongue. Steven hoped and prayed that it would work, especially with the poor presentation. Even in the darkness, he could feel her eyes boring into him. Garnet folded her arms, and he could feel sweat rolling down his back. He needed to act normal if he wanted the Gem to believe his lie. Well it wasn't truly a 'lie' he was at his dad's and lost track of time, he even sprinted to get here. So it wasn't really a lie at all. First lying and now spinning the truth like a top?

Steven's heart skipped a beat when Garnet said, "Steven," clearly angry, her voice betrayed it. "I called your dad and he said you weren't there." All of his muscles stiffened, much like a statue he stood there heart racing to outrun horses. He felt his heart beat everywhere even in his eyes and ears, the thumping sound intimidating. He was terrified. He hissed to himself inside his head, 'you should have just walk in on them and said nothing was wrong, now you betrayed that there is something wrong, lied, or spun the top of truth talking to Garnet. Now you ended up with a worse confrontation than what would have happened earlier.' Steven grimace knows all of them were true. He remembered his case about not really lying. Better now than later.

"What I said was true," The boy said voice wavering, much worse than earlier. "I came home and walked by the carwash. I was there." The last sentence was more of a plea than explanation. He saw Garnet frowned, the fusion sees him lying and trying to avoid her and it was all coming true. Then she realized he would have to walk out of his way to get from the Arcade to his dad's business. Where 'did' he go? They were going to have a long talk, and she was going to have to punish him. If the story didn't get any worse he'd just be grounded for a week. She hoped the story didn't get worse. There was a fifty, fifty, chance of that.

"Well," she said loudly, frowning, anger still in his voice. "Come sit down here with me, and turn on the light." He did as he was told, but his feet felt like lead and his body was still tense. Steven sat there uncomfortable, but really any place would be better than this. The sat there for eternity, before Garnet thankfully, calmly asked, "So where did you go? Did you even go to the arcade? And what were you doing?"

Steven took a deep breath before saying, "I just went on a walk," He stated, that was true. He did walk from the Beach house all the way to the other side of town, to the rave. He got there around seven and just chilled. At least he didn't stay there till it ended. The sometimes when all till one, two in the morning. The 14-year-old could only imagine what the gems would do if he stayed out that long. Grounded for life would be an option then.

"The sun sets at seven, and you took a three-hour walk?" She stated, her voice harder than stone. Steven should have know that he couldn't get away with that, he should just tell the truth. About coming how upset the hearing them mention it, everything but the cutting. He almost laughed, but only in his head. Garnet the added, "I know rubies are dense, but I am not."

"You wanted the truth," He said nearly laughing. Garnet didn't see this in the possibilities, what did that mean. Steven Blood boiled she should know why he was so upset lately. She has the future vision, she should know everything. Then he started to yell, his hand balled up into first he felt his eyes water, "I didn't want to spend another second around you gems anymore!"

He started heading for the door, turned the knob and slammed it. He was surprised not to have felt her grab him and drag her back. Steven knew where to go, the rave, it would be going for few more hours, though it was probably packed now. It always gathered more people the more ungodly the hour. As soon as his feet hit the sand he started sprinting, faster than he knew was possible. The running helped him focused on what he said to Garnet. Maybe he should go back and apologize? Fear of confronting her made Steven run even faster, to the point he realized it must a gem power. But Steven had no time to think about that, he knew there was drugs and alcohol at the rave later on. Steven never was there after nine, for that reason but today he barely cared.

He slowed to a halt, bending over dry heaving. He hadn't eaten in a while. Hunger was soon forgotten when he caught his breath and walked in. If he though the music was loud earlier now it vibrated everything, you could feel it in your heart. There over one hundred people, and all were dancing and jumping to the beat. Steven saw some people in the corner doing some lines, and look the other way, only to notice people drink. He saw Sour Cream drinking. He looked to the Dj booth only to realize it was a recording. He walked up to Sour Cream and sat down next to him.

"Steven? What are you doing out this late?" He shouted over the music surprised, and a little tipsy, then taking another drink, "I thought I explained why you should leave earlier." His world was a little slurred but understandable. Steven frowned, and crossed his arms, the smell of alcohol disgusted him. He watches the people dancing for a second, before replying.

"I just don't want to be home right now," He shouted Sour Cream nodded and grabbed another cup that he had sitting next to his chair. Gesturing Steven to have some, Steven said no but after having second though took a sip it tasted foul, and burned a little. Alcohol did relax you didn't it? Then he had another gulp. Straight liquor, that would leave a smell. Steven felt the repercussion soon, but he wasn't drunk or even tipsy yet but was calmed down. He told himself no more and that was that.

"Steven," He yelled, after people shouted for a DJ, "I have to satisfy the crowd, don't do anything you'll regret." Steven nodded and watch as Sour Cream went and began to play music again. It was even better than usual. The crowd must help him play. Steven was offered a few more drinks, and had one spilled on him, and spent God knows how long sitting there. Shortly after having another drink spilled on him he decides to leave. Once he was outside he could hear the muffled blaring music, and checked the time. He nearly fainted. Ten missed calls and a clock that read one AM.

Steven didn't care how long it took to get home now. Maybe he shouldn't come home. He laughed at that thought, then started to slowly walk. He was still in Beach City's 'Red Lights' district, though it was very mild. He saw a police car turn onto his street. His looked down hoping they wouldn't notice him. However, that was a futile endeavor. Because it pulled up next to him. The officer rolled down the window, and kindly said, "What are you doing this late?" At least he was pleasant until the scent of the beer and liquor that was spilled on him. "Who are your parents?"

Steven stared at the officer, it was too dark to tell who it was, but he curtly replied, "None of your business." Then he started to go on his way. The officer pulled forward with him. Frowning. Steven grumbled to himself about having to bother with 'the fuzz' after the crap he's been through recently.

"Kid, I think you're coming with me." Steven sprinted, the last thing he needed was the gems to to come and get him from the police station. He sprinted Faster than he thought possible he ran down a few alleys and jumped a few fences before he was sure he lost the cop. He sat down in a random person's backyard getting his breath back. He laid his head against the fence. Looking up at the stars, he found homeworld, that's the one Lapis showed him. And the others she showed him too. He got up his body aching from all the running he was doing.

Steven found a street and didn't recognize the place at all. He was lost, and that's what he got from run from that Police Officer. He pulled out his phone and opened maps. He was a mile away from the road he would normally take home. Grumbling he began the walk to the Main Street again, making no point in being fast, or even walking at a normal pace. He walked as fast as snail should have. Soon he began to recognize where he was. He walked to the car wash, constantly looking over his shoulder for the cop from earlier.

Once he reached the car wash he pounded on the door of the van. He heard a startled shout from his dad and then a who is it. Steven yelled his name back, opening the doors. Greg's eyes narrowed at the smell of alcohol. He closed the doors after Steven, and check the time. It was three in the morning and he had some questions to ask Steven.

"Steven it's three! You come to my van smelling like a liquor store, coming from God knows where!" Greg scolded, crawling to the driver's seat. He started the car, and Steven tried to open the door only to realize there locked. He should have thought this through more. Fear hit him like a wave though. He knew his dad meant to take him to the gems, but more importantly Garnet. With how he acted he wouldn't be surprised him she beat him to death after what he pulled, especially the smell of alcohol strong enough to make anyone's nose twitch.

"Please, dad? I..." He had nothing to say, this was all one bad decision after another. Without a doubt it was his fault, now he'd have to face the 's eyes watered, why did he have to hurt the people he loved. Honestly, the only good thing he did today, was not doing any drugs. The fact of that being the best thing he did today was crippling, what in the hell was he thinking? If the was a fast what to go downhill that the way he took, he'd honestly be surprised. And overjoyed there was a worse what of dealing with problems.

Steven began going over what to omit from his escapades today, the drugs, the police incident, yeah that's all he really could let out. He felt like a prisoner walking to execution, he needed to find a way out of this? No that's foolish! That would only make things worse. Face the punishment. Face it and get it over with. Before he knew it they were at the temple. He opened the back door and walked to the steps before his father.

"Steven I know you're scared but the truth would be nice," Greg said patting his shoulder before Steven marched up the stairs. He Checked his phone fifteen missed calls. He opened the door with Greg follow to be meet with Garnet and Pearl snapping the necks around to look at him and Greg. Garnet had the phone and Pearl appeared to have been pacing. His eyes water, tears forming and falling down his face. He looked down, no brave enough to look them in the eyes.

"Steven!" The both shouted, running to him hugging him. For Steven, the hug didn't last long enough. Hist through throbbed and his nose ran. After the hug The moved inside and sat on the couch. Garnet had a frown on her face, that worried Steven after he noticed it. He looked everywhere but her. Pearl looked uptight and relaxed at the same time her hair a mess. Greg looked worried, just like the others, his brows furrowed, and foot tapping. Why wasn't Amethyst here? He quickly brushed that at he saw pearls eyes narrow.

"Is that alcohol," she hissed, staring him in the eyes, he looked elsewhere like what he did with Garnet. But her stare was inescapable, even if he was on the other side of the planet he would probably feel it bore into him. He grinned for whatever reason before immediately flattening his face. What was he thinking? Maybe he was tipsy. Pearl must not have noticed the grin, for how short it lasted. However, he didn't know whether Garnet or his Dad saw it. He wasn't going to look at any of them.

"Okay let me—"

"Steven! Do you know how much trouble you're in!" Pearl shrieked jumping up from her seat. Steven got up his courage to look her in the eye. He was immediately regretting it, "You running off, after what you said to Garnet, and then come home so late! What were you thinking!" Steven was surprised out how angry Pearl was, maybe he should have just stayed out. He's never seen her this angry in his entire life. He remebered how the felt about him. Then Steven stood up shaking with anger too.

"You don't even care about, all you see is a different version of ROSE QUARTZ!" HE shouted at the top of his lungs silencing her. Steven stood there staring at her will an anger that was unthinkable to come from him. She looked so shocked, that he sat down and sighed, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled Pearl." Tears fell down her face and she fell to her knees, shocking Steven. He was at a loss for words.

"Is that how you really feel Steven?" Pearl said in a morbid mix of crying and laughing. What he said felt like a stab in the heart, because sometimes she did. She wanted to believe that Rose was her, she even wished that Rose Quartz was here instead of Steven. She was ashamed that she made Steven feel like that. She promised Rose to look after her son and to treat him the same way she treated her. Now she knew she failed her dying wish. What a failure. She laughed, "It's true however much I want to deny it, but I look at you and think of her. I love you, just as much as I love her. I'm sorry for failing you, and Rose."

Steven was angry with himself for yelling at her like that, all this was his fault. He reminded himself of that fact, every second. "Pearl, I shouldn't have yelled at you..." She put her head between her knees and cried. Soon Garnet took matters into her hand and got up to comfort her. She whispered into her ear and said it was okay, Steven laugh and cried, running his hand through his hair. "Funny how I make everything worse, honest the best thing I did today was, actually everything I did today was just terrible." He was silent for a split second before continuing, "Bad decisions were then followed by terrible ones."

"I went to a rave full of drugs and alcohol, then left only to have to run from the police. Everything is just fine!" He sarcastically laughed, still running his hand through his locks of hair. He then went very somber, wanting everything to be over, "And it doesn't help that along with my own problems I have to have Rose Quartz's as well?"

"Steven," Greg said reaching over to pat his son's shoulder, with a sad smile, "We may miss your mother true, but it doesn't mean we don't love you." Steven smiled at what his dad said. Though he knew they loved him, and he loved them, but it was being compared to Rose Quartz that made hurt him the most. It wasn't said but it felt right to compare himself to her every day. It's the fact that he felt pushed to be her. It felt like what he wanted didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that he became like Rose Quartz.

"I know dad," Steven said moving away from his dad's hand. He sighed remembering the cuts he made last night. He would do I again today because it was so exhausting making everyone believe he was okay. But it was even more exhausting to have the conversations about him not being okay. He wanted the day to be over, and everything at rest. Plus he was exhausted from staying up so late. I had to be four by now. "I'm sorry Dad, Pearl." He said looking at the two family members respectively. He didn't want to apologize to Garnet, however. Even in all this time, he hasn't said a word to her. "Where's Amethyst?"

Pearl having finally stopped crying looked up, with puffy red eyes and said with a hoarse voice, "Out looking for you." Steven frowned, she'd probably come back when the sun rose, which it retrospect wasn't that far away. "It's really late we can talk about things later, for now, It's time for Steven to go to bed."

That was that. Greg said his goodbye to his son saying he was going to sleep in the van right outside the temple, and Garnet walked to her room without saying anything. Pearl tucked Steven into bed, before leaving herself. Soon after he was sure none of the gems would come back Steven lifted up his mattress and found the razor, blood flecks still on the object. He added more cuts to his inner thighs, smiling as he did it. There was something that he could never explain it, but it was peaceful, relaxing, he felt like he was in control. But he wasn't somewhere inside him he screamed about the things he did tonight. However, he was only remorseful for the conflict, and the punishment that he caused. He knew that he had made wrong decision after wrong decision over and over today. But the razor cut that away making him at peace with his life, if only for a short moment. He briefly though what he should tell Garnet when he talked to her again. It wasn't like her to stay so quiet in such a serious situation. No matter, that was something that he would deal with tomorrow. He needed rest, both emotionally, and physically, running can really take a lot out of you.

24,879 Characters

310 Sentences

47 Paragraphs

9-10th Grade Level

16 mins 57 sec Reading Time